


if this were a movie

by LesbeanLatte



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Affairs, Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe - Hollywood, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Celebrities, Cheating, Childhood Trauma, Compulsive Heterosexuality, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Drama, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Family Drama, Fire Sibling Centric, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gen, Healing, Heteronormativity, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, Iroh (Avatar) loves Tea, Lesbian Azula (Avatar), M/M, Minor Azula/Chan, Minor Azula/Jin, Minor Jet/Zuko (Avatar), Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Romance, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love, Slow Burn, Toxic Relationships, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 118,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26003575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesbeanLatte/pseuds/LesbeanLatte
Summary: Zuko and Azula don't know anything other than the fast-paced, competitive world of film & television acting. The 'Phoenix Family,' as the paparazzi have dubbed Ozai's family unit, are happy faces on magazine covers to the public. In private, they're a mess of dysfunction.While co-starring in a corny slasher, the siblings meet a first-time actor, Aang, who seems to have tried every profession under the sun before acting. Aang's friends are different. They don't judge based on net-worth.As Zuko and Jet's romantic relationship unravels, Zuko finds himself spending more and more time with Aang's cute roommate, an architect named Sokka.Azula's never taken her personal desires into consideration - not when it came to her career which was chosen for her before she was born, not when it came to relationships. Chan is the public's dreamboat, so he must be a dreamboat. End of story. So when Aang's friend, Katara, questions if Azula even likes Chan, Azula is furious. Katara is nosy & obnoxious & that must be why Azula can't stop thinking about her - right?The siblings learn about a world outside of acting and begin to question the values instilled in them by their father.
Relationships: Aang & Zuko (Avatar), Azula & Jet (Avatar), Azula & Mai & Ty Lee, Azula & Mai & Ty Lee & Zuko, Azula & The Gaang (Avatar), Azula & Ursa & Zuko (Avatar), Azula & Ursa (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Azula/Katara (Avatar), Hakoda & Katara & Sokka (Avatar), Ikem/Ursa (Avatar), Iroh & Ursa (Avatar), Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Jet & The Gaang (Avatar), Jet & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar), Ursa & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 410
Kudos: 641





	1. first day on set

**Author's Note:**

> CW for this fic: underage drinking & smoking, unhealthy coping mechanisms that border on self-harm i.e excessive use of alcohol & marijuana, discussion of physical & mental & emotional child abuse, manipulation & gaslighting, compulsive heterosexuality, domestic abuse, cheating, toxic romantic relationships, one relationship that could be viewed as CSA & grooming due to the age gap- nothing explicit will be described & it is clearly meant to be an example of something unhealthy & negative

“I can’t believe we made it. Four amazing years of heartbreak, adventure, and even some studying!” Canned laughter. “I’m so proud of us.”

Zuko rolled his eyes as he walked down the spiral staircase and heard his own voice coming from the flat screen in the living room. ‘Phoenix Family’ had been off the air for two years. It was a truly cringe-worthy family sitcom in which he and Azula played twins who were also best friends. Two things that were very much not the case in real life. Ozai and Ursa played their loving parents. Because all the characters were named after the actors and the show as marketed as if it were based on their actual lives, the public was still obsessed with their family. 

“I’m proud of us too. I love you Zuko!” The fake audience 'awed' in adoring voices at Azula's character. Her preppy and sentimental character on the show couldn’t have been further from the real Azula. 

Zuko could see the scene in his head. He knew he and Azula’s characters were hugging because the audience was 'awwing' again. Right after filming that scene for the millionth time, they’d ridden home and the entire car ride she’d given him notes on his performance and talked about how much more talented she was than him. 

A happy theme song played as Zuko walked into the kitchen to get coffee. Zuko couldn’t think of a single logical reason Azula felt the need to watch their horrible – like truly painful to watch – sitcom again and again. Like most things she did, it was incomprehensible to him. 

Zuko was about to select a Keurig flavor when a man in a white button-up and dress pants talking rapidly to an earpiece shoved a disposable cup into his hands. “Venti Latte,” the man said before hurrying off. 

Zuko sighed and leaned against the counter taking a sip. The guy must be new. Zuko always drank his coffee black. All the same, caffeine was caffeine and Zuko wasn’t going to complain. It was very early in the morning and it was his first day filming a new project so he was sure he'd go through plenty of cups of coffee today. He took another sip of the latte. Sickeningly sweet. Just like that stupid show, ‘Phoenix Family.’ Zuko could hear the first episode starting from the other room. Zuko couldn’t believe Azula was seriously re-watching from the beginning again. 

Zuko tried to tune it out. He found the show annoying and embarrassing at the best of times but he truly despised it when Azula re-watched the early episodes. Up until season two, his character hadn’t had a scar. He’d played the adorkable himbo type character – a total dumbass but a sweet person. That’s when he’d actually kind of enjoyed the show. Then Zuko got his burn at fourteen and the writers had to give an explanation. They said he was burned in a gas fire in the kitchen. It was the same story that had been spun to the public in real life. After that, his character got an added layer of angst and stopped being so fun and Zuko stopped enjoying the show. 

He figured Azula probably knew how shitty it was for him to see himself onscreen pre-scar and that’s why she was always re-watching from the beginning. To torture him. That seemed about right. The sound of the show stopped abruptly.

“Excuse me, what exactly did I request?” Azula yelled. 

“I-I have down a Venti Caramel Latte with soymilk." 

Zuko walked into the living room and cringed at the paused screen. Ozai, Ursa, Azula, and Zuko were sitting together on a sofa with their arms around each other laughing. Zuko couldn’t think of a single time they’d all sat together like that and laughed in real life. He and his mom - sure. But all of them? That was a joke. He supposed his mom was probably still sleeping right now, although the sound of Azula yelling at the new assistant was likely to wake her.

“Really?” Azula asked the assistant. “Are you sure?” 

“I…that’s what I have down,” the guy said. Poor idiot. 

“Azula, you can have my coffee if you don’t like yours,” Zuko tried. 

Azula acted as if Zuko hadn’t spoken, still glaring at the new assistant. “So I didn’t order a steaming cup of piss water?” 

“I…no ma’am.” 

Azula got up and poured the coffee directly on the assistant’s head, dropped the cup on the ground, and walked away. Zuko could hear her stomping up the stairs. He sighed and hurried to pick up the cup before the new guy had to. 

“Sorry about her,” Zuko said. “I think you’re new. I’m Zuko.” 

“I know,” the guy said. Then he looked embarrassed. “I mean, nice to meet you. I’m Mike.” 

They shook hands. “I’ll get some paper towels,” Zuko said. 

Zuko cleaned up the mess in the living room so Mike didn't have to and then walked outside to the porch. The car picking him and Azula up for their first day filming this stupid movie would be arriving soon. Father was probably already on set since he was trying his hand at directing for the first time and would want to be there early.

Zuko reached in his jeans pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He stuck a cigarette between his teeth and lit it. The expansive front lawn and the enormous garden were surrounded by fifteen-foot tall wooden privacy fences so there was very little risk of getting nailed by the paparazzi for ‘promoting unhealthy habits’ like he had been when he was caught on camera with a beer in his hand at a party a few years ago. 

Zuko had moved out of this Hell-house mansion at eighteen. Not that he’d spent much time at home growing up anyway – he’d always spent every second he could at Uncle Iroh’s apartment. When he turned eighteen, he moved a few hours away to Hira’a and rented an apartment. Capital City was where all the acting jobs were, though. 

So, here he was back in Capital City back in his childhood home, starting filming for a shitty horror movie his dad was directing. The working title was ‘Stab’ and Azula was playing the ‘final girl,’ the survivor at the end. Zuko was playing the angsty character in the “teenage” friend group – totally comprised of actors over eighteen of course – whose parents were killed by the movie’s villain years ago. Of course, the killer’s method of choice was burning people alive. For the aesthetic. Fun. Who cared if the title made no sense? Zuko was pretty sure there had to be a stabbing scene in the film at some point. He thought he remembered reading about the killer sticking a knife in flames before stabbing the victims. Or something. So, the killer’s methods of torture were equivalent to how Zuko felt about waking up this early. 

They’d already done the read-through but this was the first day of filming. At least their other co-star, a guy named Aang who had never acted before, seemed nice. Zuko wasn’t looking forward to working with Chan again though. Chan had been their co-star in ‘Phoenix Family’ and there were few people Zuko despised more. He'd played Zuko's character's best friend and Azula's character's on and off love-interest. He was a total asshole. He was older than them - about three years older than Zuko - which made his bullying personality even worse in Zuko's mind. Chan took the preppy asshole actor thing to new extremes. He was playing the pretty boy in the movie's friend group, of course. Oh, and Azula's love interest. Gotta keep the public happy. The scriptwriters had been very clear from the beginning that they wanted the cast of 'Phoenix Family' for their movie. Why they thought the cast of a kid's sitcom would be a good fit for a horror movie was beyond Zuko. He was getting paid a shit ton of money for it though, so whatever.

The front door opened and shut but Zuko didn't turn around from gazing out at the garden. The next second Azula was bumping into his left shoulder. Zuko turned and glared. He’d never explicitly told her not to come at him from his left but there was absolutely no doubt she knew – it was extremely obvious that he couldn’t see or hear well from that side. 

“Give me a cigarette,” she said. 

“Thought you quit.” 

“Give me one or I’ll tell Dad you’re smoking again.” 

Zuko rolled his eyes and gave her a cigarette. She snatched the lighter from him too and lit it. 

“Zuko, guess what?” 

“I’m not guessing anything, just tell me whatever it is you want to say.” 

“No, it’s exciting - guess.” 

“No.” 

“You’re so boring. Anyway, Chan asked me to be official last night. The paparazzi will eat this up.” 

“You’ve been going out for a year and he still hasn’t asked you to be official?” Zuko feigned surprise. Chan was a player. It was a big part of the persona that made him so popular with the public but it was also true in real life. He was playing Azula’s love interest in the movie, so it made sense that he’d asked her to be ‘official’ with the movie starting filming. It would help create hype. 

“ _We,_ ” Azula emphasized, “Agreed to take things slow.” 

The ‘we’ part was definitely a lie, but Zuko didn’t say anything. Azula got even pissier than usual whenever he tried to imply that Chan had way more power over the relationship than her. It was depressing to watch but there wasn’t much Zuko could do outside of being a dick to Chan – which he was, constantly. 

“I think you should take things even slower and dump him. That guy is an asshole.” 

“Thanks for your enthusiasm, big bro.” 

“Don’t ever call me that. Just because your stupid character on ‘Phoenix Family’ thought it was cute doesn’t mean it is. Also, Chan is a piece of shit.” Zuko's 'twin' was supposed to have been born earlier on 'Phoenix Family' as a reference to the real-life three year age gap. Azula found it adorable. Zuko found it stupid.

“I’m telling him you said that.” 

“Good. Do it. I’ll call him a piece of shit to his face.” 

The gates, which opened automatically once the correct code was typed in, opened and a black limousine pulled through. Zuko and Azula both hurried to put out their cigarettes and Azula held open her black leather bag and they both stuffed the cigarettes into it. There could be no evidence or Ozai would be upset. Zuko didn't think his father would do anything to him - probably - since he was twenty-one and had his own apartment and could quit this project and leave. Azula was eighteen which was technically too young to smoke cigarettes but Zuko didn't think she was in physical danger - probably. That was the thing with Ozai. There were lots of 'probably's' but no definites. You just never knew and it was always better safe than sorry. Also upsetting Ozai was a nightmare even if it didn't end in physical violence. The limo pulled to the end of the driveway and stopped. Zuko and Azula both climbed into the back. Azula immediately hit the button to create a barrier between them and the driver. Zuko thought it was incredibly rude but he had also developed a ‘choose your battles’ attitude with some things with her. 

“Speaking of pieces of shit,” Azula said. “When are you breaking up with Jet?” 

Zuko shrugged. He should’ve never told her he was planning on breaking things off with Jet. Now he was never going to hear the end of it. Also, there was a small chance she’d get really vindictive if he pissed her off and tell Jet about the conversation. 

Zuko had been dating Jet for the better part of a year. Jet lived in Capital City and Zuko lived in Hira’a so it was semi-long distance but Jet’s musical career allowed him plenty of flexibility with his schedule when he wasn’t actively working on an album and Zuko had been filming commercials and other small projects in Capital City on and off anyway, so they were able to see each other pretty often. Zuko would’ve, perhaps, broken things off sooner if it weren’t for the way the paparazzi ate their relationship up. Father was pretty insistent that Zuko be strategic with when – if ever – he broke up with Jet. Anything that kept the 'Phoenix Family' in the public eye was a good thing in Ozai's mind and Zuko liked to keep the peace. Or maybe those were just excuses. Maybe there was no universe where Zuko would be able to tell Jet things were over. 

“You aren’t actually breaking up with him, are you?” Azula asked as if reading his mind. “Oh ZuZu, you’re so predictable, it’s pathetic.” 

They arrived on set to find Ozai waiting. They were filming the scenes at the house owned by Zuko’s character – Li – first. The majority of the movie took place at a cabin owned by the character “Chad’s” family. "Chad" was, of course, played by Chan. In a moment of true creative genius, the scriptwriters - knowing they'd want the stars of the hit kid's show 'Phoenix Family' for the film - had written Chan's character to be named "Chad." The early parts of the script had the friend group hanging out at “Li’s” house in order to set up flashbacks later in the script though. At least filming the early scenes first meant they’d probably go ahead and film the flashback scenes early on as well. “Li’s” parents were burned alive while a young Li watched from the closet. In the dramatic flashback sequence, there was a scene where Li – played by Zuko – watched his younger self watching the murder. Young Li was played by an adorable little boy with no scar since the plot had Li getting scarred while trying to save his parents. 

Aang and Chan weren’t there yet when Zuko and Azula arrived. Ozai was examining the skeleton set of the house and yelling at a set designer for putting one of the pillows on the couch in the wrong place. He looked up after he was done yelling and saw Zuko and Azula standing there watching. 

“Oh good, you guys are here,” Ozai said. 

“How early did you leave?” Azula asked. “We could have all ridden together.” 

“I wanted to be here early. Perhaps if you wanted to ride together you should have woken up earlier.” 

Zuko did everything in his power not to roll his eyes. Ozai must have gotten up at around six in the morning. It didn’t matter to him. The less time he had to spend with his dad the better. 

“I saw that,” Ozai snapped. 

Zuko clenched his teeth. The attempt at not eye-rolling had failed. His dad hadn’t been physically violent since Zuko moved out but the look in his eyes was familiar and it triggered Zuko’s fight-flight-or freeze instinct – this time he ended up freezing. During his years of not living at home, Zuko had been at the house almost every weekend to make sure Mom and Azula were like, still alive. Now he had been back to living there for almost two months though, so that brought back all kinds of fun memories. Ozai was as meanspirited as ever but he hadn’t done anything physical – yet. 

“Let’s go to the makeup trailer, Zuko,” Azula said after watching the stare-down between Zuko and Ozai for a good thirty seconds. 

“Right,” Zuko agreed, following her.

The makeup trailer wasn’t hard to find. It was set up next to all the actor’s trailers and labeled with a clear sign. Zuko made to knock but Azula shoved the door open and he sighed and followed her in. 

Azula sat down in one of the chairs facing a mirror immediately. 

“Hi,” Zuko said to the makeup guy, an older man who Zuko would not have pegged for a makeup artist. “I’m Zuko, this is my sister Azula.” 

“Piandao,” the man said. “It’s a pleasure to meet you both.” 

“I have very sensitive skin,” Azula said. “I assume one of my assistants has already sent you a list of all the brands and ingredients you can’t use. And I have a team of lawyers at my disposal if you fuck up.” 

Zuko rolled his eyes. She wasn’t allergic to shit she just liked to boss people around. He held out his hand and Piandao shook it.

A minute later Chan came in. “Hey dickwad,” he said to Zuko. Then he turned to Azula, “Sup babe?” 

“Hi, Chan!” 

They kissed and Zuko coughed loudly. Chan swatted Zuko’s left cheek then sat down. Chan immediately started messing with his hair while staring at the mirror. There was a knock at the trailer door and Piandao opened it. Aang came in. The kid had been bald when Zuko met him but he was growing out a bit of a buzzcut now. He looked like a kid in a candy shop staring at all the makeup.

“Hi guys! I’m so excited to start filming! It’s great to see you all again. The read-through was so fun. This is a good script. I’m sure I’ll have all kinds of nightmares filming this though.” He shivered dramatically. 

Chan and Azula stared at Aang. Zuko pictured the meme of a bunch of girls at a party holding red-Solo cups and giving the camera a disgusted look. Poor Aang was making it abundantly clear that he was new to the industry. 

“It’s nice to see you again too,” Zuko said. “I’m excited to work with you, you seem like a talented guy.”

“Thanks Zuko! I already know you three-” he gestured at Zuko, Azula, and Chan- “are super talented. I loved watching ‘Phoenix Family’ growing up. It’s so surreal that I’m gonna work with the stars!” 

Zuko couldn’t help but join the awkward somewhat-judgmental stares Azula and Chan were giving Aang now. No one had actually loved ‘Phoenix Family.’ Right? Was Aang fucking with them or was he just trying to be nice or what? 

“If you’ll have a seat,” Piandao said to Aang. “My name is Piandao. I’ll be doing your makeup before filming.” 

Aang sat down, looking a little crushed. Zuko felt bad. Aang had to be about eighteen or nineteen. This was his first acting gig. Zuko made an internal promise to himself to try to show the kid the ropes and not let Azula and Chan influence him into being a dick. 

“I was thinking we could all hang out after filming,” Aang said as Piandao got started on Chan’s makeup. “I have an apartment in the Hyde Park neighborhood with a few roommates. If you guys want to stop by we could all get to know each other.” Zuko instantly regretted his internal promise not to be a dick.

This poor kid had no idea how long and exhausting filming days were. “I’d rather slit my wrists, but thanks,” Azula said. 

“Yeah, no,” Chan said. “I’m good too.” 

Aang sighed. Zuko groaned internally. Jet was going to be so pissed. “I wouldn’t mind hanging out,” Zuko said. “I already have plans with my boyfriend though.” 

“Oh, well, you can invite him!” Aang said. “Jet, right? I’m a big fan of his music.” 

Shit. That’s just what Zuko had been afraid Aang was going to say. “Sure,” Zuko said. “I’ll ask him.” 

Zuko sighed deeply. He tried to stop himself but the sigh escaped before he could suppress it. He knew he was giving off major asshole vibes but this just sucked so much. He was never going to hear the end of it from Jet. Not that their “plans” had been anything special. Jet just wanted to come over. Changed plans were one of the many things that annoyed Jet though. Not that Zuko was any better. He got pissed at Jet over small things too. It was a constant, miserable cycle of anger and negativity between them, which is why Zuko wanted to end things. 

Honestly though, Jet’s annoyance was only one reason Zuko regretted agreeing to the hang-out. As much as he hated the mansion at least he could just shower and go to sleep after Jet left. They’d probably be filming for around sixteen hours. Aang didn’t seem to comprehend how exhausting that could get. 

Filming this movie was clearly going to be lots and lots of fun. At least he’d get to spend some time with his mom while he was home. Maybe. Filming was already going to take up most of his time and now Aang wanted to be friends. Plus Jet was always monopolizing Zuko's time. Ugh. _‘SO glad I let my dad and Azula talk me into this project,’_ Zuko thought. This was going to suck so much.


	2. what happy feels like

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula and Chan go to a party. 
> 
> Zuko meets Aang's roommates.

_‘This is what happy feels like.’_

Sometimes when the flashing cameras hurt her eyes, Azula had to remind herself of that. She was adored by the public. She was in a relationship with the guy every girl wanted. What else would happiness feel like? 

Azula leaned into Chan as cameras flashed. Chan’s arm was around her waist and she couldn’t wait for the pictures to end so _that_ could stop. They were standing outside Ruon-Jian’s enormous mansion posing for the paparazzi as people crowded past them to get inside. Azula had showered and gotten changed for the party but judging by the scent of vodka and B.O, Chan had not. 

After the pictures, they walked inside hand-in-hand. There was house-party music blaring and way too many B-list actors here. This was sure to be yet another classless shit-show. Azula hated Ruon-Jian’s parties but Chan loved them. 

“Chan! Azula!” Ruon-Jian pulled them both into a tight hug. Azula cringed. He reeked of marijuana and beer. After the hug, Ruon-Jian shoved red-solo cups into both their hands. “Now that the guests of honor are here the party can start!” Ruon-Jian ruffled first Chan’s hair and then Azula’s and then disappeared into the crowd. Azula’s assistant had spent twenty minutes doing her hair into a perfect bun for this party but now it was sure to look like a rat’s nest. 

“He’s such a dick,” she muttered. 

“Yeah,” Chan agreed, a fond look in his eyes. 

They clinked their plastic cups together and then chugged from them at the same time. Azula wasn’t big on drinking but it was a necessary endeavor to make Ruon-Jian’s parties bearable. The liquid in her cup tasted pretty much like straight tequila. She gagged. 

“This is weak,” Chan complained.

“Trade,” Azula suggested. They traded cups and she took a sip of Chan’s. The familiar bite of tequila was there, but it was mostly soda. 

“I’m gonna go mingle, okay babe?” Chan said. 

“I’ll go with you,” she said. 

Chan frowned. “I just wanna shoot the shit with the guys for a bit, alright?” He kissed her and she forced herself to lean into it. Kissing Chan was the thing every teen girl who watched TV dreamed of and Azula got to do it. So why did she want a black hole to swallow her every time she had to? Then he disappeared into the crowd. 

Azula found herself wishing she hadn’t traded drinks with Chan. More tequila seemed like a good idea. She emptied her cup and then waded through the crowd to the kitchen in search of more alcohol. The kitchen was just as crowded and loud as the living room but Azula felt like a weight had lifted when she spotted Ty Lee chatting with some B-list star. She walked over and tapped Ty Lee on the shoulder. 

“Oh hey, Azula,” Ty Lee said. “Have you met Nick? He’s co-starring with me on ‘Circus Freaks’ next season. We start filming in a month.’” 

“Hi,” Azula said. 

Ty Lee starred in a dramedy TV series about a traveling circus. The writing was pretty contrived but Ty Lee got to show off her contortionist and trapeze skills. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Nick said, shaking Azula’s hand. 

Azula didn’t say anything because she didn’t think it was ‘nice’ to meet Nick. He was just another shitty white boy celebrity hired for his looks. She would forget his face as soon as he walked away. 

“How’s filming for your new project going?” Ty Lee asked Azula. “It must be exciting to do horror.” 

Azula shrugged. “It’s alright. Our co-star is a bit of an asshole. He pretends to be all cheerful and happy all the time but it’s incredibly fake. He’s one of those people who thinks being nice is an entire personality. Zuko eats that shit up, of course.” 

“Aang?” Nick asked, frowning. “I know that guy, he’s a friend. He’s cool. It’s not fake, he’s just a positive person.” 

“I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it,” Ty Lee said. 

“No, I meant it,” Azula said. “Even if it’s not fake he’s an insufferable idiot.” 

“Anyway…” Ty Lee said. “It’s cool you get to work with Chan and Zuko again! That must be fun.” 

“It’s not,” Azula said. 

“Maybe you could learn a thing or two from Aang,” Nick said. “It wouldn’t hurt you to be more positive.” 

Azula snorted. “No wonder you like Aang so much. You’re just as unbearable to be around as he is.” 

Nick shook his head and disappeared into the crowd. Azula saw him leave the kitchen. Good. Now she could just talk to Ty Lee. When she turned back around though, Ty Lee was gone. Azula spun around again and saw her jogging after Nick. _Traitorous bitch._

There was a bottle of tequila and an open cooler of Sprite cans on the counter, so maybe the party could be salvaged. Or at least she could make sure she didn’t remember it in the morning.

* * *

* * *

Aang loved acting. It could get exhausting shooting the same lines again and again but it was also fun. It was like playing a game. He had read and re-read the script after the initial read-through. His character wasn’t very deep but Aang was determined to make him deep. 

In the script, Aang’s character, “Andy,” was a jock who was best friends with “Chad,” “Li,” and “Princess.” Andy’s main personality trait seemed to be making sports jokes and talking about all the women he slept with. Aang had concocted an entire backstory for Andy though. He thought maybe Andy hadn’t gotten a lot of attention from his mom growing up, and that’s why he sought approval from random women. Maybe Andy’s Dad was distant but he was really into sports so Andy got into sports too. 

Aang was especially excited to start filming the actual horror scenes. His character died near the end. The villain, played by a man named Zhao, stabbed him a bunch of times with a knife that had been sitting on a hot grill. Having never acted, Aang hoped he’d be able to make the death scene realistic. He planned to binge a bunch of horror movies to prepare before filming that scene. 

“So you think you’ll stick with acting?” Suki asked. 

They were sitting in the living room of their apartment listening to an album by Jet’s band, ‘Freedom Fighters.’ Zuko and Jet would be arriving any minute. Aang had – foolishly – told Zuko he liked Jet’s music in an attempt to bond. Truthfully, he’d never listened to 'Freedom Fighters' until now. It was decent. It was pop music but with a hint of punk and the lyrics were all about tearing down the establishment. 

“We’ll see,” Aang shrugged. “I’m having fun with it right now.” 

“I like this music,” Katara said as she walked into the room sipping a soda. “I can vibe with a cheerful song about eco-terrorism.” 

“Of course you can,” Sokka said. He was sitting in a bean bag reading a ‘People’ magazine. “I don’t know though. Jet has a decent voice but he was arrested just last month for assault. He got into a fight with some guy at a bar. Not sure about having him at our place.” 

“Violent and an activist? This guy just keeps getting cooler,” Toph said. She was sitting on the other beanbag, stretched out, and nodding her head to the music.

“You can’t judge someone based on what you read in tabloids,” Aang said. He wasn’t going to say it, but he was thinking of Azula and Chan. Their public personas were kind, philanthropic, and fun. How kind, philanthropic and fun was it to tell someone they sucked at acting on their first day on the job though? Aang was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they were just stressed. 

“Oh, I’m the asshole for changing plans? Not you for getting fucked up when I told you earlier on the phone that we were doing this?” Zuko’s angry voice carried from the open window. 

Sokka, Katara, Suki, and Toph walked over and stood by the window, listening. Aang hesitated. He didn’t want to spy on a private conversation. 

“Everything is always about you,” someone – Aang assumed Jet – responded. Aang caved and joined the others at the window. 

Zuko and Jet were standing in the darkened parking lot as a limousine pulled away. 

“Not everything,” Zuko said. “Just this. Just this one thing – I wanted to hang out with my new co-star. You are the most narcissistic asshole I’ve ever met.” 

“Oh hot take coming from mister-I-love-feeling sorry for myself!” Jet spoke in a mocking voice clearly meant to imitate Zuko, “I’m rich and famous but my daddy doesn’t love me! Poor me!” 

At first, Aang thought Zuko was going to hit Jet. Then he just slouched. Even from a distance, he looked exhausted. 

“Call an Uber, Jet,” Zuko snapped. "You're drunk and you're not embarrassing me in front of my new costar.” 

They all hurried to get away from the window when Zuko turned around.

"I'm sure you'll find a way to embarrass yourself, asshole!" Jet yelled.

A minute later the sound of the main building entrance opening came from down the hall. Aang had given Zuko the code earlier. There was a knock at the door and Aang opened it to find Zuko standing in the doorway.

“Hi,” he said. “Come on in.” 

Zuko came in and followed Aang to the living room. The others were all standing there looking awkward. Suki was humming softly and Sokka was looking everywhere but at Aang and Zuko. 

“So,” Zuko said. “I guess you guys heard all that.” 

“What?” Toph said. “No. I’m deaf.” 

Zuko stared at her for a long time. Aang chuckled, feeling awkward. “She’s kidding,” he said. “Yeah, we heard all that. It’s okay, though. Listen, we can still have a good time. Unless you want to leave now?" 

Zuko seemed to consider. "No," he said after a pause. "I agreed to this. I want to do this." He paused again, looking uncertain. "If you still want me here?"

"Of course!" Aang said. He was relieved. He really did want to be friends with Zuko. "Make yourself at home!” 

Zuko sat down on the sofa and the others also resumed their sitting positions.

“Do you want anything to drink? We have soda, beer, juice – you name it.” 

“Tea?” Zuko asked. 

“Yeah!” Aang said. “I’ll make some.” He walked into the kitchen and poured some water into the kettle, lit the stove, and then walked back into the living room and sat in the armchair across from Zuko. Thankfully, Sokka had apparently had the good graces to start a conversation about something other than the argument they’d all just overheard. He and Zuko were talking about Sokka’s latest building design. 

“You know, I’ve never thought about all the time and energy that goes into designing the buildings in Capital City. I’ve always loved going to the top of Willis Tower and looking out at the view, though,” Zuko said. 

“Well, you’re not looking at anything I’ve designed yet,” Sokka said. “I’m only twenty-one, I just graduated.” 

“Soon there'll be a skyscraper with your name out there, Sokka,” Suki said. 

“What about you, Aang?” Zuko asked. “You’re what – nineteen? Twenty? What’d you do before acting?” 

Everyone groaned. Aang smiled to himself. They were used to questions about his career earning long answers. 

“What haven’t I done?” Aang said. “I ran an art gallery for a while, I taught pre-school for a bit, I’ve done a few albums. I played professional basketball for a season. I’m always traveling, too. I save money while I do a gig and then I visit somewhere new and when I come back, I find a new gig.” 

“Wow,” Zuko said. “I’ve never met anyone like you.” 

“Aang is a jack of all trades,” Suki said. 

“Master of None,” Aang laughed. 

“Beg to differ,” Katara said. She looked at Zuko. “Aang likes to be modest but he’s incredible at everything he does.” 

Aang wasn’t sure if that was true. He just liked to try different things. He’d grown up with Monk Gyatso teaching him the value in diverse skillsets. His parents had died in a fire when he was two. He’d been at his Uncle Gyatso’s house at the time, and Gyatso had ended up adopting him. Aang didn’t really remember his parents, Gyatso had been his mentor and parent. He’d learned that math and science were important but so were English and history and art. When Gyatso passed away when Aang was eighteen, it had been a dark period. Eventually, he’d signed up for college classes with encouragement from his friends. After a semester, he decided he’d start taking one or two classes here and there but mostly just explore different options. He thought maybe someday something would stick, but he wasn't in a rush. 

“I think it’s cool that you’re brave enough to try different things,” Zuko said. “I’ve never done anything other than act. My first job was when I was a few months old – blanket commercial. My parents are in the industry so my sister and I are too.” 

“Do you like it?” Aang asked. 

“What?” Zuko asked. 

“Acting,” Aang said. “You know, do you enjoy it?” 

Zuko stared at Aang like he’d grown a second head. After a bit, he shrugged. “I guess? Like I said, it’s all I know.” 

“I mean, you’re good at it,” Aang said. “But you know you don’t have to act if you don’t want to.” He didn’t want to push any boundaries – after all, he and Zuko were just getting to know each other. Still – Aang couldn’t help himself. He thought it was important that Zuko knew that he could try new things. Happiness, Aang had found, wasn’t a destination but a journey. If he’d stuck with the first job he ever got – being a busboy – he’d be miserable right now. 

“I kind of do,” Zuko said. “Not to be a dick but my family is pretty much a unit. We’re ‘The Phoenix Family.’ I can’t quit. It’d be a publicity nightmare and then what would I do? I don’t think I’m getting hired as a waiter anytime soon. There’s no one that doesn’t know my face. I can’t just get a normal job.” 

“I don’t know your face,” Toph chimed in. 

“Lucky you,” Zuko said. He looked at Aang. “You get my point though, right?” 

Aang shrugged. “Kind of. I think you’re wrong though. Just because people know who you are doesn’t mean you can’t change your path. I wasn’t trying to talk you out of acting, though. I’m really excited about this project.” 

There was a whistle from the other room and Aang hurried to pour them all tea. 

After that, they talked about the script for a bit. Aang was surprised to learn that Zuko had a lot of the same criticisms as him. At first, Aang was hesitant to say anything negative. He didn’t want to come off as pretentious. He did think the script was fun, it just had some issues. Zuko didn’t seem to have any problem with making negative comments about it, though. 

Zuko helped Aang clean all the cups from their tea. It was a small thing, but Aang noticed. He’d spent the day listening to Azula and Chan yelling at PAs and demanding to have snacks and drinks brought to them. Zuko wasn’t like that. Aang was glad. Anyone who helped with the dishes at the end of the night was welcome back anytime in Aang’s mind. 

As Aang washed and Zuko dried there was a buzzing sound. “Hold on,” Zuko said. He pulled out his phone and answered. “What?” After a minute of listening, Zuko groaned. “Fuck. Are you kidding me?” He paused to listen again. “Ugh, fine. I'll be there soon. Just wait." 

Zuko groaned and set down his phone, burying his face in his hands. 

“What’s wrong?” Aang asked. 

“My sister is at a party. Chan’s making out with some other girl. She’s totally wasted. I have to go pick her up and then figure out a way to get her past our parents. If she calls an Uber she's just going to stumble through the front door." 

“Hey,” Sokka said. Aang and Zuko both looked up. Neither of them had noticed him coming into the kitchen. “You didn’t drive here, right? I know you could call an Uber or something but I can totally drive if you need me to.” 

“Really?” Zuko asked. “You’re a lifesaver.” He looked at Aang. “Sorry to bail.” 

“You’re fine,” Aang said. “I hope she’s okay.” 

Zuko followed Sokka out of the room. A minute later, Suki, Katara, and Toph were in the kitchen. 

“Well, those two are gonna bone,” Toph said. 

“Toph!” Aang said. 

Suki and Katara were laughing, though. 

“There were some major heart eyes going on,” Suki said when she was done laughing.

Huh. Aang had noticed they got along well. He hadn’t jumped to heart-eyes though. He thought maybe it could be a good thing if there was something going on. Sokka was a hopeless romantic. Sokka wanted someone he could sweep off their feet, and maybe Sokka could be good for Zuko – it seemed like Zuko needed more positive, kind people in his life. Maybe they could be a good couple. Aang wasn't sure if what they'd heard outside at the beginning of the night was a breakup though. He definitely didn't want Sokka to get into a shitty situation. 

Aang yawned and turned to finish up the dishes. He glanced at the time. It was almost eleven. He was excited about another day of filming but he was not excited about getting up at the crack of dawn. Still, he was glad he’d had Zuko over. It seemed like maybe they could be friends.


	3. playing with fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko and Sokka rescue a drunk Azula from a terrible party. 
> 
> Katara has a surprising interaction on Instagram.
> 
> Aang grapples with the hard truths about celebrity life being thrown at him. 
> 
> Ursa tries to keep a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: a brief reference to sexual predators, a brief reference to hard drugs 
> 
> a/n: disclaimer: there will be no con/con just to be clear

Zuko was doing his best to ignore the bombardment of texts from Jet. 

Sokka parked on the street outside Ruon-Jian’s mansion. Sokka’s 2012 Kia Optima did not match the Lamborghinis, Porsches, and BMWs, in the driveways in this neighborhood. Zuko had been a little worried the streets would be packed with cars if Ruon-Jian was having a party, but that wasn’t the case. Of course, most celebrities had drivers or took Ubers. Zuko owned a red VW Beetle but he rarely drove it except when he was commuting from his apartment in Hira’a to a job in the city or to visit his family. 

“Do you want me to come in with you?” Sokka asked. 

Zuko considered. He hadn’t noticed any paparazzi around for his and Jet’s fight. There were a lot of people with cameras milling around the sidewalk now though. If he showed up at Ruon-Jian’s party with a guy other than Jet, it was going to be all over Instagram, Snapchat and Twitter. What was he supposed to say though – no? That seemed pretty rude. 

“Okay,” Zuko said. “I have to warn you though – Ruon-Jian’s parties can be…” Zuko wanted to say ‘terrifying’ ‘filled with sexual predators’ ‘rampant with hard drugs’ or some variation thereof but he didn’t want to totally scare Sokka off. “A lot,” he finished lamely. 

“Alright,” Sokka said. “Hey, it’s a celebrity party. Should be interesting.” 

Zuko had to laugh. Interesting. That was one way to put it. “We have to be in and out though,” Zuko said. “Azula sounded fucked up on the phone. You know what she looks like, right?” 

“Uh…yeah.” It was a stupid question. Zuko felt like an idiot. Everyone knew what Azula looked like. Everyone knew what Ozai, Ursa and Zuko looked like too.

“Okay, help me find her,” Zuko said. 

They got out of the car and Zuko ignored the camera people that swarmed. Sokka was – understandably – distracted. Zuko supposed if you weren’t used to being stalked by the paparazzi twenty-four hours a day, it might be jarring. 

“Just ignore them,” Zuko said. “And stay close. You don’t wanna get lost in there.” The last thing he needed was for them to get separated. 

“Jesus, you deal with that all the time?” Sokka asked, still looking at the cameras. 

“Yep,” Zuko said as they walked inside. 

They were met with blasting rap music. The house was packed, shoulder to shoulder. Zuko was startled to feel Sokka’s hand wrap around his. He gave Sokka a questioning look. 

“Is this okay?” Sokka asked. “You said to stay close. Seems like that’s gonna be a challenge.” 

“Uh yeah,” Zuko said. He felt kind of warm and fuzzy all of a sudden but he was ignoring that. 

Zuko spotted Mai and hurried over to her. She was mid-conversation with Ruon-Jian. 

“Mai,” Zuko said. “Have you seen Azula?” 

“Yeah,” Mai said. “She’s being a real bitch tonight.” 

“That’s different from any other night how?” 

Mai shrugged. “She tried to shit-talk Ty Lee to me. I’m over it, Zuko. I saw her go into the second-floor bathroom like twenty minutes ago though.” 

“Thanks, Mai,” Zuko said. “You need a ride?” 

“I’m good,” Mai said. “I’m going to stay for a bit longer. I’m just here for the free booze.” 

Ruon-Jian laughed but Zuko knew it wasn’t a joke. Mai was a costume designer and didn’t usually mingle with the likes of Ruon-Jian but she occasionally took advantage of the free-flowing liquor at celebrity parties. He nodded at Mai and then he and Sokka headed upstairs. 

“You know where the bathroom is?” Sokka asked, looking around. 

The upstairs was a maze of halls with lots of wide open rooms filled with people. Zuko nodded. “I’ve been to my fair share of parties here,” he said. 

“Really?” Sokka asked, following Zuko down the hall. 

“Just trust me when I say it’s not all it’s cracked up to be,” Zuko said. 

They arrived at the bathroom Mai was talking about and Zuko knocked. No answer. He pounded on the door again. 

“Is that Zuko?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Come in.” 

Zuko opened the door and he and Sokka walked into the bathroom. Zuko shut the door behind them. Azula was leaning against the bathtub near the toiler, her makeup smeared and her hair a mess. 

“Let’s go,” Zuko said, hoping she could walk. 

It turned out Azula could walk but it took Zuko and Sokka to steer her out of the bathroom and downstairs. The three of them managed to get outside without much issue but once outside they were met with flashing cameras. Zuko tried to block Azula from the shots because she looked like a mess and they didn’t need an underage drinking scandal. 

He and Sokka managed to get Azula into the back of the car and Zuko jumped back into the passenger seat. Sokka hurried around and started the car. 

“So, Chan was making out with another girl?” Zuko asked Azula once the car started moving. 

Azula shrugged. “Some blonde bitch. I don’t care though, I’m over it already.” 

“Right,” Zuko said. He looked at Sokka. “Thanks for doing this, man. I know we just met. I appreciate it.” 

“You’re welcome,” Sokka said. “I guess now I know what those parties are like.” 

“Lots of fun right?” Azula slurred from the backseat. 

“I don’t know,” Sokka said. “It seemed like…” 

“You can say sleaze-fest,” Zuko said. 

“Alright, yeah, it seemed like kind of a sleaze-fest,” Sokka said. “I mean I guess now we know Chan is a sleaze-bag.” 

“Hey!” Azula said. 

“I mean, I was just siding with you,” Sokka said. “He cheated on you. He’s a dick.” 

Zuko sighed. He knew exactly how Azula was going to respond because he’d heard the same justifications time and time again. Sokka hadn’t though. 

“Chan is a better man than you’ll ever be. He's worth more money than you could even imagine. Who are you anyway? Some friend of Aang's? You're lucky to even be associating with my brother and I. Don't try to talk like you're better than anyone. Chan had a moment of weakness. It doesn’t mean anything.” 

Sokka opened his mouth but Zuko put a hand on Sokka’s arm and just shook his head. He’d tried to reason with Azula too many times. It wasn’t worth it. 

“Hey, where are we going?” Sokka asked. 

“Shit, right,” Zuko said. 

Zuko directed Sokka to the mansion and told him the code to the gate. Sokka pulled up to the house and stopped. 

“Thank you again,” Zuko said. 

“Maybe we could hang out again sometime,” Sokka said. “Minus the sleaze-fest celebrity party though.” 

Zuko felt his face grow warm all of a sudden. “Uh, yeah,” he said. “Sounds good.” 

Zuko and Azula climbed out of the car and watched Sokka pull away. 

“Okay,” Zuko said. “If we go around to the side door we should be able to avoid making too much noise.” 

They went around to the side. It took a while because Azula kept stumbling and almost falling. Zuko opened the door very slowly. They slipped inside and then Zuko closed the door as softly as he could. They tip-toed down the hall and up the spiral staircase. Azula almost fell once but Zuko grabbed her arm and kept her from crashing. He was pretty sure his heart stopped in that moment. 

After that Azula went down the hall and into her room. A second later though, she was peeking out the door. The thought that she wanted to thank Zuko for the rescue crossed Zuko’s mind but he ignored it. He did walk over to see what she wanted though. 

“Come watch ‘Phoenix Family’ with me,” she said. 

“I’ll watch something before bed, but not that,” Zuko said. 

He walked into her room and shut the door. She had a sofa set up in her room facing a flat-screen TV. Azula sat down on the sofa and Zuko grabbed two sparkling waters from her mini-fridge, handing one to her before sitting down as well. 

Azula was already clicking ‘Netflix.’ She immediately clicked on ‘Phoenix Family.’ Zuko tried to snatch the remote away but for being drunk, she was fast. She dodged him with ease. 

“Why the fuck do you keep watching this crap?” Zuko said. “I’m gonna go to bed if you don’t turn on something else.” 

“It’s nostalgic,” Azula said. And okay maybe she was still pretty drunk. First of all, since when was Azula ‘nostalgic’? Second of all, she was definitely still slurring. 

“Nostalgic,” Zuko said. “Right.”

The show was still playing. Onscreen, Ursa’s character was giving Azula’s character a maternal speech about the importance of family. In the background, the fake audience kept saying ‘aw.’ 

“It’s just nice sometimes, okay?” Azula said. Zuko glanced at her, confused. She was watching the screen with an expression that was actually, kind of nostalgic. “To pretend.” 

“Huh?” 

She looked away from the screen and actually looked at him. “That that’s our family. You know? Instead of-” she gestured vaguely, “you know.” 

Oh. 

That had never occurred to Zuko. He didn’t know what to say but he did know what she meant. He knew all too well. For him, the family onscreen was just a dismal reminder of what they’d never have. Maybe it was different for her. 

“I get it,” he said. 

“Tell anyone I said that and the other half of your face gets burned off.” 

_‘And – scene,’_ Zuko thought.

* * *

* * *

After Sokka and Zuko left, Katara, Suki, and Toph helped Aang tidy up the house and then went to bed. Katara was laying on her belly in bed, typing case notes into her laptop. She’d met with so many youth today. She went back through the day’s interactions, cataloging them in her mind to avoid forgetting anything that needed to be included. 

She was excited for Aang that he’d made a new friend. She had her concerns though. Zuko seemed nice – enough. He was clearly a bit of a mess though and it sounded like his sister was too. Katara just wanted this movie to be a good experience for Aang. 

She sighed, realizing she’d accidentally typed ‘I just want my friends to be happy’ into a case note that was supposed to be about buying one of her youth participants work clothes. She deleted it and re-typed the note, yawning. It was almost midnight. Working in workforce development was highly re-warding but there was a lot of late nights on the paperwork and case notes side of things. 

Katara was doing this paid internship full-time for the summer. Her degree was going to be in social work and she knew she wanted to work in a nonprofit so this was a good way to test the waters. Despite the heavy workload, she was enjoying it and she knew it was a big deal that they'd hired her even though she was only eighteen - the same age as a lot of the youth she was working with. She'd gotten her associates in high school thanks to the public school program in Capital City that allowed her to take a lot of college classes. That probably helped make her look good for internships.

Katara saved her notes and shut her laptop, deciding to put them off until the morning. She’d definitely regret it when she woke up and prepared to have a meeting with one of her clients about getting enrolled in college, but she was exhausted.

Katara was just laying down in bed when her phone buzzed. She picked it up from her nightstand. An Instagram follow request? Her account, 'painted_lady,' was just a personal thing. She didn't get a lot of follow requests outside people she knew.

She opened it. ‘bluefire.’ WAIT. Katara clicked the profile. Was that Azula? She’d never watched the corny sitcom ‘Phoenix Family’ but it was impossible not to recognize the star’s faces. 

It had to be fake right? There was a little blue check mark next to the username though. Katara posted pictures of nature, her friends, sometimes an especially well-made latte, aesthetic pictures taken downtown, and that was about it. She didn’t even use Instagram that often. 

Katara debated ignoring it for now and going to sleep. She was so curious though. She clicked to message Azula. There was no harm in trying to get to the bottom of this. It was going to bug her otherwise. 

painted_lady: hey… 

The gray text at the bottom of the screen read ‘typing.’ 

bluefire: Hey. 

_What the hell?_

painted_lady: did you mean to request to follow me? 

bluefire: Yes. 

Wow this girl was really giving Katara nothing to go on. It occurred to Katara that she knew from Zuko that Azula was wasted. Maybe that explained the lack of explanation regarding the follow request. 

painted_lady: um…how did you even find my account lol

 _‘Typing.’_

bluefire: Zuko was simping for you. 

_Wait – what?_

‘Typing.’ 

bluefire: *SEARCHING* 

_Oh. Okay._

bluefire: zuko would not shut up about you guys. he wants to be your friend I guess

painted_lady: lmao that's cool 

bluefire: is that you in your pfp?

painted_lady: yeah 😊 

bluefire: you’re EXTREMELY PRETTY. Like. What the hell

Katara couldn’t help but smile to herself a little.

painted_lady: thank you so much ❤️

Katara wasn’t sure what to make of that conversation but she confirmed the follow request and then followed ‘bluefire’ back. That had been…Interesting. Super interesting. For now, Katara needed to sleep though. She had a lot of meetings to get to tomorrow and a massive amount of case notes she still needed to write. 

Katara wasn’t the type to get ‘star-struck.’ She didn’t think celebrities were any better than anyone else. She’d never even watched anything Azula was in. Still, it was nice to be called ‘extremely pretty.’ It was very nice, actually and as she drifted off to sleep, she kept thinking about it.

* * *

* * *

Aang expected things to be awkward onset. Zuko had mentioned that Chan was making out with another girl at a party – right? Nothing seemed to have changed though. He tried to ask Zuko about it during a break while they sat on the steps of Zuko’s trailer sipping sparkling water. The free snacks and sodas and fancy waters were definitely a perk of this job that Aang hadn’t anticipated. 

Zuko just laughed when Aang asked about it though. “Welcome to stardom,” Zuko said. 

“What do you mean?” Aang asked. 

Zuko shrugged. “That’s what it’s like. Chan’s a player but they’re the internet’s favorite romance, it’s not like they can just break up. They’ll crash and burn eventually but it’s gonna take more than a drunk hookup at a party.” 

“That’s really depressing,” Aang said. “I don’t think anyone should be with someone who doesn’t make them happy.” 

Zuko shrugged. “It is what it is.” 

“Is that…” Aang hesitated. He didn’t want to drive Zuko away by asking too many questions too soon but it felt like they were starting to be friends. “Is that what it is with you and Jet?” 

Zuko seemed to consider that. “I guess,” he said. “With Jet things are….complicated.” 

“Did you guys break up last night?” 

“No,” Zuko said. “We talked on the phone for a while this morning. We’re still together.” 

“Do you want to be still together?” 

“You ask a lot of questions.” 

“Sorry. I’m just trying to figure all this stuff out. It’s all new to me,” Aang said. “I don’t mean to push.” 

“It’s fine,” Zuko said. “Honest answer? I don’t know. We’ve been friends for years. We only started dating last year though. The public loves us together but I think we stopped being friends when we started dating.” 

“Sometimes trying to force things can be like playing with fire,” Aang said. “I dated Katara for about a month when we were in high school. It didn’t work out. We were lucky though. We realized early on that we were way better as friends. I love her like a sister.” 

“You’re way too emotionally mature and wise for your age,” Zuko said with a soft laugh. “You know that right?” 

Aang laughed too and shrugged. “I don't know about all that. I’m just speaking from experience." 

"So you've known your roommates since high school?"

"We grew up together," Aang said. "We were all childhood best friends."

"Azula and I were homeschooled," Zuko said. "To make time for acting. It must've been nice growing up with a group of friends." 

Aang wanted to ask more about Zuko's friends, but they both looked up to find Ozai standing over them, clapping. “Back on set,” Ozai said. 

Aang tried to put himself back in his character’s head. He wanted to do a good job. He’d been excited to work with Ozai. After all, who didn’t grow up watching ‘Phoenix Family’? It was a classic. Ozai was a larger than life persona and Aang had been looking forward to being directed by him. In person, he was kind of just mean though. 

Monk Gyatso had always taught Aang to give everyone a chance. Everyone’s got their own story. That didn’t translate to just ignoring abuse though. It was one thing when Ozai yelled at Aang but Aang kind of hated it when he yelled at other people. It especially bothered him that it seemed like Ozai was always yelling at Zuko. When Ozai was criticizing their takes and making them re-shoot things, Ozai would always find something wrong with whatever Zuko was doing every time. Usually, the criticism of Zuko was followed by a compliment about whatever Azula was doing. It bugged Aang and he didn't know how to react to it. The other main character in the 'Stab' script was the villain. He was played by an actor named Zhao who was always on set even though they weren't filming his parts yet. He tended to join in Ozai's criticisms and the two of them were always walking away for private conferences. 

During the next break, Aang went to his own trailer and sat down on the bench, cross-legged. It had been a while since he meditated. Maybe just clearing his mind and focusing would make him feel better.

* * *

* * *

The first time that Zuko and Azula had a day off from filming was a week into production. Ursa wasn’t working on a project right now so she’d had no trouble clearing the day. She was sitting by the island in the kitchen sipping coffee with Zuko. 

“Your uncle is taking the day off as well,” Ursa said. “We can go to the ‘Pao Family Teahouse.’” 

“Uncle wants to go to a teahouse on his day off?” Zuko asked. 

“That shouldn’t surprise you,” Ursa said. ‘The Jasmine Dragon’ was much classier than ‘Pao Family Teahouse’ but she’d insisted that they go somewhere else. If they went to ‘The Jasmine Dragon’ Iroh was sure to end up working even though it was his day off. 

Ursa heard a crash upstairs and she and Zuko both stood up. 

“That sounded like breaking glass,” Zuko said. 

“Wait here,” Ursa said. 

She walked upstairs and heard another crash. 

“You need to leave!” Azula’s yell carried down the hall. 

Ursa hurried to open Azula’s door and found Azula and Chan standing across the room from each other. Broken shards of porcelain covered the floor near Chan. Azula grabbed another figurine from her dresser and launched it. Chan dodged. The figurine shattered against the wall. 

“What is going on?” Ursa asked. 

“I want him out,” Azula said, glaring at Chan. 

Ursa turned to Chan. “You heard her,” she said. She was going to have to have a talk with Azula about why Chan was at the house this early in the morning at all. 

“You crazy bitch,” Chan said, looking at Azula. 

“OUT!” Ursa said, ushering Chan out of the room. When he was gone, she turned to Azula, who was still in her pajamas. “Are you alright?” 

“Yes, Mother,” Azula said, rolling her eyes. “I’m fine. I simply didn’t want him here anymore.” 

“What was he doing here?” 

“None of your business.” 

Ursa knew it was bait. She wasn’t going to spend the morning arguing though. “Are you coming to tea with us?” 

“I suppose I have to.” 

“You really don’t. You’re invited but you don’t have to come.” 

Azula shook her head. “I have to,” she said. “Father said so. The paparazzi will want a nice shot of us as a family.” 

_Did that mean Ozai was coming?_

“Father isn’t coming," Azula said. So Ursa's distress at the idea must have shown on her face. "He’s busy with more important matters.” 

Ursa assumed ‘more important’ translated to ‘schmoozing with other celebrities and kissing asses’ but she didn’t say anything. She was relieved Ozai wouldn’t be around. One of the only good things about being married to Ozai was that he wasn’t around much. 

She would have taken the kids and left years ago if Ozai didn’t control her finances. Her parents had passed away when she was twenty-one and she didn't have a lot of extended family, so she'd never been brave enough to take the kids and get out without a dollar to her name. Then the kids grew up and it became even more unrealistic.

If it were just Zuko, it would've been easier. He moved out at eighteen. He was staying here for the duration of filming the movie 'Stab' and he was back all the time but it didn't take a genius to know he'd never come back if Ursa and Azula weren't here.

Azula had always hero-worshipped Ozai. By the time she was a teenager it was clear that if there was a divorce or even if Ursa just tried to pack her bags, Azula would stay with her dad. Ursa would never leave her daughter alone in this house. She didn't trust Ozai even if he wasn't usually overtly violent towards Azula. Not after what happened to Zuko at fourteen when Ursa was away for a weekend trip. Coming home to find her son's face permanently damaged was a breaking point. Ursa almost left after that but Ozai put her in the hospital for a night and when she got back, he reminded her who'd paid the medical bills. Maybe Azula would move out now that she was eighteen. Then Ursa could leave even if it meant going broke. It was a nice fantasy to hold onto.

“Get out of my room,” Azula said. 

“Are you sure you’re alright? If Chan is pushing boundaries, we can get him kicked off this project and get a restraining order. I’d help you.” 

“How generous of you,” Azula said, rolling her eyes. “The only one pushing boundaries is you. Get the hell out, I need to get changed.” 

Ursa sighed and left, shutting the door behind her. She had so many regrets about the way she’d let her children fall into the same trap she’d fallen into. At fourteen, she’d auditioned for a movie and it had been a wonderful experience and her parents had supported her. She’d met Ikem on that project and they’d been so in love. After that, her family moved and she and Ikem broke up because long distance was hard. The movie was a success and Ursa kept auditioning for more projects and she kept getting roles. 

At eighteen, she met Ozai. He was charming at first. He was already a much bigger star than her and she was starstruck. The relationship moved way too fast and before she knew it they were married. Now they were married on paper but they slept in separate beds and exchanged barely a sentence a day. 

And there were secrets. Ozai had plenty of secrets. Ursa knew there were other women but she didn’t care. This was the first time she’d had a secret though. She couldn’t think about that now – not in the light of day. 

“What was Chan doing here?” Zuko asked as Ursa re-entered the kitchen. 

Ursa shrugged. “I have no idea.” She shook her head, sitting back down. “I don’t like that boy.” 

“No shit,” Zuko said. “Neither do I." 

They left about twenty minutes later. The ‘Pao Family Teahouse’ was packed but they had no problem finding Iroh. He was laughing in a booming voice with the owner. 

“Uncle!” Zuko said. 

It was always nice to see the way Zuko lit up around Iroh. They all sat down together and ordered. Zuko was telling Iroh about his new costar, Aang and Aang’s friends who were apparently really great. Honestly, Ursa never saw Zuko as animated as he was with Iroh. 

“I’m happy you’ve made a new friend,” Iroh said to Zuko. “He sounds great. I admire a person who is willing to try new things.” 

It was a pleasant afternoon. Azula barely said two words and spent the entire time on her phone but at least she wasn’t as outright rude as she sometimes got. She did yell at the waiter for messing up her order but that was pretty mild for her. Ursa snapped at Azula about her rudeness, but let it go after that. 

Everything went well until it was time to leave. Ursa was paying at the front counter when she spotted Ikem coming through the front door. He didn’t see her at first but when he did, he froze. They both looked away. 

“Isn’t that your costar from your first movie, Ursa?” Iroh asked. 

“What?” Ursa asked. “Who?” 

“It is,” Zuko said, also looking. “Ikem, right?” 

Ursa wracked her brain for a way to get out of this but Iroh and Zuko were already waving. Ikem looked defeated for a second then he walked over, smiling. 

“Ursa?” he asked. 

“Ikem, it’s been forever,” Ursa said, forcing a smile. It had been less than twenty-four hours – of course, that felt like forever. 

“It’s great to see you again,” Ikem said. 

They hugged and it lasted a second longer than a hug between old friends should. Ursa ended the hug and hurried to introduce Iroh and Zuko and Azula. 

“You have a lovely family,” Ikem said to Ursa. He looked at Iroh, Zuko, and Azula. “It’s nice to meet you all.” 

“Nice to meet you too,” Zuko said. 

“Very nice,” Iroh said. “I always enjoyed your work. Have you done anything lately?” 

“Nothing you would’ve seen,” Ikem said with a laugh. “I don’t do movies anymore. I teach community youth theater. The kids are working on a production of ‘Romeo and Juliet’ now.” 

“That’s excellent,” Iroh said. “I’m sure the kids appreciate it.” 

“I love the work,” Ikem said. There was a line of people building up behind them. “Well, it was great meeting you guys and seeing you, Ursa," Ikem said. 

As she left the restaurant and walked away, Ursa’s heart continued to race. That had been much too close. What was she doing? Playing with fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: thank you SO MUCH if you're reading this fic!!! if you're leaving comments or kudos please know I appreciate you ❤️
> 
> This week of university was just orientations & stuff so I had a lot of time to write but starting next week classes will be in full swing & I'll be working on an internship so I won't have as much time for this project. I will be continuing it but updates will be less frequent. There might be chapters tomorrow and Sunday but I'm not sure.
> 
> I will post an 'update schedule' in the notes once I've worked one out but I need to see what my life schedule is like first.


	4. performances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko and Aang invite Azula, Chan, Sokka and Katara out for dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: disclaimer in the end notes that may relieve some readers

Azula was walking out the door when she ran into her father. 

“You’ve been putting in the time, but your image could still use improvement,” Ozai said. “We need to distract from the photos of Zuko and his friend at Ruon-Jian’s party two weeks ago. The press seems to believe the story about it being platonic, but until we make it into the next news cycle our reputation is at risk.” 

Azula had been working sixteen-hour days for the past week and a half. All-day she’d been doing photoshoots for an upcoming issue of ‘People Magazine.’ She’d been running on caffeine and nicotine so a night off was a promising prospect. If Father thought she needed to stay home for any reason though, she’d do it. He was right. There were ways she could improve. There was always something productive to be doing whether it was creating posts to be approved by her manager for social media or searching for upcoming projects for when they were done filming ‘Stab.’ 

“I’ll do better,” she said. “I promise. I’ll do another photoshoot and maybe an interview next time we have a day off from filming.” 

“I know you will,” Ozai said. He walked away into the living room and Azula felt guilty for the momentary relief she felt. 

When he walked away, Ursa approached. That hag was always waiting in the shadows. 

“Where are you off to?” 

“None of your business.” 

“You don’t always have to be so rude, I was simply curious.” 

Azula scoffed. ‘Curious’ was code for ‘suspicious.’ Ursa always thought she was up to something or hanging around the wrong people. It had been that way since she was a child. Zuko was untalented, stupid, and weak so Ursa looked after him. Azula was talented, intelligent, and unstoppable so her father was impressed with her. He didn’t coddle her the way Ursa coddled Zuko because she didn’t need it. 

Azula had never seen Ursa as upset as when Ursa came home from a weekend away to find Zuko’s face demolished. 

Azula had been sure Ursa and Zuko were leaving. They didn't though. Ursa just became even more protective of Zuko after that incident. Ursa pretended to look after Azula too, but it was a show – just like everything any of them did. Ursa put on an excellent performance as a loving mother but that's all it was. Azula had plenty of evidence - depressing memories she liked to avoid - that proved Ursa's charade of concern was just that - a charade. Ursa always denied that Azula's memories of her childhood were accurate, but Father agreed with Azula. Father was always quick to remind Azula how much Ursa despised having a daughter. Ursa's contempt for Azula was as undeniable as it was mutual.

Azula hated her mother for many reasons but letting herself think about it led to a dark place she didn't like to go if she could avoid it. She knew if she stayed a second longer she'd start a fight - it was her go-to. Instead, she decided to walk away and enjoy her night off.

“Goodbye, Mother.” 

Azula walked out, slamming the door in Ursa’s face. She walked out past the gate and met her Uber. Ten minutes later she was sitting at a table across from Chan. 

They sat outside ‘Middle Ring,’ a restaurant popular with University students. It was early evening, and it was their first day off since their big fight. The summer air was warm and the outdoor seating allowed the paparazzi across the street plenty of opportunities for not-so-subtle photoshoots. They’d acted normal onset but they hadn’t had a single conversation when other people weren’t around since she kicked him out. This was the closest they'd gotten to a moment alone. 

“Babe, I said I was sorry,” Chan said. 

Azula sighed. She was over it, but she wasn’t going to say it was fine. She’d met Chan when she was thirteen and he played her on and off love interest on ‘Phoenix Family.’ She’d been infatuated. He was a few years older than her and he knew the ins-and-outs of television work from doing a season on ‘The Walking Dead.’ He showed her the ropes while still treating her like an equal – something she didn’t get from every male costar. 

“Let’s just move on,” she said. “Don’t show up unexpectedly again. It’s disrespectful.” 

Zuko and Aang had been talking about coming here on their day off during a break between takes and Aang saw Azula listening and invited her. She agreed, thinking it would be an excuse not to see Chan outside of work. Of course he appeared out of nowhere and invited himself too. 

“I don’t really want to move on,” Chan said. “I’m getting tired of this. You don’t even want to be near me when we’re not around other people. You’re always mad. Most girls would be excited about a surprise visit from their boyfriend!" 

"I don't like surprises," Azula said. "You should know that." 

Chan sighed. "Are we gonna talk about the other thing?" 

_Ah the other thing._ The reason he'd come over. It was a 'no' when he asked the first few hundred times and it wasn't going to change. He always accepted the 'no' without question but then asked again in a month. 

"I mean – do you even like me?” Chan asked.

“Don’t be pathetic and insecure, it’s not cute.” 

“I’m serious. If you don't like me, we should end this. I'm not some creep forcing you to be with me so don't make it out like that's the case." 

_Cue panic._ Azula didn’t let it show. She narrowed her eyes. “Do you want both our careers to take a hit?” 

“Plenty of people pretend to be together for the cameras. We could do that. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't even like me. It's exhausting." 

_Shit._ That was actually a good point. Plenty of celebrity romances were performances put on for the public. Azula's entire life was a performance - why not make her relationship with Chan just another part of the show? The lines between reality and the performances the 'Phoenix Family' put on for the public were always getting blurred. So why was the panic still there? She was physically repulsed by Chan and they rarely got along anymore. Yet the idea of being dumped was humiliating. Even if they agreed on it mutually or if she turned it around and dumped him, it would feel like a rejection. Azula relied on the confirmation - the certainty - that he wanted her. He was every girl's dream but he wanted to be with _her._ That was important. 

"More exhausting than putting on a permanent performance?" 

"That's all we're ever doing anyway," Chan said with a shrug. "You didn't deny it, though. Does that mean I'm right - you're over me?" 

"I-"

“Hi!” Aang said before Azula could finish. 

They both looked up to see Zuko and Aang approaching their table from across the street. They weren’t alone. Sokka and Katara were with them. Azula was fascinated by Katara. She’d requested to follow her on a drunk whim after Zuko told her all of Aang’s friends' social media handles. Ever since then scrolling through Katara’s Instagram was Azula’s obsession. 

Katara was unlike anyone Azula had ever followed – she didn’t post a lot of pictures of herself. It was mostly shots of nature or the city skyline at night or a bird perched on the windowsill. Little moments in time that caught Katara's eye. Katara seemed to see the world in a way others didn’t – she saw beauty in little things and she captured it in her pictures. 

Zuko, Aang, Sokka and Katara pulled up seats and sat down at their table. Sokka introduced himself to Chan and then introduced Katara to Azula and Chan.

“It’s nice to meet in person,” Katara said, holding out a hand. 

Azula shook her hand. “It is nice,” she agreed. 

They all ordered. 

Azula didn’t pay attention to what the guys were talking about – some new television series. If she wasn’t in it and it wasn’t horror or true crime, Azula didn’t care. 

“So you’re a humanitarian?” she asked Katara. 

Katara looked away from the conversation with the guys and gave Azula a questioning look. “What do you mean?” 

“Your Instagram bio says you’re an aspiring social worker.” 

“Oh,” Katara said. She shrugged. Her hair loops bounced when she shrugged, and Azula was totally enamored. “There are a lot of misconceptions about social work,” Katara said. “I guess you could call me a humanitarian, though I’ve never thought of it like that. I just want to be an advocate for people who need it.”

_An advocate for people who need it._ Fascinating. Azula had never once heard anyone express such a sentiment. Except for scripted interviews, press releases, and tweets of course. This was different. Katara seemed to mean it. 

The rest of dinner Azula mostly tried to talk to Katara. She asked Katara about her life, her family, her hobbies. Azula had never wanted to figure anyone out so badly. Everyone always had a motive. There was always something to be gained - right? Trying to find out what Katara wanted was like trying to pull teeth. Katara talked about her experience with social workers when her mom died and she and Sokka needed grief therapy, and how it inspired her to go into the field. She talked about her desire to see justice and her investment in social progress and human rights. 

What did she really want though? No one was as kind as Katara appeared. Katara had to have a secret agenda and Azula was determined to figure it out. 

Zuko was a dick to Chan all through dinner. Azula took secret pleasure in it. 

After dinner, they paid. Then, Katara, Sokka, and Aang worked out a tip because apparently the three of them thought it was important to tip even if the waitress was annoying. It was still early in the evening. The sun was just starting to set behind the buildings. Azula couldn’t remember the last time she’d had an entire evening ahead of her with no plans.

* * *

* * *

Katara was very irritated by the end of dinner. She did not like Aang and Sokka’s new celebrity friends. 

When they were all standing outside the restaurant, Azula suggested that they go to a club. Katara said she needed to talk to Sokka about something and walked away from the group with him. She was honestly angry at Aang for even thinking she would want to hang out with people like this. 

Katara planned to talk to Aang later though. She needed to give her brother an important lecture right now. 

“What the hell?” Katara said when she and Sokka were a good distance down the sidewalk and away from prying ears. 

“What?” 

“You were about to agree to go to a club with them, weren’t you?” 

“It’s Saturday!” 

Katara glared. “Okay, well I don’t want to spend my Saturday night with a guy who refers to women as conquests and a girl who responded to finding out our mother passed away by saying _‘if only I were so lucky.’_ You get that, right?” She didn’t think she even needed to mention Chan hitting on the waitress or Azula loudly insulting other customers. 

Katara, had, of course, called out their shitty behavior every time. They just laughed it off though. 

“I know,” Sokka said. “They’re kind of a lot. But Zuko is nice.” 

Katara had to laugh. Sure, Zuko was nice. If you liked awkward weirdos who couldn’t make conversation for shit and yelled in public. Honestly, at one point Katara had been sure Zuko and Chan were going to get into an actual, physical fight. She liked Zuko more than she liked Chan or Azula but she really didn’t like any of them and she didn’t get why Sokka and Aang did. 

“Uh oh,” Sokka said. “That’s your angry laugh.” 

Katara laughed again. “Damn right it’s my angry laugh. What the hell are you doing?” 

Sokka looked blank. “What do you mean?” 

“Don’t play dumb. I see you sitting way too close to Zuko and laughing at everything he says even though it makes no sense half the time. Do I need to spell it out for you?”

“We’re friends,” Sokka said. 

“Apparently I do need to spell it out,” Katara said. “He. Has. A Boyfriend.” 

“What?” Sokka looked surprised. “That’s not – we’re friends, like I said.” 

“Sokka,” Katara said. “This is a mess. We need to talk Aang into quitting this job. It’s not good for him and it’s not good for us.” 

A black limousine pulled up beside them and the door slid open. Aang, Zuko, Azula, and Chan were already in the back. 

“Are you guys done arguing?” Aang asked. “We’re going to 'Spiders’. It’s this really great dance club, apparently.” 

“Is that plural or possessive? Or is it possessive plural?” Katara asked, without making a move to get in. 

Aang shrugged. Katara hesitated. She was still pissed at Aang for thinking she’d want to associate with these assholes but she didn’t want to ditch him. Sokka was giving her a hopeful look that was very worrying. 

She sighed and got into the limousine. Sokka got in after her, looking triumphant. Chan opened a compartment in front of them where the wall separating them from the driver was and pulled out a bottle of champagne. There was a set of wine glasses in the tray. 

Chan looked at Katara, Sokka, and Aang. “Welcome to association with the elite.” 

Katara was disgusted with the way Chan said the word 'elite' as if he were so much better than them. Chan poured the bubbling champagne into the glasses and handed them out as he poured. Katara was hesitant to take it after he had been such a dick but she figured it might improve the evening a little. They all clinked their glasses together and sipped. 

Katara was surprised when they pulled through a gate and into a driveway. In front of them was an enormous mansion. 

“I thought we were going to a club,” she said. 

“You might not understand,” Azula said. _Patronizing bitch._ “But some of us can’t afford to be seen in two locations in the same outfit.”

Katara really was the type of girl to try and stick up for other girls. She had gone into today wanting to get along with Azula. Every second with Azula further proved how conceited and mean-spirited she was, though. 

“Yeah I’m going home to change as well,” Chan said. “This is my personal chauffeur, so I can ask him to take you all home to change and then circle back and pick us up.” 

“So fancy,” Sokka said. He’d been admiring the limo the entire ride. 

“How fancy is the place we’re going?” Aang asked. 

“It’s trashy, Aang,” Zuko said. “You can wear whatever you want.”

At the same time, Chan said, “it’s pretty high end.”

“I think we’ll go home and change,” Aang said. He looked at Sokka. "Fashion montage in our living room while we pick out outfits?" 

"Fashion montage in our living room while we pick out outfits," Sokka agreed. They high-fived. 

“Ugh, I have no idea what to wear,” Katara said. “I might just call it a night.” She wanted to stick around to avoid ditching Aang but he seemed happy enough. It was mostly her desire to keep an eye on Sokka that made her hesitant to bail at this point. She had a feeling if the over twenty-one people - Sokka, Zuko, and Chan - ended up drinking at the club, Sokka would need someone to remind him – again – that Zuko was taken.

Still - the idea of bailing altogether was temping. 

“I have clothes you can borrow, Katara,” Azula said.

“I don’t know…” 

“Come on, Katara, don’t ditch us,” Aang said. “Live a little.” 

Katara sighed and followed Azula and Zuko out of the limo. This was going to be an interesting night. She watched the limo pull away. Then she followed the siblings to the expansive front porch. Once they reached the front door, Katara noticed the deck wrapped around and that there was an in-ground pull with a diving board and a water slide behind the house. 

They went through the front doors and there was a long, wide hallway that opened up to a living room with more furniture than a single-family could possibly use and a flat-screen TV. In the back of the room was a spiral staircase. 

Katara recognized the man in a leather jacket walking down the steps. _Jet?_

"Hey," Zuko said. "How was rehearsal with the band?" Zuko looked at the rest of them. "I invited Jet to meet up with us, I hope that's okay."

"It was good," Jet said, giving Zuko a quick kiss. "I hope you had fun with your friends. I'm excited to go to 'Spiders.''"

Well, at least Sokka wouldn't need Katara to remind him that Zuko was very much taken. There would be a walking reminder with them all night.

"Hi," Katara said, holing out a hand. "I'm Katara. Love your music."At least she didn't even have to lie.

'Freedom Fighters' was actually a really good band. Katara hadn't been able to listen to them after overhearing the fight between Zuko and Jet because Jet just came off as such a dick. Maybe he'd redeem himself in her eyes tonight. After all, she'd liked Zuko alright the first time she met him and now she was kind of unsure how to feel. As much as Katara wanted to see Chan get his ass beat watching Zuko almost fight Chan in a crowded dining area was just embarrassing. Point being - people were multifaceted. Katara knew that. She made an internal promise to give the night another try although she was still pretty uncertain.

Jet shook her hand. "Jet," he said. "Thanks. It's cool to meet you. Zuko talks about you and your friend group all the time."

_Okay....A little weird considering they'd hung out with Zuko as a group all of once but whatever._

Zuko and Jet walked up the stairs leaving Katara and Azula alone in the hall. Azula turned to Katara and smiled. “Welcome to our home,” she said. “I’ll show you my closet and we can choose our costumes for tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: I did want to touch on things like Hollywood's disgusting hypersexualization of young people & the shitty relationships young girls can get into whether they're Hollywood actors or not. This is a messy fic with all kinds of drama. BUT if you're worried this fic is going into a triggering direction, without spoiling anything, I'll say that I'm never going to write anything explicit about any of the characters & *spoiler* Chan is an asshole but he's not gonna do whatever any reader might be worried he's gonna do - also I mean - if you look at the tags you can see the ships that are going to be explored more within this fic. No spoilers but like...trust me.
> 
> It is meant to be a messy fic. There is gonna be drama. I just wanted to clear that up. 
> 
> I try to avoid over-explaining my writing in the notes but I wanted to be clear about that. I know it can be really anxiety-inducing reading something & not being sure if it's going in a potentially triggering direction. 
> 
> Also - thank you icons SO MUCH for all the support!!!!! I know I'm out here wildin' posting at 1 am lmao I had classes all day & then went to a socially distant bonfire but I really wanted to get this chapter out 
> 
> I appreciate you lovely readers so much & I hope everyone's day/night is going well ❤️


	5. constant suffering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew goes to a dance club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: reference to past unspecified addiction to drugs. reference to animal cruelty - not explicitly described

Katara sat on Azula’s bed and accepted the sparkling water handed to her by a maid passing through. Katara thanked the maid and Azula immediately ushered the girl out of the room. Katara could not imagine the levels of spoiled that led to being rude to someone who literally cleaned for you. 

This room was bigger than the entire apartment Katara shared with her friends. Azula was already opening the closet. Except could you really call it a closet when it was the size of a small bedroom? 

“You can have anything you want,” Azula said. 

Katara got up and walked over to the closet. Azula was already inside, looking through the rows of dresses. 

“You mean borrow,” Katara said.

Azula shrugged, holding up a dress and considering it. “I suppose. I just throw clothes away after I wear them so it doesn't matter much. You can keep anything in here. I didn’t choose most of these anyway, my assistants shop for me.” 

“I…you – what?” 

Azula was oblivious to Katara’s confusion. She was holding up a flowy blue dress. “This would match your eyes.” 

Katara felt her face get warm. She smiled a little despite herself and took the dress. Katara was trying to think of something to say but there was a soft ‘meow’ from outside the closet and they both looked up. A pair of bright green eyes were peeking in. 

“I suppose Zuko decided to bring Druk home,” Azula said. 

The little black cat crouched and moved towards them very slowly, its ears back. 

“Druk?” Katara asked, kneeling. 

“Zuko’s had Druk since he was around ten and he took him when he moved out. I thought he hired a cat-sitter for the duration of this project but he must have changed his mind.” 

There was something more going on – an emotion in Azula’s voice that Katara couldn’t place. “What’s wrong?” Katara asked. 

“Nothing,” Azula said, shaking her head. “I’m just surprised.” 

“Why?” Katara asked. The cat had gotten close and was sniffing Katara’s knee. 

“I don’t have the most stellar record with animals,” Azula said. “I wasn’t aware Zuko trusted me around Druk now.” 

_Okay….Ominous thing to say._ Katara debated how the hell she was supposed to respond to that and decided she couldn’t just let it go. “What…uh…what does that mean?” Druk had decided he liked Katara and was rubbing against her leg, purring. She scratched behind his ear. 

“Forget it,” Azula said. “It’s not important.” 

Katara stood up and looked at Azula, raising her eyebrows. “I mean, you can’t just say something like that and expect me not to react.” 

Azula rolled her eyes. “You’re making this more dramatic than it needs to be. I was a bit of a violent child. I would throw rocks at the ducks in our pond, that sort of thing. My mother was certain I was a psychopath. If you ask her, I exhibited all the warning signs of a serial killer. I don’t know what you want me to say about it. It was a long time ago. I was simply surprised Druk was home. I was under the impression Zuko shared our mother's dramatic delusions about me. I shouldn’t have to explain myself to you, though." 

“No, you’re right,” Katara said. She didn’t want to judge Azula for things she’d done as a small child and she felt like she’d brought something up that had a lot of baggage. She got a strong feeling there was more to that story. The way Azula referred to her mother was a bit more contemptuous than the average bratty teenager. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s forgotten,” Azula said. She held up another dress. As soon as Azula made a sudden movement, Druk ran away. Azula held up a red dress. “What do you think of this?”

“I like it,” Katara said. “I think it would look good on you.” 

Whatever had happened when they were kids, Katara hoped Druk was safe now. It sounded like it. Azula talked like it had just been casual meanness- the kind of things most kids did before they learned better. Still.

Katara thought about Appa and Momo, who stayed at Hakoda’s house a lot of the time because they all worked so much. The great Pyrenees and chihuahua were always ecstatic to see all of them. Hakoda and Bato were able to be home a lot because as co-managers of the local wildlife board, their schedules were flexible. Aang paid for the dogs and was their primary caretaker most of the time, but they were members of the family, really. 

It was hard for Katara to imagine how she’d react if she ever felt like she couldn’t trust one of her friends around the dogs. Was Azula her friend now? Is that what was happening? Katara wasn’t sure what she was doing here but she felt more unsure about it than ever.

* * *

* * *

‘Spiders’’ was packed. They were able to get to the front of the line, of course. Inside, music blared. Their group sat down at the bar. 

Jet, Zuko, Sokka, and Chan ordered shots. Azula, Katara, and Aang ordered sodas. Of course, Chan ordered a shot for Azula and encouraged her to do it even though she didn’t want to. As much as Jet disliked Azula, he still thought Chan was a creep. As soon as Chan looked away Jet took the shot from Azula and downed it. 

‘Thanks,’ Azula mouthed. Jet nodded. They didn't interact much and Jet thought Azula was a heinous bitch but he always looked out for women - especially young women. He hoped Azula grew a brain and dumped Chan soon. 

Jet had been hopeful about meeting Zuko’s new friends – at least those that could make it tonight. If he was being honest, he was most hopeful about meeting Sokka. Jet thought maybe if they met and Sokka was cool he would feel better about how much Zuko seemed to like Sokka. Meeting the guy did nothing to make Jet feel better though. He wasn’t going to be one of those insecure assholes who couldn’t let their significant other have friends though, so he refused to ask Zuko if there was anything going on. 

Sokka was everything Jet wasn’t. He was funny and easy-going and excited about everything. Probably just the kind of person Zuko needed. 

It’s not like Jet even wanted to be with Zuko anymore – but it still hurt to feel abandoned. Everyone in his life left. His parents were killed in a drunk driving accident when he was seventeen and Jet went to a dark place and started treating everyone horribly. He lost most of his friends around then. Smellerbee and Longshot stuck around, their band continued to make music, but they created way more boundaries. At the time, it hurt. Looking back, Jet knew it had been fair. Jet had been doing heavy drugs back then and he didn’t remember everything he’d said and done but he knew a lot of it was shitty – stealing from friends, saying horrible things, throwing stuff. He was pretty sure he’d mugged an old man at one point. 

Jet met Zuko at a party. They were both eighteen at the time. Jet was at rock bottom the night he met Zuko. It had only been about a year since his parents' deaths and he was in deep depression. Jet didn’t remember the night, but he woke up on the couch in Zuko’s apartment feeling like shit. Zuko explained that he’d brought Jet home because he seemed too fucked up to safely stay at the party. After that, they were friends. Zuko encouraged Jet to get off the worse drugs and they talked about life and how hard it could be, living in the spotlight. 

Now that they were dating, it was different. They fought all the time and it was horrible. Jet was afraid to end it even though he wanted to because he only had so many people he could count on and Zuko was one of them. What he really wished was that they'd never started dating. They were too similar. Both hot-headed, both angry, both depressed. As friends, it worked. As a couple, they fed each other's misery. 

“We should all be dancing,” Aang said. 

“I don’t dance,” Zuko said. 

“Why did you want to go to a dance club then?” Aang asked. 

Zuko shrugged. 

“Come on babe,” Jet said. “Let’s dance.” 

They all went out to the dance floor. Jet definitely had to drag Zuko by the hand. They all danced in a group. 

After a bit, Jet went back to the bar for another drink and Zuko followed.

“Your new friends are something,” Jet said after they’d ordered their drinks. 

“Yeah,” Zuko said. “Aang is really great. Stardom is gonna eat that kid up though. I almost want to tell him to quit.”

“Yeah,” Jet said. “He’s way too nice. Only hardened assholes like us can make it out the other side.” 

“What 'other side'?” Zuko asked. 

Jet shrugged. He gestured for the bartender to bring them more shots. “It’s just an expression, babe,” he said. “Like, we’re gonna make it out alive.” 

“Maybe,” Zuko said. “Sometimes I think there is no other side – it’s just this. Constant suffering.” 

“Yeah,” Jet agreed. He held up his shot glasses. “To constant suffering.” They clinked the glasses together and drank. “At least our constant suffering comes with black master-cards and limos.” 

“Ugh not another anti-capitalism rant,” Zuko said. “I know.” 

“No,” Jet said. “You don’t know, because you grew up in this.” Jet had grown up poor. He and Smellerbee and Longshot started ‘Freedom Fighters’ when they were all fifteen. It was an instant success. Jet went from being a nobody singing in his garage with his friends to one of the biggest stars in the nation practically overnight.

“Don’t kid yourself, Jet,” Zuko said. “You’re just as fucked up as I am. You just got started a little later.” 

“That’s my point!” Jet said. “Money doesn’t buy happiness but it buys comfort. I understand that but you never will.” 

They’d had this drunk conversation a hundred times. They were saying variations of lines they said to each other time and time again. It was exhausting and Jet had no idea why they both kept doing it. 

“Comfort,” Zuko said, scoffing. “You know, at least you always felt safe in your own house growing up. At least your dad was a decent person. You’re lucky for that.” 

That was too far. Jet glared at Zuko. “Lucky?” he said. “My dad’s dead, asshole. Fuck you.” 

Jet got up and knocked over the last of his drink, then stormed out. He sat outside the club on the sidewalk and called an Uber. Every time he saw Zuko it ended in a fight. They were just constantly comparing their trauma and throwing it back in each other's faces. 

Jet couldn’t even remember the last time they’d hung out and not fought. Why did he always let – hell, encourage – their conversations to spiral? He was going to lose Zuko just like he ended up losing everyone.

* * *

* * *

Azula and Katara were dancing. Azula didn’t know where Chan was and she didn’t care. Katara’s eyes were like the ocean and Azula couldn’t look away. Katara had let her hair down for the night and it looked softer and more beautiful than ever. 

“Look at us,” Azula said. “Everyone in this place has checked us out. We’re so much better than any of the other girls here.” Azula nodded to a girl dancing near them. “My dress probably costs more than her rent.” 

Katara stopped dancing, looking annoyed. She walked away and Azula followed her to an outdoor patio where there was a fire burning in a metal fireplace and more people socializing. 

“What did I say?” Azula asked. 

“You’re being an asshole,” Katara said. “You’ve been an asshole all night and I keep trying to give you a break but I don’t know why. I’m sick of you being terrible to everyone.” 

“That’s ridiculous,” Azula said. “I have thousands of adoring fans. I’m clearly not terrible. I have no idea what you're talking about." 

“You’re adored by fans who don’t know you!” Katara said. “It doesn’t mean you’re not a terrible person.” 

“I’m not a terrible person, I give away thousands of dollars to charity every year,” Azula said. 

“Ugh!” Katara threw her hands up. “That doesn’t make you not-terrible either. Look, I think I’m just gonna go home.” 

Azula couldn’t let that happen. Then she’d be alone. Zuko and Jet were surely caught up in their own drama by now and Sokka and Aang weren't Azula's friends. Azula had been avoiding a continuation of her earlier conversation with Chan all night. She couldn’t let him break up with her. 

“You won’t be able to ride home in the limo with us if you leave now.” 

“I don’t care!” Katara said. 

They stood there, glaring, both fuming. Azula was searching for something cruel to say – something that would tear down Katara’s self-esteem and force her to feel weak so she’d have to stay. 

“Oh, the girls are fighting,” came a familiar voice. They looked up to see that Chan had walked outside to meet them. 

“Hi,” Azula said. 

“I got distracted by all the hot chicks in there,” Chan said. “You better come back in or I’ll find someone else.” 

He said it in a teasing voice but Azula knew it wasn’t a joke. 

“God!” Katara said. “While I’m at it – why are you with this creep?” 

“We’re happy,” Chan said, putting an arm around Azula. “Right babe?” 

“Yes,” Azula said. _‘This is what happy feels like,’_ she reminded herself. Who cared what Katara thought? Who was Katara anyway? A nosy, judgmental nobody. For some reason though, Azula found herself caring a lot what Katara thought. 

Katara scoffed. “Yeah, okay,” she said. “You guys have fun with that. I’m over it and I’m going home. If you see Sokka and Aang tell them I bailed. Or don’t, I can always text them.” 

Azula watched Katara walk away. She hated how badly she wanted to shove Chan off her as they walked back into the club. She hated how sad she was that Katara had left. 

_‘Get it together,’_ Azula thought. What would Father say if he could read her mind right now? He’d call her useless. Pathetic. He’d say she shouldn’t mess things up with Chan because they were good together for publicity. He’d say she needed to get over herself and take responsibility. 

Right. She forced a smile in Chan’s direction as they danced. Afterward, Chan disappeared to ‘the bathroom’ – probably code for – ‘to ask the girl standing near the bathrooms for her number.’ 

Azula got things right. _She_ wasn't constantly messing up. That’s why Zuko’s face was scarred and hers wasn’t. That’s why Father thought she was valuable and Zuko wasn’t. If she let herself spiral about this – whatever ‘this’ was – she’d risk becoming like Zuko. Being treated like Zuko was her worst nightmare. She needed to stand tall and remember who she was.

* * *

* * *

Aang took a break from dancing and walked over to order a water. He noticed Zuko sitting alone at the bar and sat next to him. He always made sure to sit on Zuko’s right side because he’d noticed Zuko got startled when people came at him from the left. He figured Zuko’s hearing and sight must be damaged on that side. Aang was used to things like announcing himself when he came into a room for Toph’s sake. It was a small thing, trying to make other people more comfortable, and Aang always tried to do it when he could. 

“Hey,” Aang said. “You okay? Where’s Jet?” 

“We got into a fight. He left.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Aang said. 

“Don’t be. It happens every time.” 

A minute later Azula walked over and sat on Zuko’s other side. She looked mad. “I don’t like your new friends, Zuko.” 

“That’s fine,” Zuko said, looking down at his drink. He looked pretty depressed. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Azula asked. 

“Nothing,” Zuko said. “I’m just tired of Jet’s drama.” 

“Oh, poor you,” Azula said in a mocking voice. She held a hand over the left side of her face and did her best to imitate Zuko. “I’m sad because I’m too cowardly to break up with my terrible boyfriend.” She got up and shoved Zuko’s left shoulder. “Get the hell over yourself and figure out what you want. You’re so useless and pathetic. It’s sad. You mess everything up and then you can’t even take responsibility. This is the exact reason Father will never love you. You can’t do anything right.” 

She stormed off. Aang sat there in stunned silence but Zuko seemed un-phased. Aang officially decided that he didn’t like Azula. He’d tried to give her a chance. He felt like he’d given her enough chances now though. 

Actually, Aang didn’t like anyone on this project other than Zuko. That was a really terrible feeling because Aang always got along with everyone. Everywhere he went – whether it was a remote island and he was learning a new form of dance or it was a job selling hot dogs in Capital City – Aang made friends. Human connections were the thing he valued above all else. 

Lately, this job and these people were just making him feel terrible. He didn’t know what to do about it though. He’d made a commitment. He’d signed a bunch of contracts. For now, he put a hand on Zuko’s arm and Zuko shot him a grateful look. At least Aang had made one friend on this project.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: if you're leaving nice comments I greatly appreciate you & you've made me smile 💖 
> 
> So - like I said I'll have an official update schedule soon. I should know by Friday what it will look like. I will post if I'm able to throughout the week. If not, I should be able to post Friday or Saturday for sure. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and stay safe!


	6. boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jet tries to pretend he isn't spiraling into depression. 
> 
> Aang questions his latest career choice. 
> 
> Sokka starts to wonder about his friendship with Zuko. 
> 
> Azula goes to a party and makes a new friend. 
> 
> Katara gets an unexpected visitor at work.
> 
> Ursa makes Ikem a promise.

_“I’m gonna tell dad you’re smoking again.”_

_“Fuck off, bitch.”_

_Zuko was fourteen. Azula was twelve. They were sitting on the edge of the pool in their swimsuits with their feet in the water and Zuko was smoking. Dad was gone for the day. Mom was inside. Zuko gave Azula a cigarette and lit it for her because he knew if he didn’t, she’d tell on him._

_“You’re gonna get a sun burn,” Azula said after a few minutes._

Ouch. _It had been a month since the filming of ‘Phoenix Family’ stopped so the writers could think of an explanation for Zuko’s scar. A month since a flash of light and pain and humiliation._

_Azula rolled her eyes at Zuko and handed him her cigarette. She walked inside and when she came back, she had sunscreen and the container of bacitracin the doctors had given Zuko. She handed both to him, took back her cigarette, and sat back down._

_“I don’t get you,” Zuko said. Azula had only seemed amused when – well – when it happened. He didn’t get why she was being nice now. Maybe because Dad wasn’t around._

_“I know,” Azula said. She blew cigarette smoke in his face and smirked. “I’m an enigma.”_

_Zuko shook his head. “An annoying, dramatic enigma.”_

_Zuko opened the bacitracin and started applying it. He flinched. Technically, he was supposed to apply it in front of a mirror. He was also supposed to be avoiding the sun though. And every time he looked in a mirror, he felt his heart rate accelerate and his breathing became shallow._

_Azula handed him a small foldable mirror, looking more hesitant than she normally did. “I got this for you too,” she said._

_Zuko didn’t take it. He just shook his head. He swallowed a lump that was building in the back of his throat. Would he ever want to look in a mirror again? Or have his picture taken? Or act? To his horror, Zuko realized he was tearing up. He immediately went to wipe his eyes and gasped in pain when he wiped his hand across his whole face._

_Zuko looked away from Azula, trying to get it together. He didn’t want to cry in front of her because she’d just make fun of him, but the stinging was unbearable. He’d probably re-opened some blisters. He tried to think of anything else._

_“It seems bad now,” Azula said after a bit. “But when it heals and it’s not so disgusting, maybe it will look cool. You can tell people you rescued a baby from a burning building or something. You can get all the girls that way.”_

_Zuko smiled a little despite himself. He was still trying to hold back tears, and there was no part of him that believed the burn would ever look cool, but he appreciated the sentiment. Then he decided to tell her something he’d only told Uncle Iroh so far. He wasn’t sure if he could trust her, but she was really his only friend and besides – did it matter? What else could go wrong?_

_“Maybe,” he said. “I don’t like girls, though.”_

_Zuko glanced at Azula to gauge her reaction. She was picking at her nails, looking unphased. “Okay,” she said. A minute later she ordered a passing maid to go get them sodas from the fridge._

_They sat there smoking and staring out at the pool for a while._

* * *

* * *

“I’m gonna say it,” Smellerbee said.

Longshot said nothing and Jet wasn’t looking at him, but he knew the guy was nodding. You could always just tell with Longshot. 

Jet ignored them both. They were all hanging out at Jet’s apartment after an impromptu song writing session. Jet knew what they were going to say, and he wasn’t in the mood. He was in a pretty shitty mood, actually, and he just wanted them to leave. Of course, as soon as they left he’d miss them and get depressed. It was an endless cycle. 

“You’re off your game, Jet.” 

Jet sat up from the hammock he was lounging in and glared at Smellerbee. She was sitting in a hanging chair with her arms crossed. From his spot in the other hanging chair, Longshot nodded again. Jet flopped back in the hammock. The wall of the living room in his twentieth floor apartment was a window overlooking the city. The covered deck extending from his bedroom in the next room had a hot tub. It was a nice space but sometimes it felt excessive and he missed the little apartment he’d grown up in. 

“You’re right,” Jet admitted. “I’m sorry. I’m distracted.” 

“No shit,” Smellerbee said. “We’re the ‘Freedom Fighters’ not the ‘sad lonely guys.’ What’s going on?” 

Jet didn’t want to say. The truth was, the sad lonely vibes in the lyrics he had been coming up with today just about summed it up. He knew he had his friends. Sometimes he still felt so utterly alone. It had been almost five years since Jet’s parents were killed so sometimes, he felt like he should be over it by now. There was just something so lonely about not having any actual family though and lately he’d been going back to the dark place he’d promised himself he’d never go to again. 

Lately, being around Zuko made Jet feel worse. He’d gone over to Zuko’s the previous night and they’d gotten into it yet again. The thing was, it hadn’t always been that way. They’d initially bonded because they were both fucked in the head. You’d think as they both got better mentally, their relationship would’ve improved. Not so much. 

Zuko had been living on his own for years now. Jet had gotten off drugs and his musical career was a huge success. They were both in better places than they’d been when they met. 

Instead of being happy for each other though, it was like Jet and Zuko always tried to bring everything back to the pain they’d once bonded over and the more they brought it up the worse the contrast was. They’d suffered in such different ways. Jet had never been afraid in his own home. His parents had been amazing and he’d had a happy childhood. 

But Zuko could never understand what it was like to have both your parents taken away in a single night because some asshole in a Lamborghini thought it was a good idea to go eighty in a twenty-five. Jet had been seventeen and he’d helplessly watched the asshole responsible for his world falling apart get off with barely any charges because hey – if you’ve got enough cash you can get away with murder. Especially if the victims are poor immigrants.

“Jet?” Smellerbee asked. 

“Yeah?” 

“You’re not spiraling on us, are you?” 

“No,” Jet lied. 

Smellerbee and Longshot had been with Jet through it all. He’d sort of given them no choice but to set some boundaries when he was in his darkest days, but they’d never stopped being his friends. He just didn’t want them know how depressed he’d been lately. If they did, he had this irrational fear that they’d ditch him. Logically, he didn’t think it would be in-character for them. Still, the dark thought liked to hide in the back of his mind, mocking him. 

“I’m fine,” Jet said, sitting up. “Let’s write a song about blowing shit up.” 

“Are you sure you’re in the mood?” Smellerbee asked. 

“Don’t over analyze me,” Jet said, getting up. “Come on, let’s write.”

* * *

* * *

_Sokka came home exhausted from a ten-hour shift, made some quick dinner, and fell backward onto the sofa. He turned on a random cartoon and stared at it without really watching. Sokka had gotten his worker’s permit at fifteen and half and immediately started working at ‘Rebetzel’s,’ a pretzel themed eatery about twenty minutes from the house by bus. Now he was a senior in high school, and it was only a few short months until graduation._

_Sokka had been giving his dad every penny he earned. He was going to university entirely thanks to financial aid, scholarships, and loans. Of course, Hakoda hadn’t wanted to take the money. Hakoda hadn’t wanted Sokka to get a job. He’d wanted Sokka to focus on school. Because he was a good dad._

_Sokka wasn’t an idiot though. Kya had been a doctor. Hakoda was a manager on a local wildlife board. Hakoda loved his work and took it very seriously but it didn't pay a lot. The nice house in the suburb of Capital City wasn’t going to pay its own mortgage. When Kya passed Sokka was ten and there wasn’t much he could do to help his dad. He tried to compensate by helping with things like mowing the lawn, cleaning the gutters, and learning to fix things around the house. He did all this without being asked. Then, as soon as he was old enough, he got a job._

_Sokka thought about that as he lay on the sofa. Was he fucking up by going to college? Would this mess up Hakoda and Katara’s lives? Katara still had a year left of high school._

_The next second Sokka heard a crash in the kitchen. He jumped up and ran to see what it was. Katara was standing in the kitchen staring at the shards of a broken coffee mug on the floor._

_“You okay?” Sokka asked._

_To his surprise, Katara was tearing up._

_“Hey,” Sokka said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”_

_“Nothing,” Katara said, wiping her eyes. “I was just trying to do some dishes.”_

_Sokka looked over to see the sink filled to the brim with dirty dishes. His first inclination was to be annoyed at someone – Katara or Dad – but that wasn’t fair. Some of them were his too. They were all just so busy running around. Sokka wasn’t blind to the way Katara took care of most stuff around the house whether it was dishes, laundry, vacuuming, or mopping._

_“Let me help,” he said, hurrying to grab the bigger pieces of the broken mug and throw them in the trash._

_“No, you just got done with a long shift,” Katara said. “You should rest.”_

_“It’s fine,” Sokka said. “You know me, if I could eliminate sleep I would,” he winked, trying to make it a joke._

_For some reason, Katara looked sadder than ever. Sokka grabbed a napkin from the windowsill and got it wet, setting it on the floor to pick up any tiny, missed shards from the broken cup. He threw the napkin out and looked at Katara again._

_“Hey, anyone ever tell you it’s no good to cry over spilt milk?” he asked. “It was just a cup, Katara. It’s fine.”_

_“But…” Katara was giving him a confused look. “That was Mom’s favorite mug, Sokka. Don’t you remember? She used to always get so mad when anyone else used it because Gran Gran sculpted it for her when she was a little girl.”_

_Sokka turned away and started doing the dishes in the sink. He felt bad because he honestly didn’t remember. Katara didn’t say anything, but she came over and started rinsing the dishes._

_“Dad still at work?” Sokka asked, to change the subject._

_“Always,” Katara sighed._

_“Hey, are you guys gonna be okay without me?” Sokka asked. “I could stay another year.”_

_“No one wants you to do that,” Katara said._

_Sokka knew she was being kind. He knew it. But when she said that, he still heard,_ ‘no one needs you here.’ _It was stupid and definitely not what she meant but for some reason it still felt that way._

* * *

* * *

Aang was procrastinating. He’d come back because he “forgot” his phone. Then his wallet. Then his bus pass. 

“Aang, aren’t you gonna be late?” Suki asked. She was sitting at the kitchen table sipping coffee. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be teaching a martial arts class right now?” Aang retorted. 

“No,” Suki said. “I have like an hour before I have to leave. You were supposed to leave like twenty minutes ago.” 

Aang sighed and sat down at the table burying his face in his arms. “I know.” 

“Hey,” Suki said. “What’s wrong? You’re normally a morning person.” 

“I hate this job,” Aang said, without looking up. “I’ve never hated anything before, Suki. What am I supposed to do?” 

“You gotta quit,” Toph said. Aang sat up. Toph had walked into the kitchen still in her pajamas, her welder’s helmet under her arm. She set the helmet on the counter and poured herself a cup of coffee. “If you hate it, quit.” 

“I don’t know about that,” Suki said, frowning. “You did make a commitment.” 

Katara entered the kitchen, ready to give her input. “Normally I’d agree with you Suki,” Katara said. “But I met the people Aang works with the other night. They’re the worst. Like, literally the worst.” Katara turned and gave Aang a serious look. “I think you need to accept that sometimes burning bridges is worth it.” 

“Okay,” Aang said, getting up. “I’ll think about everyone’s great and totally contradictory advice. I have to go.” 

He ran out the door, sighing. He felt overwhelmed. Honestly, he was torn. Of course he wanted to quit. He hated dreading going to work every day. But he’d need to look into what the actual consequences would be. He really had signed a lot of papers. 

Onset, they recorded scenes in the cabin for a few hours. As always, Ozai berated everyone except Azula and gave Zuko some especially harsh criticism. It seemed to take forever before it was time to go on break. 

At last, Ozai and Zhao went off for one of their private conferences. Aang and Zuko headed to Zuko’s trailer together to continue their game of Pai Sho where they’d left off. Azula was heading to her trailer too. Chan hurried to catch her. 

“Nice work, babe,” Chan said. “Especially that kiss scene.” 

“Well I’m certainly doing a more impressive job than anyone else,” Azula said loudly, making sure Zuko and Aang heard her. “Just ask the director.” 

Zuko ignored her so Aang did too. When they got into Zuko’s trailer, Aang sat across from Zuko at the table and stared at the Pai Sho board.

“Why do you let your sister talk to you that way?” Aang asked. 

“Huh?” Zuko asked, looking up from the board. “What do you mean?” 

“She’s horrible to you,” Aang said. “Her and your dad both. Why do you even keep working with them?” 

Zuko shrugged. “They’re family,” he said. 

“You moved out at eighteen though, right?” Aang said. “I mean, you must’ve had a reason for getting out as soon as you could.” 

“Of course I did,” Zuko said. “I’m not an idiot. My dad is a nightmare. You just don’t understand Azula, though. It’s not her fault she acts like that. She doesn’t know any better.” 

Aang sighed in frustration. “I don’t get how you can defend her.” 

“Look,” Zuko said. “You don’t get it because you had a group of friends growing up. You had Sokka and Katara and Suki and Toph. Azula and I didn't have anyone else.” 

“I guess,” Aang said. “It's not like I was born with friends though. My friends are my chosen family. Monk Gyatso taught me to make connections everywhere I went. It’s about being open and vulnerable but it’s not about letting people take advantage of you.” 

Zuko frowned, looking annoyed. “I don’t let people take advantage of me,” he said. 

“Right,” Aang said, realizing he’d crossed a bit of a line. “Well, it’s your move.” They both looked at the Pai Sho board.

* * *

* * *

“You need to start a load of laundry before you go,” Katara said. 

Sokka sighed. “No,” he said. “I’ll do it when I get back.” 

“Every time I pass your room my anxiety spikes,” Katara said. 

“Quit looking in my room,” Sokka said. 

He rolled his eyes and hurried out the door before Katara could say anything else. He loved her but she could be such a nag. He was a grown ass man and if he wanted to leave dirty laundry all over his floor he thought he should be allowed to. It was Sunday afternoon and he was hanging out with Zuko. 

When Sokka got to the brunch place, Zuko was waiting. They’d been texting a lot and they’d decided to come here since they both had the day off. Sokka had been here a few times. The shaded outdoor seating was comfortable, and it was fun to people watch. Also, the mimosas were to die for. 

They ordered their mimosas and breakfast and Sokka definitely didn’t notice how cute it was when Zuko got nervous making his order because he didn’t think Zuko was cute. Well, he did, but in a friend way only. Katara was wrong. Sokka was just a naturally friendly, open person. He totally noticed adorable things about all his friends. Nothing to worry about.

Their drink orders came and Sokka made small talk. He asked about Zuko’s week and talked about the building design he was working on and the Mario Kart competitions he had with his roommates every Friday. Zuko was a lot quieter than most people Sokka knew and that just made Sokka want to get to know him even more. 

“Do you think I let people take advantage of me?” Zuko asked out of nowhere when there was a lull in the conversation. 

Sokka stared. “Uh, no?” Sokka said. “Why?”

“Just something someone said,” Zuko said. 

“I guess I wouldn’t really know,” Sokka said. “I hope you never feel like I’m taking advantage or anything.” He wasn’t really sure why Zuko would feel that way, but he wanted to make sure. They had been talking a lot. Maybe Sokka had been asking for a little too much of Zuko’s time? 

“Of course not,” Zuko said. “You’re one of the few people I can relax around. I’m really glad Aang introduced us.” 

“Me too,” Sokka agreed. 

“It’s actually been really shitty being home,” Zuko admitted. “I can’t wait for this project to be over. I’m going to take a long break from working with my family after this.” 

“Yeah,” Sokka said. “You’ve gotta set boundaries.” 

“You’re right,” Zuko said. For some reason, he sounded surprised. “I do.” He sighed, shaking his head. “Not just with my family, either.” 

“Oh?” Sokka asked. “Are you about to spill some celebrity tea? I always got an asshole vibe from that Chan guy you work with.” 

Zuko rolled his eyes. “I’m not the one who needs to set boundaries with Chan,” Zuko said. “Trust me. That guy is one wrong look away from getting his ass beat. That’s not who I mean.” He hesitated. “I’m talking about Jet.” 

Oh. Sokka had a sudden feeling that he shouldn’t be here, talking about this. Now why was that? Friends could talk about relationships. Or, they should be able to. So why did this suddenly feel wrong and bad? 

“He kind of treats me like his therapist,” Zuko said. “And I get it. I was there for him through some rough patches. But it’s starting to get exhausting. I have my own shit going on, you know?” 

“Well,” Sokka said. “Have you talked about this with him?” That was advice a friend would give – right?

“No,” Zuko said. “I don’t know. It seems like we’re always trying to one up each other when we talk about hard stuff. Maybe I haven’t been great to him either.” 

“Open communication is the key,” Sokka said. “Not that I’d know. I’ve only had one girlfriend and she moved across the country like a month into the relationship.” 

“That’s rough buddy,” Zuko said. 

“Yeah,” Sokka said. “I’m sure you and Jet can make it work though. You just have to tell him how you’re feeling.” 

“I guess,” Zuko said. “I’m not so sure. Don’t tell anyone else this, but I’m starting to think we can’t make it work. I’m not sure it’s good for either of us to keep trying.” 

“You’ll do the right thing,” Sokka said. “You’re a good person.”

* * *

* * *

“You always had such lovely hair,” Ursa said.

Azula was sitting in front of a mirror in her room, brushing her hair. She had tried to ignore Ursa when she came into the room. It was hard when Ursa started running her hands through Azula’s hair though. Azula slapped her mom’s hand away. 

“Leave me alone, Mother,” she said. 

“Where are you going?” Ursa asked. “Don’t you have to be awake early for filming tomorrow?” 

“Yes,” Azula said. “I’m only going to Mai and Ty Lee’s house. They’re having a small get together. I won’t be gone long. Now, please leave.” 

Ursa walked away. Azula clenched her teeth. Nothing was more infuriating than Ursa pretending to be a mother. Azula would have preferred for her to act like a bitch. If Ursa called Azula a monster to her face, it would be so much easier. 

Instead, Ursa put on this exhausting façade of caring. It made Azula feel as if she were going crazy. Sometimes she started to question her own memories and nothing was more frightening than that. Had she imagined all those times Ursa asked her what was wrong with her? All those times Ursa made her feel like a monster? 

Azula shook those thoughts away and got up to leave. Her phone vibrated and she glanced at it. A Snapchat from Chan. She opened it.

‘selfie?’ 

God, he was always asking her for selfies. It was incredibly annoying. Azula opened the camera and forced a smile. She took a quick picture and sent it to him. 

‘you’re so prettyyy <3’ 

Ugh. She honestly hated him sometimes. She typed back ‘thanksss <3’ and sent it. Everything was all so scripted with them. They played their parts well - even in private Snapchat conversations. It made Azula sick to her stomach and she couldn't understand why. 

The small get together turned out to be more like an enormous party. Mai and Ty Lee had moved into this house together about six months ago. They’d asked Azula to move in too, but at the time she’d been seventeen, so she'd declined. Ty Lee was about a month younger than Azula but her parents didn't care what she did. Mai was a couple of months older than both of them so she'd been able to sign the lease. 

Mai and Azula sat down on the sofa in a corner, a little away from the crowd. The booming music and loud crowds were overwhelming. Azula was wondering how soon she could get away with leaving. 

“I told her she could have a few people over,” Mai said. “You know, if you lived here you could help me tame her sometimes.” 

“There’s no taming Ty Lee,” Azula said. 

“Hey,” Mai said, “I’ve been meaning to ask you – do you think you can take Tom-Tom to group tomorrow? I have to work on some last minute costume changes for ‘Circus Freaks.’” 

“I guess I can get away with taking him during a break,” Azula said. “Tell him to behave this time. That child is out of control.” 

“That’s why I signed him up for this group,” Mai said. “Not like my parents were going to.” 

Ty Lee came over to them, still giggling from some conversation Azula and Mai had missed.

“Come dance with me,” Ty Lee said. “Come on, girls.”

“Not a chance in hell,” Mai said. 

“Wait,” Ty Lee said. She was holding a bottle of tequila and Azula snatched it away. Ty Lee had clearly had enough. “Azula,” Ty Lee said. “Have you met my friend Jin?” 

“No,” Azula said. She was not interested in meeting anyone new. 

“Jin is cool,” Mai said to Azula. “She’s been hanging out with us a lot.” 

Ugh, not Mai too. Azula could usually count on Mai understanding her lack of desire to meet new people. 

“Jin!” Ty Lee called across the room. 

Azula sighed as the pretty brunette approached them. Jin sat down on the sofa between Azula and Mai. 

“Hi,” Jin said, giggling. Clearly, Ty Lee wasn’t the only one who’d had a little too much to drink. 

Well, Azula wasn’t about to be the only sober one here. She snatched a shot glass from the messy coffee table in front of her and poured some of the tequila she’d taken from Ty Lee into it. 

“Ooh,” Jin said. “Yes, let’s do shots!” 

“On that note,” Mai said. “I’m gonna go hide in my room and pretend to be asleep. Goodbye.” 

Azula watched her go with a sigh. Mai always hung out for the exact amount of time she was comfortable with and then left. Azula was probably going to leave soon too. A few shots couldn’t hurt though. Azula handed the bottle to Jin and Jin poured herself a shot. They clinked the shot glasses together and downed them. 

“So, if you’re Mai and Ty Lee’s friend you must be cool,” Jin said. 

“I am,” Azula agreed, pouring them both another shot. 

“I’m just getting started in the celebrity world,” Jin said. “I’m going to be starring on ‘Circus Freaks’ in the upcoming season. It’s all very exciting.” They both downed the shots. 

“Would you like some free advice, Jin?” Azula asked, pouring more shots. 

Jin took her latest shot. “Ooh, advice from a real star!” she said. “Yes, I would.” 

“Get out while you can,” Azula said. She took the shot she’d poured for herself. 

They kept doing shots and Jin kept asking Azula endless questions about celebrity life and acting and what it was like to grow up famous. The room started to blur a little. Azula found that she didn’t mind talking to Jin – it was sort of refreshing to talk to someone who was new to all this. Jin had been a party girl in college. She’d had trouble picking a major and found most of her general education classes boring and repetitive. She’d auditioned for ‘Circus Freaks’ on a whim and made the cut. 

The night went on and Azula's motivation to leave was diminishing. She and Jin were laughing about something Azula was pretty sure neither of them remembered. They took another shot together – Azula had lost track of how many it was - and then they sort of drifted towards each other. Their foreheads touched and they laughed even harder. Azula was pretty sure it was the sort of thing she wouldn’t ordinarily find funny but at the moment, everything felt funny. She’d noticed it before but it suddenly hit her how very, very pretty Jin was. 

Then they both leaned in and their lips met. 

It wasn’t intentional, but as soon as it started Azula leaned into it. This was nice – this was very nice. It was so much softer and more sincere than any kiss she’d ever experienced. She never wanted it to end. 

Then she felt someone tugging on her arm and looked up to see Ty Lee. “Leave us alone,” Azula complained. 

“Girl,” Ty Lee said. “You’re gonna thank me later. It's time for you to go home. Come on, let’s call your brother.” 

Ty Lee pulled Azula to her feet and Azula swayed. What she’d just done started to hit her. Oh – oh this was bad. She looked around and didn’t notice any cameras but that didn’t mean they weren’t there.

* * *

* * *

“Group is going to start any minute,” Teo said, wheeling himself by the food pantry entrance. “Can you let people in if they come to the front door?” Teo nodded behind him. “I’m gonna go in the playroom and wait.”

Katara nodded. “Okay,” she said. Teo was leading a children’s social and emotional group for the community organization Katara was interning with. Today Katara was packing food into bags for the food pantry. Katara always liked getting a chance to say hi to the families as they headed to Teo’s group. She knew most of the kids in group by name. 

Katara continued wheeling the cart around the pantry, up and down the isles. Each time the doorbell rang, she hurried out to let the families in. The parents usually dropped off and left but there were a few that stayed to observe. 

About twenty minutes after group had started, the doorbell rang. Katara hurried to answer it for the late comer. She opened the door and Tom-Tom came running in, laughing. 

Katara grabbed his hand. “You’re going the wrong way, silly,” she said. “Where’s your big sister?” 

A minute later the doorbell rang again and Katara opened it but it wasn’t Mai who came hurrying in the door. Azula was sporting a red crop-top & shorts. It was a normal outfit but it was way more casual than anything Katara would’ve imagined her in before. She also had giant sunglasses, and a messy bun and she was holding an iced coffee in one hand and a half-burned unlit cigarette in the other. None of that – or even the fact that it wasn’t Mai – was what made Katara stare. Azula had cut her bangs and not well. Her appearance now was a stark contrast to the person Katara had met the other night. 

“Slow down, child,” Azula panted, looking at Tom-Tom. “I told you to wait for me.” 

Then, Azula noticed Katara staring at her. “Katara?” 

“What are you doing here?” Katara asked.

“What are you doing here?” Azula retorted. “I’m dropping Tom-Tom off for group. Mai had to work.” 

“Oh,” Katara said. “I uh, didn’t realize you and Mai knew each other. I’m doing a summer internship here.”

They were both distracted by Tom-Tom trying to run into the food pantry. Katara grabbed his hand and steered him back around. 

Azula glared at Tom-Tom and he giggled. “I told you to slow down. You’re always running off.” 

“Sorry Aunty ZuZu!” Tom-Tom yelled, hugging Azula’s knees. 

“It’s fine,” Azula said. She shoved the unlit cigarette behind her ear and patted Tom-Tom’s head. “But how many times have I told you that I’m not your aunt and my name is Azula? A-Zu-La.” 

“But Mai said to call you Aunty ZuZu!” 

Azula looked at Katara. “Where is he supposed to go?”

Katara tried to ignore the temporary way she’d been flustered by Azula’s arrival and new appearance. She was supposed to be a professional, after all. “This way,” she said. 

Katara showed Azula down the hall. Azula opened the door and Tom-Tom ran in. Teo greeted Tom-Tom happily. Katara turned and led Azula back to the front door. 

Katara had to ask. “Are you stalking me?” 

“What?” Azula scoffed. “Of course not. I didn’t even realize you worked here. The world doesn’t revolve around you, Katara. I’m doing a favor for Mai.” 

Katara stared at the door, waiting for Azula to leave. Azula shoved her sunglasses onto her forehead and gave Katara a pleading look. Her eyes were sort of red. Had she been crying? Not that it mattered. Katara didn’t care. Azula was clearly about to ask for something. Katara sighed. ‘Here it comes,’ she thought. Azula managed to surprise her again though. No half-assed apology or invitation to be friends. Now why was that disappointing? 

“Do you have a waiting room I can sit in?” 

“This is it,” Katara said. They were standing in an empty area outside the entrance to the food pantry. There were no chairs. “Some family members like to observe group though. I’m sure you’d be welcome.” 

Azula made a face. “Watching a bunch of brats sing their ABCs? No thank you.” Azula’s eyes moved to the food pantry and the folding chairs near the tables in the corner. “Can’t I just wait in there?” 

Katara rolled her eyes. “That’s a space for employees and volunteers to rest,” she said. “Since you’re neither, no, you can’t.” 

“Fine, I’ll volunteer. What are you doing anyway?” 

“You have to apply to be a volunteer,” Katara said. 

“Fine,” Azula said. She walked over and sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. After a second, she lowered her sunglasses again and grabbed the cigarette from behind her ear and relit it. 

“You can’t smoke in here,” Katara said. 

Azula put the cigarette out against the floor and stuck it back behind her ear. Katara went back to the food pantry. After bagging food for three families while Azula sat on the floor playing on her phone, Katara got annoyed. She didn’t know why. When other people came in and waited – which was rare, it wasn’t much of a waiting area and they didn’t really use it – she wasn’t bothered. So why did it get under Katara’s skin so much that Azula was just sitting out there, playing on her phone? 

“Fine,” Katara said, coming back out. “My supervisor isn’t here today anyway. You wanna help?” 

Azula got up and shoved her phone in her bag. “Sure,” she said. “I’m bored as hell.” 

Katara led Azula into the pantry. In her head, alarm bells were going off. This was a bad idea and she didn’t know why she was doing it. Something about Azula just drove Katara crazy. She wanted to dislike her but she also wanted to understand her. There always seemed to be so much going on in Azula’s head. Maybe Katara was a little fascinated. 

Azula was a bad person. Yet, sometimes there were odd little moments when Katara almost wanted to like her. 

Katara grabbed the pile of request forms from a shelf and showed them to Azula. “See where it lists the number of people in the family?” Azula nodded. Katara grabbed the chart showing how many of which item everyone got based on the number of people in the household. “We’re basing what everyone gets on that number. Make sense?” 

“Well,” Azula said, frowning. “Not really.” 

Katara thought it was pretty simple. “Why not?” 

“I mean..” Azula looked around. “What is this place?” 

Oh, right. “It’s a food pantry. I’m delivering all this later. So anyway, then we write the family’s name on the bag. There’s another cart over there.” Katara nodded to the corner. 

“I thought you were a social work major,” Azula said. “Why are you working in a grocery store?”

“This organization does a lot,” Katara said. “I do case management but I also work here some days. And it’s not a grocery store, it’s a food pantry.”

Katara handed Azula an easy sheet – a family of three. They each took their carts and started walking around, filling them up. When Azula started putting the food in the bags, Katara noticed it seemed like a lot for such a small household. 

“Are you following the guidelines?” Katara asked. 

“No,” Azula said, stilling bagging. 

Katara was more annoyed than ever. Why had she asked this bitch to help again? “Why the hell not?” she asked. 

Azula shrugged, putting a fourth box of cookies into a bag. “It says on the paper there are kids staying in the house. I’m being philanthropic.” 

“You can’t be philanthropic with things that aren’t yours, idiot,” Katara said. “There won’t be enough for everyone else if you keep doing that. I’m gonna ask you to leave if you don’t follow the rules.” 

“Fine,” Azula said, holding up her hands in a mock gesture of surrender. She took out several boxes of cookies. 

They kept working in silence for a bit and each managed to fill another cart. “So,” Azula asked when they were both standing at the table, bagging again. “What does a case manager do?”

“Work with people on their goals, mostly,” Katara said. “Advocate for them when no one else will.” 

“Sounds worthwhile,” Azula said. “Much more worthwhile than anything I’ve done.” 

“You don’t like acting?” Katara asked. 

Azula was still wearing those stupid sunglasses so Katara had no idea what she was thinking which was so annoying. After a while, Azula said, “I like the attention. I like being rich and famous and adored.” 

Katara snorted. “At least you’re honest.” 

“I’m just saying what most celebrities are thinking,” Azula said. “I’d never say it in an interview, but it’s the truth. Everyone has selfish motives at the end of the day, Katara. Even you. Actually, I think I’ve finally figured it out.” 

Katara paused what she was doing and put her hands on her hips. “Oh, do tell,” she said. 

Azula finally pushed her sunglasses up on her forehead and smirked in the most infuriating way. “You get off on people thinking you’re some kind of hero, don’t you?” 

“What?” Katara said, glaring. “Of course not. I’m not even that great – not compared to people like-” Katara tried to think of the best person she knew “-Aang, for example. I’m just living my life. Stop trying to pin some secret evil motive on me. I’m not you.” 

Azula scoffed. “Aang? Really? You think that dipshit wannabe is better than you? Please.” 

“You know why you don’t like Aang?” Katara asked. “You just can’t stand nice people. They make you feel like shit about yourself.” 

Azula considered. “Maybe so,” she said. “And what about it?” 

Katara sighed – “God what is your problem?” 

“Off the top of my head?” Azula asked. “I’d say a lack of maternal affection and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.” 

Katara was taken aback. “Okay,” she said. “I didn’t expect that. You’re being awfully real today.” 

Azula laughed and Katara raised her eyebrows. “Okay,” Azula said. “So, Zuko may or may not have given me a very special candy this morning. He said I was having a panic attack.” 

“Jesus,” Katara said. Of course this crazy bitch was high out of her mind on a Monday afternoon. 

“It’s so bright in here,” Azula said, lowering the sunglasses. 

“God are you hung over too?” Katara asked. “It’s Monday.” 

“I do work a different schedule than you. Filming was cancelled today. One of the stars had a mental breakdown and cut their hair or something so now they have to make a wig.” 

Katara got the joke but she wasn’t taking the bait. The bangs had been an immediate indicator that Azula was going through something and now she probably wanted Katara to ask about it. Well - whatever spiral Azula was going down, Katara needed no part in it. Soon group would be over and Azula would have to take Tom-Tom home. A troubling thought occurred to Katara. 

“Wait did you drive here?” Katara asked.” 

“Ew, no. I have a personal driver,” Azula said. “I don’t drive, I’m too pretty.” 

Katara had no idea what to say to that so she just went back to bagging. Other than continuously trying to put more in than she was supposed to, Azula actually did help. It went a lot faster with two people. 

“Hey,” Azula said out of nowhere as she finished up bagging one of the last orders. “You’re friends with Zuko, right?” 

Katara shrugged. “I guess. I’ve hung out with him twice.” 

Azula looked disappointed. “I suppose he hasn’t mentioned a missing cat to you then.”

“No,” Katara said. “Why?” 

“I haven’t seen Druk since you were at the house the other day.”

“Oh no,” Katara said. “Do you think he got outside? I could help make missing posters, if you guys need me too.” Katara couldn’t believe the words that had just come out of her mouth. As soon as she said them she regretted them. What was she doing? What had possessed her to say that? A love for animals? That’s what Katara told herself but she wasn’t entirely convinced. 

Azula shook her head though. “No,” she said. “Forget I asked. Zuko might have taken him back to the apartment and the cat-sitter. I’m sure it’s fine.” 

Okay, that was a super weird conversation right? Katara felt like she was sort of losing her mind. Like…what the hell? Right? 

Before Katara could question it any more, Tom-Tom came running into the pantry and hugged Azula’s legs. Teo came speeding in after on his wheelchair.

“Tom-Tom! I told you, you have to wait to be picked up with the other kids,” Teo said. He spotted Katara and Azula. “Oh, don’t let any supervisors know you let your friend in here,” Teo said to Katara. “They’re kind of strict about that.” 

“I’m not her friend,” Azula said, taking Tom-Tom’s hand. “And I was just leaving.” 

Katara watched them go. When Azula had been so pathetically desperate to get Katara to stay at the club, Katara had taken vindictive pleasure in rejecting her. There was something satisfying about rejecting the girl who never got rejected. Katara was okay with admitting it – Azula had been downright miserable to be around that night. Today she’d been almost nice though. Maybe it was the weed.

* * *

* * *

"Stay a little longer," Ikem said. 

_What a tempting offer._

Ursa threw the blankets over her head. 

A second later, Ikem's face was next to hers, under the covers. "Please?" he asked, giving her the most adorable puppy-eyes. 

"Ozai will probably be home from work in a few hours," Ursa said. "I can't." She had spotted Zuko and Azula hurrying into separate cars earlier in the morning when she looked out the window. She'd only caught the backs of their heads though. She did wonder why they were getting in separate Ubers and why the limo wasn't taking them, but she figured maybe they'd gotten into an argument. Zuko and Azula had been getting along as well as they ever did since Zuko moved back to film 'Stab' but Ursa knew they fought. Ozai had left earlier than either of them. Ursa certainly didn't mind not seeing him.

"Don't go home," Ikem suggested. 

"I can't leave my kids." 

"So don't," Ikem suggested. "Come live with me. Take them with you. Or at least Azula. I know Zuko's got his own place." 

Ursa shook her head sadly. "Azula hates me," she said. "She'd never come." 

Ikem nodded against the pillow. "I understand," he said. "You're a good mom. Your kids are lucky to have you." 

"Thank you," Ursa said. She met his eyes. "For understanding." 

"I wish things had been different, Ursa," Ikem said. "I wish we'd never broken up." 

"We were fourteen and my parents moved away," Ursa said with a soft, sad laugh. "What choice did we have?" 

"I'm glad we found each other again," Ikem said. "No matter what, we belong together." 

"Do you think so?" Ursa asked. "You don't think what we're doing is wrong?" 

Ikem thought about it. "I don't know," he said. "Maybe it is. I don't regret it though...do you?" 

Ursa thought about it too, wanting to give him an honest answer. "No," she said. 

"Good," Ikem said. "Then do something for me." 

"Anything." 

"Stay the night tomorrow night. Tell your family you're going to a spa treatment. A resort. Anything." 

"Ikem..." 

"Listen, you said yourself Ozai hasn't done anything physical since Zuko's moved out. Zuko has his own apartment, he can leave. It sounds like Azula's pretty safe. She's been doing all the right things, keeping Ozai happy. One night, Ursa. You deserve a little happiness too." 

Ursa thought about it for a long time. She wasn't so sure. Her greatest regret was the time she'd gone out of town for a weekend and come back to find Zuko's face irreparably burned. She hated herself just thinking about it. Ikem made some good points though. Her kids would be okay for one night...wouldn't they? After all, they spent all day filming with Ozai. Zuko did have his own place now and Azula had been keeping Ozai pretty happy. One night couldn't hurt. Right? 

"Okay," she said, smiling. She kissed Ikem and it was both sweet and sad. Whenever she kissed him it was beautiful but it was also a reminder of everything she could've had. "One night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be another chapter on Sunday 08/30 and moving forward updates will likely be on Sundays. I really appreciate everyone's patience and support. Every nice comment is like a free dose of much-needed serotonin. I appreciate you all so much ❤️


	7. family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As tensions rise in the 'Phoenix Family' household, Azula makes an important decision about her allegiances.

_Azula was hiding in the coat closet. She did this a lot at six years old. If she was sneaky, she could stay in here for hours and avoid her parents. Her room wasn’t safe because neither parent had any problem going in there._

_Usually, she brought a coloring book or a handheld video game if she was planning to spend much time in here, but she’d been in a hurry this time. She’d come in here to cry._

_Mom had yelled at Azula. This time, for something Zuko did. Zuko had thrown a rock at a duck and told Mom Azula taught him to do it. Azula had seen them down by the pond. She knew Zuko hadn’t been scolded. Instead, Ursa had pulled Zuko into a hug. It wasn’t fair._

_Now Zuko was mad at her too because she’d ‘gotten him in trouble.’_

_After a bit, Azula heard her parents arguing voices echoing down the halls. At first, she couldn’t make out what they were saying but soon they got to the living room and they were just outside the coat closet doors, yelling._

_“Azula is selfish. She’s narcissistic. She acts like a borderline sociopath, Ozai, and you encourage it. Do you want her to grow up to be a violent criminal? We have to put her in therapy and teach her to be better.”_

_“One of our kids has to come out strong. We don’t need another Zuko. You’re making a big deal out of nothing, Ursa. Just tell Azula to quit teaching Zuko that kind of crap if it bothers you so much.”_

_Growing up, making friends was hard. Ozai discouraged socializing. Ursa encouraged her kids to play together, though. At six, Azula looked up to Zuko. He was kind in a quiet way. He helped her up when she fell, he let her boss him around when they played games. He listened when she talked. There were so many little things Zuko did that no one else did._

_As a child, when Father said things like_ ‘we don’t need another Zuko,’ _Azula would always think,_ ‘why not? I want to be just like Zuko.’ 

_“Ozai, our kids are slipping. Neither of them has a single friend but at least I don’t get complaints from parents when Zuko does projects with other kids. The other children are afraid of Azula. You know she lit her castmate’s hair on fire during her last commercial? This thing with the ducks is the tip of the iceberg.”_

_Ozai laughed. Azula felt a little better. Mom thought she was a monster, and maybe it was true. If Dad thought she was better than Zuko, at least that was something. Azula had a pit of anger and hate always growing inside her. Luckily, she was an actress – it didn’t matter that she hadn’t chosen her trade. She’d been acting as long as she could remember. She had learned to put on a fake smile and when she saw her parents at dinner, they’d never know she’d overheard. Burying everything deep inside was the only way._

_“Don’t you care that your son hardly ever talks and hides in his room and your daughter is a bully? Doesn’t that bother you?” Ursa asked._

_“You’re being ridiculous,” Father said. “Azula is fine.”_

_Azula felt a wave of love for her father. He was right. She was fine. She was better than fine. Better than all the other children – that’s why they were afraid of her. Father taught her to always assert her position as the scariest person in the room. Otherwise, he said, you got eaten alive. She knew it was true because she saw the way Zuko suffered for his gentle nature. She saw it day in and day out. That would never be her._

__‘Use violence if you have to, but words can be just as dangerous.’ _That’s what Father always said. So what if it made her a monster?_

_Mother just didn’t understand because she was weak._

* * *

* * *

Azula stared in the mirror in her trailer and hated what she saw. The bangs had been a mistake. She supposed the outcome could’ve been worse, though. Father had yelled at her, but he’d let it go. The wig was complete, and they were back to filming. There had been nothing in the news about Azula’s drunk kiss with Jin on Sunday. It was Tuesday, and Azula was starting to relax.

Azula looked so much like Ursa. She’d hoped the bangs would help but the resemblance was still there. At least she’d managed to avoid Ursa for the past two days. Azula knew she was objectively pretty. She was the poster on the wall in thousands of teen boy’s rooms. She enjoyed the praise but she still resented her looks. It was a constant reminder that she came from someone she hated so much. 

There was a knock at the door. Probably Chan. Ugh. “Come in,” Azula said. Azula had been obsessively checking social media and gossip websites and there had been nothing about her slip up the other night so her fears about Chan finding out were dissipating. She just didn’t feel like dealing with him right now though. 

To her surprise, it was Aang and he looked angry. Honestly, Azula had never even realized Aang had the ability to get angry. She wracked her brain for a reason he’d be pissed at her but came up blank. She’d been doing her best to tear down his self-esteem – insulting everything from his appearance to his lack of talent – but that was a typical day. Had hippie boy finally grown a spine? That would at least make filming more interesting. 

“What’s troubling you?” Azula asked. 

“You!” Aang said. “I’ve been trying to stay out of it, but I can’t just sit back and listen to you and your dad treat Zuko like crap. You treat everyone like crap – I’m tired of it. I came to say something.” 

“Not everyone can be a pacifist monk,” Azula said with a shrug, leaning back. 

“You know, Zuko really cares about you,” Aang said. “I tried the other day to talk to him about the way you treat him, and you know what he said?” 

Azula shrugged. She was pretending not to care but she was mildly curious. 

“He said – it’s not her fault. She doesn’t know any better.”

Azula did her best to hide her surprise. Zuko had said that? She was touched despite herself. 

“Well, you know what I think of that?” Aang asked. 

“I really don’t care,” Azula said. 

“I’m going to tell you anyway,” Aang said. “I think you do know better. And if you don’t, you should. I don’t know what your story is, and I am sorry if you have your reasons for being the way you are, but it doesn’t make it okay. You can’t just go around hurting people. It’s not okay and it is your fault. There’s no excuse.” 

Azula stared at him. Who did this monk kid think he was? No one talked to her like that. People were supposed to worship the ground she walked on. People didn’t just call her out like this. It simply didn’t happen. Except now, apparently, it did. 

“Is that all?” she asked. 

“Yeah,” Aang said. “I guess. Maybe consider getting therapy or something if you think you have to treat people like garbage.” 

Aang turned and left, shutting the trailer door behind him. Azula leaned back in her seat. She didn’t care about Aang’s opinion of her even a little. He could think what he wanted. Almost everything he’d said went in one ear and out the other. 

Azula did get one thing out of the conversation though. Zuko had stood up for her. She didn’t know why. It wasn’t as if she ever championed him – behind his back or otherwise. Azula was reminded for a moment of when they were little. Nothing had ever been simple, but there had been a time she looked up to her big brother. She felt that way again, if only in passing, thinking of Zuko trying to convince Aang that she was a good person even though he probably knew it wasn’t true. 

Zuko was an idiot but there was something almost admirable about his constant, unwavering kindness. Foolish as it was, it was also amazing that Zuko had held onto that softness even as Ozai did his best to eradicate it. Oh, he was hotheaded and most of the time he was mad about something, but it was because he cared so much. How the hell had he managed to hold onto that? 

Zuko never seemed to run out of chances to give Azula. It made her sad because she didn’t deserve them, and she was sure someday Zuko would learn that. The world was a cold, cruel uncaring place and Azula would never hesitate to trample those around her if it meant getting a step up. Even as kids, before she learned to resent Zuko – she had chosen time and time again to protect herself and make things harder for Zuko. Maybe that’s why Azula really hated Ursa so much. Ursa saw Azula for what she was. A monster. Zuko didn’t see it now, but he would someday.

* * *

* * *

_Azula met Ty Lee when she was eight and filming a movie about princesses. Ty Lee was the star and at first Azula hated her. Ty Lee was adorable and sweet and polite and adults and other children loved her. Azula was sick with jealousy._

_One day between takes Ty Lee was walking around on her hands and Azula couldn’t help but watch, impressed. She told Ty Lee she thought it was cool. Ty Lee admitted she’d been intimidated by Azula because Azula was such a big star already and Azula admitted she’d been jealous of Ty Lee’s social skills. They became friends after that. When the movie was done filming, it became harder to hang out but they both had phones and social media, so they could stay in touch. Azula became friends by association with Ty Lee’s best friend, Mai. Mai was nothing like Ty Lee but Azula liked her just as much. Mai understood about things that Ty Lee didn’t. Ty Lee had always had to work to stand out among her six identical sisters. Mai understood what it meant to know when to be quiet and when to say ‘yes sir’ and ‘no sir’ when Dad was speaking. The three of them had their group chat where they shared jokes and videos they were way too young for and talked about life._

_Zuko was still Azula’s best friend. She hardly ever got to see Ty Lee and Mai and the mansion often felt like a cold, empty place. It was the two of them against the world. The games they played in the garden were some of the only good memories of childhood Azula had. When she did get to see Mai and Ty Lee, Azula would always make sure Zuko was included. Sure, sometimes that meant making him play the bad guy in their make-believe games or making him dress up in dresses and high heels with them. Still, she thought Zuko liked being included. Ursa still thought Azula was a horrible bully._

_Zuko found Druk in the garden when he was eleven and Azula was nine. Back then, there was a swing in the garden near the pond. By the time Zuko turned thirteen the swing was gone because they were ‘too old for it’ and no one spent time in the garden anymore anyway except the gardening staff._

_“Higher!” Azula yelled._

_Zuko gave the swing another push. “When is it gonna be my turn?” he asked._

_“Never!” Azula said, laughing._

_Zuko got distracted a minute later and Azula leapt down from the swing. Zuko was crouching by a flower bush and she ran over to him._

_“Sh,” Zuko said._

_Azula crouched next to him. “What?” she whispered._

_Zuko nodded. A little black kitten was crouching in the flowers. Azula’s immediate instinct was to chase it. She got ready to but Zuko grabbed her arm._

_“Don’t,” he said. “I want to ask Mom and Dad if we can keep it.”_

_“Good luck,” Azula said, walking away. “Dad will never let you.”_

_Azula left Zuko alone and went inside to find something else to do. Later in the afternoon, she wandered into the living room and found her dad sitting on the sofa looking annoyed. She tried to leave because Dad could be very, very scary when he was angry._

_“Hey,” Ozai said. “Did you know your brother was chasing that stupid cat?”_

_“No,” Azula lied. “What cat?”_

_“Your mother has decided we’re keeping the cat your brother found. It’s in Zuko’s room but Zuko went outside. Go in your brother’s room, get the cat, and put it back outside. I don’t want it.”_

_Azula stared at her dad. He wasn’t really making her do that, right? His expression was dead serious, though._

_“Zuko will be upset,” Azula said._

_“Listen to me, you pathetic waste of space, I don’t care how Zuko feels about it. Do it.”_

_Azula turned and went up the spiral staircase, feeling depressed. Zuko was going to be so angry with her._

_She went into the room and found the kitten napping on Zuko’s bed. It was very tiny and Azula understood the appeal. She had Mai and Ty Lee. They had their group chat and their video calls, so she was less alone then she’d been in the past. Zuko had no friends of his own. This kitten could have been his friend. She sighed and picked it up._

_Then she went downstairs and out the back door. She wandered to the pond – the farthest point on their property from the house – and searched for a place to set the kitten down. She was hoping if she put it far enough from the house, it wouldn’t find them again and this could be over. It was starting to scratch her though and she had to hold it away from herself. Just then, Ursa approached from beyond the flower bushes._

_“What are you doing?” Ursa asked._

_The thought of telling the truth didn’t even cross Azula’s mind. Her dad’s word was law. Ursa’s word meant nothing. If Father said to do it, it happened. Obviously Father didn’t want Ursa and Zuko to know he’d asked her to do this._

_“Getting rid of this smelly cat.”_

_“Azula!” Ursa took the cat from her. “This is Zuko’s pet. I don’t want you to go near it again. It’s staying in Zuko’s room and you are not to go in there.”_

_Ursa walked inside with the cat and Azula went back and sat down on the deck. They didn’t have a pool back then it was just trees. She could’ve gotten up and sat in one of the chairs, but she just sat leaning against the house, feeling sorry for herself._

_Zuko came out a minute later, looking furious. “What did you do?”_

_Azula stood up and glared at Zuko, narrowing her eyes. “Nobody wanted that disgusting creature in our house.”_

_Zuko walked over and shoved her. “You’re crazy,” he said. “And mean! I hate you!”_

_She shoved him back. “You’re pathetic, Zuko. That stupid cat isn’t going to make things better for you. You’ll always be a waste of space.”_

* * *

* * *

Zuko and Azula sat on the edge of the pool with their feet dipped in. They were both smoking. Ozai was out with Zhao for the evening and Ursa was at some sort of spa resort so they didn’t have to worry about getting caught. Apparently, Ursa was taking some time for self-care. Zuko was glad. He worried about his mom a lot, trapped in this house with Ozai. She deserved a night away. 

Many of the scenes at the cabin in the ‘Stab’ script took place later in the day, so they’d get to sleep in a little in the morning. Jet was coming over in a bit. Zuko was hoping that since they were just watching a movie, he and Jet wouldn’t find anything to fight about. He was very tired. 

Zuko had turned on the speakers at a low volume and had his music on shuffle. The song ‘Disenchanted’ by My Chemical Romance came on. 

“Why do you listen to this emo shit?” Azula asked.

“This is quality music,” Zuko said. 

“Whatever,” Azula said, rolling her eyes. 

They sat, listening to the music for a bit. Zuko was thinking about this house and how it made him feel and how happy he was when he was hanging out with Aang or Sokka. He really liked their friend group. They weren’t like anyone else Zuko had ever met. 

Zuko was used to assistants and PAs who walked on eggshells around him or paparazzi who asked invasive questions or other stars who were usually ruthless and cold. Onset with Aang, Zuko got to hear about Aang’s friends a lot and he loved it. Ever since he and Sokka had started talking all the time, Zuko had been hearing about the friend-group nonstop. 

Working with his dad as a director was hard. Still, Zuko was glad he’d agreed to this project if only because it meant he got to meet Aang and his friends. Zuko really wanted to be part of their group. Just the idea being around people who laughed and danced and played late night Twister and went on midnight ice cream runs was quite a concept.

This house was another thing. Zuko hated it here. Sleeping in his old room was bringing back nightmares about things he’d rather forget. He woke up thinking his face was on fire. He jumped at every shadow. Being around his dad all day every day didn’t help. 

Zuko liked getting to see his mom more, but he hated how obviously miserable she was. She was just as afraid of Ozai as Zuko. Spending all this time around Azula was – mixed. The constant, biting insults were exhausting. Aang wasn’t wrong about that. 

It was just that Zuko had learned that sometimes there were more important things than standing up for himself. Zuko had spent so long believing he deserved his dad’s treatment. He knew now that the way his father had treated him growing up was cruel and wrong but it was still easier said than done to just write off family. 

At eighteen, when he moved out, Zuko spent a lot of time talking about it with Uncle Iroh. Uncle thought Zuko would be justified in cutting ties with his family. It was validating to know that he was allowed to be upset about the things he’d been put through. Zuko still disagreed that he’d be justified in cutting ties. 

Zuko hadn’t had any friends throughout most of his childhood. That was one of the reasons this house always made him so depressed. He had spent so much time alone here. 

It wasn’t until they were in their late teens that Mai and Ty Lee started standing up to Azula when she took things too far, and spending time with Zuko independently. As a teenager, Zuko started avoiding the house and spending as much time as he could with Uncle Iroh. Then Zuko moved out and met Jet when he was eighteen. 

It's not like Zuko didn't get Aang's point. Being teamed up on by his dad and sister hurt. Aang seemed to think Azula was an irredeemable bully though. Aang hadn’t grown up the way they had. 

“Do you ever think about moving out, Azula?” Zuko asked. 

She looked at him, surprised. “What?” 

“You know,” Zuko said. “Getting your own place? Or moving in with Mai and Ty Lee. I know you love Dad, but it’s not like you’re going to live here forever. Right?” 

“I suppose,” she said. “I haven’t thought about it. I haven’t even been old enough all that long.” 

“I know,” Zuko said. “I was just wondering. This place brings back a lot of depressing memories for me. I know it’s different for you, though.” 

Azula frowned. “It’s been better since you’ve been back,” she said. 

“Has it?” 

She raised an eyebrow. “Dad hasn’t hit you, has he?” 

“Yeah,” Zuko said, leaning back on his hands and looking down at the pool. “I guess it’s been better in that way. Didn’t think you’d think that was a good thing.” 

“You’re full of assumptions tonight,” Azula said. She looked at him like she wanted to say something else. Zuko waited but after a minute, she shook her head and looked away.

* * *

* * *

Azula’s phone dinged. She was sitting in her bedroom on her sofa waiting for Chan to come over. Zuko was having Jet over because he was a spineless wimp who still hadn’t broken up with Jet. Zuko was so strange sometimes. Azula couldn’t get over their conversation by the pool earlier in the evening. Zuko seemed to honestly believe she wanted him to suffer. 

Ursa and Zuko both blamed Azula for so much shit she had no control over. Azula understood that they hated Ozai but she wished they understood why she couldn’t. Father was scary and unpredictable, but he cared about Azula and validated her. Did Zuko really believe Azula wanted him to get hit? Didn’t he realize it was more complicated than that? _‘Better him than me,’_ had been the mantra of Azula’s childhood. She knew it was an evil thing to think, but she didn’t see how she had a choice. Azula tried to stop worrying about it and opened her text. 

The text was from Ty Lee. It said, ‘girl…have u seen this?’ 

Azula opened the message and found a link to a Twitter thread. Twitter user ‘gayzulanationrise’ had shared a picture of Azula and Jin kissing with a few hearts as the caption. 

Azula’s heart sank. She’d had scandals before. This wasn’t the end of the world. So why did it feel like it was? Why did that picture being posted for the world to see feel like such a violation? Worse than any other picture that had been taken of her without her knowledge or consent. She felt sick. 

There was more to the thread. The pit in Azula’s stomach worsened. Twitter user ‘AzuchanIsMyOTP’ had shared a brief video of Chan dancing with some other girl. The caption read, ‘my babes are cancelled. they definitely broke up rip,’ and about eighty broken heart emojis. 

Twitter user ‘lesbian4azula’ had shared the picture with an eyes emoji as the caption. User ‘ChanStan’ shared with the caption ‘she’s probably been cheating on chan with chicks this whole time. my man deserves better’ with an angry face emoji. There were thousands of additional re-Tweets. Azula went through them for a few panicky minutes, trying to gage the reaction. It was mostly either men saying they weren’t going to watch her content anymore or Chan’s fangirls saying she was a bitch. There were some LGBT fans who were hopeful that Azula was gay and happy for her if she was. There were also a surprising number of LGBT fans angry because they thought she was trying to ‘act gay for clout.’

The overwhelming consensus though, was that Azula was wrong for cheating. Most users seemed to agree she should be ‘cancelled.’

Azula texted Ty Lee back. ‘this is bad. how do I spin this?’ 

Just then, the door to Azula’s room opened. Even through her panic she managed to be annoyed that Chan never knocked. 

“Hey,” Chan said. It was clear from his face that he’d seen the thread. He closed the door and walked over to lean against the wall. 

“I just saw it,” Azula said. 

“Listen,” Chan said. “We gave this a try. It’s starting to hurt both our reputations more than it’s helping us.” 

“No,” Azula said, standing up. “It’s not. We just have to show people how happy we are. We can do an interview together or I can write a script and we can film a cute video and share it on Instagram. This is fixable. The sheep of the internet are easily distracted.”

“Yeah,” Chan said. “And so am I. Look, I’m trying to be nice about it but this relationship sucks. I thought by now we’d at least have done more than kiss, but I guess you play for the other team. I’m not gonna be your beard.” 

“It was just a kiss, Chan,” Azula said, furious. “It meant nothing. How many other girls have you kissed in the time we’ve been together? You’re a hypocrite.” 

“Yeah, well,” Chan shrugged. “You’re ruining my reputation.” 

“You’re giving up too easily,” Azula said. “We can spin this.” 

“I don’t know how many ways to tell you,” Chan said. “It’s not just about this. I don’t want to be with you anymore. I’ve been over this relationship for a while.” 

The question slipped out before Azula could stop herself. She had to know. “Why?” 

“You’re a repressed prude who can’t make a single friend outside your childhood besties because your personality and everything about you is terrible. No one in their right mind would want to be with you. All you had going for you was your looks and you totally ruined your hair so that’s over. Try getting in touch with your drunk party hookup. Maybe she’ll be into the hot mess look.” 

_Well, that didn’t take much thought._

“You know what?” Azula said. “It is over. I’ll spin this myself and ruin you. You just made a powerful enemy in the industry, Chan. I will destroy your career. You’ll wish you’d never met me.”

* * *

* * *

Zuko sat in bed leaning into the pile of pillows against the wall. Jet was sitting on the bed beside Zuko and Druk was sprawled across both their laps, purring. Despite the disturbing movie playing on the flat screen, it had been a decent night. Zuko and Jet hadn’t fought – yet. Jet had gone through a significant number of vodka tonics during the movie though, and Jet was argumentative even at his most sober. 

Zuko was glad he’d gone home and gotten Druk. The cat had been Zuko’s childhood buddy. He’d sat in this room and cried to Druk so many times. He’d told Druk about things he could never tell any human. He knew some people, if they knew the story, would say he was a horrible pet owner for bringing Druk back here. Still, Zuko didn’t think anything like that would happen again. Besides, he was being careful.

True, Druk had gotten out the other night, but nothing had happened. Zuko had caught him after only about twenty minutes of searching though. He was pretty sure no one else had seen him.

The final scene of ‘Midsommar’ ended and the credits rolled. Zuko grabbed the remote and turned the TV off. They sat in silence for a few minutes. 

“Well…that was fucked up,” Zuko said. 

“Yeah,” Jet agreed. “I told you it was good.” 

“I don’t know,” Zuko said. “I’m not sure I’d call it ‘good.’” 

Honestly, Zuko thought maybe he’d have more coherent thoughts another day. He was exhausted from a long day of filming. He had been hoping for a relaxing night. 

“What are you talking about?” Jet said. “I thought it was genius. Fucked up doesn’t mean bad.” 

“I guess,” Zuko said. “It just fucked with my head.” 

“Yeah, that’s the point,” Jet said. 

“I just didn’t enjoy it, okay?” Zuko said. 

“When do you ever enjoy anything anyway?” 

Zuko didn’t have a comeback for that. Jet clearly wanted to talk about the movie, so he decided to try that. “I don’t know,” he said. “I’ll say this much. Dani did nothing wrong and Christian deserved what he got.” 

“Oh, I mean, yeah,” Jet said. “I was literally going to break up with you if you didn’t say that.”

“Whoa,” Zuko said, staring at Jet. “That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?” 

“I was kidding,” Jet said, rolling his eyes. “God, now who’s dramatic?” 

“It’s a fucked-up thing to kid about,” Zuko said. “It must’ve come from somewhere.” 

“God, Zuko, should I just stay silent all the time – would that make you happy? You shoot down everything I say.” 

“That’s not true,” Zuko said. “You’re just always trying to start shit for no reason.” 

Druk didn’t like their raised voices. He grumbled and jumped off the bed. Zuko got up and made sure the door to his room was shut tight, then sat back down. 

“Whatever,” Jet said, sighing. Maybe Jet was just as tired as Zuko. “Maybe you’re right.” 

“I don’t mean to shut you down all the time,” Zuko said. 

“Yeah what’s up with that?” Jet said. “We used to talk all the time.” 

Zuko sighed, leaning into the pillows. “I don’t know what happened,” he admitted. “But I’m sorry.” 

Jet leaned back as well. “I’m sorry too,” he said. 

There was a long pause. Zuko realized that the moment he’d been building up to was here. He loved Jet – he did – but he didn’t want to be with him anymore. They weren’t happy and it was clear Jet knew it too. 

If he didn’t do it now, they’d deteriorate more than ever and then they’d never even be able to be friends.

They both started to speak at once. 

“I-”

“Zuko, listen-”

“You go,” Zuko said. 

“No,” Jet said. “I’m listening.” 

The one time they weren’t talking over each other was when they were about to end things. The irony wasn’t lost on Zuko. 

“Fine,” Zuko said. “I think we should break up.” 

“WHAT?” Jet sat up. “We’re not even fighting! We’re always fighting, and you’ve never broken up with me but now – I just said I was sorry! Why?” 

“Do you even hear yourself?” Zuko asked. He’d honestly thought Jet was on the same page as him. Apparently, he’d been wrong. “We’re always fighting. This relationship is a shit show.” 

“Oh come on, it’s not exactly a shit show,” Jet said. “We care about each other, right?” 

“Of course,” Zuko said. “That’s why this has to happen.” 

Jet got out of the bed and Zuko followed suit, so they were standing there, facing each other. Jet looked panicked. Zuko felt like shit. He really did care about Jet. It’s why he’d tried so hard and for so long to make this work. 

Jet’s hurt and panic changed to anger fast though. “How long have you been planning this?” 

“I didn’t have a plan,” Zuko said. “Not really.” 

“You must have,” Jet insisted. “All the fights we’ve had, and you just turn it around on me the second I try to make things right? The second we’re actually getting along? That’s fucking cold.” 

Of course Jet was turning this around on Zuko. He was trying to make Zuko the bad guy to make himself feel better. It was what he always did. 

“Don’t pretend you haven’t been done for awhile,” Zuko said. “All you ever do is try to start arguments with me! You want an argument – great, let’s get into it. We can talk about how you never listen and only talk about yourself.” 

“You never talk!” Jet said. “I’ve tried to be there for you, but half the shit about your family, you won’t even talk about. Oh, unless you’re throwing it in my face to make it seem like you’ve had it harder than me.” 

“That’s such bullshit,” Zuko said. “You know shit about my family that no one else does. Do you want me to just bitch and moan all the time like you do?” 

“All you ever do is make vague statements about your dad being a violent asshole,” Jet said. “I get it – he sucks. I’d listen if you told me more.” 

“There’s nothing else to tell.”

“Right,” Jet scoffed. “So, you really got burned in a gas fire?” 

“What?” Zuko said. His heart sank. Jet didn’t understand that there were things Zuko physically couldn’t talk about. Jet knew Zuko was scared of his dad. What else did he really need to know? Why should Zuko have to subject himself to memories he’d kept buried for years? Because Jet thought he was owed some sort of reciprocity when it came to sharing? “Of course,” he lied. “I told you that.”

“Right,” Jet said sarcastically. “The rest of the house was fine though.” 

“Yep,” Zuko said. “Any other shit you want to accuse me of lying about?” 

“Okay,” Jet said. “Let’s talk about the cat.” 

“Druk?” Zuko asked. Druk had hopped back onto the bed and his ears were back. “I rescued him as a kid.” 

“Yeah,” Jet said. “And your family knows he’s here?” 

“Yep.” 

Jet walked over to the door and started to open it. “Okay,” he said. “So, I guess I can just let him out.” 

Zuko went over and slammed the door again. He was furious that Jet would resort to such a petty game. “Fuck off,” he said. “Fine, they don’t know. Are you happy now? Did you get off on that? Jesus, I don’t know what you want from me.” 

How was he supposed to tell Jet – or anyone – why he didn’t want his family to know Druk was here? The story was disturbing and traumatic and Zuko had never talked to anyone about it. Also, he didn’t know the details. The things he did know, he wasn’t supposed to know. And if he talked about it, he’d be betraying more confidences than his own. 

“I tell you everything, Zuko. I told you about the shitty foster home I stayed in after my parents died and sleeping on the streets when I was on drugs and mugging people even though I had money. There’s nothing you don’t know about me, but you’ve got all kinds of shit you love to throw in my face without ever explaining. So, don’t say I don’t listen.” 

“Maybe I’d share more if you didn’t always imply you had a shitty time and because I’m rich I must’ve had a great childhood,” Zuko said. “I already have Azula to make me feel like I don’t deserve to be upset about anything ever. I don’t need you.” 

Jet glared at Zuko. “Fine,” he said. “I don’t need you either. Have a nice life.” 

Jet walked out the door, slamming it behind him. Zuko heard Jet stomping away. Zuko hated that it had ended that way – in yet another fight – when he’d tried so hard to make sure it could end with them being friends. He was pissed that Jet couldn’t understand that. 

Zuko went over to the mini fridge and made himself another vodka tonic and grabbed his cigarettes and lighter form his sock drawer. Being home sucked but at least now he was twenty-one and could keep himself supplied with substances that helped him bury all the anger and hurt. _Totally a healthy way to deal with things._ He went into the hall, planning to go to the deck to smoke. He hadn’t heard his dad come home yet. 

When he closed his bedroom door and turned, Zuko ran into Chan. The vodka tonic spilled all over Chan’s shirt. 

“Shit, sorry,” Zuko said. He was usually meaner than that to Chan, but he wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone right now. Especially not this asshole. 

“God damn it,” Chan said. He looked down at his shirt. “Ugh, it’s fine.” 

Zuko turned to walk away. He could always make another drink when he got back to the room. Right now, he just wanted a cigarette and to get away from Chan. 

“Hey man, can I bum a cigarette? I know you smoke,” Chan said. 

“No,” Zuko said, walking down the steps. “Leave me alone, Chan, I’m not in the mood.” 

Chan followed Zuko all the way downstairs and onto the deck. Zuko did his best to ignore Chan, and lit a cigarette. 

“Come on, just one,” Chan said, tapping Zuko’s shoulder. Always his left shoulder. _‘What an asshole,’_ Zuko thought. 

Zuko sighed and handed him a cigarette. Chan held out his hand for the lighter. Zuko handed it over. He was starting to regret this whole thing. He should’ve just smoked out his window or something. 

“I dumped your bitchy sister,” Chan said. 

“Great,” Zuko said, leaning against the railing and looking out at the yard. “She’s better off without you.” At least one good thing had happened tonight. 

“I don’t know how you live with her,” Chan went on. “She’s the worst.”

Zuko glared. “That’s my sister, asshole,” he said. “Fuck off.” 

Zuko realized right away he shouldn’t have said anything because Chan was clearly enjoying this. For whatever reason, antagonizing Zuko was bringing Chan enjoyment. 

“I’m just frustrated, you know,” Chan said. “I put in all this time and effort pretending to be her friend. I played the long game, and I thought it’d all be worth it when she turned eighteen and-”

Zuko’s fist collided with Chan’s face. Chan went flying backwards and crashed to the floor. When he sat up, Zuko saw his face was swollen and bloody. He felt a wave of satisfaction. All his pent-up anger and frustration had gone into that punch and it showed. Good. 

Chan got up tried to come at Zuko but Zuko was much faster and stronger. Chan crashed into the railing. The flimsy wood splinted, and Chan fell backward into the bushes. The splintering wood was loud, and a dog next door started barking. The front doors flew open and Azula came out. 

“What’s going on?”

She stared at the scene in front of her, looking shocked. 

Just then, the gate opened, and headlights approached. Chan had gotten up and was scrambling back on the porch. The car pulled up to the house and Ozai got out of the backseat. The Uber driver was in a hurry to speed away. Zuko couldn’t blame them. 

Ozai hurried up the porch steps and stared at them all. Ozai’s gaze fixed on Chan’s mess of a face and then on Zuko. 

“What the hell did you do?” Ozai asked. 

“He attacked me, sir,” Chan said. “For no reason!” 

Ozai glared. Zuko felt his heart sink. He had gotten so much bolder since he moved out but when it came to his dad he crumbled. He felt like a scared little kid again. Ozai approached and Zuko was sure he was – again – going to experience the pain and humiliation that haunted his childhood. He was determined to fight back now though. He might feel like a little kid, but he wasn’t one. Not anymore. He didn’t have to put up with his. A second later though, Ozai was falling off the porch and into the bushes below. Zuko gaped. 

Azula was standing there with her hands outstretched looking as stunned as Zuko felt. 

Ozai got up and hurried to the porch steps. Chan edged away but no one paid him any attention. Zuko saw him hurrying across the lawn to the gate. Ozai walked up the porch steps and glared at both his kids. 

“What the hell was that?” Ozai asked Azula. 

She didn’t say anything. Ozai glared at both of them for a long time. Zuko’s heart was pounding. He was terrified but he was determined to act brave. 

At last, Ozai seemed to be tired of the stare-off. “I’m going to bed,” he said. “I’ll see you both on set tomorrow. We're going to have to discuss CGI and makeup options for Chan. This movie is coming out in October. We can't afford to be held up any further.” 

Ozai went into the house. Neither Zuko or Azula moved for a while. Zuko wasn’t sure how long they stood there, frozen before they seemed to realize he wasn’t coming back out. Zuko relaxed a fragment and turned to Azula. He wanted to say something but couldn’t think of a single thing that seemed appropriate. For once, it seemed Azula was also at a loss for words.


	8. broken people

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ursa returns home from her night away to a mess. 
> 
> Jet and Azula spiral out of control and find unexpected solace in each other - and in copious amounts of drugs and alcohol. 
> 
> Zuko goes to a family dinner with Hakoda, Bato & the gaang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings in the endnote to avoid putting spoilers at the top

Ursa got out of the Uber and hurried to the house. She was panicking. One night – one night away – that was all she had wanted. It was too much to ask for. She was a mother and that needed to come first. She had just had an amazing night being treated like a princess and talking to someone who listened. When she woke up, she checked Twitter. Azula was trending and not in a good way. 

Ursa paused outside the front door. The wood of the porch railing was splintered and broken, and her flower-bushes were crushed. She had a sinking feeling and remembered that day – the worst day of her life – when she came home and found Zuko’s face burned and had to drive him to the hospital because Ozai had not bothered. She felt physically sick remembering the way she had found Zuko in his room, refusing to talk. When she got him to the hospital, the doctor said he was in shock. The questions the nurses asked which Zuko refused to answer, the knowing looks Ursa had exchanged with Iroh – it was all coming back. _Nothing like that again, please._

When she went inside the house seemed empty. She called out but no one answered. Maybe they were on set filming? After all- Ozai was pretty passionate about getting ‘Stab’ filmed quickly. It was early though. Ursa checked her phone and saw that it wasn’t even eight in the morning yet. Maybe they were all still asleep? Why was the porch rail broken though? 

As she wandered through the house, Ursa spotted movement through the window outside on the back deck. She hurried over and exited through the sliding doors. Zuko and Azula were out there and they both hurried to put out cigarettes and stuff them into their pockets. 

“You’re both okay,” Ursa said. She was so relieved she could have cried. She grabbed both her kids and pulled them into a tight group hug – the kind she had often pulled them into when they were both much smaller. 

Immediately, unsurprisingly, Ursa felt herself being shoved backward. Azula had started doing that by the age of five. Ursa let go, still just taking in the relief that Ozai hadn’t hurt either of them while she was gone. 

“I shouldn’t have gone to that resort,” Ursa said. 

“Everything was fine, Mother,” Azula said, rolling her eyes. “No one wants or needs you to spend every second in this house. You could leave forever, and you wouldn’t be missed.” 

“But – the scandal?” Ursa said. “Are you okay?” She ignored the comment about how she wouldn’t be missed. She was used to it and she was focused on her daughter’s wellbeing at the moment. 

“I’m fine,” Azula said. “I’m more famous than ever. There are at least eight articles about me trending on Buzzfeed.” 

Ursa frowned. She had looked through the headlines before hurrying out of Ikem’s house in a frenzy and she couldn’t imagine that ‘fine’ was an accurate description of Azula’s mental state. She was certainly more famous than ever, but not in a good way. 

“I know this is weird,” Ursa said. “We’re not a normal family so everything is public but…don't you want to talk?” 

Zuko coughed loudly. “I’m gonna go uh…make coffee.” 

“But you already had a cup of coffee-” Azula tried to call after him. 

It was too late, Zuko was already shutting the doors behind him. Ursa turned back to Azula, who leaned against the porch rails looking resigned. 

“Listen, you know I’ll be supportive of whoever you love-” 

“You weren’t supportive of Chan,” Azula interrupted. 

“Chan is too old for you,” Ursa said. “I’ll never support someone I think is taking advantage of you. Are things over with you two then?” 

“Why do you do this?” Azula asked, glaring. 

“What?” Ursa asked. 

“You always do this,” Azula said. “I hate it. I have enough shit to deal with right now.” She turned and looked out at the pool. 

Ursa leaned against the rail too, trying and failing to get her daughter to look at her. “What is it that I always do?” she asked. Ursa felt like crying – Azula always seemed to be implying that Ursa was this evil, horrible person but Ursa didn’t understand why. 

It had always been so much easier with Zuko. Azula had always been more of a Daddy’s girl as a kid and it only got worse as time went on. Ursa had been so excited about having a daughter. She had wanted someone she could connect with and relate to. Ursa did not understand her daughter though. Azula was always so violent as a child and as a teenager she just became mean – not the usual sassy teenage crap that Ursa read about in parenting books either. Azula was cut off from the world and cold and sometimes downright scary. 

“You always pretend to be a mother,” Azula said. She looked at Ursa at last. “Don’t you get tired of it? Aren’t you exhausted? We’re always acting. We don’t have to do it at home too.” 

“But I’m not pretending,” Ursa said. “I’m worried about you. This scandal is really bad. I want you to know I’m on your side.” 

Azula laughed. “Lovely,” she said. “Another lie.” 

“Why would you assume that’s a lie?” Ursa asked. “I’m really asking – why?” she was getting so frustrated and upset. She had just had one of the best nights of her life and woken up to pure terror that Ozai might have done something to hurt Azula because of this scandal and Azula was acting like it was no big deal. “I don’t understand you at all. You accuse me of lying when I say I care but you worship the ground your dad walks on. How did he take this scandal, by the way? I’m sure he’s just thrilled with you right now,” Ursa knew the sarcastic, biting words were cruel, but she was so upset she didn’t care at the moment. Words were still spilling out like an overflowing cup. “Your dad has never been on your side, Azula, not really. He’s on his own side. But you still act like he’s the world’s best dad and I’m some sort of evil bitch. What exactly do you want from me? Why do you hate me so much? I don’t understand. I love you – I’ve always loved you. So please, I am begging you, tell me what you want me to do differently.” 

Ursa had not seen Azula cry since Azula was four years old. She even remembered the last time – Azula had fallen and scraped her knee and she came in crying. Ozai yelled at her – like he always did – and told her crying was for babies. Azula stopped sobbing and sat there with wide, teary eyes, and Ursa never saw her daughter cry again. 

Azula was tearing up now though. She wiped her eyes and looked away from Ursa and when she turned back, the hurt was replaced with anger. 

“You can’t do anything differently,” she said. “You’ve done enough damage.” 

Azula hurried inside, closing the doors behind her. Ursa slid the doors back open and went inside. The sound of the front door slamming told her Azula was back outside, on the front porch. Ursa found Zuko in the kitchen. She sighed and sat down on a stool by the island beside him, burying her face in her hands. 

“Are you okay?” Zuko asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. 

Ursa sighed and sat up, giving Zuko a small smile. “Yes,” she lied. “Are you? What happened last night?” 

Zuko leaned against the counter and took a sip of coffee. He looked hesitant. Ursa had a feeling that meant it was bad. 

“I punched Chan in the face,” Zuko said.

Ursa had not expected that. She was normally against violence but there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that Chan had deserved it. She nodded slowly and Zuko gave her a brief, slight smile that quickly turned back to a serious face. 

“Also, I broke up with Jet,” Zuko said. 

“Oh,” Ursa said. “Are you okay?” 

Zuko considered. “I guess. I haven’t had time to think about it.” 

“Wait is there more?” Ursa asked. She felt so tired – tired of hurting and tired of her kids hurting. When she looked at her life, she saw a mess – a horrible mess of pain and hurt and plenty of it her own fault. It was depressing and tiring and Ursa didn’t know how much more she could take.

“Azula stood up to Dad,” Zuko said in a soft voice. “She did it for me.” 

“Oh,” Ursa said. She was shocked. Azula had stood up to Ozai? For Zuko? That was huge. And Ursa had just thrown Azula’s favoritism of her father in Azula’s face. God, she was a horrible mother, wasn’t she? She started to stand up. 

“I wouldn’t try to talk to her right now,” Zuko said. 

“I have to,” Ursa said. 

Zuko shook his head. “This morning was…bad,” Zuko said. “Dad read about the scandal. He was angry. I think you should just leave Azula alone right now. She doesn’t want to talk to you.” 

Ursa felt sick. Zuko had a habit of understating things when it came to Ozai. When he was a kid there had been times Ursa was afraid for Zuko’s life and later Zuko would just say _‘Dad was upset, it’s fine now.’_ If Zuko was saying it was bad, it must have been very bad. 

“What happened?” she asked, dreading the answer. 

Zuko just shook his head. “I’m going to be late for filming,” he said. “The limo is probably waiting outside.” 

Zuko turned and left. Ursa felt a sob building in her throat. She hated herself. She hated that she had let her children suffer so much and she’d done nothing, and she was still doing nothing. Her panic from earlier in the morning had been a slap in the face. The flashbacks to that horrible day were a reminder that she had just let Zuko go through hell and she’d done nothing to help him and nothing had changed since then. Ursa felt a wave of nausea and ran to the kitchen sink. Her dinner from the previous night came up. 

When she was done hacking. She leaned against the sink, feeling a little dizzy. A troubling thought occurred to her.

She counted backward in her head. No. She was on the pill. Except how long had it been since her last period? She counted again, in her head. Panic was starting to overcome her. 

“Don’t freak out,” she muttered to herself. “It could be nothing.” 

She put her hands on her belly and took a deep breath in and then a deep breath out. She had been emotional lately, but she had attributed it to the ongoing excitement of seeing Ikem while Ozai was at work. She had not thought anything of it. What if she had been ignoring signs because she thought she was safe? Ursa refused to freak out until she got a test though. That’s what she told herself anyway. She needed to get a test and surely it would be negative. Right?

* * *

* * *

Sokka whistled to himself as he worked to prepare the caribou from the hunting trip he and his dad had gone on the previous day. It had been a nice Saturday. During college, Sokka hadn’t had a lot of time to go on hunting and fishing trips but now that he was graduated and working full time designing buildings, he was back at it at least once or twice a month. Now it was Sunday afternoon and he was working with Hakoda, Bato, and Katara in the kitchen. 

“You’re in a good mood,” Hakoda said. 

“Yeah,” Sokka agreed. “It’s been a fun weekend.” 

“Uh huh,” Katara said. 

Sokka raised an eyebrow at her. “What?” he asked. 

Katara looked at Hakoda and Bato with a slight smirk. “Sokka’s very excited that you guys said he could invite Zuko for dinner.” 

Sokka didn’t deny it. He didn’t see why he should have to. Zuko had broken up with Jet earlier in the week so now Sokka could admit that okay, maybe he had a bit of a crush. Katara was being pretty annoying about this whole thing. 

When the caribou stew was prepared and simmering on the stove, they went out to the living room. Aang, Toph, and Suki were in the middle of a heated game of scrabble. Hakoda and Bato had bought the braille version years ago so Toph could play. They were arguing over whether ‘yeeted’ counted as a word. Toph and Suki were convinced it did. Aang was positive it didn’t. 

“What time is your boyfriend coming over, Sokka?” Toph asked Sokka. 

Sokka felt his face warm up. They were all being so stupid. “He’s not my boyfriend,” he said, sitting on the sofa. 

“Good,” Katara said, sitting beside him. Hakoda and Bato took their places on the loveseat. “You need to be careful, Sokka,” Katara went on. 

“I know he just broke up with Jet,” Sokka said. “We’re just friends. For now.” Sokka winked. Katara rolled her eyes. 

“I’m friends with Zuko too,” Aang said. “You’ll like him when you get to know him, Katara.” 

“It’s not that I don’t like him,” Katara said. “It’s just that I’ve been reading the news.” 

Sokka rolled his eyes. Of course that was it. Jet had been in the news all week starting Wednesday, talking about how toxic his relationship with Zuko had been. According to the tabloids, Zuko was a borderline emotional abuser with anger issues. The anger issues part might have some truth to it, but Sokka knew most of what Jet was spewing was bullshit. He knew Zuko. Sure Zuko could get heated about the right topics, but he was a sweetheart at the end of the day. Jet had a way of capturing public attention though. Sokka had to admit, if he didn’t already know Zuko, he might dislike him just listening to this handsome, charismatic singer talking about how he’d had his heart broken. When Jet talked, it was impossible not to listen. Half the interviewers seemed ready to ask Jet to move in with them by the end so that didn’t help. Poor Zuko. 

“You should know better than to get your news from social media, Katara,” Hakoda said. 

“I just don’t want Sokka getting caught up in some crazy celebrity drama,” Katara said. 

“You might be biased,” Suki said. “We all know you love ‘Freedom Fighters.’ Just ‘cause Jet’s music has some righteous lyrics doesn’t mean he’s not full of shit about this.” 

“They make quality music,” Katara said. “I know Jet might be blowing things out of proportion.” She looked at Sokka. “I’m just looking out for you.” 

Sokka could have outed Katara and told everyone about the poster of Jet that had been in Katara’s room as a teenager, but he decided to be kind. He was hoping she would chill out and give Zuko a chance. Also, he was a little touched that she was looking out for him. He still wanted her to be nice to Zuko. The week couldn’t have been easy for the guy.

* * *

* * *

Jet was sitting in ‘Home Base’ getting shitfaced. This bar was a known hangout for celebrity has-beens and washed out creeps. Jet knew he was neither. He had never been so popular in the public eye. He just didn’t want to be seen by anyone he knew or talked to right now. He also wanted to avoid his empty apartment though. He’d been making his appearances and charming the pants off interviewers left and right but avoiding everyone he actually knew. He had hundreds of missed calls from Smellerbee and Longshot. He hadn’t read any of their texts or listened to any of their messages. 

It was Sunday afternoon, so the bar was mostly empty. Jet stacked another empty shot glass onto the tower he was building. He looked up when he heard a familiar voice. 

“I’ll have a vodka tonic, double. I’m starting a tab.” 

Great. Not the last person Jet wanted to see, but she was up there. “Hey Azula,” he said. 

Jet wasn’t surprised when the bartender turned and started making her drink. They pretty much served anyone here. Jet had started buying drinks at this bar when he was eighteen, the same age as Azula was now. Yet another reason old has-been celebrities liked to hang out here – plenty of eighteen and nineteen year old kids to hit on. Usually, the younger crowd came in the evenings though, not Sunday in the middle of the day. 

“Ew, it’s you,” Azula said, giving Jet a disgusted look. 

“Good to see you too,” he said, giving her a shit-eating smirk. She rolled her eyes. 

The bartender handed Azula her drink and she sat down on a barstool, leaving an empty space between her and Jet. She was wearing ridiculous, enormous sunglasses and her new fucked up hairdo wasn’t doing her any favors. Jet also thought she looked a little sick or something like she’d skipped the usual celebrity skin care treatments. Jet supposed she was probably doing about as well as he was. 

“Heard about you and Chan,” Jet said. 

“I came here to drink alone,” Azula said. “In peace.” 

“Aren’t you a little young for the sad lonely drunk thing?” 

“I’m not sad. Or lonely. I just want to drink.” 

“Uh huh,” Jet said. “So…you’re into girls now?” 

She turned and glared at him. “Leave me alone, Jet.” 

“Fine,” he put his hands up in a mock gesture of surrender and gestured for the bartender to bring him another shot. 

They sat in silence for a bit. There were only a few other people in the bar. A woman was passed out with her head on the bar and a few older guys were sitting at one of the booths arguing in soft voices. Jet thought he recognized one of them from some shitty early 2000s straight to DVD movie. 

“So, the sunglasses?” Jet said, looking at Azula. It had been a while since he’d talked to anyone other than the paparazzi. Maybe it was a little douchey on his part, but he enjoyed not having to turn on the charm. There was something gratifying about being a little annoying. 

She ignored him, so he reached over and snatched the glasses. She tried to grab them back, but Jet held them far away. She had a black eye.

“What happened to you?” he asked. 

“None of your business,” she said, still trying to grab the glasses back. 

“Did your dad do that to you?” 

“No. Give me back my sunglasses, what is this kindergarten? Those cost three hundred dollars.”

“Your dad hit you, didn’t he? Jesus, you need to get out of that house.” 

“It wasn’t him,” Azula said. 

“Who then?” 

“It’s nothing,” she insisted, still reaching for the sunglasses. 

Jet gave them to her, and she put them back on. 

The bartender brought Jet another shot and Azula another vodka tonic. Jet downed the shot right away and added the glass to his tower. Azula sipped her drink for a while and Jet waited for her to say more. She sighed.

“It wasn’t my father,” she said again. 

“Okay,” Jet said, making sure to sound as sarcastic as he could. 

“It was Ty Lee.” 

“Alright I’ll bite,” Jet said. “What did you two get in a catfight over?” 

“I asked her to do it.” 

Jet stared at her. He’d known Azula was kinda a crazy bitch but – what? “Why?” he asked. 

Azula turned and looked at him. “I’m telling the media Chan did it.” 

Jet supposed he shouldn’t be surprised. “Yeah that sounds about right,” he said. “You’re just psycho enough for that.” 

“Am I?” she asked. She almost sounded genuinely surprised, like she had expected him to give her some speech about morality. 

“Sure,” Jet said. “I’ve always known you were a bit fucked in the head.” 

“You’re one to talk,” Azula said. “What was it you called Zuko? Emotionally distant and cold, but always ready to give just enough affection to keep you coming back for more.” She snorted. “Right.” 

“Standing up for Zuko these days?” Jet asked in a dry voice. “I haven’t said a single thing that wasn’t true.” 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Azula said. 

“No one in this fucking industry sleeps at night without lying to themselves or getting fucked up or both,” Jet said. “Thought you’d have figured that out by now.” 

Azula considered. “Fair enough,” she said. “It’s kill or be killed and I refuse to let anyone take me down. Sleep be damned.” 

“At least you have an excuse,” Jet said. “Your parents raised you like this. I just fell into it." 

“We’re all going to hell, Jet,” Azula said. “Might as well enjoy the ride. I understand your distaste for capitalism and materialism but there are perks. If you’re damned anyway, why not lean into it?” 

Jet gestured and the bartender brought them each a shot. Jet held his glass up and they clinked them together. “To the beaten and the damned,” he said. 

They both downed their shots and then Azula laughed. “Was that a chemically romantic reference?” 

Jet laughed too. “My Chemical Romance? You got that wrong on purpose.” 

“You’re not as easy as Zuko,” she said. 

Jet smiled. Zuko was such an emo little bitch. It was mostly because of Zuko that Jet even listened to MCR. Of course Azula messed with Zuko by pretending not to know things about that stupid band. 

“Nah, Zuko’s a little too easy to mess with,” Jet agreed. He paused, thinking. “Maybe I should lay off a little?” 

“Look at you, going soft,” Azula said, smirking. Then she got fractionally more serious, for just a second. “I won’t tell you what to do. Zuko has definitely been crying himself to sleep every night though. I think you’re breaking his heart.” 

Azula laughed again and Jet had no idea if she meant it.

* * *

* * *

Zuko got a text. He was speeding down the highway listening to the directions on his phone and blasting old ‘Freedom Fighters’ music because he was feeling nostalgic. He opened the text. 

‘azula says you’ve been crying yourself to sleep every night.’ 

Zuko swerved to avoid a semi. He felt like he was going to explode. Jet was such an asshole. Also, what the hell was Jet doing talking to Azula? Also, crying himself to sleep every night? How would Azula even know? Zuko had cried a couple of times but not just because of the breakup. Azula had no way of knowing Zuko had been crying a lot lately. He never did it in front of her. She was just talking shit. 

The breakup was part of the reason Zuko had been so down the past couple of days. As miserable as Zuko had been with Jet when they were dating, Jet had been a constant in his life for years. Before they were dating, Jet was probably Zuko’s closest friend. It sucked not talking to him. It sucked hearing Jet convince the world that Zuko was a horrible person. 

What really sucked was not knowing if Jet believed anything he was saying. Zuko knew the part about him having anger issues was somewhat true. He had once punched a wall during a particularly bad argument with Jet – Zuko couldn’t even remember what it had been about now - but he’d apologized for weeks afterward. Jet hadn’t even brought that incident up. Yet. He just talked about how often Zuko yelled. Which was ridiculous because Zuko thought he and Jet yelled a pretty even amount. Their combined hotheadedness led to a lot of shouting matches. The stuff about how Zuko was emotionally vacant and unsympathetic…well….Zuko had never meant to come off that way but maybe it wasn’t entirely untrue. Sometimes he just shut down. Sometimes he felt like he physically couldn’t talk about his feelings so instead, he got into a huffy irrational mood that probably wasn’t pleasant to be around. 

Zuko had been upset for plenty of other reasons lately too though. Ozai was not happy Zuko and Azula were both doing so badly with the press. Filming for ‘Stab’ was becoming unbearable. 

Azula had been a lot nicer since the incident earlier in the week when she stood up to Ozai. That is, if _‘nicer’_ could be defined as _‘a worrying hollow shell of herself.’_ Which, in Azula’s case, it kinda could be. That made it a lot harder to watch Ozai’s complete rejection of her.

Zuko would never admit it to anyone but sometimes, growing up, he’d had vindictive fantasies about Ozai treating Azula the way he treated Zuko. Zuko didn’t actually want that, but sometimes he found himself wishing for it after being torn down by Azula when she was feeling particularly ruthless. Seeing it happen in reality was just heartbreaking though. Ozai hadn’t tried to physically hurt either of them since the morning he found out about Azula’s scandal, but his verbal abuse had amplified tenfold. 

The memory of that morning flashed through Zuko’s mind and he had to force himself to focus on the highway. Ozai had slammed Azula into the wall in the living room and screamed at her about ‘ruining the family’s reputation.’ Zuko had yelled at his dad to stop. Ozai had tried to turn on Zuko but Zuko had threatened to quit ‘Stab.’ After that, Ozai left to go to set. Zuko and Azula didn’t talk but they went to the back deck and smoked for a bit. It had been upsetting, but part of Zuko felt victorious. He had successfully stood up to his dad. He was rattled, but also proud of himself. He'd stood his ground. Then Ursa showed up. 

Zuko didn’t know what Ursa said to Azula, but Azula spent the whole ride to set obviously holding back tears. Zuko looked out the window and pretended not to notice out of courtesy. He knew Azula well enough to know she didn’t want to be bothered or talked to when she was upset. 

Zuko was still wondering what the hell Jet was doing talking to Azula when he pulled up to the house. He decided to push it out of his mind for now. He was not going to dwell on it, and he was not going to reply either. His last text to Jet had been ‘please stop lying to the paparazzi about me’ and he had gotten nothing back. It had been three days of radio silence while Jet continued to make Zuko look like a total asshole to everyone with an internet connection. Zuko was furious but he didn’t want to deal with it right now. 

Zuko had been looking forward to this. Sokka’s parents’ house was cute. It was a suburban neighborhood, the kind of place where Zuko could picture dads and their kids grilling out in the front yard.

Zuko was nervous about making a good impression on everyone. He took a deep breath and got out of the car. He’d taken the red VW Beetle instead of asking one of his assistants to take him in the limo or taking an Uber. He wanted to act like a normal person today. 

Zuko walked up to the porch and reminded himself that normal people didn’t panic about going to dinner with new friends. Then he knocked. There were booming barks from inside. The door opened and Zuko was tackled by an enormous white Great Pyrenees. He stumbled backward but managed to regain his balance as the dog licked his face. 

“Sorry about him,” said a man, who Zuko assumed must be Sokka’s dad. He pulled the dog back. 

“He’s fine,” Zuko said, patting the dog’s head. Another, smaller dog also ran to the door. The little chihuahua bounced up and down until Zuko leaned down and scratched him. 

“Please come in,” the man said. “My name is Bato.” 

Oh, so this was Sokka’s stepdad. “It’s nice to meet you,” Zuko said. “I’m Zuko.” Zuko followed Bato inside and shut the door behind him. 

“I guess you just met Appa and Momo,” Bato nodded at the dogs. “They’re technically Aang’s but they stay with us when he’s busy.” 

“I know,” Zuko said, following Bato down the hall. “Aang showed me pictures.” Looking at Aang’s endless pictures of Appa and Momo during breaks onset had been one of the only good parts of filming ‘Stab.’ 

They entered a cozy living room. It was smaller than any living room Zuko had ever been in before but somehow homier. The mismatched furniture and the TV stand covered in clutter from coffee cups to notepads and pens gave the place a surreal vibe. Zuko had only ever been to homes where the furniture cost thousands and everything was clean. Even in Jet’s apartment with its hammock-style chairs and deliberately disorganized piles of records, Zuko was sure there were few things that cost under five hundred dollars. 

Suki, Toph, and Aang were sitting around a coffee table playing Scrabble. Sokka and Katara were sitting on the sofa. Zuko assumed the man sitting in the loveseat must be Hakoda. Everyone greeted Zuko and he felt overwhelmed having all the attention on him. He was used to it from paparazzi but in social situations, he always tried to fade into the background. He did notice that Sokka seemed especially happy to see him and that made him feel kinda warm inside. 

“Hi, I’m Hakoda, Sokka, and Katara’s dad,” Hakoda said once everyone had said their ‘hello’s.’ 

Zuko shook hands. “I’m Zuko,” he said. “It’s nice to meet you, sir.” 

Zuko sat down on the sofa next Sokka. Zuko always tried to sit on the edge of benches or sofas for two reasons. One was that he liked to have his good eye facing whoever else he was sitting by. The other was that he never knew which direction to turn or lean when he sat in the middle. _‘Chill out,’_ he told himself, _‘normal people don’t think that hard about these things.’_

The group resumed a conversation that must have started before Zuko arrived about the merits of vegetarianism versus eating meat. Aang was a vegan because of his spiritual and moral beliefs about the inherent value of all life – Zuko knew this. Aang talked about the Buddhist teachings of Monk Gyatso a lot. Zuko was impressed by how respectful Aang was of Hakoda, Bato, and Sokka’s points about ethical hunting. He knew the beliefs of Tibetan Buddhism were deeply ingrained in Aang’s worldview. Respectfully hunting was apparently a big part of Innuit culture, and therefore important to Hakoda, Bato, and Sokka. Katara seemed less passionate about hunting but she did seem to agree with her family about the importance of its place in preservation and wildlife maintenance. Zuko was just used to any sort of disagreement leading to harsh words, personal insults, and sometimes violence. This was all very new. 

“What do you think, Zuko? I told Sokka to ask if you have any dietary restrictions,” Hakoda said. 

“I don’t,” Zuko said. 

“You don’t think?” Sokka asked, teasing. 

Zuko felt himself flush. “I don’t have any dietary restrictions,” he said. 

“What kind of food do you usually eat at home?” Suki asked. “Who does the cooking? Sokka and Aang talk about you so much, I wanna get to know you.” She laughed but it was not the passive-aggressive laughter Zuko was used to hearing from other celebrities. He couldn’t be sure, but he didn’t think her words had any double meanings. If he heard the phrase ‘I wanna get to know you’ at one of Ruon-Jian or Chan’s parties he would have assumed whoever it was wanted dirt on him. 

Zuko hated having the attention on himself. He had been so relaxed talking to Sokka on the phone all week. He had been so excited about coming here and being around these people who seemed so great. Now he felt flustered and awkward.

“Well, I think Tim, that’s my mom’s assistant, shops at the Asian market a lot. We have a cook, Dorothy. She mostly makes traditional Japanese dishes.” He didn’t mention that the cook usually brought the food to everyone in their separate rooms because they hadn’t had a meal as a family in years. “My mom cooked with me sometimes when I was younger. She has some family recipes that were passed down to her.” 

“I grew up with a cook too,” Toph said. “Just wait ‘til you’re on your own. It sucks.” 

“I didn’t know that,” Zuko said to Toph. He wondered what her story was. He knew from Aang and Sokka that she was a welder now. He didn’t know much about her family or childhood though. “I am on my own, actually. I live a couple of hours away in Hira’a. I’ve just been back home for filming. When I’m at my apartment it’s mostly ramen or Postmates, to be honest.” 

Toph laughed. “That was me, at first. These guys taught me how to at least add veggies to the ramen.” 

“Jet made me start doing that when he realized my diet didn’t have any green,” Zuko said with a laugh. There was an awkward silence. Oh right, everyone had been hearing on the news about how shitty Zuko had been to Jet. He’d been doing so well. He’d been having a natural, normal conversation. Of course he fucked it up. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._

“Well it’s good you’re being healthier,” Suki said after a pause. “I’m excited about tonight’s dinner. Bet you’ve never had caribou, Zuko.” 

“Never,” Zuko agreed, giving Suki a look that he hoped conveyed the level of gratefulness he was feeling.

After that, the conversation turned to other things. Zuko tried to keep his mouth shut to avoid saying anything else stupid or embarrassing. A new round of Scrabble started, and this time everyone played. Zuko felt his heart rate accelerate every time it got close to his turn but Sokka looked at Zuko’s letters and whispered hints in his ear and that helped. After the game, Katara suggested another round and Sokka complained that he was getting bored of Scrabble. 

“I’m gonna go outside and smoke,” Sokka said. “Anyone?” 

Zuko was jarred. He was so used to hiding his cigarettes because smoking might hurt his image and that would piss his dad off. To just have Sokka announce it was oddly comforting. _'Of course,_ Zuko thought, _normal people don’t hide their bad habits as if they’re trying to cover up violent crimes._

“I could use a smoke,” Zuko said, feeling brave. No one looked at him like he’d just said he was going to shoot up a school. Everyone just nodded. 

Zuko followed Sokka out to the back patio. There was a swinging bench in the shade and Sokka sat in it. Zuko sat beside him. 

Zuko pulled his cigarettes out of his jeans’ pocket. Sokka was filling a bowl though. Zuko stared. He wasn't opposed to that idea, it just hadn't been on his mind. 

“Oh…wait…” Sokka said, looking uncomfortable. “I thought you knew what I meant. I forgot you smoke cigarettes.” 

“No,” Zuko said, putting the cigarettes away with a soft laugh, “this is better.” 

“I think we need some music,” Sokka said. He pulled out his phone and turned on music. He lit the bowl and took a hit before passing it to Zuko. 

_‘I'm a dumb teen boy  
I eat sticks and rocks and mud  
I don't care about the government  
And I really need a hug  
I feel stupid (stupid)  
Ugly (ugly)  
Pretend it doesn't bother me  
I'm not very strong but  
I'll fuck you up if you're mean to bugs.’_

“Cavetown, huh?” Zuko asked. He took a hit and passed the bowl back to Sokka. 

“Yeah,” Sokka said, leaning back. “I love them.” 

They passed the bowl back and forth a few times, just listening to the music and vibing. It was nice. Zuko hadn’t even known Sokka that long but it just felt like he could relax around him. 

“Your dad doesn’t care if you smoke?” Zuko asked. 

Sokka laughed. “I’m twenty-one,” he said. “He doesn’t care. Everyone here is over eighteen, my dad and stepdad know that. They’re cool.” 

“My dad would kill me if he found out I even smoked cigarettes,” Zuko said. “Celebrity reputation to keep up and all. I’m a role model to thousands of teens.” Just saying it out loud made Zuko laugh. 

Sokka joined in and soon they were both cracking up. Zuko hadn’t laughed like this over something stupid in forever. He couldn’t remember the last time. Every time one of them tried to stop laughing the other would crack a smile and they’d both be doubled over again, snickering. 

Zuko leaned back on the bench, still laughing to himself. The warm summer air felt good on his skin. He wished he could stay here forever and just forget the world. Sokka stretched and yawned. He put an arm around Zuko’s shoulder. Zuko’s relaxed mood shifted instantly. He would relax in a second, he knew. He just had an automatic response to unexpected touch, and that was too tense up. Years of associating pain with unexpected contact made the reaction instantaneous and involuntary. 

Sokka noticed and hurried to take back his arm. “Sorry,” Sokka said. “I didn’t mean-”

“No, it’s fine,” Zuko said, the words spilling out of his mouth too fast. He wanted to say _‘put it back’_ but he didn’t have quite that much nerve.

* * *

* * *

Katara knew she was being irrational. On a logical, intelligent, level, she knew it. She couldn’t help it. 

Zuko was driving her crazy. First of all, everything he said gave her second-hand embarrassment. She could feel the waves of tension coming off him. She wasn’t normally socially anxious but just being around Zuko made her nervous because she got such nervous vibes from him. Second of all, how many times did she have to ask about Azula to get a real answer? 

She was worried. Yes, Azula was obnoxious and mean and Katara had spent a significant amount of time thinking about how much she disliked Azula. Still. Azula was a person. A person Katara knew. She had been publicly outed. Azula hadn’t been doing great when Katara last saw her and now she had been publicly outed. When Katara asked how Azula was, Zuko just gave her the weirdest look. It was like he thought it was a stupid question. 

Instead of giving her an actual answer, he said, ‘she’s not doing great.’ Whatever the hell that meant. Katara didn’t know why she was letting it get to her so much. 

She supposed she’d let herself get a little obsessed. Her internship was stressing her out. The amount of research she was being asked to do felt kind of impossible. She had a lot of clients in bad spots right now. A grandma who couldn’t get full custody of her grandkids even though she knew they got hit at home, a woman who couldn’t get a restraining order against her abusive partner, a teenage girl who had just found out she was pregnant. Katara didn’t know how to help everyone and it was starting to get overwhelming. 

In her free time, Katara had been obsessively reading the news about Azula. She was furious with the way the media was handling this – like Azula had done something wrong instead of being the victim of a malicious or at least ignorant fan. Katara had been letting herself get worked up about it and now she was annoyed because Zuko was giving her nothing. 

She messaged Azula privately several times throughout the afternoon. She kept getting left on ‘read.’ It only made her obsess harder.

* * *

* * *

Azula felt like she was losing her mind. She knew Jet was bisexual – he was pretty open about it. So why didn’t he want her? Chan didn’t want her. Jet didn’t want her. Dad treated her and Zuko the same now. She was worthless.

She felt the tears coming even though she tried to hold them back. That had been happening so much lately. What did it even matter? Let them come. Nothing mattered. She couldn’t think, she couldn’t focus. She leaned in again, and again, was shoved backward. 

“What are you doing?” Jet asked. He looked upset and confused and it crossed her mind that he was just as messed up as her right now. Messed up with too much alcohol and too much weed and messed up in other, less temporary ways too. It only made her want him more. 

They were sitting on the sofa in her bedroom, a movie neither of them was watching was playing in the background. Azula had lost track of the drinks at the bar and the hits of weed from the vape Jet kept in his pocket. Her head was spinning. She could vaguely remember that they’d agreed to come here in an Uber to watch movies and play videogames and that they’d snuck in through the side door. She couldn’t remember the details. They were sitting very close, and within seconds they were both leaning in. He didn’t push away right away. He leaned into it and she felt sweet victory flooding her veins. She was winning. The tears were still streaming, she wasn’t enjoying this, but she was determined to make it work. 

Jet was leaning into it too. Azula didn’t like it, she felt like it was wrong and bad, but she did feel a connection with him. She could feel his pain and sadness in the way his lips pressed against hers. They were two broken people and they were leaning into each other. Neither of them was at all okay but they were in it together, for a moment. Azula wished she could feel connected like this more often. Everyone always felt so far away. People were always just out of reach. She'd felt a connection with Jin at the party the other day but that had been different. She'd been having fun. That hadn't been about being in pain, it had been about forgetting pain existed. This was different. Maybe she and Jet had been having fun at the bar, laughing at their own fucked up lives, but she wasn't having fun now. She was just desperate to feel something - anything. She was desperate to not be alone.

Before, she’d had her dad’s affection to reach for. That had been the ultimate goal, always almost within her grasp but never something she could hold onto. Now she had nothing and it felt like she was drowning in the dark, reaching out for anything to hold onto. 

The tears kept coming. Harder and harder. She choked back a sob. It was all too much. Everything felt too fast and then he was stopping and staring at her, looking concerned. She tried to lean in again. She didn’t want to see his worried face, better to keep kissing with her eyes closed, better to not pay attention to these feelings because they were all too hard to think about. 

“Stop,” Jet said. 

Azula would have killed to make the tears stop but she physically couldn’t. She was so angry at herself. Why couldn’t she stop crying? They both leaned in and started kissing again. Then Jet was pulling away.

“Stop,” he said, again. “I don’t want to do this.” 

If he’d said ‘this is a bad idea’ or ‘this isn’t smart’ or any variation of that, Azula probably would have tried to kiss him again. The simple words hit hard. How many times had she wanted to say just that to Chan? How many times had she kept her mouth shut and kept going anyway? Jet was saying he was done and so she leaned back and hugged her knees to her chest and cried. 

“I should go,” Jet said. 

If he left, she would be truly alone. She had felt it – just for a moment – a connection. She didn’t want it to end. But how could you put something like that into words? Instead, she sobbed harder than ever. 

“I’m sorry,” Jet said, looking as lost as Azula felt. “I wish I could help you, Azula.” 

He put a hand on her shoulder for a moment and she never wanted him to take it away. Then he got up and slipped out the door, shutting it behind him. She was so tired. 

Her dad hated her. Her mom hated her. Chan hated. Now Jet probably hated her. Not that that should matter. She’d never gotten along with Jet until tonight. A thought occurred to her – if Zuko ever found out about this he would definitely hate her. Zuko could never know. Everything was falling apart so entirely. Nothing was right. She didn’t want to live like this anymore. She didn’t want to feel this way, she didn’t want to be this person. 

After a few minutes, she got up and tiptoed down the hall to Zuko’s room. Zuko was gone – off to a party with Aang and Sokka. Because Zuko was a good person. Good people liked Zuko. He got invited to family parties where people were kind. 

Azula slipped into his room and shut the door. Sure enough, Druk was sitting on the bed, which was neatly made. The little black cat was the reason she’d come in here and she was relieved that her hunch was correct and he was here. Zuko’s room was void of any decorations or personality. He had no posters, no knick-knacks. Just the bed, the sofa, the TV, the mini-fridge, and a covered litter box in the corner for Druk. Azula lay on the bed and Druk purred and pressed against her. 

It made her cry even harder that Druk didn’t hate her. She’d tried to get rid of him all those years ago, but he didn’t care about that. His purrs were very comforting. She stroked his soft fur and after a few minutes, darkness overcame her.

* * *

* * *

Zuko came home in a great mood. He’d had such an amazing day and he was reveling in it. At the end of the evening, Sokka had given Zuko a hug and Zuko had relived it in his head the entire car ride home. It was all just so soft. 

Hakoda and Bato were the most loving, gentle, kind people Zuko had ever met. They were so nice to Sokka and Katara. It wasn’t just that they didn’t insult them at every turn. They actively showed interest in the things Sokka and Katara were doing. They asked questions about Sokka’s building designs and Katara’s research for her social work internship. Toph was hilarious and she instantly understood whenever Zuko brought up some niche thing - like having a lot of nannies as a kid or being used to high society parties where everyone was terrible and judgmental. Suki was so kind and always helped ease the awkwardness when Zuko said something stupid. He loved all of them. They made him feel like part of their little family and it made him so happy. 

When he got home, he went into his room and closed the door and got ready to get changed. Then he froze. Azula was fast asleep in his bed. Druk was pressed against her, purring. Her arm was around Druk. Zuko wasn’t sure what to do. He thought about it for a few minutes and then decided he had to wake Azula up. 

He went over and shook her arm a little. “Hey,” he said. “What are you doing here?” 

Azula woke up and sat bolt upright, looking startled. After a second, she relaxed, sighed, and lay back down. Zuko sat on the edge of the bed. 

“So,” Zuko said, “something wrong with your room?” 

“I’m sorry,” Azula said. Zuko thought about saying more, but he stayed silent. At first, he thought maybe Azula had gone back to sleep. Then she spoke again. “I just wanted to see Druk.” 

Zuko hesitated. He didn’t know the full story with Druk. He’d heard his parents arguing about it as a kid. He knew only vague tidbits about what Ursa had seen. He had never spoken about it with Azula, though. Not since they were kids. He’d been so upset about the parts he understood. He had hated Azula for awhile. Now he wondered – how much had he understood? How much had Ursa gotten right? Azula had ranted to Zuko in the past about how Ursa always jumped to conclusions about her. Zuko loved his mom, but he had to admit, it sometimes seemed a little true. Was this another instance of Ursa assuming the worst? Zuko knew Azula had her violent tendencies, but he couldn’t imagine her doing what Ursa had described to Ozai as Zuko secretly listened. 

“You knew Druk was home?” he asked. 

“I’m sorry, Zuko,” she said. Zuko was surprised to hear her sounding choked up. She’d been such a mess lately, but it was hard to get used to Azula showing emotions. 

“It’s okay,” he said. He didn’t know what he was saying ‘it’s okay’ about. The thing that happened with Druk? Her constant abuse growing up? Her coming into his room when he wasn't around? None of it was actually okay, but what else was he supposed to say? 

“I just didn’t want to be alone,” she said. “Druk helps.” 

Zuko understood that. Druk had been his only friend on so many occasions growing up. He wondered how many hours he’d spent in this room, crying and hugging Druk. The poor cat probably deserved a therapist's license. 

“I get it,” he said. “Did something happen?” 

Azula wiped the tears from her cheeks and sighed. “I can’t do it,” she said. 

“What?” Zuko asked. “What can’t you do?” 

He wondered at first if she was talking about this thing with Chan. She and Ty Lee had a plan. Ty Lee had punched Azula in the face and given her a black eye and Azula was planning to tell the media it was Chan. Zuko hadn't said anything when Azula described this plan to him. He thought it was morally questionable but he also thought Chan deserved to be taken down and he understood Azula's desire to be back in the public's good graces. Those were some of the reasons. Then there was the other reason. Zuko wasn't always great about speaking up. So, he hadn't said much about the plan. He kind of hoped she had decided not to go through with it though.

Azula didn’t answer for a while. Then, she looked away. “I can’t do any of this. I hate the person I’ve become. I hate everything about this life.” 

Zuko was alarmed. He stared at her, not knowing what to say. She hadn’t outright said ‘I want to die’ but having wanted to die before, Zuko could read between the lines. She clearly meant ‘this life’ to indicate ‘stardom' not 'being alive.' What was really the difference though? Stardom was their life. If she hated it, what was left for her to like? Of course, Zuko hated it too. But he wasn't going to think about that now. It had been a good day for him. Zuko hadn’t thought about wanting to die since he lived here at eighteen. Moving back for this project had been several steps backward for his mental health, but he hadn’t thought about wanting to die in years. 

Zuko had been where Azula was, though. Oh – how many times he’d been there. As a teenager, the thought of death was a comfort. It wasn’t some dramatic thing like you saw in the movies, not for him. He had never cut himself or written a suicide note. It was driving too fast and it was drinking too much and it was not caring if you fucked up bad enough to get in trouble. It was days where nothing mattered and it was thinking the next day about how bad you’d fucked up. Even having felt that way before, he didn’t know the right thing to say to her. Azula voicing such a thing out loud, even without saying it point-blank, was a red flag. From someone who never talked about their feelings, it was a worrying thing to hear. 

After a bit, Zuko settled on the only thing he could think of that was both true, and possibly meaningful. “I don’t know what I’d do without you." 

“You’d be better off,” she said. There was a long pause. Zuko’s worry was increasing. After a bit, Azula said the last thing Zuko expected of her. “I’m sorry about what happened with Druk when we were children. Father asked me to put him outside and I saw no alternative. If he asked me today, I wouldn’t do it.” 

Zuko stared. Father had asked her to put Druk outside? That was not the story Zuko knew. He was suddenly furious that no one had ever explained the truth to him and also upset with himself for believing the narrative he’d built in his head based on parts of overheard conversations. It was perfectly in character for Ozai to ask for something like that and Zuko was overcome with hatred for his father. Except for this time, he was also pissed at his mom. He knew exactly what Ursa thought had happened and he was angry. Azula was right. Ursa jumped to conclusions and it wasn’t fair. 

Zuko recalled the way his mom had always been disturbed by Azula’s violence towards animals, towards Zuko, towards other kids. It was true, she had been a bully back then and she could be a bully now, though in different ways. Still – she had taken the cat outside. She had probably taken it to the edge of the pond. 

Ursa had just assumed that meant she was going to put it in the pond. 

Zuko was furious but he was determined not to say anything. He wasn’t sure if Azula knew that’s what Ursa thought, and if she didn’t know, he didn’t need to make her feel worse right now. He loved his mom, but he had to admit, he was seeing her from Azula’s perspective right now. Why would Ursa jump straight to such a disturbing conclusion?

“Don’t blame yourself,” Zuko said. “I would’ve done anything Dad asked me to do back then too. I’m not mad at you about it.” 

There was another pause. “Did you have fun with Aang’s friends?” Azula asked. 

It was pretty out of character for her to ask about something like that but Zuko understood that she was ready to change the subject. “Yeah,” he said. “I did. They’re really nice. Maybe if you stop being such a dick to Aang he’ll invite you next time. I could tell Katara wished you were there.” 

Azula perked up. “Really?” she asked. “I’ve been ignoring her messages.” 

“Why?” Zuko asked. 

“She just keeps asking if I’m okay,” Azula said. “What am I supposed to say?” 

“You could try the truth,” Zuko said. “She wouldn’t ask if she didn’t care.” 

“You think so?” Azula asked. 

“Why else would she ask?” 

“I just assumed she was taking vindictive pleasure in my downfall.” 

“Not everyone has an evil plan, Azula,” Zuko said. “I think she’s just worried about you.” 

“Maybe I’ll message her tomorrow,” Azula said, yawning. She got up. “Sorry I fell asleep in here.” Druk meowed in a complaint when Azula climbed out of the bed. 

An idea that might help her hit Zuko as she started to walk away. “Hey, you wanna take Druk for the night?” Zuko asked. “Seems like he doesn’t want you to leave him.” 

“He’s a cat, Zuko, he’ll be just as happy when you’re cuddling him.” 

“Just take him,” Zuko said, rolling his eyes. “Bring him back in the morning. Mom and Dad don’t know he’s here.” No point in explaining the real reason he’d kept Druk a secret. Zuko never planned on having Azula find out he'd literally believed she had almost killed Druk as a kid. He was ashamed now to have believed something like that. Zuko thought that he’d probably tell his mom Druk was here now, and maybe try to explain the real story to her. 

Azula picked Druk up and smiled a little when he purred and rubbed his face against hers. Zuko watched her go and then shut the door behind her. What a weird day. His phone dinged and he was surprised to see a message from Jet. ‘I’m sorry.’ Zuko stared at it for a minute and then another text popped up. ‘I didn’t mean anything I said to the media. I was so angry. I wanted us to work. I loved you so much.’ 

Zuko sighed. Nothing could ever be easy. He texted back, ‘I loved you too…I didn’t mean for things to end the way they did.’ He thought about typing ‘I miss you’ but decided against it. He was still mad about all the shit Jet had said to the media, but he did miss him. He was severely tempted to say it. Part of Zuko wanted Jet to know he was missed. He stopped himself from typing the words though. 

Zuko was glad he’d let Azula take Druk. He was worried about her. He’d been worried before but now he was wondering if there was something he should do. She had seemed hopeful about talking to Katara and happy about taking Druk to her room. Zuko didn’t think she was going to hurt herself or anything, but her mental state was definitely bad. Zuko wished someone had done something – he didn’t know what, just something – when he was experiencing that level of depression. Instead, he had weathered his teen years in isolation. His mom was a comfort. Sometimes Azula, and Mai and Ty Lee were comforting in their own ways. Uncle Iroh was there for him. Still, no one had ever really seen how dark his thoughts had gotten back then. He hadn't talked about it. If Azula was talking about it, Zuko wanted to help her. He resolved to ask Uncle Iroh tomorrow. It was what he always did when he wasn’t sure what to do. 

Zuko’s phone buzzed again. This time, it was a Snapchat from Sokka. He opened it and found an adorable selfie of Sokka lying in bed giving a peace sign with his hand. The caption said ‘I had a lot of fun today ❤️’ Zuko felt his insides warm-up and he smiled a little. He typed back, ‘I did too 💚’ and felt butterflies in his belly as he sent it. Oh. _Oh._

_Oh shit._

Maybe there were other things Zuko needed to ask Uncle Iroh advice about tomorrow too. They were going to be filming 'Stab' almost all day but maybe he could go to Uncle’s apartment later in the evening. He sighed, laying back in bed. Well, he’d known moving back home, even temporarily, was going to be interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Zuko interprets Azula saying she hates "this life" as borderline suicidal ideation and compares it to thoughts about wanting to die that he experienced as a teenager.  
> Also, Azula kisses Jet when they're both extremely intoxicated. He tells her to stop but they both lean in again after that. I did not intend for this scene to be read an assault, but instead a drunk mistake on both party's parts. However, it's definitely (purposefully) uncomfortable. It's a scene between two people at rock bottom. If you want to skip it, it starts at the beginning of Azula's POV section with the line "Azula felt like she was losing her mind" & you can start reading again at the line "I'm sorry." 
> 
> a/n: you've all been so supportive & I appreciate every comment so freaking much 💚 also ----if you're feeling worn out by the angst please know I have a plan. ya gotta hit rock bottom before you can get better sometimes. next chapter you can expect (finally) some Katzula scenes 🖤


	9. treading water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aang gives Zuko and Azula some advice. 
> 
> Katara and Azula attempt a fresh start. 
> 
> Zuko reflects on his past and present and tries to stay on the right path. 
> 
> Azula learns a secret and is faced with a moral dilemma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: early chapter this week because I'm dropping my computer off for the weekend to have work done ❤️ next week we're back to Sunday posting 
> 
> cw: some discussion of suicidal ideation & brief consideration of self-harm (non-explicit references to the potential for cutting), very harsh discussion of abortion (regardless how you personally feel about abortion some aspects of this discussion could be triggering so it's going in the chapter cw), reference to a hypothetical child homicide. also - child abuse is in the overall fic cw but just a warning, more details about how zuko got his scar in this universe are coming out this chapter 
> 
> disclaimer: there will be no descriptions of self-harm or suicide attempts in this fic

Zuko snapped a picture of himself with Druk putting his paws on Zuko’s head. He sent it to Sokka with the caption 'morning' in response to Sokka’s selfie with the caption 'good morning 💕' Zuko never took pictures of himself, but this was different for two reasons. The first reason was that Druk was basically covering Zuko's face which made it an acceptable photo. The second reason was that lately, Zuko had been feeling – not good about himself per se - but not like he totally hated himself either. He felt better about himself than usual. Which was not great but it was something.

There were a variety of reasons. The main reason was that Zuko had stood up to his dad the morning Ozai found out about Azula’s scandal. The simple words "I can always quit ‘Stab’" had been a big deal. He was asserting himself as an adult and creating a relationship with his dad where he could be at the house and feel – at least physically – safe. Moving back for this project had been so hard and Zuko felt like he'd at last established some semblance of a boundary. It was practically nothing. He still got treated like crap. It was a big deal for him though. The other reasons were more general. He’d been spending time with Aang, who always had something kind to say, and he’d been talking to Sokka, who made Zuko feel interesting and smart. Zuko knew that wasn't actually the case, but Sokka made him almost _feel_ like it was.

The dinner party at Hakoda and Bato’s house yesterday had cemented in Zuko’s mind that he was doing better than he ever had before. Filming for ‘Stab’ was miserable and it sucked to be doing so badly with the press and it sucked that things had ended so badly with Jet. Zuko was also still really worried about Azula but she had seemed to be in a good mood when she brought Druk to his room a few minutes ago. So, twenty minutes in and the day was going alright. Okay, maybe the Snapchat from Sokka was responsible for a portion of Zuko’s good mood. His phone buzzed and the way his heart jumped when he saw a response from Sokka confirmed this possibility. 

The reply read ‘Druk is so adorable 😍' Zuko smiled at his phone. So Sokka had good taste. There was more typing on the other end and a follow-up message from Sokka appeared on the screen. 'almost as adorable as his owner 😉’ Zuko thought he was going to have a heart attack. He had no idea how to respond. So instead he closed the app and started getting ready for the day while internally panicking. He planned to reply when he thought of something to say. He knew he would see something cool like a pretty cloud or a funny piece of graffiti and that would be a response.

Zuko couldn't respond to the actual compliment because - what was there to say? He physically could not bring himself to type the words 'thank you.' He knew if he tried to respond he'd be that annoying asshole who tried to be all _'nOo I'm UgLy & HoRrIbLe.'_ No one wanted to talk to the guy who responded that way to compliments. It came off as very desperate for approval and cringey. Yet Zuko could absolutely not just say 'thank you' because it would feel like a lie. It would be like admitting that he was okay to look at and that wasn't true. Looking in the mirror made him want to punch something. Zuko was sure that no one had ever once looked at him and thought _'adorable.'_ That had to be a lie. But then...why did Sokka like him? His personality? That could not possibly be true. Zuko had a terrible personality. He was insecure, annoying, awkward, negative, and just all-around terrible to be around. It occurred to Zuko that he'd better be careful or Sokka would find out that there were really no benefits to talking to him.

Zuko didn't want that. Sokka was smart and funny and cool and being around him made Zuko feel good like glitter was exploding inside him. Sokka and his friends were warm and kind and they cared about each other and they didn't yell. Sokka was way out of Zuko's league in every possible way and Zuko didn't want to ruin things. Which made this whole daily Snapchat back and forth routine as scary as it was exciting.

Things with Jet had been different. They'd been good friends for so long before they started dating. Their first kiss had happened by accident. They'd been arguing playfully about a game of Mario Kart and getting in each other's faces and laughing. That was back when their arguments had been just banter. There had been no period like this where they were Snapchatting back and forth all day and complimenting each other and _flirting._ This was new territory and it was intimidating. Zuko thought one of the easier things about his relationship with Jet had been that they had never _flirted._ They'd simply gone from friends to lovers. Then from lovers to people who forced themselves to spend time together.

Zuko sat on the porch to drink his morning coffee so he could smoke a cigarette. Ozai had already left for the set, Ursa was still asleep, and Azula was still getting ready. Zuko's phone started ringing. It was Jet. He debated declining the call because he was still pissed about all the shit Jet had said to the media, but Jet had apologized over text and Zuko didn’t want to cut him off. He answered.

* * *

* * *

Aang was glad filming was almost over. He had gone back and forth about quitting for a while but decided against it. After all, he’d made a commitment. Besides, he and Zuko had gotten to be pretty good friends and Aang didn’t want to ditch him. 

Also, dynamics onset had changed. Aang wouldn’t say they’d gotten better. He wasn’t sure there was any ‘better’ or ‘worse’ here, just ‘bad.’ Ozai was more horrible than ever to everyone but now that 'everyone' included Azula, she was less horrible. Zuko had filled Aang in about the changes at Ozai’s house. In the days right after the incident, Azula just went to her trailer alone and didn’t talk to anyone between takes. Today, Zuko had asked Aang to invite her to hang out with them. 

Now the three of them were sitting on the steps of Aang’s trailer. 

“Only a couple more weeks,” Aang said. 

“Thank God,” Azula said. 

“Yeah, it must be horrible having to work with Chan,” Aang said. 

He felt privately that Ozai had made her reshoot the kiss scene with Chan way too many times, almost like he was punishing her for the breakup. He didn’t want to suggest it in case he was wrong though. At least it was done. Almost all the death scenes had been filmed. Aang at least felt like he’d done a good job on his. There were just a few more reshoots to do, and they’d be done. 

“It’s not so bad,” Azula said. “When I have to film a scene with Chan, I simply work on autopilot." 

“Oh like your mind shuts down,” Zuko said, nodding. “I did that as a kid whenever things got bad.” 

Azula nodded. “It’s like watching yourself from the outside. You do that as well?" 

"Haven't had to in a while," Zuko said. "Guess it's a thing though. Huh. I thought I was just a freak." 

“Uh, are you guys talking about dissociating?” Aang asked. 

Zuko and Azula both looked at Aang like he was speaking a different language. 

“What?” Zuko asked. 

“You guys are describing dissociation,” Aang said. “It’s a common trauma response. I learned about it in a psych class I took once. You’re talking about disconnecting from the world, right? Leaving yourself on autopilot to escape an unpleasant situation?" 

They both nodded. 

“Didn’t know there was a word for it,” Zuko said. 

“Yeah,” Aang said. “It’s a thing.” He looked at Azula. “I know I kind of went off on you the other day, but the therapy suggestion was real. I think maybe both of you guys would benefit. It’s helped me a lot.” 

“You go to therapy?” Zuko asked. 

“I don’t anymore,” Aang said. “I went for a while after Monk Gyatso died. I felt lost without him. Meditation helps, but I needed guidance from a professional.” 

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Aang couldn’t tell if either of them was considering his suggestion. He hoped so. He pulled out his phone. Katara had sent an article about a community event where people cleaned up the streets to the group chat he was in with all his roommates. Aang love reacted the article. He was glad Katara was thinking about something fun and helpful like that. She’d been so stressed out lately about her internship, about this whole thing with Azula, about basically everything. Thinking about scandals reminded Aang. 

“Have you talked to Jet, Zuko? I haven’t seen anything new on social media today.” 

“Actually,” Zuko said. “I talked to him on the phone this morning.” 

“You did?” Azula asked. Aang and Zuko both shot Azula confused looks. For some reason, she looked alarmed. 

“Yeah,” Zuko said. “He’s sorry about the stuff he said. Also, I think I can tell you guys this because he says he’s going to post about it later. He’s going to start going to AA meetings.” 

“What?” Aang asked. “Really?” Aang was surprised for a second but then he thought, _'yeah that tracks.' _Zuko had never actually described an interaction with Jet during which Jet was totally sober. Aang was happy the guy was getting help.__

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“He said he thinks he has a problem,” Zuko said. “He told me last night he hit rock bottom and realized he has to go completely sober.” 

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“Rock bottom?” Azula asked. 

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Zuko shrugged. “I guess.” 

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“Really?” Azula asked. “Those were his exact words?” 

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“Yeah,” Zuko said. “So anyway, he’s going to a meeting tonight. I’m proud of him, guys. I’m still mad about all the shit he said but I am happy for him. He’s trying to clean up his act and do better.” 

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“Alright but perhaps we can we circle back to the bit about hitting rock bottom?” Azula asked. "Last night, specifically, was his rock bottom? Not when he was arrested for assault last month after getting into a bar fight? Or when he decided to publicly falsely insinuate that he was the victim of abuse? Not a few weeks ago when a fan took a photo of him smoking a joint in a McDonald's parking lot at eight in the morning?" 

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Aang and Zuko both stared at Azula. It occurred to Aang that the whole 'cancelled' thing was kind of random, actually. How was it that Jet had been in a public bar fight and was still a hit with the public but a little trash talking and Zuko was supposedly 'cancelled'? Weird. 

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“I don’t know,” Zuko said. “He didn’t go into detail, he just said he realized he needs to make a change. What is your deal?” 

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Aang was extremely confused by what was happening. For some reason, Azula seemed pissed. Honestly, Aang thought maybe he would never understand her. He was trying to be cool with her for Zuko's sake but she just confused him.

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“We need you all back on set.” They all looked over to see Zhao standing there. Of course Ozai was sending Zhao to fetch them. They all got up and went back to film more scenes. 

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__“Aang told me and Azula we need therapy. Well, he said it would be a good idea.”_ _

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__“Oh?” Iroh asked, sipping his tea._ _

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__Iroh and Zuko were sitting in the backroom of The Jasmine Dragon sipping tea. Iroh’s apartment was above the tea shop but he didn’t want to go up in case a waiter or waitress had a question or something. Besides, this room was right by the kitchen, so they had endless access to ginseng tea._ _

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__“Yeah,” Zuko said. “I think Azula should go. I’m worried about her.”_ _

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“Why is that?” Iroh asked. 

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Iroh was thinking about his own younger sibling. He’d worried too, when they were younger. But he’d never gone to an adult about it. Not that it should’ve been his responsibility, but he felt bad anyway. 

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__Iroh and Ozai had been almost friends, once in another lifetime. They’d played together a lot as kids. Azulon kept them on such a tight acting schedule, so they had little opportunity to meet other children. Iroh was a natural extrovert and although he didn’t have a lot of opportunity for making close childhood friends, he got along with everyone he met. When they were teenagers and had a little more freedom, Iroh developed a social life and dragged his little brother along with him. It never bothered him that his friends thought Ozai was mean and annoying, Iroh just wanted to make sure Ozai felt included._ _

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__It was supposed to be the two of them against the world. Azulon was angry and violent and tried to teach them that the only thing that mattered was power. Azulon taught them life was about asserting yourself as the scariest person in the room. Llah was kind and loving and gentle but it didn’t make a difference because she was always halfway through a bottle of wine by noon and she never stood up to Azulon. So Iroh and Ozai did their best. They made do with what they had._ _

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__As adults, it got harder. Iroh moved out at eighteen because he was tired of listening to his father scream and watching his mother spend days or weeks on the couch staring vacantly. Ozai had always had a different relationship with Azulon. They weren’t close, not exactly, but Ozai never hated Azulon the way Iroh did. Ozai internalized everything Azulon taught them and didn’t see it for the bullshit it was.__

______ _ _

____Iroh had quit acting to open this tea shop. It had never been his choice anyway, it had been his dad's._ _ _ _

______ _ _

__Zuko seemed hesitant to answer Iroh’s question. “I don’t want to break her trust,” he said. “But she just seems depressed. I don’t know.”_ _

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__When Iroh’s girlfriend got pregnant with Lu Ten, Iroh made a concerted effort to be everything his own father had not been. He went to parenting classes, he read parenting books, he and his girl talked extensively about how they were going to raise Lu Ten. Iroh’s relationship with Lu Ten’s mother did not last, but they stayed very amicable and co-parented every step of the way._ _

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__Losing Lu Ten had been the worst thing Iroh had ever been through. He’d gone into a deep depression that lasted years. He only started to come out of it – slowly – in the months following Zuko’s burn. Iroh saw his nephew hurting and did everything he could to step up. He hated his brother for being capable of doing something like that to a child. It was sickening and inexcusable._ _

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__So, Iroh did his best to be a role model. He tried to be the adult he’d never had in his own life for Zuko. He wasn’t always sure he did a good job. Zuko’s teen years had been…rocky to the say the least. Iroh knew Zuko trusted him though, and that made it all worth it._ _

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__“You should encourage her,” Iroh said. “But what about you?”_ _

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__Zuko stared at him. “What about me?”_ _

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__“Your friend made the suggestion to both of you,” Iroh said. “Have you considered the benefits for yourself?”_ _

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__Zuko laughed. “Yeah right,” he said._ _

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__Iroh frowned but didn’t say anything. He had a feeling Zuko might be projecting, just a little on Azula. It wasn’t that Iroh didn’t believe she was depressed, it was that he thought Zuko recognized depression because he related. Pushing Zuko too hard never went well though. Iroh knew from experience that it led to shutdowns._ _

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__“You’re happy then?” he asked. “You’re enjoying this project?” Pressing for information without pushing an agenda was usually the most effective way to get through to Zuko._ _

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Zuko shrugged. “I guess. The project sucks. Also you know me, I’m never happy.” 

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_‘But you don’t want to try therapy? You don’t think happiness might be a goal worth striving for?’_ Iroh thought but didn’t say. 

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“There’s this guy though,” Zuko went on. His face flushed with color. 

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Iroh laughed knowingly and Zuko turned bright red. “Is there?” Iroh asked.

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“Yeah,” Zuko said. He paused. “I don’t know though. I’m not really over all the stuff with Jet…I know he fucked me over – sorry – uh, screwed me over, or whatever – but still. I don’t know. I’m an idiot.” 

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__“You’re not an idiot,” Iroh said. “You’re right to think about these things. It’s a sign of emotional intelligence.”_ _

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__Zuko laughed. “Emotional intelligence,” he said, scoffing. “You must have me confused with someone else.”_ _

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__“Give yourself some credit,” Iroh said. “You’ve grown a lot. Do you still have feelings for Jet?”_ _

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__Zuko flushed again. Iroh had to chuckle only because Zuko always got like this when he talked about feelings. Iroh had grown up in a similar way to Zuko. He understood about emotional repression. But Iroh had never had a problem with the ladies so Zuko’s awkwardness when it came to talking about romance always cracked him up. This had never been an issue with Lu Ten because Lu Ten was just as much of a charmer as Iroh when it came to girls and never had any problems in that area._ _

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__“No,” Zuko said. “I mean, I feel something for him. But not. You know. That.”_ _

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__“I understand,” Iroh said. “My advice is to take things slow with…?” he hadn’t gotten the guy’s name._ _

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__“Sokka,” Zuko said, blushing fiercely even just saying his name._ _

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__“Sokka,” Iroh repeated. “And maybe try talking to Jet.”_ _

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__Iroh wouldn’t have suggested it if it were anyone else. He had been furious reading the tabloids for the past week. He could honestly throttle Jet for the way he was behaving. Still, Jet had come to be almost like family to Iroh. Jet and Zuko had spent so much time in The Jasmine Dragon and the apartment above it back when they were just friends. Jet had asked Iroh for advice independently on many occasions. It was hard to just discount someone you had come to think of as extended family._ _

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__“I talked to him a little,” Zuko said. “He apologized for the stuff he said.”_ _

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__Well that was a relief. An apology wasn’t really enough, but Iroh was glad Jet was trying to make amends. Now if he could just take everything he’d said back._ _

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__“He said he hit rock bottom,” Zuko went on. “He wants to get help for his alcohol problem.”_ _

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__Another relief. Jet had been doing every drug under the sun when Zuko first became friends with him. Iroh didn’t meet Jet until he was down to alcohol and weed only. The levels of alcohol consumption that boy was capable of had always been worrying. Iroh thought taking it down to just weed was a good idea._ _

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__“He was weird on the phone though. Also, before we talked he texted me about something Azula said, which is weird because I thought they hated each other. Then when I mentioned him hitting rock bottom, Azula acted really weird.”_ _

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__Oh no….Iroh waited for it to click in Zuko’s mind._ _

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__Zuko just shook his head though. “I don’t know what that was all about. Anyway I appreciate the advice.”_ _

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Katara was exhausted. She had been working for over ten hours and it all felt useless. The bureaucracy aspect of social work was definitely her least favorite. It was infuriating having to explain that no, she couldn’t just “give” money to the homeless woman who needed to make a down payment on an apartment. There was paperwork, there were hoops to jump through, and even then, the woman might not qualify. If it were up to Katara, there would be no limit to the number of people she could help. 

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Katara was sitting in her Honda Civic after work, playing on her phone. She was going to drive soon but she was just going to scroll social media for a few minutes first, to give her mind a break. She saw another message from Azula pop up. Azula had messaged Katara on Instagram early in the morning to say ‘wow you really blew up my phone.’ Katara had responded, ‘just wanted to check in.’ In response, she’d gotten ‘okay thanks.’ Azula seriously drove Katara nuts. What kind of response was that? 

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Still, Katara had responded 'fresh start?' because she was a good person like that. Definitely not because she'd gotten kind of obsessed with Azula. Katara hadn't gotten a response until now. The new message said, ‘want to come over? we’re done filming for today. bring your swimsuit.’ 

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Katara messaged back, ‘okay, I’ll be there soon I have to stop at the apartment!’ She waited for a second and got the response ‘great.’ Seriously, Azula was so bad at messaging. It was late in the day and the sun would be setting soon. It was warm though, even at night, so swimming did sound kind of nice. Mainly Katara just wanted to see Azula again. The last time Katara had seen Azula was when Azula dropped Tom-Tom off for his group. They'd almost gotten along that day. Then Azula's scandal had become such a hot button topic and Katara had been left on 'read' when she tried to check-in. Katara had gotten a little obsessed and she wanted to make sure Azula was alright. 

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Katara stopped at the apartment and changed into her swimsuit and put her dress back on over it, then drove to the mansion. She had to message Azula for the code to the gate. Katara made a pact with herself that if tonight went well and they got along, she was getting Azula’s actual phone number because messaging back and forth on Instagram was getting stupid. 

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Katara parked and went to the porch. The railings were splintered and broken. Weird. Before Katara could knock, Azula opened the door, already in her swimsuit with a towel wrapped around her. It was impossible not to notice that she had a black eye.

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“Hey,” Azula said. “Come in.” 

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“What happened to your eye?” Katara asked. 

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“A misunderstanding,” Azula said. “It’s nothing.” 

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“What kind of misunderstanding?” 

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“Please drop it.” 

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Katara followed Azula into the house. “Where’s everyone else?” she asked. She wanted to ask more about the black eye, but she decided to wait until a better moment. 

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“My parents are making an appearance at some celebrity fundraising event, and Zuko is at our uncle’s apartment, visiting.” 

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Katara followed Azula to the back and took off her dress to be in her swimsuit. She left her dress on one of the chairs beside the pool. Then she went to the diving board and dove in. Azula climbed in from the side. Katara backstroked through the water and laughed. 

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“You don’t dive?” she asked Azula. 

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“I do,” Azula said. “I simply chose not to this time." 

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“Uh-huh,” Katara teased. “You totally hold your nose and jump, don’t you?” 

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“No,” Azula said, glaring. 

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“Alright, prove it, let’s see you dive,” Katara said, laughing. She was determined to get Azula to loosen up if they were going to hang out. 

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“Fine,” Azula used the ladder on the edge and climbed out. She went to the edge of the diving board and attempted to dive but it ended with an awkward splash and Azula coming back up spitting out water and wiping her eyes. 

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Katara laughed. When Azula was done being dramatic and sputtering, she glared at Katara which only made Katara laugh harder. Katara was definitely enjoying herself. She thought it was hilarious that Azula had invited her over to swim even though she clearly had no finesse in the water. Still, Katara didn’t want to actually ruin the evening by being a dick so she made herself stop laughing. 

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“Oh come on,” Katara said, swimming over to Azula. “You’re fine. It’s okay that you can’t dive I just wanted you to admit it.” 

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“Zuko can’t dive either,” Azula said, still glaring. Katara had to laugh a little because Azula said it like a child, justifying her inability to do something on the grounds that her brother couldn’t either. “I assumed it was fairly common.” 

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“I’m sure it is,” Katara said. “I was on the swim team in high school. I’ve always been good in the water. You can’t be good at everything, you know? You gotta lighten up and learn to laugh at yourself.” 

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“I suppose,” Azula said. She smiled a little. “That’s what Ty Lee always says to me and Mai.” 

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“She’s not wrong,” Katara said. 

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“Zuko and I always just jump off the diving board,” Azula said. “It’s a little ridiculous when I think about it. Neither of us has ever been a strong swimmer, but our father still insisted this pool was a gift for us. He had it installed when I was around ten. I’m fairly certain he only wanted it so he could post pictures on social media as a brag.” 

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Katara laughed. “Wow,” she said. “What a loser.” 

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Azula looked mad for a second and then she laughed too. “I suppose, in that one instance, he was behaving a bit like a loser." 

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They took turns on the slide and then swam around for a bit as the sun set. Azula ended up insisting Katara show off her tricks, which was fun. Katara had always been a natural in the water and she could do backflips from the diving board and walk across the bottom of the pool on her hands. It was getting darker and darker and Katara realized after a while that she was starving. 

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“Are you hungry?” she asked Azula. 

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“I could eat,” Azula said. “The cook left for the day but there’s sashimi in the fridge.” 

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They got out and dried off and went back into the house with their towels wrapped around them. In the kitchen, Zuko was sitting on a stool by the granite island, sipping from a takeout cup that read 'The Jasmine Dragon' on the side next to an insignia of a dragon. Katara sat next to him while Azula dug through the refrigerator. 

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“Hi, Zuko,” Katara said. “It’s good to see you again.” It was a lie, Zuko actually got on Katara’s nerves, but she was trying to be nice. 

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“You too,” Zuko said, sounding genuine. That made Katara feel a little bad about being so hard on him. She was just worried about Sokka getting caught up in drama and it made her distrustful of Zuko. Maybe it was time to give him a chance if she was giving Azula a chance. Afterall, Sokka, and Aang seemed to really like him. 

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Azula put a plate on the island and got out three pairs of chopsticks and sat down across from Katara and Zuko. It turned out sashimi was basically sushi, as far as Katara could tell, served on a bed of daikon. Azula and Zuko both grabbed some with the chopsticks but Katara kept dropping hers. 

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“We have forks for guests,” Zuko said. 

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Zuko got up and got Katara a fork. She kept trying with the chopsticks for a bit but after several more failures and some laughter from Azula and Zuko, she resigned and used the fork. This made Azula very smug. 

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“I’m going to bed,” Zuko said after a bit, yawning. 

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Katara looked at the clock above the stove and was surprised to see that it was almost midnight. She couldn’t believe she’d been here so long. 

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“I should probably leave soon actually,” she said. “Goodnight, Zuko.” 

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“Goodnight,” he said. As he was leaving, he turned to Azula. “I texted you some links, by the way.” 

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“I saw them,” Azula said. “Don’t bother sending any more. I’m not interested in that sort of thing.” 

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Zuko frowned. “We’ll talk later,” he said, then he walked away. 

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_Well, that was vague_. Katara looked at Azula, curious. “What was that about?” 

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“Oh nothing,” Azula said. “Zuko is on some sort of mental health kick. He’s all about healthier choices now.” She rolled her eyes. “He’s sending me therapists in our area. I’m sure he’ll get over it soon. I told him if he wants to go to therapy, he should. I’m fine. I’ve never been better.” 

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_Oh, so it was like that._ Katara hesitated. “Are you?” 

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“Of course,” Azula said. 

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“So your eye,” Katara hedged. “What kind of misunderstanding leads to that?” 

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“I’d rather not say,” Azula said. “I want you to like me.” 

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“I promise no judgment,” Katara said. She knew it might not be a promise she could keep but she really wanted to know the story. 

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“After Chan broke up with me, I wanted to ruin his reputation. I asked Ty Lee to give me a black eye. I was planning to tell the paparazzi it was Chan, but someone changed my mind. I don’t want to be a psycho. Of course, now I have to spend an extra hour in the make up trailer every day for filming. Chan does as well though.” Azula seemed cheered by that thought. “His face still hasn’t recovered from Zuko.” She smirked. 

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Katara raised her eyebrows. “Zuko punched Chan?” she asked. Katara was conflicted between thinking _'I knew Zuko had anger issues'_ and _'nice.'_

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Azula looked pleased thinking about it. “You should see his face, it’s a mess.” 

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“Well, Chan is a dirtbag but I’m glad you didn’t lie to the paparazzi about him,” Katara said. “You would’ve regretted it.” 

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“I’m not sure,” Azula said. “Lying to the media is pretty common among celebrities. And if it’s such a heinous crime, maybe Jet should feel worse about making Zuko look so bad. Maybe that should have been his rock bottom.” 

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Katara stared at her. “What are you talking about?” 

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“Nothing,” Azula said. “Anyway, that’s the story.” 

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“So…” Katara said. “Seriously, how are you? No offense but I don’t believe you’re fine. Maybe Zuko is right about the therapy idea.” 

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Azula scoffed. “He’s not right. I am great. Once this movie comes out, everyone will forget about my scandal and I’ll regain my place as the nation’s golden god.” 

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_Okay not delusional at all._

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“Well,” Katara said. “I want you to know, if you ever feel like you’re not fine, I’m here for you. I mean, I know we got off to a rocky start but we’re friends now, right?” 

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“I-” Azula looked surprised but pleased. “Yes. I suppose we are.” 

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Katara smiled at her. “You don’t have to sound so surprised. When you’re not being a pretentious asshole I kind of like being around you.” 

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Azula snorted. “Thanks, Katara,” she said. “When you’re not being a self-righteous bitch I kind of like being around you too.” 

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Katara laughed. “Fair enough,” she said. “My point is, I’m here if you need a friend.” 

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“Okay,” Azula said. Katara thought that was probably the best she was getting, for now. 

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“Maybe we can get together again soon,” Katara said, getting up. “I should probably go home now though, it’s getting late.” 

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She went to the back and grabbed her dress and then walked back around to her car. On the ride home, Katara thought about the day. She was always pushing so hard to help people. Her job was to take care of people. Not just her job description at the internship, but her job. It was her role in life. 

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Katara had taken care of her dad and Sokka when Kya died. The months following Kya’s loss had been dark and horrible and very defining for Katara. Katara had been the one to find the body. Kya was murdered, and the police never caught the killer. It was like they didn’t even try very hard. Katara had a lot of anger about that. 

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At the time though, she had pushed back her own anger and grief and worked her ass off to make sure her dad and brother were okay. Sokka worked hard too. Katara learned to cook and clean when she was eight because she noticed little things her dad was struggling with. They’d have mac and cheese eight days in a row. So, Katara learned the route to walk to the grocery store and asked her dad for money and went and bought meat and vegetables. Katara did her very best to fill in for the empty gap in their house after Kya died. The things she’d had to do then had defined who she was now. 

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Katara couldn’t stop taking care of people, even as it became less necessary. She knew she got on all her roommate’s nerves sometimes because she could be controlling. She could be a bit of a clean freak, she got on their case about missed responsibilities that didn’t even affect her, and she pestered them about their personal choices. 

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Maybe that was part of the reason she’d taken to obsessing about making sure Azula was okay. Katara saw someone obviously struggling and her instinct was to help. When she got to the apartment she got a text from Azula – they had finally exchanged actual phone numbers – and opened it. ‘thanks for today.’ Katara texted back, ‘I had fun 💜’ 

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Katara smiled to herself as she went up the apartment. Tomorrow would be another exhausting day. She felt like she’d had a small victory though. Azula hadn’t actually opened up all that much by most people’s standards but Katara felt like Azula had opened up a lot by Azula’s standards. It was a start.

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Azula couldn’t sleep. She'd tried putting on old episodes of 'Forensic Files' which was usually comforting. She'd tried counting as high as she could in her head. She'd tried leafing through her old copy of John E. Douglas' 'Mindhunter.' She'd tried turning on her favorite movie, 'Compliance,' for background noise. Nothing was working. Not even listening to scary stories on Youtube. 

Azula had gotten a call from Jet early in the morning, but she’d declined it. Then she’d gotten a text from him that said, ‘I’m so sorry about last night. I hope you’re okay.’ Azula had not responded but she had felt a little better. The rejection from before hurt less if he at least wanted her to be okay. Azula had also finally messaged Katara back, and that made her feel good. She returned Druk to Zuko’s room in decent spirits. Having Katara over for swimming and dinner had been good. 

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Rock bottom though? Yikes. Azula had been thinking about that ever since Zuko said it. Azula had been in a bad place mentally. The alcohol and weed had brought forward dark emotions she'd been trying to bury. She knew that. She also knew Jet had been a bad place. It was the thing that had made her feel a connection with him. She was just wondering what it was about kissing her specifically that made Jet so sure he was at his _rock bottom._ Was she that bad? Was she that disgusting? Was wanting her on any level that humiliating? Probably. 

Not that Azula had enjoyed the kiss. She hadn't. But it wasn't Jet's fault. She realized now that maybe she just didn't enjoy kissing boys. It was a discouraging thought. She supported the LGBT community, of course, but she didn't really want to be in it. Something about the idea of belonging to a marginalized group was just upsetting. Azula liked to be a winner. Anything that challenged the status quo was bad. It made her uncomfortable that she might be considered "different" in any way. She also wished she could have figured this out in her own time. She wished her kiss with Jin had been private. It felt very high pressure trying to work out how she felt about it while the entire internet speculated.

Of course, Azula was supposed to thrive under pressure. That was supposed to be her thing. What was wrong with her? She was losing it. No wonder her father hated her now. She was losing control, losing power. In their world, having power over public perception was everything. Father had every right to hate her at this point. 

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There was a small voice in her head that said _'it's not about Jet for you...maybe it's not all about you for him.'_ But Azula thought that was total bullshit. Everything was always all about her. 

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Azula was seeing herself in a new light lately. It was not a good light. She hated everything about herself, but she didn’t know how to be different. She didn’t know how to be better. Finding out she was the cause of someone’s rock bottom was a reminder of what a horrible, disgusting person she was. It genuinely seemed as if everyone would be better off without her. 

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Before Azula had always been obsessed with one thing and one thing only: _power._ Everything was a fight for dominance. It's why she had always sided with her father when it came to Zuko whether she objectively agreed or not. If Zuko was being bullied, Azula was being praised. 

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_'It's about asserting yourself as the scariest person in the room.'_ That's what her father had taught her. Lately, everything had changed. She had no power over anyone, not even herself. Before she was getting something out of hurting people but now she wasn't. Had it ever been worth it? Or was she just as horrible as her mother always made her feel? She didn't want to be a monster. She didn't want to be the cause of someone's rock bottom. 

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That was a bad feeling. 

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When Katara said they were friends, that was a good feeling. Azula tried to focus on that. She had only had three friends her whole life. Ty Lee, Mai, and Zuko. She had hundreds of acquaintances, but those were the only people she had ever considered friends and one of them was her brother. It was embarrassing if she thought too hard about it.

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Katara was her friend now though. Azula had never known anyone like Katara. It wasn’t that Katara was nice – actually she wasn’t always very nice– it was that she was kind. The adjective came to Azula when Katara said she would be there if Azula needed to talk. Katara could be mean. Azula didn’t think she could ever be friends with someone who couldn’t be a little mean. But at the end of the day, Katara cared so much. It almost seemed like Katara held the weight of the world on her shoulders with how much she cared. 

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Azula was used to being surrounded by people who were ruthless, shallow, and unfeeling. She’d learned to become that way herself. It was part of what she hated so much about the person she saw when she started to look inward. Katara was different. Katara genuinely cared about the people around her, not for clout either. It was like Katara actually wanted everyone to be okay. For some reason, Katara even seemed to care about Azula. 

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It was different with Ty Lee and Mai. They were almost more like sisters because Azula had known them so long. Azula could talk to them more than she could talk to most people. They had both grown up in their own fucked up ways though. There were things Azula was starting to think they may not be able to help her with. Like the thing with Chan – Katara had recognized right away that telling the media he hit her was a bad call. Ty Lee and Mai had been on board without question. Jet had called her a psycho but he hadn't tried to talk her out of it. Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee had been in plenty of fights over the years but they were ride or dies. Still, the three of them were messed up in so many of the same ways. Maybe all celebrities were. 

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Having a friend like Katara might be good. Azula didn’t know who she wanted to be, just that she wasn’t happy with herself. Maybe she wanted to be more like Katara. That seemed like something worth aspiring towards. Something to hold onto in the dark. Lately, Azula was clutching onto anything that felt worth holding onto, like someone falling from the top of a mountain, grasping at the cliffside.

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Azula got up because sleep clearly wasn’t coming. She knew the downstairs bathroom was filled with pharmaceuticals. Maybe an ibuprofen would help. Sometimes when sleep refused to come, she would take some of her mom’s anti-anxiety pills. Maybe she’d do that tonight. 

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Someone was already in the bathroom. Azula hesitated outside the door. The sound of gagging was coming from inside. She rocked back on her heels, staring at the door. A minute later the toilet flushed, and the sound of the sink came on. The door opened and Ursa was standing there in her pajamas. 

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“Azula?” Ursa asked. “What are you doing up?” 

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“Were you throwing up?” Azula asked. 

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“Something I ate,” Ursa said, evasively. Her hands moved up to touch her stomach as if on impulse. 

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Azula stared at her. Ursa normally wore loose, flowy clothes but she was wearing a tight tank top now. Was Azula imagining it or had her mom gained some weight? Azula looked from Ursa’s stomach to her face. Ursa’s panicked expression was a dead giveaway. 

_Oh shit._ "You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” Azula asked. 

“Sh,” Ursa put a finger in front of her mouth and looked around. “Azula, you can’t tell anyone. Please.” 

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Azula narrowed her eyes. “You’re not keeping it, are you?” 

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“What?” Ursa asked. 

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“You know you have to get an abortion,” Azula said. “Right?” 

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Ursa couldn’t seriously think it was okay to have another child. She couldn’t honestly believe there was any morally excusable argument behind doing such a thing. Azula had never spent much time thinking about right and wrong. Such concepts weren’t at the forefront of her mind. Life was about winning. It was about power. But even Azula knew that bringing another child into this house was inexcusable. A tiny helpless baby? Azula had her limits, but apparently Ursa did not. After what had happened to Zuko’s face? 

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“I can’t,” Ursa said. “It’s already too late.” 

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Azula was disgusted. Ursa had let it get to the point where it was too late? Azula didn’t know how to feel about her dad anymore. Making him happy had been her aspiration for the past eighteen years. Now it was becoming clear that was an impossibility. Through the darkness, as Azula struggled to find things to hold onto, she kept coming back to Zuko. He had always been there for her. Azula didn’t know what to feel about her father. If she could find a way back into his good graces without hurting Zuko, she thought she wanted that. What else could she want? Still, she was starting to see that Zuko had never deserved the treatment he got from Ozai. This house had always been so filled with violence, almost all of it against Zuko. What if Ozai treated this new child the way he treated Zuko? How could Ursa excuse such a thing? 

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Azula didn’t often think about the day Zuko’s face had been burned. She had sided with her dad at the time. The mantra of her childhood played in her head as she convinced herself it was okay. _‘Better him than me.’_ That’s how she justified it back then. The memory flashed through her mind now and she dug her nails into her palms. Ursa hadn’t been there. She’d come home hours later and taken Zuko to the hospital. She hadn’t been there, but she still knew – she’d still seen Zuko afterward – she had no excuse for thinking it was okay to risk bringing another baby into the world. Azula had already changed her tune with Zuko. She’d made the decision to stand up for him and she didn’t regret it. The thought of seeing another child treated like that – someone small and helpless – that was unacceptable. 

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Azula genuinely hated her mother so much it hurt. She could have hit her, and for a moment, she almost thought she might. _‘I’m not him.’_ The thought startled her. She’d always aspired to be like her father but lately, she had to admit, as she and Zuko got along more and spent more time together, she found herself seeing her dad in a new light. Maybe that’s not who she wanted to be. Was being the scariest person in the room worth doing the things Ozai did? 

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On the porch the other day, Azula had almost wanted to believe Ursa. The words _'I've always loved you'_ and _'I'm on your side'_ were dangerously temping. After being slammed into the wall and screamed at by her dad, Azula almost wanted to believe that her mother did love her and was on her side. Father wasn't physical with her. The threat was always there, but it tended to be unnecessary. She was very good at being whoever he wanted her to be and doing whatever he wanted her to do. He didn't need to use force. The idea of being able to trust her mom had been almost within reach, at the tips of her fingertips. The scandal with Jin had been so bad though. It made sense that reading the news over Twitter had caused Father to react that way. That morning had been so intense. Azula still couldn't believe Zuko had threatened to quit 'Stab,' or that it had worked.

After a morning like that, Azula had let herself hope, just for a moment, that her mother was on her side. Now she realized how stupid that had been. _'Stupid, stupid, stupid. Trust is for fools, remember?'_ Ursa couldn’t possibly care about any of her children if she was letting this happen. 

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Azula had never thought about it until now but she decided at that moment that Ursa was absolutely accountable for the shit Zuko had been through. Azula thought she herself was more accountable because she’d actively been on her dad’s side. Still, Ursa was not blameless. Azula remembered how certain she had been that Ursa and Zuko were leaving after Zuko's burn. It never happened though. They should have left.

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Azula had always resented Ursa's favoritism towards Zuko. It was a constant slap in the face. She had never once been angry at Ursa on Zuko's behalf until now. Even just a month ago the idea would have been laughable to her. Azula had also never considered her mother's decisions the way she was now. Ursa had chosen to stay with someone who pressed a fourteen-year-old child's face into a lit gas stove. Ursa was still here and now she was going to risk subjecting a baby to that.

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Azula had never really talked to Zuko about that day. Not in any meaningful way. Oh, they'd referenced it. They'd talked about the scar itself. But never a real conversation about the level of violence their father was capable of. The level of violence Azula could support. She'd watched her dad remove the metal grate and shove Zuko's face into the flames. She could have stopped it, probably. She could have at least said something. She loved her dad so much though. If he was doing something, he must be doing it for a good reason. Azula had been so entirely on her father's side her whole life. She had worshipped the ground Ozai walked on so if he was going to teach Zuko a lesson, she had believed he was rightful in doing so.

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_'You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher.'_

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That's what Ozai said to Zuko. Azula had never been big on regret. She regretted the way she'd acted that day. Suffering had certainly been Zuko's teacher. He'd been different after that day. Darker, more violent, always so angry. He was more like his old self again by now. That had changed gradually after he moved out. Was that what this new child would be subjected to - a lifetime of suffering? To the point that they couldn't even act halfway normal until years after moving away?

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It became clear the more Azula thought it through. Ursa's decision to have another child was insidiously evil. There was enough hate in Azula's heart to go around. She could hate both her mother and herself. No wonder they looked so alike. Two irredeemable monsters. Azula had always hated her mother for being protective of Zuko and hateful towards her. Would Zuko hate that Azula was ready to stand up for this child but it had taken her eighteen years to be ready to stand up for him? If he did, he'd be right to. Azula was every bit as bad as Ursa and worse. Much worse, actually, but this wasn't about that - it was about Ursa's weakness and selfishness.

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“You can never accuse me of being psychotic, or evil, or abusive again, Mother,” Azula said. “Never. You sick, hypocritical, bitch. You should be ashamed of yourself.” 

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Ursa looked shocked. She always managed to look so innocent. Her soft helpless character was so fake it was infuriating. 

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“I’ve never accused you of any of those things!” Ursa said. “But we can talk about that later. Listen, this is a secret for a reason. You cannot tell anyone. Please, promise me." 

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Azula ignored the denial. “You know, at least I’m aware that I’m not a good person. At least I don’t have any illusions about the damage I’ve done. At least I know I'm a monster. You go around talking about how much you love Zuko and I, but you’re perfectly willing to bring another child into this house. Don’t ever talk about caring about your children again. I hope Father kills this one in front of you. Then maybe you’ll see yourself for the pathetic, weak, poor excuse for a mother that you are.” 

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Azula turned on her heels forgetting the pharmaceuticals and went back to her room seething. She lay in bed, turning the shocking news over in her head. Something occurred to her. 

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She had information that Ursa didn’t want anyone else to have. Information was power. Since the incident when Azula stood up to her father, the power had shifted. Azula had become powerless. She had lost her power over her fans thanks to the asshole who posted the picture of her rand Jin. She had lost her power in this house thanks to both her decision to side with Zuko and her downfall in the media. Now though. Now, suddenly, she had power again. It had fallen into her lap by accident. Father had always said Azula was born lucky and Zuko was lucky to be born. Was it true? Azula didn't think Zuko was lucky to be born at all. If anything his birth had cursed him to more misery than anyone deserved. Azula was different though. She had always been lucky until recently. Was it luck, finding out this secret? The universe had certainly handed her quite a lot of power. It was only a matter of deciding what to do with it. 

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Zuko had been a mess as a teenager. After his dad burned him, he went to a dark place and stayed there for years. How had the idea of therapy never occurred to him? It definitely would have helped him back then. 

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Of course, back then Zuko hadn’t even considered getting better to be a possibility. He’d stayed high twenty-four hours a day and gone to parties with much older celebrities and drank his weight in booze. He’d driven drunk and high a hundred times. It was a miracle he’d never killed himself or anyone else. 

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Zuko had worn black eyeliner on his good eye and grown his hair to cover the half of his face that made people give him pitying looks. He was obsessed with death back then. He didn’t cut and he didn’t make a plan, but he thought about it all the time. Aside from a few loud public outbursts, Zuko hadn't been in too many scandals, amazingly. Things had been a little different back then though. 'Cancel Culture' wasn't as much of a thing. 

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Zuko's edgy angsty vibe as a teen actually sold pretty well, mostly among the types of girls who had feathered hair and wore 'Invader Zim' pins all over their jackets and posted 'rawr XD' on Facebook. There was a significant overlap between teens whose iPods were filled with 'Pierce the Veil' and 'Evanescence' and Zuko's fandom. Of course, that worked out because he was one of those kids. Zuko had never cared about having fans the way Azula did, but at least the timing had worked out for him so he was never 'cancelled' for posting suicidal memes and shit as a teen. He had a much more PC image now but it wasn't just his image that had changed. He wouldn't say he was happy. That was taking things a little too far. He didn't idly daydream about dying in a tragic accident anymore though. Those dark days had been in the back his mind ever since his conversation with Azula, mostly because he was worried that was entering a similar mindset. Minus the embarrassing scene kid aesthetic of course. 

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It was hard to believe. Azula had always been so far removed from the world. Sometimes it was easy to believe she didn't have feelings at all. Still, things were bad right now.

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The situation was looking dire for 'The Phoenix Family.' Zuko didn't care that much about his public image. He didn't want to be hated, that sucked, but if his fame died down, he could live with it. He'd had plenty of minor scandals before. There was a certain level of controversy about some of the darker stuff he posted on social media as a teen because he was in a kid's show. Once someone had posted a picture of Zuko with a beer when he was underage. Nothing like this scandal with Jet had ever happened though. Those other things had been small. Christian moms posting in Facebook groups about 'kids these days' didn't do much damage.

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Zuko kept telling himself he was going to quit social media but it was impossible. He'd averaged two or three hours of scrolling through hate today. He was sitting on the back porch, smoking a cigarette after a long day of filming for ‘Stab.’ Thank goodness that was almost over. For the sake of maintaining his mental health, Zuko was determined not to work with his family again for a while. Of course, that is if he could ever get work again. 

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Everyone was pissed because 'Jetko' was over. The nation's favorite kid's sitcom star and pop-punk singer duo had broken up and the consensus was that Jet was a victim. The internet was heartbroken. It was all kind of sickening, actually, the way Jet had turned this into a public sensation. Not that Zuko cared what random strangers thought, but he had been called 'a huge disappointment' by the cashier in a coffee shop earlier so that was fun. Everyone was siding with Jet. Obviously. Because Zuko refused to make any public statements. He refused to sink to that level. Jet had apologized and hadn't said anything new since that, but it didn't change anything. The public had decided where they stood. 

It was especially annoying because there were so many occasions Jet could have been 'cancelled' and wasn't. Something about him was just so charming and irresistible with the public. Jet could talk his way out of anything. Arrested for public intoxication? _'I was on a spiritual journey that week and LSD was part of it.'_ Caught encouraging fans to riot as part of protest efforts? _'I'm passionate about the cause.'_ Zuko had never known anyone as popular with the media as Jet.

Azula had been in a few scandals, mostly getting caught being rude to servers and stuff. This level of public vitriol was new to her too though now that she was a 'cHeAtEr.' God, it was all so stupid. Zuko didn't know what they were going to do. At least they were both standing their ground with their dad. The worst part of any scandal was always Ozai's reaction. 

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Zuko was glad Azula and Katara were becoming friends. Maybe someone as nice as Katara would be good. Maybe if he’d had a friend like that when he was Azula’s age, he could’ve gotten better faster. Things had definitely improved after he moved away from home but it had been an uphill battle for quite a while. Only now, at twenty-one was Zuko starting to feel okay and halfway like he didn’t completely hate himself. 

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When Zuko mentioned Katara being nice, Azula laughed. She told him Katara had a mean streak. Maybe that was good too. Zuko thought if Azula was ever friends with anyone who was too nice, she’d eat them alive. 

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Zuko had talked to his mom about the thing with Druk. She’d burst into tears and apologized again and again for what she’d thought and for what Zuko had overheard. He had ended up comforting her. He was just glad she knew the truth now. Druk was still hidden in his room because Zuko didn't trust his dad. 

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Azula came out to the deck to join him. “Cigarette?” she asked. 

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Zuko handed her one. She hadn’t threatened to tell on him since the other day, the day she stood up for him. Uncle Iroh had suggested Zuko consider Aang’s advice about therapy. Zuko had asked Uncle if he should be worried about Azula, and Uncle had responded that Zuko should definitely encourage her to try therapy. She had been blowing him off though. 

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“Did you see any of the links I sent you today?” he asked. 

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“What is it with you and your stupid links?” Azula asked. “Leave me alone.” 

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“Well, you said you hated life and yourself,” Zuko said, trying and failing to keep the annoyance out of his voice. “If you want anything to change, you’re going to have to work at it.” 

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Zuko knew this from experience. He hadn’t gone to therapy but living away from home had given him the chance to think about who he wanted to be. He didn’t want to be a bratty teenager who was rude to everyone, he didn’t want to be so angry he sometimes threw things. There was less need and opportunity to be that person living away from home. Zuko had spent years learning to be better and burying all the crap from his childhood deep. Lately, it had been coming up, but there had been enough good things – his new friends, his improved relationship with his sister, seeing his mom and uncle – that he could keep the dark thoughts leftover from his teen years mostly buried. It was hard work though. 

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“I have been,” Azula said, shooting him a look filled with daggers. “Or are you completely blind to everything I’ve been tolerating? Because of you.” 

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“Because of me?” Zuko asked, honestly hurt. “What are you talking about? I stood up for you the day Dad found out about your scandal.” He’d stood up for both of them that day and at the time it had been pure instinct. Threatening to quit ‘Stab’ had been on his mind anyway, and after Azula stood up for him he wasn’t going to let her get hurt. The more he thought about it the more he realized what a big deal it was. 

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Azula glared at him for another thirty seconds and then resigned to glaring out at the pool and smoking. Zuko felt a moment of vindictive pleasure that she had no come back for that. If she was going to blame him for shit that wasn’t his fault, he was going to call her out. 

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“This movie is going to be so awful,” Azula said, completely changing the subject. 

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“Yeah,” Zuko said with a soft laugh. “It’s a movie about a guy that burns people alive but it’s called ‘Stab’? Who comes up with this shit?”

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Azula laughed. “With the cast of a children’s sitcom as the protagonists no less.” 

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“Who is the target audience for this movie?” Zuko asked, also laughing. 

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“Horror fans who grew up watching our show, I suppose,” Azula said. “I have no idea.” She paused. “Do you think it will do well, though? Do you think the media will start kissing our asses again when it comes out?” 

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“No,” Zuko said, honestly. “It’s going to tank. Youtubers are going to make thirty-minute long videos about how awful it is and tear us to shreds.” 

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Zuko laughed because he didn’t really give a shit. Maybe if this movie was an epic failure it would even take Ozai down a notch. Zuko had never shared Azula’s ambition in the acting field. He did it because he didn’t see any other options. Zuko had realized at around seventeen that he was never going to gain his dad’s approval. He had gone into a deep depression that lasted months when he came to that realization. Little moments of clarity and conversations with Uncle Iroh had built up until Zuko realized during a conversation with Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee that it was himself he was unhappy with. The vacation to Ember Island had been a defining trip for all of them but Zuko especially because he recognized that he had all this rage inside him because he was becoming a person he didn't want to be. After that conversation, he started making plans to move out. 

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Father’s approval would be the only incentive for Zuko to want this film to do well. Zuko was making bank whether it was a box office hit or not. Jet’s rants about celebrities being ridiculously overpaid for mediocre work weren’t wrong and Zuko knew it. He thought about it now as he considered the large paycheck, he had to look forward to for this trash heap of a movie. The whole thing was a little funny. He’d been in ‘Phoenix Family’ for years so the idea of starring in a corny B-movie didn’t’ bother him. Being a pariah sucked, but Zuko didn’t need to be worshipped either. Of course, he’d prefer to be invisible, but that wasn’t an option. 

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Azula didn’t look amused anymore. “Do you really think so?” 

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“I mean, yeah,” Zuko said. “It’s a stupid movie.” 

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“But it will be nostalgic and fun for our fans.” 

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“We don’t have fans anymore,” Zuko said. “Everyone thinks you’re a cheater and I’m an abusive jerk.” 

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“Oh,” Azula said. “Maybe you’re right.” 

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“I thought you decided you hated celebrity life anyway,” Zuko said. 

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“Yes, but I don’t want to be reduced to becoming a washed-up B-list slasher star.” 

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“Better switch careers then,” Zuko said. 

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“Like that’s an option,” Azula said. “Everyone knows our faces.” 

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“Maybe we can both retire with whatever we have in our bank accounts,” Zuko said. He was only semi-kidding. 

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“I have no idea how much money I have,” Azula said. “I’ve never even checked. Father controls all my money.” 

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“Oh, you have to get your own bank account,” Zuko said, frowning. “Uncle took me to do that as soon as I turned eighteen. That’s how I was able to move out. I’d just gotten paid for that stupid Netflix miniseries I was in.” 

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“Maybe I should do that,” Azula said. 

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“I’ll take you tomorrow morning before filming,” Zuko said. “We can try to get your money from other projects transferred but if not, at least you’ll be able to keep the money for filming ‘Stab.’” 

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“Yes,” Azula said, looking marginally cheered. “Alright, thank you. If I do that, maybe I can look into renting my own apartment.” She smiled. “There, that’s a solid plan for one improvement I can make in my life. And you said I wasn’t trying.” 

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“I did not say that,” Zuko said. “I said you were going to have to commit to working hard if you really want to make any changes. I know you’re trying.” 

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He didn’t say _‘it means a lot.’_

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“I don’t know what else I can do,” Azula said. “I want to start winning again.” 

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“You can’t always win,” Zuko said. “That might have to be okay.” 

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“It’s not,” Azula said. She paused. “Do you ever think it would be better if you had never been born?” 

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Zuko stared at her. _What?_ This conversation had just taken a much darker turn than he had expected. He could lie. He almost did lie. It was his automatic instinct. If he lied though, Azula would know. She could detect bullshit a mile away. Also what good was it to lie? 

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“Yeah,” he said. “Do you?” 

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She considered. “Selfishly I’m glad you’re around, so no I don’t wish you were never born.” 

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_Wow. Okay._ That was possibly the nicest thing she had ever said to him. Also, she had totally misinterpreted what he was asking but maybe he’d misinterpreted what she was asking too. 

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“Wait, what are you asking me?” he asked. 

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“I mean, no offense but your life is a bit of a twisted joke,” Azula said. Zuko stared at her. At this point, he had no idea what this conversation was. “It’s been barely a week since Father started speaking to me the way he speaks to you on a regular basis and I’m ready to slit my wrists. I watched you have half your face burned off when you were fourteen, Zuko. I only wondered if you ever resented our mother for not snuffing you out in the womb.” 

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_What. The. Fuck._

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Based on her tone, she might have been asking him what his plans for dinner were. Azula had always been like that. Even as a kid. Everything she said came out either so intense and malicious that evil music should’ve been playing in the background or painfully casual. This time she was being casual. The things she was saying stung but Zuko had plenty of practice shelving away hurt for later. He was sure he would think about his life being a sick joke later. At some point in the coming days after too many drinks, he’d relive the memory of the burn. Not now though. Maybe he’d even wonder if she was right. Maybe he'd lay in bed and think yeah, it probably would’ve been better if he’d never been born. 

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He wanted to say _'you can't just say things like that to people.'_ But this was Azula. She could and she did. This time he didn't even think she was trying to be mean.

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Zuko had no idea how to react. He was just gaping at her because seriously – what was he supposed to say? He tried to get it together so he could be a good big brother and address what he saw as the most important part.

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_‘Ready to slit my wrists.’_

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That was the exact sort of dark bullshit Zuko had sometimes posted on MySpace at sixteen during a mental breakdown. It was bullshit when he posted it, but it also wasn’t in a way. He never did anything about it, he never even got ahold of anything to do it with, the actual intent was never there. Still. He never posted it if he wasn’t at least semi-serious. If he didn’t want someone to tell him not to. Sometimes you just needed someone to tell you not to. Even if it was a thirteen-year-old girl with a Ronnie Radke themed account. Zuko had never said anything like that except on his darkest days - the days when it felt like he was going to drown in the dark. No, he'd never meant it, not really, but also, maybe he kind of had. Zuko told himself maybe he was projecting. Azula was sort of larger than life, even to Zuko who lived with her. She was always winning, always a little terrifying, never small and scared and lost in the dark the way Zuko had felt as a teen. Except....lately she'd been exactly like that. Lately, she hadn't been winning at all. Their conversation the other day had been running through his mind. _'I hate myself. I hate this life.'_ That's what she'd said. Yeah, that's the kind of thing he might've said when the world felt like it was against him and the violence inside felt like it was going to cause him to explode. 

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Zuko could barely keep himself afloat. He was doing okay now, he was surviving. Hell, he'd just been thinking how he'd never been better. The bar was low though. He wasn't sure he could help someone else without going under himself. But what choice did he have? No one else was paying attention. _Just like no one else had paid attention to him._ How was he supposed to help her? Uncle's advice about pushing therapy wasn't working. Memories of his gradual realization that he hated himself were coming back to Zuko. The decision to change and move out had not come overnight. Before that, looking back, maybe someone should've worried about him. Maybe someone should've seen that he was drowning. He'd made his way to the surface, just barely. Every day was still treading water. He'd done it alone though. Oh, he'd had some emotional support, mostly from his uncle. How close had he really come to drowning though? It was impossible to know. How much of a difference would it have made if someone had tried to talk to him? Actually asked him how serious he was when he joked about jumping off a building? Zuko didn't know. Maybe he would have only gotten angry. Probably. He could try though. He could try to be that person because what if she was serious?

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All these thoughts ran through Zuko's head in a matter of seconds.

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“You’re not going to hurt yourself, right?” 

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“That’s what you got out of that?” Azula asked, seeming genuinely surprised. “Really?” 

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“Azula,” Zuko said. “You’re not right?” 

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“That’s so not the point.” 

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“Okay,” Zuko said. He’d kind of expected her to immediately dispute it so he was starting to feel frantic. “But seriously. You’re not, right?” 

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“I want you to address the point I was making.” 

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“You just said you were ready to slit your wrists, so I’m kinda panicking,” Zuko snapped. “Tell me you didn’t mean that.” 

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“Jesus Christ, Zuko. It’s a figure of speech." 

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“So you’re not planning on hurting yourself?” 

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“No, calm down.” 

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Zuko felt a wave of relief. “You can’t do anything like that, okay? I couldn’t handle it.” 

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“You’re so fucking dramatic." 

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“I – what? I’m dramatic? Did you even hear any of what you just said?” 

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“I’m not dramatic. I’m presenting you with a dilemma. You never answered the question.” 

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“Of course I don’t wish I’d been aborted or anything like that, what kind of sick question is that? Dilemma? What?” Zuko said. “God. Why would you ask me something like that?” 

“No reason,” Azula said. “I’m simply working things out and making decisions about how to handle delicate information.” 

"What delicate information?" Zuko asked.

"It's not important," Azula said. _God she could be infuriating._ "Forget the hypothetical abortion question. Do you wish Mom had left after Dad burned your face off?" 

Zuko stared at her. What was she doing? They didn't talk about this. The scar was a constant visible reminder and they were actors so, of course, they talked about it sometimes in that context. Never that day. She knew better. 

"Why would you ask me that?" he asked. 

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__"I'm serious. Perhaps you and Mom could have been happy. I genuinely want to know. Do you wish she had left?"_ _

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__"I don't know," Zuko said. He didn't care if he was raising his voice, she was pushing too hard right now. He knew she was trying to be better, he saw it and appreciated it, but it felt like she was being cruel right now - like she had always been before. What more could he expect? "What does it matter? She didn't."_ _

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How could she be so calm talking about this kind of thing? Everything she said was in such a casual tone. Zuko wanted to scream. Why was she bringing this up? Zuko tried to be a good brother but so many things about Azula made no sense. He never knew whether she was his friend or rival at any given moment. Why ask these questions now? It didn't matter and it did no good to worry about it. The past was what it was. Zuko figured he could bury it all deep down and then one day, he'd die. What motive could Azula possibly have for asking him such hurtful questions? A troubling thought occurred to him. 

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“Wait – are you pregnant?” 

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"What? No! I’ve never even-” she cut herself off. Yeah, okay, Zuko got what she was saying and was glad they weren’t getting too into that. Good to know and not something he wanted to think about again. “I think I might be a lesbian,” Azula said after an awkward pause. She did not look at him. 

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This conversation had gone so many different directions. Zuko felt like his head was spinning. 

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"I haven’t said that out loud yet,” Azula said after another pause. She shot a glance at him and then looked away again. “I suppose it’s rather pathetic to worry about that now though. The entire world is already speculating.” 

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Zuko had no idea what to say. He couldn’t imagine being in her shoes. When he came out, it was all very planned. His agent wrote a script for him and he said a bunch of lines about ‘being his TrUe SeLf’ and his assistants edited the shit out of it and posted it. 

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“Listen, I’m glad you’re uh, figuring that you,” Zuko said. He felt awkward but he wanted her to know he supported her. “I uh, I’ve been there. Well, kind of. Different thing. But still. Obviously. You know that. It’s a lot to try to deal with on top of like. Everything else. But yeah. I’m-” 

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“Okayyy!” Azula interrupted, drawing out the word and rolling her eyes. Zuko was thanking God she’d interrupted him, but he still hoped he’d made his point. “I think that’s enough sharing and caring for today,” Azula said. “I’m going to go inside.” 

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She crushed the cigarette butt under her heel and walked inside, shutting the door behind her. Zuko picked up the crushed cigarette and put it in his pocket. He kicked away the ashes on the porch with his foot. It wasn’t like Azula to forget. Dad couldn’t find out they were smoking out here. That had been a lot to take in and Zuko lit another cigarette and leaned against the rail. What the hell was he supposed to do with that conversation? 

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He decided to call Aang. After all, Aang had been the one to originally put the therapy thing at the forefront of Zuko’s mind. Maybe he could help. 

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“Hey,” Aang said. “What’s up?” 

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“I know we just saw each other, but can I ask you for advice?” 

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“Yeah,” Aang said. 

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"I think my sister needs to be in therapy. But she’s not listening to me. How do you make someone do the right thing?” 

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“You can’t force someone to do the right thing, Zuko,” Aang said. “But you can be an example. You could go to therapy and tell her how helpful it is. If you even find it helpful, I guess.” 

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“No,” Zuko said. “I don’t think I need therapy. It would’ve helped me at one point in my life, but I think I’m fine now.” 

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“Zuko,” Aang said. “Earlier when you told me that story about your dad’s reaction to you getting your ear pierced when you were fifteen, it made me want to go to therapy. Then you laughed like everything was normal.” 

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Zuko didn’t think he’d even shared anything too crazy today. “We’re not talking about me, Aang,” he said. “How do I force Azula to get help?” 

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“I gave you my advice,” Aang said. “Think about it.” 

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“Ugh, you’re no help right now.” 

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“Okay,” Aang said. “Well, I don’t have any other advice.” 

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“Yeah,” Zuko said. “I don’t know what I thought you would tell me. You just seem like you have all the answers, so I hoped." 

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“I definitely don’t,” Aang said. 

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“Clearly,” Zuko said. Then he sighed. “Sorry,” he said. “I don’t mean to take this out on you. I’m just stressed.” Stress always brought out the worst in Zuko. He really had worked hard to be a different, better person. 

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“Just think about my advice,” Aang said. “And Zuko?” 

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“Yeah?” 

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“It’s okay if some things actually are about you. It really is. You’re allowed to want therapy for yourself even if you’re not mid-mental breakdown. You’re always worrying about your sister and your mom and Jet and that’s great, but you’re allowed to worry about yourself too. You might get something out of therapy, even if things aren’t that bad right now. Therapists give great advice sometimes.” 

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“I’ve never been good at listening to advice,” Zuko said. “But okay. I'll think about it.” He said it to satisfy Aang, not because he meant it. “Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” 

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“Yeah,” Aang said. “Have a good night.” 

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After he hung up with Aang, Zuko got another call. This time from Jet. He decided to answer because he hadn’t heard from Jet since they talked the previous day about AA meetings. Jet had never ended up making the social media post he talked about. Zuko had checked. A lot of times. Maybe a little obsessively. 

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“Hey,” Zuko said. 

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“Hey,” Jet said. 

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There was a pause. “So,” Zuko said. “Did you go to the meeting?” 

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“Listen, I know you probably hate me, but I really need a friend right now.” 

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_That sounded like a ‘no.’_

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Zuko didn’t ask why Jet didn’t go to Smellerbee or Longshot. He already knew the reasons. Jet was worried about alienating them if he went to them with anything too crazy. They had both relied on Jet when they were kids. Smellerbee and Longshot had both had shitty home lives and they relied on Jet to look out for them back then. Even though the dynamics changed as they grew up, Jet didn’t really go to them with problems. Then Jet had been such a mess at eighteen and almost ruined his friendships with them. Zuko knew Jet worried about doing the same thing again. 

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What was he supposed to say? _‘I’m sorry you feel like you’re hitting rock bottom and that you’re depressed but I can’t deal with you right now.’_ Zuko could never say that. No matter what happened, he did care about Jet. 

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"Okay,” Zuko said. “You want me to come over to your place?” 

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“No,” Jet said. “I’m at ‘Home Base.’” 

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Zuko groaned. “Seriously?” he asked. _A bar. Great. Fucking great._ “Okay. I’ll be there soon.” 

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So much for Aang’s suggestion about having a good night… 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: as always thank you SO much for the support ❤️ every comment means the world to me and keeps me going. it especially means a lot when people feel called to share things about themselves in the comments because all I've ever hoped for as a (wannabe) creator is to connect with readers. I appreciate you all so much! Also - yes we are going to address Katara’s shit in more detail don’t worry


	10. be gay do crime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula makes a proposal to her mother.
> 
> Jet and Zuko reminisce about their past. 
> 
> Katara and Azula's mutual obsession with each other increases. 
> 
> Sokka struggles with his decision to take things slow with Zuko.

Ozai was sitting in the living room having a bourbon and watching the evening news. He glanced around and saw Zuko walk past to get to the front door, but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t care where Zuko was going as long as he was on set on time tomorrow. Zuko was actually standing his ground lately, which was interesting. Ozai had wondered what it would be like, having his son back home. Zuko had moved out as soon as he could but he was here all the time anyway to visit. Never with Ozai though, of course. 

A minute after Zuko went out the front door, Ozai heard footsteps on the spiral staircase. He didn’t turn around, but he heard the door open and shut again. The front window was open, just a little, to let in summer air. Ursa was always opening the windows. It drove Ozai crazy. He’d told her a hundred times it wasted air conditioning. She always insisted they could afford it but that wasn’t the point, not for Ozai. It bothered him because it was a little act of defiance. Still, he turned down the television and listened through the open window. 

“Where are you going?” Azula asked Zuko, outside on the front porch. 

Something had changed between them. Ozai didn’t understand it. He was still deciding how to deal with it. If he or Iroh had ever – ever – stood up to Azulon, Ozai was sure they would not have lived to tell the tale. But Zuko and Azula were standing up for each other lately. Ozai wanted to put a stop to that but he had to find the right method. He couldn’t risk them cutting him off because ‘The Phoenix Family’ had a reputation to uphold. Their reputation was in danger now, but Ozai was certain they could fix it. 

Ozai had lost hope for Zuko years ago. Zuko was weak and not very bright and he was never going anywhere worthwhile in life. His image might be able to recover a little though. Ozai still had high hopes for Azula, even now. Her decision to stand up to him had been foolish and disrespectful. Her downfall with the media was disgraceful, but Ozai believed she could recover. She had a dedicated fanbase, even if they were being quiet now. 

Ursa accused Ozai of being uncaring and cruel to his children but Ozai didn’t see it that way. He wanted his children to be successful. The world was a cruel, angry place and coddling children did them no good. Ozai had been raised in this world. Stardom was everything. A single mistake could do permanent, public, damage. His children were both learning that the hard way right now. 

“I’m going to see Jet,” Zuko said. 

Ozai frowned. Bad decision. Ozai considered going out there and forbidding Zuko from seeing Jet and risking making this mess worse, but he didn't. Zuko had already threatened to quit 'Stab' once. Ozai was angry with Azula for letting herself get caught up in a scandal but being gay was very trendy right now. Ozai was sure she could spin it if she just got her shit together. Zuko’s scandal was worse. Jet hadn’t said the word ‘abuse,’ but he hadn’t had to. That’s where the public’s mind went because that’s where Jet wanted it to go. Ozai wished his children were that good at manipulating the press. Azula had been, once, but she was losing her edge recently. 

“Oh,” Azula said to Zuko, outside. “Why?” 

“He needs me.” 

There was a pause. “He’s lucky to have you, Zuko.” What? Azula was seriously going soft lately. This was a more serious problem than Ozai had realized. After another pause, Azula spoke again. “I’m lucky to have you too. I hope you realize I’m aware of that.” 

What was going on with her? 

“What’s going on with you?” Zuko asked, echoing Ozai’s thoughts. For once, it seemed Ozai was on the same page as his son. 

“Nothing. I’ll see you later. If you still want to talk to me.” 

“Of course I’ll still want to talk to you. See you later, okay?” 

That was weird. 

A minute later Azula came into the living room. She spotted Ozai sitting on the sofa and went to sit on the other end, staring at the TV that was playing the news so softly it might as well have been muted. Ozai was impressed with her tactics. She was very good at hiding whatever agenda she had on her mind. She’d gotten his attention by not paying attention to him. That was a method of manipulation he’d taught her. 

After just enough of a pause to get him curious, without looking at him, Azula spoke. “I’m going to the bank tomorrow morning.” 

“Oh?” Ozai said, keeping his tone as casual as hers. 

“Yes. I’m considering renting an apartment for myself.” 

“What brought this on?” Ozai asked. Neither of them had looked up from the television. Ozai had a feeling he knew what had brought it on. Too much time spent talking to her brother. Ozai was sure Zuko was poisoning Azula against him, just as Ursa had always poisoned Zuko against him. He didn’t like it. He was supposed to be in control. They were supposed to be his pawns. He was the chess master, manipulating the board. It was his job to make their family the most intimidating and popular stars in the nation. 

“Nothing particular,” Azula said. She’d always been a good liar, but Ozai had taught her everything she knew. He recognized the way her voice shook, just the tiniest bit. No one else would have ever known. 

“Well, I think it’s a worthwhile aspiration,” Ozai said. 

Azula looked at him, surprised. He’d known that comment would break her careful façade of casualness. “You do?” she asked. 

“Certainly,” Ozai said, still looking at the TV. 

“Yes,” Azula said. Ozai saw from the corner of his eye that she looked relieved. “I knew you’d approve. I want to be more independent. I’ll still visit, of course. I don’t plan to move far. After all, all the acting work is here in Capital City.” 

So she wasn’t moving hours away to Hira’a, like Zuko had. There would be no trying and failing time and time again to distance herself. She wasn’t even trying, not really. This was a child, throwing a temper tantrum. 

“Just know,” Ozai said. “When you can’t find any work because the entire world thinks you’re a cheating whore, this house will be here. Your publicists who have always helped you will be here. You can try to make it on your own, but when it doesn’t work, you can always come back.” 

He saw from the corner of his eye that she was trying to compose herself. Good. She was losing it lately, but she still knew better than to let herself go in front of him. She still had that much respect for him. Ozai had learned at a young age that showing emotions in front of adults was a sign of weakness. He’d tried to impart the same lesson on his children. 

After a second, Azula spoke. “Thank you, sir.” 

“You’re welcome,” he said. 

There was a pause. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

“You just did,” Ozai said. He was annoyed with her for imposing on him, for assuming that she deserved his time with whatever mundane problem she was having, but he was also curious. “Go ahead, though.” 

“I know that you love me,” Azula said. She was certainly being bold today. “And I know we don’t really speak about love in this household.” Where was she going with this? “But do you still love Mother? And Zuko?” 

Ozai turned to look at her at last. She was not showing any emotion, instead, she was holding her chin up and maintaining eye contact. 

“How dare you ask me something so disrespectful,” Ozai said. 

She flinched. Ozai had made it abundantly clear that disrespect could not be tolerated in this house. She knew better. 

She was waiting though. Waiting for an answer. Ozai considered. He recognized that he was dangerously close to losing control over her the way he’d lost control over Zuko years ago. If he wanted to keep her under his thumb and making money for the family, he had to act carefully. 

He thought he could tell her the truth about this. After all, Azula might have formed a bond with her brother. Ozai understood that. He’d been friends with Iroh when they were kids. But there existed no such alliance between Ursa and Azula. If anything, Ozai thought Azula might be relieved to learn the truth. 

It was fairly obvious, in Ozai’s opinion, but their family didn’t talk about this sort of thing. “Your mother and I have been sleeping in separate beds for years, Azula. We’re together for the press. That’s all. As for your brother, he’s a disappointment. You know that.” 

Azula stared at him, looking much more shocked than he had expected. Why did she even care about this? She had always been so completely his. She’d always been under his control. He hardly even had to try with her, the way he did with Ursa and Zuko. These recent changes in her did not bode well. 

“Really?” Azula asked. 

Ozai shrugged. “I didn’t think you would care about this,” he said. “I’m going to bed.” 

He got up, leaving his half-empty bourbon cup on the table. “Goodnight, Father,” Azula said. 

“Goodnight, Princess.” 

He didn’t need to turn around to know the childhood nickname was the nail in Azula’s coffin. All it took with her were carefully placed comments that hit at the root of her insecurities and then a single compliment or a well-timed affectionate nickname. He did not think she would defy him again. Maybe she’d even reconsider moving out.

* * *

* * *

“Maybe things have changed more than you think, Ursa,” Ikem said. 

Ursa was pacing around the gardens. She’d watched Zuko come out to the porch, have a conversation with Azula, and then get into an Uber. The sun had set. Ursa was in no hurry to go inside. She knew Ozai was likely still in the living room, watching the evening news and drinking bourbon. 

She had come out here to speak privately on the phone with Ikem. 

“I don’t know,” Ursa said. “I’m afraid.” 

Ursa had been making quiet plans with Ikem ever since her pregnancy test came back positive. She had a lot of guilt about leaving Azula in the house with Ozai, but she planned to give Azula the option to come with her. She just didn’t know how to bring it up. Ursa was sure Azula would deny the offer, so it was more about easing her own guilt than anything else. Ursa knew she could not offer until the very last minute. 

Azula had seemed so angry about the pregnancy. Ursa was terrified Azula was going to tell Ozai. If Azula found out about Ursa’s plans to leave, that was just another dangerous piece of information for her to have. Ursa hated thinking of her own daughter that way – as an enemy – but she felt she had no choice. Azula had always sided with Ozai and now she had information that Ozai would certainly be interested in. 

Ursa had considered telling Zuko about her plans. She didn't want to put the additional stress of it on him though. Leaving was going to be dangerous. Ursa didn't know quite how she would do it. Sneaking away in the dead of night? A dramatic confrontation? An attempt at a rational discussion? None of those options were appealing. And even if she snuck away, Ozai could always find her. Zuko already worried about her so much. He didn't need to know until he had to how much danger she was about to be in. 

“Maybe you can trust your daughter more than you think,” Ikem said.

“You don’t understand what it’s been like for the past twenty-one years,” Ursa said. “Maybe you wouldn’t love me the way you do if you realized how horrible I’ve let things get. I’ve been an awful mother, Ikem. A thousand times worse than you know. To both my children.” 

“You’ve done the best you could with what you had,” Ikem said. 

“Bullshit,” Ursa said. “Azula hates me and Zuko worries about me like he’s the parent instead of me. I’ve failed the kids I already have and I’m so scared,” her voice broke. “I don’t know if I’m brave enough to leave for this child.” Not that she had a choice. She could not hide the pregnancy forever and when Ozai realized she was carrying a child that clearly wasn't his, she didn't know what he'd do. Staying had become more dangerous than leaving. 

Ursa loved Ikem for making her feel better about herself, but she didn’t want him to have any false illusions about her. Ikem saw the best in everyone. He looked at the world and saw beauty and kindness everywhere. When he looked at her, Ursa felt beautiful. Not physically – she had the media rating her as the nation’s Number One MILF in People Magazine, and teenage boys messaging her on Twitter, and paparazzi on the streets complimenting her hair and makeup for that. When Ikem looked at her, it was as if he saw a good person, a person worth loving. That was more than Ursa felt she could ever ask for. 

He didn’t know how many ways she’d fucked up over the years. 

“Fine,” Ikem said. “You want me to tell you I think you’re a horrible person? Or that you fucked your kids over?” 

“No,” Ursa said. “But you’d be telling the truth. No one ever wants to hear the truth.” 

“Maybe you’re not perfect,” Ikem said. “But you love your kids and you’re willing to lose everything to give this kid, our kid, a better life. Do you want the truth? The truth is I think it’s hilarious how you sing eighties songs in the shower and get the words wrong. I think it’s so cute the way you always make sure we tip delivery drivers over thirty percent. I love the way you catch spiders and put them outside instead of killing them. You’ve made mistakes, everyone has. But I’m not going to sit here and listen to you berate yourself. You are a good person. I know that in my heart. Maybe you weren’t a perfect mom, but you love your children, and you and I are going to be the best we can be for this child. I promise. You can do this. I’m here for you.” 

Ursa wiped her eyes. She wished she were with Ikem, physically, instead of on the phone. She wanted to throw herself into his arms. She didn’t deserve him at all. “I love you so much,” she said. 

“I love you too,” Ikem said. “We’re going to be the best parents we can for our daughter, okay?” 

“Daughter?” Ursa asked with a soft, teary laugh. 

“I know we don’t really know yet,” Ikem said. “It’s just a feeling I have.” 

Ursa laughed again. “Isn’t the mom supposed to be the one with those feelings?” 

“I can have them if I want," Ikem said, laughing. "Besides, gender is an illusion anyway." 

“I suppose you're right,” Ursa said. “I was hoping for a son though. I don’t have the best history with daughters.” 

“Promise me you’ll talk to Azula about this situation,” Ikem said. “Please? She already knows you’re pregnant. Not talking about it doesn’t help anyone.” 

“Okay,” Ursa said. She sighed. “I suppose I should go in before anyone gets suspicious. I love you.” 

“I love you too. See you tomorrow?” 

“I’ll be there once everyone’s left for filming,” Ursa said. 

She hung up the phone and sat down in the grass by the duck pond with a sigh. How was she going to be brave enough to do this?

* * *

* * *

Azula considered just going inside and talking to her mom tomorrow. She was already feeling raw and vulnerable and that was never how she wanted to be when talking to Ursa. Zuko was going to talk to Jet. Just as they’d started getting along. She wanted to cry. At least she’d told her dad she was moving out and he’d approved, as much as he ever approved of anything. Azula tried to tell herself that was a success. 

She couldn’t lose Zuko though. She already felt like she was hanging on by a thread. If Zuko decided he hated her, she wasn’t sure what she’d do. Zuko told her he couldn’t handle it if she hurt herself, so she wasn’t letting her mind go there. Everything was feeling more and more pointless lately but Zuko really seemed to care about her. The thought of losing him was terrifying. How could he not hate her though? Lesbian or not, she had made out with the guy Zuko had been in a serious relationship with for a year. Less than a week after they broke up. After Jet said all those horrible things to the media. 

She was standing behind a tall flower bush in the dark shadows. 

_‘I don’t have the best history with daughters.’_ That’s what Azula had heard Ursa say. She hated how much it hurt to hear. No, no Ursa didn’t have the best history with daughters. Ursa’s daughter was a disgusting monster. 

Azula had promised herself she wasn’t going to make this about her. She always made everything about herself. After her conversation with Zuko on the porch, Azula texted Katara to ask for a list of reasons Katara didn’t like her when they first met. If she wanted to be more like Katara, she needed to understand the things Katara didn’t like. 

Katara had texted back, ‘what the fuck?’ 

Azula had responded, ‘I’m trying to be a better person. help me out.’

So, she’d gotten the list. ‘narcissistic,’ ‘pretentious’ and ‘mean’ were the monikers that stood out the most. What was the definition of narcissism if not letting yourself get jealous of an unborn baby? 

Azula stepped out from the bushes and sat down by the pond beside her mother. Ursa gasped and jumped. Azula waited for her to get over being startled.

“How long have you been out here?” Ursa asked. 

“Long enough,” Azula said. 

There was a pause. “Please-”

“I’m not going to tell Father about your little affair,” Azula snapped. “I came out here to talk to you.” She took a deep breath. _‘It’s not about you, it’s not about you, it’s not about you.’_ That’s what she had to remember. It really wasn’t about her or Ursa. It was about the baby. Azula had planned to tell her father about the pregnancy. She had convinced herself it was both a way to get back in her father's good graces, and to put Ursa in a position where she had to choose what she was going to do. Ozai and Ursa sleeping in separate beds had implications though. This was more serious than Azula had realized. After her conversation with her father Azula had realized that it was her responsibility to step up for this child, even if it was hard. “I know the child doesn’t belong to Father. I don’t care who the father is.” She was curious though. “I assume he hasn’t been going to hospital visits with you, though. Even you aren’t stupid enough to risk the paparazzi seeing you walk into a doctor’s office with a man other than your husband. You shouldn’t be going alone though. So, I will take you to your next appointment. Someone who cares about the child’s wellbeing should be hearing what the doctor has to say.” 

Ursa stared at Azula like she’d spoken another language. 

“I also wanted to tell you, I’m moving out after ‘Stab,’” Azula went on. “Zuko is taking me to the bank tomorrow. Well…” she hesitated. “I’m going to the bank tomorrow. We’ll see if Zuko still wants to take me.” Almost definitely not. “I would highly encourage you to consider leaving. I don’t know why you’re still here, and I don’t care. I want you to take yourself out of the equation though, for once, and think about the child. What do you think Father is going to do when he realizes you’re pregnant and it obviously isn’t his?” 

“I’m running away with Ikem,” Ursa said. 

Azula stared at her mother. 

“The baby’s father,” Ursa went on. “You met him, once. At the ‘Pao Family Teahouse.’ When we were there with Iroh.” 

Azula thought back. She vaguely remembered some guy Ursa had worked with as a teenager saying hello that day. Then the part about Ursa running away hit her. 

“Wait – what?” 

Ursa nodded. “I didn’t tell you because…well…” 

“You assumed I would tell Father.” Azula nodded. That made sense. “What about Zuko? Does he know?” 

“No one knows,” Ursa said. “I’m terrified. I’m so afraid I won’t be able to do it.” 

“You will,” Azula said. She didn’t know if she really believed it or not. She wanted Ursa to believe it though. “You have to.” 

Ursa looked like she had more to say. Azula waited. At first, she thought Ursa had changed her mind. 

Then Ursa spoke, very hesitantly. “What changed?” she asked. 

Azula knew what she was asking but she didn’t know how to answer. She skipped a rock into the water and watched it bounce across the dark surface. Then she sighed. 

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “It’s just that Father hadn’t been physical with Zuko since Zuko moved out. Then he almost was, after Zuko hit Chan. I couldn’t let it happen. I suppose ever since then I’ve been thinking about who I want to be.” Something occurred to her then. She didn’t want Ursa to think this meant anything was changing between them. “This is not about you though, just so we’re crystal clear. I still hate you.” 

Ursa sighed. Azula thought she was going to try to defend herself again. Azula was worried she couldn’t handle that. If Ursa tried to go off on her, she was sure she would break down. She was already on the edge. 

“I probably deserve that,” Ursa said. 

Wow, very much not the response Azula was expecting. 

“I’m so sorry, Azula,” Ursa said. Azula was surprised to see that her mother was crying. “For a lot of things,” Ursa went on. “I failed you in so many ways.”

It felt like a punch in the stomach. 

_‘Understatement of the century,’_ Azula thought. 

Azula knew that tears were coming, so she stood up. She didn’t want Ursa to know how much the apology meant. Because it did, unfortunately, mean a lot. Azula had thought she was over this. Trust and hope were for fools. She didn’t trust her mother and she’d told herself a hundred times not to hope for an apology. She didn’t want to let the apology mean anything. That was a sign of weakness. She couldn’t let Ursa have power over her. 

How many times, on her darkest days, had she fantasized about a tearful apology from her mother though? It was an acknowledgment that Azula might have deserved better. Azula did not believe she deserved better. No part of her believed that. She saw now that Ursa was always right to see her as a monster. Maybe she’d always known how right Ursa was, and that’s why it bothered her. It didn’t make her hate Ursa any less. 

Instead of letting herself acknowledge how much Ursa’s words meant to hear, Azula stood up. “Yes,” she said in a steady voice. “You did.” She paused. “Perhaps you’ll have better luck this time. Don’t forget to text me the details about your next doctor’s appointment.” 

She turned on her heels to leave. A minute later she felt a hand on her shoulder. _‘No, no, no, please leave me alone,’_ she thought. She told herself if she could just hold back, she’d allow herself to break down once she got to her bedroom. She didn’t want to do it now. 

“Thank you,” Ursa said. “It means a lot.” 

“Again,” Azula said, shaking Ursa's hand off of her and hurrying away. “It’s not for you.”

* * *

* * *

Jet knew he did not deserve a friend like Zuko. 

After spending the past three hours at ‘Home Base’ he’d gotten the numbers of half the other patrons. He had no intention of calling any of them, but it was just nice to have an ego boost. He would miss the lowered inhibitions of booze whenever he got it together to actually quit. 

Calling Zuko had been a stupid idea. Jet just missed him. The entire world had never been so in love with him, yet he’d never felt so alone. Jet was still avoiding Smellerbee and Longshot because he didn’t know how to explain that he didn’t quite know what was wrong, just that he was spiraling. He was supposed to be the one there for them. As kids, he’d been the one looking out for them. Then at eighteen, he’d spiraled so badly he’d almost lost them. Nothing like that could happen again. He was falling into a pit of depression though, and he needed to talk to someone about it. Part of it was the breakup with Zuko, but there was more going on. He had this feeling like everything good in life was just out of reach. 

Jet was sitting at the bar waiting for Zuko to show up when his phone started ringing. Why was Azula calling him? She’d dodged his calls and texts so far. 

He picked up. “Heyyy,” he said. He was trying to sound both flirty and apologetic. Possibly his most well-practiced tone of voice. 

“You cannot tell Zuko about the other night.” 

“Which other night?” Jet asked. “They tend to blend together.” 

He did feel bad about the other night. Terrible actually. Like, so bad he felt like the filth of the earth. He wasn’t sure he’d ever felt so bad about anything. So bad he hated himself. But he had no idea how to be genuine about it. Especially with someone like Azula who loved playing mind games. He’d been ready to genuinely apologize the morning after it happened. She’d been dodging him though and now he was drunk and feeling obnoxious. 

“I swear to God, Jet, I will go to your apartment and burn everything you own. Do not fucking test me.” 

“Ooh, scary, burning my material possessions.” 

“I will pour gasoline over your sleeping body and burn you alive in your sleep.” 

“Guess the penchant for pyromania runs in the family.” 

There was a long pause. “I was under the impression Zuko hadn’t told you about what our father did.” 

Jet gaped at his phone. No, Zuko had never told him the truth. He’d always had a feeling. “No,” he said. “But I guess that confirms what I thought.” 

There was another long pause. “Shit,” Azula said. “You can’t tell him I said anything.” 

“So many things you don’t want your brother to know,” Jet said. 

Jet had no idea why he was being so mean. It just felt good to throw some of the anger and depression he was feeling back at someone else. Also, he wanted her to be mean back. Azula was mean. It was part of who she was. She was nasty and bitchy and horrible, and he wanted her to tear him to shreds. He wanted her to remind him of all the reasons he deserved to be shot. There was no reply on the other end. 

“Aw, no better threats?” Jet asked. _‘Come on, just be mean,’_ he thought. _‘Tell me how disgusting I am. Tell me how I deserve to die.’_ “You don’t want to threaten to run me over? Or tell the media how I-” _‘gave drugs and alcohol to an underage girl who just happens to be my ex’s sister and then made out with her while she was clearly mid-mental breakdown?’_ the voice in his head asked. “suck?” _‘Excellent finish,’_ he thought. _‘Great save.’_

Another pause. “I’m serious,” Azula said. “Please, do not tell him.” 

“Oh shit are you crying?” Jet asked. His heart sank. Damn it. Why did he always have to be such a dick? 

“No. Listen, I will do anything. Zuko cannot find out about this. Do you want sex? Because-”

“Whoa,” Jet interrupted. “Calm down.” The guilt was back full force. Christ, what kind of creep did she think he was? “I was never going to tell Zuko shit, okay?” 

“Oh,” she said. 

“I am so sorry, okay? I feel so gross," he said. 

“You really know how to make a girl feel beautiful, Jet," Azula said, her voice heavy with sarcasm. 

“What?” Jet was baffled. “Not because – what is wrong with you? I feel horrible because you were like, crying and shit. And you’re my ex’s sister. And you’re eighteen and I’m twenty-one. Not because-” Jesus because what – she was ugly or something? Jet was usually pretty smooth. Being at a loss for words was rare for him. “Listen, I’m just sorry okay?” 

“Wow, thanks, Jet,” she said, still cold and sarcastic. 

“Are you okay now?” he asked. He wasn’t sure what her problem had been the other day. At the time, he’d attributed it to her being upset over the breakup with Chan. Maybe. It felt like more than that though. 

“No, I’m not o-fucking-kay, Jet,” she said. 

“I fucked up so bad,” Jet said. 

“Just promise me you won’t tell Zuko.” 

“I’m not planning on it.” 

“Okay,” she said. “Thanks. Now we can go back to each hoping the other chokes to death.” 

"I don't hope you choke to death," Jet said. "I want you to be okay." When he looked down, he saw that she'd hung up so he didn't know if she'd heard. 

* * *

* * *

Zuko entered the bar to find Jet sitting alone and sat down in the barstool next to him. ‘Home Base’ was a shitty dive bar known for attracting washed-up has-been celebrities, underage kids, and wine moms. Zuko hated the place. He supposed as a current washed-up-has-been, he did belong. 

“Hey,” Zuko said. 

“Thanks for coming,” Jet said. “I’m so sorry, Zuko. About everything. I’m going to tell the media the truth now.” 

“So you didn’t believe anything you said?” Zuko asked before he could stop himself. He hadn’t planned on being so forward, but the question spilled out without his permission. The idea that Jet really believed all the horrible things he was saying about Zuko had been festering in Zuko’s mind. It was a heartbreaking idea. 

“No,” Jet said. “I was just so angry. We’ve been through so much together and you just threw it all away.” 

Zuko sighed. So it was like that. He got the bar tender’s attention and ordered a vodka tonic. That was Zuko’s go to. Not too sweet, just alcoholic enough to make the shitty-ness of life feel less shitty. 

“So much for the meeting, huh?” Zuko said. He didn’t mean to sound accusatory. It was just that he’d let himself get his hopes up. He’d really believed Jet was going to get better. 

“Yeah,” Jet sighed, looking down. “I guess. I don’t know.” There was a long pause between them. “Remember when we first became friends and we used to complain together all the time?” 

Zuko laughed a little. “We could spend eight to nine hours complaining about the pettiest shit,” he said. “Things that didn’t even affect either of us.” 

Jet laughed too. “That’s part of why I liked you so much. You didn’t sugarcoat anything.” 

“You made me pay attention to the bigger picture,” Zuko said. “I had never even thought about all the injustice in the world until I met you. I was too caught up in my own life.” 

“Remember-”

“Do not bring up the time we threw rocks at a police car,” Zuko groaned, laughing. “We were so stupid.” 

“We were badass,” Jet said. “We didn’t just say ‘be gay do crime’ we lived it.” 

They both laughed. “Is that term already trademarked or can you get it on your next band T-shirt?” Zuko asked. 

“Not sure,” Jet said, still laughing a little. “Think I could get away with it?” 

“Sure,” Zuko said. “Fans could wear it with the shorts you guys sold that say ‘Enemy of the State’ on the ass.” 

“I got away with that one ‘cause it was an album title,” Jet said. 

“Yeah but nobody else knows about the shit we used to pull back then,” Zuko said. Amazingly, they’d never been caught in any of their dumb moves back when they were eighteen and nineteen. They had two of the most recognizable faces in the nation and they’d shoplifted hundreds of dollars worth of food from convenience stores to give to panhandlers. Looking back Zuko couldn’t believe how stupid they’d been. “So it could read as a joke for legal purposes,” he went on. 

“That’s fair,” Jet said. “But fans who know what I’m about would get that I mean it.” Jet considered. "Maybe to make it more specifically accurate to me it should say 'be bi do crime.'" 

They both laughed. Zuko thought back on the days when he and Jet were just two idiotic young adults new to the world of independence and filled with rage. He shook his head. “We were both so fucking angry back then,” he said. He wasn’t sure how much had really changed. They were still both always looking for someone or something to take their rage out on. Back then it had been the world. Maybe for Jet it still was. Towards the end of their relationship, it had become each other. 

“Yeah,” Jet agreed. 

Zuko tried to meet Jet’s eyes but Jet wouldn’t look at him. “So what’s going on?” Zuko asked. “Why do you feel like you’re at rock bottom? Because of me?” 

“No,” Jet said. “You were right to break up with me. Our relationship had kind of become a shit show.” 

“Yeah,” Zuko agreed. “I guess I kind of shut down emotionally. Or whatever. It’s just that I’m not like you. I can’t always talk about difficult shit.” 

“Yeah I know,” Jet said. “And I never shut up.” 

Zuko laughed softly. “Yeah,” he said. “That’s true, you don’t.” 

Jet narrowed his eyes and shot Zuko a familiar sarcastic smile. Zuko was relieved. It was almost like they were friends again. It’s not like that sense of familiarity just disappeared. 

“Fine,” Jet said. “I’ll be quiet. Tell me what’s been going on with you.” 

“Besides my career going down the drain and my dad terrorizing me and Azula?” 

Jet flinched. “Yeah, sorry about that.” 

Zuko almost said _‘it’s okay’_ or _‘it’s not your fault’_ but he couldn’t bring himself to. “Yeah,” he said. “You should be.” 

“I’ll make a statement tomorrow, okay?” Jet said. “About how the relationship was toxic on both ends and I was completely unfair to you.” 

Zuko considered. He did want to stop being a pariah and possibly have his dad ease up, but he didn’t want Jet to ruin his music career. Jet really cared about ‘Freedom Fighters.’ “Are you sure? You might end up being cancelled too, for lying.” 

“Nah,” Jet said, waving a dismissive hand. “I’ll never be cancelled. I’ve been working on some new songs. About shitty relationships. I can spin this.”

“Glad to be an inspiration,” Zuko said dryly. 

“I think my lyrics do a decent job of showing both parties were kinda dicks,” Jet said. “Smellerbee and Longshot told me I was writing ‘sad lonely guy’ lyrics. But I don’t know. We always write about political stuff. Making it about me this once might be an okay idea. The fans might like it. I don’t know, maybe that’s stupid.” 

“Your fans will eat it up,” Zuko said. Jet wasn’t usually the type to call his own ideas stupid. He was clearly feeling down on himself. Zuko really did think the fans would love something like that though. Zuko would never say it to Jet’s face but he knew a good portion of ‘Freedom Fighters’’ fandom was made up of teenage girls who were deeply in love with Jet and would love to hear him sing about his romantic life. 

Jet was doing the thing he always did at bars and chewing on the end of a straw. It was one of the things Zuko had thought was cute early in their relationship. He wasn’t going to get caught up in that though. Of course, he thought Jet was cute, they’d dated for a year. He’d broken up with him for reasons though. Reasons he was determined to remember. 

“You think?” Jet asked. 

“Yeah,” Zuko said. “Tell Smellerbee and Longshot it’s okay to get away from your usual style.” 

“Yeah I always knew you hated my political lyrics,” Jet said. 

“Not true,” Zuko said. “I was just never as much of an activist as you. I love how passionate you are about fighting oppression and taking down corrupt systems.” 

“I don’t actually do shit though,” Jet said. “Not anymore. I think that’s part of why I’ve been so depressed. ‘Freedom Fighters’ started out just me and my friends in my garage. We would actually play at protests and fundraisers for nonprofits that help the people we’re supposed to be fighting for. Now we’re number one on the ‘Hot 100 Chart’ but for what? We’re everything we claim to hate.” 

“You want my advice?” Zuko asked. 

“Uh yeah,” Jet said. “I always want your advice. You just never give it.” 

“Whatever,” Zuko said. He knew it was true. He didn’t like giving Jet too much advice because he was worried he was just as much of a mess as Jet and his advice wouldn’t go well. Or that it would start a fight if he tried to give advice and Jet didn’t like it. Zuko thought this time he might be able to help though. He had a more objective lens to view the situation through than Jet. “Listen, you should write the songs you’re talking about. Well,” he amended, “unless they end up making me look like a total dick. Then maybe don’t. But you should play for a cause. I have this friend, Katara, you met her, she works at a social services agency. She might have some ideas. I could give her your number.” 

“Ooh, setting me up already? I didn’t know we were at that stage of our post-breakup relationship.” 

“Shut up,” Zuko said. “Quit being a dick. I’m serious. Do you want me to talk to her?” 

“Yeah,” Jet said. “Sorry. Being a dick is my natural instinct.” 

“Yeah,” Zuko said, laughing. “I fucking know it is.” 

“Yeah, you probably know better than most,” Jet said. “Sorry again.” 

“I’m sorry too, you know,” Zuko said. “You made it a hundred times worse after we broke up but before that, I was just as much in the wrong. I was never there for you.” 

“Maybe I asked a little too much,” Jet said. “I know you have your own shit going on.” 

Zuko sighed. Yeah, he really did. “Maybe I could’ve asked a little more from you. Then things could’ve been more equal.” 

“Yeah,” Jet said. “I always wanted to be there for you. I still do. But I get it if you hate me now.” 

“I could never hate you,” Zuko said. “So, thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” He paused. “So…A bar?” 

“Yeah,” Jet said. He paused. Zuko let him work through his thoughts. “I think I like the idea of going to AA but in reality, the thought of giving up the thing that lets me relax and get out of my own head is just terrifying.” 

“I get that,” Zuko said. 

“I think…wait-” Jet hesitated. “Is this – can we talk about real shit or am I being an asshole again? I don’t want to fuck up our new and improved awkward post-breakup bonding.” 

“We can talk about real shit,” Zuko said. After all, that’s why he’d come. 

“Okay. I think when my parents died, I turned to celebrity parties and drinking and drugs and I just never really processed it. Then I put all my energy into my music and into being angry because the piece of shit responsible for killing them never even got charged, and I still didn’t let myself process it. Now here I am, and I’m supposed to be an adult and obviously I have money and like, not to brag, but I’m successful. But I don’t have like, real adults to go to if I just need advice or whatever. If that makes any sense. I just feel lost.” 

Zuko nodded. “It does make sense,” he said. Yeah, that was definitely a feeling Zuko could understand. 

He knew it was different. His parents weren’t dead but the idea of going to Ozai for help with anything was laughable and Zuko worried about his mom too much to use her for emotional support very often. He had his uncle, but that was really the only adult Zuko had ever trusted. 

“One fucked up young adult with arrested development to another,” Zuko said. “You should go to a meeting. I could even go with you if it’s an open meeting or whatever.” 

“You’d do that?” Jet asked. 

“I would,” Zuko said. “But maybe you should ask Smellerbee or Longshot. Have you talked to them about this? I know you’re worried about fucking things up with them but they care about you like family. Not that I don’t. Obviously, I’d go.” 

“Jesus Christ I let a good one get away,” Jet muttered. 

Zuko wasn’t sure if he was supposed to hear that. It sounded like Jet was giving an aside to himself. The way they were looking at each other now was definitely dangerous. Zuko tried to remember all the reasons the relationship hadn’t worked. It was hard when it seemed like they were getting past them now. 

“When I ended things, I was hoping we could stay friends,” Zuko said. 

“Yeah,” Jet said. “Friends. I’d like that.”

* * *

* * *

Azula was sitting in bed watching ‘Unsolved Mysteries’ and Facetiming Katara. She had cried for about thirty minutes after her conversation with her mother followed by her conversation with Jet. Then she’d gotten her shit together and started watching TV. Katara had ended up Facetiming and was now watching the episode with Azula via screen sharing on the laptop. 

Except they’d both gotten side-tracked and weren’t really watching. Azula was laughing at Katara’s story. Katara looked slightly annoyed. 

“I just bared my soul to you,” Katara said.

Azula stopped laughing. “I’m sorry,” she said. “But you’re telling me you cried when your father asked you to shoot the deer, so you went back to the tent, took a nap, waited for your father and brother to return, and then helped them clean the carcass. You couldn’t deal the final blow, but you could help prepare the food.” 

Azula was pretty sure Katara had meant for the story to be a little funny. She was even pretty sure the 'bearing my soul' bit was mostly a joke. Sometimes it was hard to tell though. Azula could pick out a person's deepest insecurities from a five-minute conversation but she'd never been good at knowing when someone was joking.

“That was Bambi’s mom,” Katara said, but she was laughing a little too. _Thank God._ “I couldn’t just kill her!” 

“But you ate her,” Azula said. “You helped cook her.” 

“Eating meat you hunted yourself is an important part of Innuit culture,” Katara said. 

Azula couldn’t help but laugh. “You didn’t hunt it though, Katara. Your dad and brother did.” 

Katara laughed. “Fine,” she said. “You got me. I’m a hypocrite. Also literally nothing has changed. My dad and Sokka still hunt and I still help cook. So much for defying gender roles.” 

They both laughed. Azula heard footsteps outside her door. She frowned. Zuko was home. She was terrified to talk to him, but she wanted to do it now instead of waiting all night working her stomach into anxious knots. He’d been gone a long time. 

“I hear Zuko,” Azula said. “I have something I need to talk to him about, can I call you back?” 

Katara yawned and checked the time. “Shit,” Katara said. “Maybe not. It’s past midnight and I have to work tomorrow.” 

“Alright,” Azula said. “Goodnight.”

She closed the laptop and went to her door. She saw Zuko’s door close down the hall and tiptoed down. She took a deep breath and knocked. No answer. She knocked again. 

Zuko opened the door. He sighed. “Hey,” he said. “It’s kinda late, do you need something?” 

“How did your conversation with Jet go?” 

“It went fine,” Zuko said, moving aside to let her in. He closed the door behind her. “Until he tried to kiss me.” 

Oh. Azula had not seen that coming. Gross. “Really?” she asked. 

Zuko nodded. “I told him I just wanted to be friends though. I don’t know. It’s weird but I think we can be friends. I just have to remember boundaries. He said he’s actually going to a meeting tomorrow.” 

“Wow,” Azula said. She leaned against the door. At least Jet had kept his word. “So you’re friends now?” 

“Yeah,” Zuko said. “I guess so. We talked about some of the reasons we never worked.” 

A worrying thought occurred to Azula. “But if you talked to him about everything that was wrong before….you’re not getting back together?” 

“No,” Zuko said. The definitive tone in his voice was a relief. It would just be too weird if the two of them got back together. “We didn’t work as a couple. I know that now. I almost forgot today, for a minute, but as soon as he tried to kiss me, I remembered. Also….” Zuko hesitated and his face flushed. “I’m kind of talking to someone new.” 

“You move fast,” Azula said, laughing. 

“Shut up,” Zuko said, still blushing. 

“Who is it?” 

“You remember Sokka?” 

“Katara’s brother,” Azula said. “Sure. He’s cute.” 

“I can’t believe we’re talking about this,” Zuko said. “Did you wait up for me?” 

“No,” Azula said truthfully. “I was Facetiming with Katara and heard you get home” 

“You were?” Zuko asked. “You guys have been talking a lot, huh?” 

“Yes,” Azula said, lighting up. “I really like her. You know how I’ve always said I didn’t like humor? Or bonding? I think I’m starting to change my mind. She’s so smart and funny and she makes me see the world a different way. To think all this started because I thought her Instagram photo was pretty.” 

Zuko was staring at her. Azula didn’t get why. She paused and raised her eyebrows. “What?” she asked. 

“Nothing,” Zuko said. “I’ve just never heard you gush before.” 

“I am not gushing, I’m just-” she saw that he was laughing and shoved him, but not in her usual, meanspirited way, more in a teasing way. “Shut up. Listen, I’m going to bed.” She opened the door and backed out. Zuko was still laughing. “Shut up,” she said again. 

“I didn’t say anything,” Zuko said, putting his hands up in surrender, but still laughing. 

Azula glared at him as she backed down the hall. It didn’t feel the same as her usual permanent expression of distaste though. She was actually holding back a smile. Maybe she had been gushing. Just a little.

* * *

* * *

Katara felt like she was going insane. She had been researching insurance options for one of her clients for hours. She wasn’t supposed to work from home but there weren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done. She hoped she got a stellar review for her internship after this. At least in the fall she would just be taking classes and waiting tables, which was stressful in its own way, but would provide a break from this level of stress. 

She got a call. It was Azula. Katara decided to answer. It was Friday night. She closed her laptop. Time to take a break. “Hey,” she said. 

“Hi,” Azula said. “There’s no filming tomorrow because it’s going to rain and the only scenes we’re still re-shooting are outdoors. I know you don’t have work on Saturdays. If you don’t already have plans tonight-”

“Let’s hang out,” Katara said before Azula could finish. 

Katara knew it was probably wrong but in her mind, she’d made this into kind of a project. She wasn’t making as much progress with helping people at the internship as she’d hoped. Her dad had never been better. Sokka was fine and seemed to be taking things slow with Zuko. They’d been talking all week, but it didn’t sound like they were jumping into anything. Katara was wired to be working towards helping someone. 

Katara hated that she had to tell herself that it was good that everything was going pretty well. That it was okay that this internship wasn’t as groundbreaking in terms of making a difference as she’d hoped. Things were good. Which was just – great. Katara definitely wasn’t craving something more explosive and loud and dramatic. Nope. Not her. She was fine helping on a small scale and totally not making her new friend just one more thing to obsess over. 

The news cycle had moved on and Azula wasn’t getting nailed on social media quite as hard as before but Katara was still worried about her. She wanted to help her – there was something about Azula that just kept drawing Katara in. Also, the last time Katara had seen her they had gotten along pretty well. Katara didn’t know if she actually liked this girl or if this was just an obsession but she wanted to see her again. That much was certain. 

Healthy? Possibly not. Impossible to stop? Definitely. 

“What do you want to do?” Azula asked. 

Katara considered. “Let’s play it by ear. I’ve had a stressful week, I wanna have some fun. Do you want to meet downtown?” 

“Sure,” Azula said. “I’ve had a stressful week too.” She paused. “I’m glad we’re friends now. You stress me out at least sixty percent less than most people do.” 

Katara laughed. She couldn’t honestly reciprocate the sentiment, but it was a nice compliment. Also, it was possible Azula’s unpredictability was part of the appeal for Katara. So being stressed out by her wasn’t necessarily bad. Maybe. “Okay I’ll see you in like twenty minutes,” Katara said. “By the fountain?” 

“Sure but make it thirty,” Azula said. “My assistant is listening, and she just gave me the evil eye. I need to have my hair and makeup done before I go anywhere, or my father will have a conniption fit.” 

Katara got changed into jean shorts and a crop top that went over one shoulder. She’d put on a little makeup in the morning and she touched it up briefly. She decided to wear her hair down for the evening, with a small amount pulled into a bun on top. It wasn’t a clubbing look per se but it wouldn’t be out of place in a club. So, Katara was prepared for whatever adventure they went on. 

“Going out?” Sokka asked when Katara went to the living room and grabbed her purse. She decided to call an Uber, so she didn’t have to deal with downtown parking and traffic.

“Yeah,” she said. “With Azula, actually.” 

“Oh?” Sokka asked, raising an eyebrow. “But you get to give me shit about talking to Zuko?” 

Katara rolled her eyes. “Azula and I are just friends. It’s different.” 

“So are me and Zuko.” 

“Uh huh,” Katara said. 

“Uh huh,” Sokka said, imitating her just a little. They made faces at each other and then they both laughed a little. 

Katara sat on the sofa while she waited for her Uber to arrive and Sokka flopped down beside her, turning on the TV. There was something Katara had been meaning to bring up but she didn’t know how to. She was staring at Sokka. He finally noticed and sighed. 

“What?” he asked. 

“So about you and Zuko.” 

Sokka sank into the sofa. “I don’t wanna be lectured, Katara. We’re taking things slow. We’ve literally just been talking.” 

“I know,” Katara said. “It’s not a lecture. I was just wondering if you’d talked to him…recently.” 

“Oh,” Sokka said. “This is about the fundraiser thing.” 

Katara was relieved. Zuko had called her a few days ago to ask her if she wanted to plan a fundraiser with Jet. Apparently, Jet was looking for a cause to support. Katara was on the fence. On the one hand, she really liked ‘Freedom Fighters,’ and it could be a great way to fundraise for a specific cause. She had plenty of ideas. They could do it for the housing program her supervisor was working on and assist more people with rent. They could try to buy better food for the food pantry. If she wanted to go outside her internship she could suggest raising money to buy kids school supplies since fall was approaching. There were plenty of options and she was sure Jet had ideas too. On the other hand, she was kind of pissed that Zuko was talking to Jet again. After all the horrible things Jet had said? Jet had made his appearance in the press and taken back the things he said and the media was being a lot kinder to Zuko now but Katara was still mad. She didn’t like that the guy her brother was interested in was now planning fundraisers with his toxic ex. She was relieved Sokka at least knew though. 

“I think you should do it,” Sokka said. He bumped her with his elbow and shot her a teasing look. “I know working with the lead singer of ‘Freedom Fighters’ is your dream-”

“Oh grow up,” Katara interrupted, rolling her eyes. “I like their music.” 

“Sure,” Sokka said, laughing. 

“Fine,” Katara said. “Maybe I had a tiny crush when I was like thirteen. I am eighteen years old, I have an associates in social work, I am serious about this fundraiser.” 

“So you’re doing it?” Sokka asked. 

“I mean,” Katara said. “If it’s not too weird?” 

“Nah,” Sokka said. “It’s not weird. Zuko and I talked. He told me they’re friends again.” 

“That’s not weird for you?” Katara asked. 

Sokka shrugged. “Okay it’s a little weird,” he said. “But I’m glad. They’ve been friends for years. Also, Zuko and I are just friends anyway.” 

“Took you a second to get around to that this time,” Katara said. 

“Right,” Sokka said. “You put on more makeup at the end of the day to go out with all your friends?” 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Katara asked.

“You Facetime all your friends every night?” 

“What?” Katara asked. 

“I’m just saying,” Sokka said, getting up. “Don’t be the pot calling the kettle black.” 

“I have no idea what you mean,” Katara said twisting around to watch him walk away to his bedroom. 

“Uh huh,” Sokka said, laughing. “Have fun! But not too much fun! Be safe!” 

A minute later Katara’s Uber arrived. She thought about her conversation with Sokka on the ride downtown. Katara had only ever dated guys but she was openly bi. Sokka knew this. And when had Katara’s obsession with Azula started? 

Oh. 

After Azula’s public outing because of her kiss with Jin. Maybe there was another layer to whatever was going on here. Katara didn’t let herself think too hard about it because her Uber was arriving near the fountain downtown. 

She found Azula sitting on the edge of the fountain in a blue dress and heels with her hair down from its usual tight bun. Her black eye had mostly healed. Okay, so maybe there was no denying that Katara found Azula pretty. That didn’t mean anything. Sokka was just – ugh. He was just being annoying. 

“Hi,” Katara said. 

“Hi,” Azula waved. There were flashing lights as several passersby tried to take their picture as they approached each other. 

“How do you stand that?” Katara asked, hiding her face with her hand. 

Azula shrugged. “I don’t know anything else. I’ve been famous since before I was born.” 

“Right,” Katara said, trying to ignore the continuous flashing of cameras. “So where do you want to go?” 

“Have you eaten?” Azula asked. 

“No,” Katara said. “Maybe we could start with food.” 

“I have something better.” Azula pulled a small vape pen from her black leather bag. “Do you partake or are you too much of a goody-two-shoes?” 

“We’re in public,” Katara said. She laughed but she also looked around nervously. 

“This is a vape pen,” Azula said. “There's no smell. Jet and I used one in a public bar and didn’t get caught.” 

“What?” Katara asked. “You and Jet?” 

“I meant to say one of my many constituents and I,” Azula said. “It was all very above ground.” 

Katara rolled her eyes and took the vape, covering the side and sucking in. She passed it back to Azula, who also took a hit. They passed it back and forth a few more times. Katara was concerned because the cameras were still flashing. 

“You’re not worried about getting destroyed in the press?” Katara asked. 

“No.” 

“Why not?” 

“I’m taking a new approach,” Azula said. “I’m embracing the Miley Cyrus model.” 

“The what now?” 

“Think about it,” Azula said. “She was hated for destroying Hannah Montana’s pristine image for all of two seconds before the world fell in love with her for being a symbol of chaos and destruction.” 

Katara snorted. “I’m sorry what did you just call Miley Cyrus?” 

“You know,” Azula said. “A wrecking ball?” 

“Jesus,” Katara said. She was cracking up now. She couldn’t stop laughing. 

“I’m deadly serious,” Azula said. “This is going work and the world will kneel at my feet again.” 

Katara was still laughing. She tried to get it together but every time she almost sobered up, she’d think about Miley Cyrus being a symbol of chaos and destruction and start laughing again. Azula was not amused. 

“You don’t think it will work?” Azula asked. 

“No, actually, I think it probably will totally work,” Katara said, wiping her eyes and forcing herself to stop laughing. “You’ll probably be more famous than ever in the long run. Might take the public a while to come around but if it worked for Miley and Britney it could work for you. I’m not sure that’s what you really want though. You realize there are other ways you could get back on the media’s good side, right? With less heartache along the way?” 

“Yes,” Azula said. “I knew it was a smart idea.” She seemed to be completely ignoring the second half of what Katara was saying. “I will defeat every other star in the nation and rise to power and then my father will love me again.” 

Katara stared at her. “I’m sorry – what?” 

“That last part might have slipped in by accident,” Azula said, shoving the vape pen back in her bag. “I don’t usually smoke so I may be a bit of a lightweight.” 

“Okayyyy,” Katara said. She spotted a taco truck nearby. “Let’s get some food.” 

Azula paid for both their tacos and two margaritas in disposable cups. The vendor was too starstruck to point out that they were obviously too young to drink. Katara noticed Azula even tipped him. 

They sat down at a picnic table near the fountain to eat and drink. “Did you notice I was polite to that vendor, Katara?” 

“Uh, I guess,” Katara said. “You mean did I notice you having common decency? Sadly, yes.” 

“See?” Azula said, sipping her margarita. “I’ve been studying that list of reasons you didn’t like me at first. I remembered you didn’t like that I was rude to servers.” 

“Is that the only reason you’re trying to be nicer?” Katara asked. “So I like you? Cause no offense but that’s kind of stupid.” 

Azula laughed for a second but then she got serious. “Do you want an actual answer or is this one of those social situations where I’m supposed to give a one-word reply and brush it off?” 

“I want an actual answer,” Katara said. 

“Well it might have to be a half-answer,” Azula said. “First, I’m not trying to be nicer, exactly. Fuck being nice, there are far more important things in life. I’m trying to genuinely be better.”

Katara thought she understood and she was honestly impressed. She nodded. “I think I get you. Being nice is an aesthetic. What you’re trying to do is actually change." 

Azula nodded. “Thank you for understanding. As for the reason? Some of it isn’t mine to share. The short version is that our father was horribly abusive to Zuko when we were growing up but not to me. Ever since Zuko’s been back home I’ve been reconsidering the ways I was complicit.” She paused. “Worse than complicit, actually. I was every bit as horrible as our father in some ways. I don’t want to be that person anymore.” 

“Wow,” Katara said. “Thank you for being so honest. I don't think I expected you to actually give a real answer.” 

“Are you going to give me a real answer too?” Azula asked. 

“I’m sorry?” Katara asked. She didn’t recall Azula asking her anything that required a real answer. 

“Ever since I’ve met you I’ve been trying to work out your story. I’ll admit I’m lost. At first I thought you had some sort of hero complex, but I think there’s more to it than that. Why are you doing this internship? Why did you care so much when I was rude to people you didn’t even know the night we first met? I’ve shared my dirty laundry, I think it’s fair there’s some reciprocity.” 

Katara considered. “Okay,” she said. Katara had to remind herself that Azula wasn’t a client she was a friend. A potentially good friend based on the conversation they were having now. Sure Katara was a little buzzed, they both were, but it felt like they were having a real moment. She could be real for a second. “Um, I don’t know. Do you want the happy ending version or the the version with no neatly tied bows?” 

“Did you hear the things I just shared?” Azula asked, raising her eyebrows. “Tell me the truth.” 

“Right,” Katara said. She paused, taking a sip of her drink and a bite of food. Azula was right though. If they were going to be friends, Katara had to be willing to be share a little too. “So, you already know I lost my mom when I was eight.” Azula nodded. Katara took another sip of her drink. “Well, she was murdered. They never caught the person responsible. The police barely seemed to make any effort.” 

“Kya,” Azula interrupted. 

Katara stared at her. “Yeah, that was my mom’s name,” She said. “I don’t remember telling you.” 

“I did some research,” Azula said. 

“Why?” Katara asked. 

Azula hesitated. “It’s an interest of mine,” she said. “Unsolved crimes. You’re certainly correct about the police not making an effort.” 

“Yeah,” Katara said. “They didn’t. I was furious, even as an eight-year-old, because it just felt like the whole thing was being dismissed. It was like, ‘sorry your mom was violently killed. Anyway enjoy fourth grade.’” She sighed. “Well, I did not enjoy the fourth grade. I almost failed.” 

“Didn’t you get your associates’ during high school?” Azula asked. “I thought you were some sort of child genius.” 

“Hardly,” Katara said. “By high school, I was putting a hundred and ten percent effort into everything, so yeah, I got my associates’ early. I had a hard time when I was younger, but not because I didn’t get it, because I was so busy. Sokka was used to having our mom check his school binders to make sure they were organized, and remind him to clean his room, and pack his lunch. And our dad needed reminders too all of a sudden because he was so deep in depression. He’d make sure there was food for me and Sokka but we had to make sure he ate too. I guess now I want to be everyone’s mom all the time.” 

“Your dad and brother sound like real pieces of work,” Azula said, looking angry. 

“That’s not fair,” Katara said. “Maybe I didn’t explain it right. Dad always provided for us. And Sokka stepped up too. Just in different ways. We all had to step up back then. It took a long time for life to feel halfway normal and I guess sometimes it still doesn’t. You don’t just get over a loss like that.” 

“I suppose,” Azula said. “I wish I could relate.” 

“You have to stop saying things like that,” Katara said. She’d just started to feel like she could open up. Of course, Azula had to ruin it by being a cold-hearted bitch. “Even if your mom sucks. It’s just not an okay thing to say.” 

“I didn’t mean it that way,” Azula said. “Although I do hate my mother. I simply meant I wish I could understand what you’re feeling. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.” 

Katara felt bad for jumping to conclusions. “You don’t have to say anything,” she said. “You asked me for some backstory, I gave it. Anyway, I thought it was your dad that was abusive. What’s the deal with you and your mom?” 

“I said he was abusive to Zuko,” Azula said. The clarification seemed important to Azula but Katara wasn’t sure she believed it. “My mother is horrible for a whole host of reasons. And I get to spend the entire afternoon with her tomorrow, so I’d rather be done talking about her for now.” 

“Fair enough,” Katara said. They had both finished their tacos and margaritas in the time they’d been sitting there. “Where did you want to go next?” 

“Let’s go dancing.” 

They ended up taking an Uber to get to ‘Spiders’’ and the conversation in the leather backseat of the car was much more casual than their heavy talk by the fountain. They talked about the less depressing parts of growing up. Azula talked about taking weekend trips to Ember Island with Mai, Ty Lee, and Zuko. Katara talked about the prank war between herself, Sokka, Aang, Suki, and Toph that had lasted from fifth to eighth grade and involved many trips to Spirit Halloween and Party City. By the time they got to the club, the mood was much lighter. 

Inside, they ordered Cosmopolitans. The bartender definitely gave them a look but Azula tipped him a hundred dollars and he didn’t ask for their IDs. Katara laughed, taking a sip of her drink. 

“I would offer to pay for some things,” she said. “But-”

“I think it’s obvious why,” Azula said. “Besides, I finally have my own bank account. Zuko took me earlier in the week. So I can spend as much as I want wherever I want.” 

“That’s exciting,” Katara said. 

“Yes. I’m looking into moving out after this project.” 

“Nice,” Katara said. “Have you looked at apartments yet?” 

“I’ve been shopping online all week. I’ll show you some of the places I’m looking at later.” 

They ended up dancing for a while. Katara felt like it was a makeup for the last time they’d come here, which had ended in such disaster. They were both good dancers and the combination of the vape pen weed and drinks led to much closer dancing than Katara would have perhaps normally engaged in. 

After several songs, they returned to the bar, both panting. They ordered a shot each and clinked them together before downing them. Katara wasn’t used to having more than a drink or two but they’d spread them out so they were both tipsy without being wasted. 

“Do you want to go back to my place?” Azula asked. “I can show you the apartments I have bookmarked on my laptop. Or if you’re tired and want to return home I understand.” 

Katara considered. She didn’t have work tomorrow. She was having fun. She didn’t really feel like going back home. 

“I might end up crashing on the sofa in your room,” Katara said. “If that’s okay.” 

“Of course,” Azula said. “I do have plans with my mother in the afternoon, so you’ll have to leave before eleven.” 

“Sure,” Katara said. 

They took an Uber back to the mansion. As they walked across the lawn, they were both stumbling a little and laughing. They were about to walk through the front doors but Azula’s phone started buzzing. She answered, giggling. 

“Who is it?” Katara whispered, also laughing. 

“It’s Zuko,” Azula said. 

Azula turned on speakerphone so Katara could hear. “Azula, quit fucking around. If I can hear you guys out there laughing, Dad can definitely hear you," Zuko said, sounding angry. "Come in the side door.” 

“Oh, scary,” Azula said, sarcastic. 

“I’m serious,” Zuko said. “Katara, I know you’re there, tell my sister to stop being stupid and come in the side door. Also, shut up. You guys are being so loud.” 

“Damn, okay,” Katara said. 

They snuck around to the side, still laughing but much quieter than before. They slipped inside and tiptoed upstairs and made it to Azula’s room. Katara made sure the door shut as softly as possible. 

Azula’s laptop was charging on the bed so they both sat down on the bed and Azula opened the laptop. She clicked her recent bookmarks. Then she opened a page to a very high-end apartment with a balcony. 

“This is my favorite,” Azula said, clicking through the pictures. “I appreciate that there’s been a murder there, so it has an interesting history and I’ll be able to terrify Ty Lee into thinking it’s haunted.” 

“I like how that’s a selling point for you,” Katara said, laughing. 

They ended up laying back against the pillows, with Azula resting the laptop on her stomach while Katara looked over her shoulder. Katara was still pretty tipsy but she was feeling a slight fluttering like butterflies as she scooted closer to see the pictures. They looked through a few more apartments together with Katara giving commentary. 

After a bit Azula yawned. “I forgot all the maids left for the day. I'm not sure where we keep the extra blankets, to be honest." 

Katara was already pretty comfortable in the bed. “I mean…I could crash here. This is what, a king-sized mattress?” 

For some reason, Azula looked nervous and Katara instantly worried she was being presumptuous. “Do you want me to go to the sofa?” Katara asked. “I kinda invited myself to stay the night.” 

“You could stay here,” Azula said. “If you want to.” 

“Okay,” Katara said. 

Azula leaned over Katara and clicked a button on a remote on the nightstand. The bedroom lights turned off. Azula pulled the blankets over both of them. Katara tried to tell herself the warm feeling she had was because of the alcohol and weed but that had been a while ago now, so it sounded a little like a lie even in her head. She was sleepy but she was also feeling oddly tense. She usually put on soft music or a podcast when she was having trouble going to sleep. It helped silence her racing, anxious thoughts when they started overwhelming her, which was often. 

“Do you want to watch something?” Azula asked after a bit. “I always like to have a show playing when I go to sleep.” 

“Thank God,” Katara said. “I have trouble sleeping sometimes if it’s too quiet.” 

“I’m the same,” Azula said. 

Azula opened the laptop and started scrolling through various watch apps. Katara noticed the watch history had a theme.

“You watch 'Mindhunter' a lot?" Katara asked. 

“It's my favorite show,” Azula said. 

“I like it too," Katara said. "I can only watch so much at a time though. It fucks with my head." Azula continued scrolling. “You also really like ‘Cold Case Files’ and ‘Deadly Women." Katara was teasing, just a little, because Azula was so predictable. “I appreciate that you’re a Heathers fan. Wynona Ryder is my biggest celebrity crush.” Katara reached over and tried to scroll to the next row. As she did so, her hand brushed Azula’s and they both hurried to pull their hands away. “Oh and ‘Carrie the Musical,’” Katara said. “A professional recording, nice. I’ve never seen that, but I liked the book.” 

“That’s another favorite,” Azula said. 

“Let’s watch it,” Katara said. “I can always go for Stephen King.” 

“Me too,” Azula said. “What’s your favorite?” 

Katara thought for a second. “I love ‘The Shining,’ but I might love ‘Doctor Sleep’ even more. You?” 

“Possibly ‘Gerald’s Game,’” Azula said. “I’ve probably read ‘Firestarter’ the most though.” 

“Good choices,” Katara said. 

They watched for a bit. Azula positioned the laptop between them on top of the covers. Azula’s bed was very comfortable. Not that Katara’s bed wasn’t comfortable, but this was a high end bed. Katara found herself sinking into the pillows and relaxing. The bed was big enough to spread out, but Katara stayed close to Azula so she could see the laptop. That was definitely the only reason. 

After the song ‘The World According to Chris,’ Azula whispered. “I almost played Chris in a production once. My father didn’t let me take the role because he said theater was stupid. My mother argued every good film actor has practice onstage. That was one of the only times my mother and I have ever been on the same side. It would have been a fun role.” 

“You got the part but your dad didn’t let you take it?” Katara asked. 

“Yes,” Azula said. “He was right, of course. It would have been a waste of time. Chan was furious because he took the role of Billy before I was forbidden from doing the show and he only ever auditioned because I asked him to.” 

_Yikes._ “So you and Chan were friends before you started dating?” Katara asked. 

“Sort of,” Azula said. “We acted together on ‘Phoenix Family’ for years. I always admired Chan because he was older and he was nice to me. Back then anyway.” 

The bitterness in Azula’s voice made Katara sad so she said, “I’m sure you would have done a great job in the show. I don’t think theater is stupid. Sokka did tech for all the shows when we were in high school and I loved having an excuse to go. Who cares if it wasn’t going to make you more famous? Your dad should’ve let you do it, just for fun.” 

“He was only looking out for my career,” Azula said. “I had to make room for other opportunities. I did learn all the songs for the part, though, in my free time. I’ve always felt a connection to Chris. She’s clearly the best character in the show. ‘The World According to Chris’ was my favorite song of all time at sixteen.” 

Katara laughed. “What?” she said. “Chris is the villain.” 

Azula turned her head towards Katara a little, frowning. “No, she isn’t,” she said. “Carrie is the villain.” 

“What?” Katara said. “That’s the worst take on ‘Carrie’ I’ve ever heard.” 

“Carrie murders people, Katara.”

“Yeah but – what Chris does is demented. It’s evil. Carrie was pushed to do what she did. It’s a tragedy.” 

“I suppose that’s why I like Chris,” Azula said. “She’s twisted and cruel, but she knows it. She knows it’s always better to strike then get struck, and that sometimes you have to do twisted things in order to come out on top. She understands that the world doesn’t reward kindness. And she was pushed to be the way she was too, just in different ways than Carrie. I always thought that was the point.” 

“Didn’t you tell me you were trying to be a better, kinder person?” Katara asked. 

“Ugh,” Azula said. “Please don’t tell me that makes me Sue in this scenario. Gross.” 

"I like Sue," Katara said. "She's not perfect but she recognizes her mistakes and tries to make amends."

"Sue is an idiot," Azula said. "She keeps asking what it costs to be kind, but the cost is shown time and time again throughout the story. Being kind can cost a lot and everyone except Sue knows it."

Katara laughed softly but didn’t say anything. They both turned their attention back to the screen. When the show ended, they closed the laptop and set it on the nightstand. They lay quietly in the dark for a while. Katara was thinking about Azula’s rather unique take on ‘Carrie.’ 

“You know, you think you’re a Chris,” Katara said. “But maybe you’re more of a Carrie than you realize.” 

“That’s the worst thing anyone’s ever said to me,” Azula said. 

“Yeah right,” Katara said. She rolled her eyes even though she knew Azula couldn’t see her doing so in the dark. 

There was a long moment of silence. “I am not the weird bitch that everyone hates and who ends up committing atrocities during a mental breakdown,” Azula said. Her voice was a mixture of sleepiness and righteous indignation which okay, maybe Katara found just a little bit adorable. “That’s a truly fucked up thing to say to someone, Katara.” 

“Uh huh,” Katara said. 

She leaned her face into Azula’s shoulder in the dark. For a moment, Azula got tense, then she relaxed. Katara felt herself drifting into darkness. She hoped she didn’t dream of pig’s blood or burning corpses.

* * *

* * *

After Katara left for her night out which was definitely a date, Sokka watched ‘The Great British Baking Show’ for a while before he got bored because he’d seen all the episodes a hundred times. He stared at his phone. Katara clearly thought he was an idiot for still talking to Zuko but Sokka saw it differently. Sokka had dated Suki on and off through high school and they were still best friends. He still talked to Yue even though she lived far away now. He just didn’t think it was that weird. 

Sokka was of the mentality that relationships, romantic or platonic, came in and out of your life for a reason. He also thought it was normal and natural for relationships to change. He actually thought the concept that you couldn’t be friends with an ex was pretty archaic. After all, if you dated someone, it was because a connection existed. Just because things didn’t work out romantically didn’t mean you necessarily had to cut the person out. 

Whatever. Katara was being so annoying and Sokka wasn’t gonna let her get in his head. He picked up his phone and called Zuko. After two rings, Zuko picked up. Sokka definitely didn’t notice that it always took two rings, specifically, almost like it was intentional on Zuko’s part. 

“Hi,” Zuko said. 

“Hey,” Sokka said. “What are you up to tonight?” 

“I’m not doing anything,” Zuko said. “Filming is off for tomorrow because of weather so I’m just playing with Druk and watching Buzzfeed Unsolved.” 

“Let’s hang out,” Sokka said. “If you want,” he added. It was pretty obvious Zuko was an introvert. Sokka paid attention to that kind of thing. He didn’t want to put any pressure on the situation. 

“Okay,” Zuko said, sounding happy. Sokka blushed even though he was alone in the living room at the moment. It was so stupid how something as silly as Zuko sounding cheerful on the phone could make Sokka’s insides feel warm. 

“Let’s get food,” Sokka suggested. “If you’re cool with going in public now?” 

“Yeah,” Zuko said. “Where do you want to go?” 

“’Middle Ring’?” 

“Sure, I’ll meet you there in twenty.” 

“Sounds good, see you then, babe.” 

The moniker slipped out before Sokka even meant for it too. It’s just that every time he saw Zuko his mind screamed ‘BABE’ so he associated the word with Zuko. The phone line went dead, so apparently the conversation was over. 

Sokka checked himself in the mirror and changed into a better outfit, not because he wanted to look good for Zuko, he just wanted to look good okay? His nicest blue shirt with a white collar and a nice pair of jeans seemed appropriate. They weren't going anywhere fancy so he didn't want to overdress but he wanted to look nice. He debated his usual ponytail but the last time he'd sent a selfie with his hair down Zuko had responded with a 'heart eyes' emoji, which was a big deal from Zuko who didn't usually use emojis. So, hair down it was. 

Sokka took an Uber to the restaurant. Sokka had told Katara he and Zuko were only friends but was that accurate? Is that how Zuko saw them? Zuko had told Sokka immediately that he was talking to Jet again and that Jet had tried to kiss him. Zuko had been adamant that he made sure the boundaries were clear after that. Sure that was the kind of thing you might tell your friend, but it hadn’t exactly felt like Zuko was telling Sokka in the way he would tell a friend. 

At the restaurant, Sokka was the first one there. Sokka definitely didn’t feel butterflies in his belly when Zuko got out of an Uber and walked over to sit at the outdoor table across from Sokka. Except, okay, maybe he did. He’d promised himself they were going to take this slow but it was hard to remember that when it felt like things were going so well. 

Sokka got up when Zuko approached and hugged him because it had been a minute since they’d seen each other in person. Like a week but still. Sokka didn’t care that Zuko smelled good like fresh shampoo and fancy cologne. Or that he’d learned that if he held out his arms but let Zuko be the initiator of the actual hug, there was no awkward tension. It was just good to know little things like that about friends, okay? 

“It’s good to see you,” Sokka said. 

“You too,” Zuko agreed. “I missed you.” They pulled apart from the hug and Sokka saw that Zuko’s face had turned bright red. Again, it had been like a week since they saw each other in person. Sokka felt his face warm too. 

Zuko ordered a vodka tonic and Sokka ordered a Mai Tai. They talked about music while they waited for their drinks. Sokka had been sending Zuko a lot of ‘mxmtoon’ and ‘Beach Bunny’ songs. Zuko had been insisting bands like ‘Good Charlotte’ and ‘All Time Low’ weren’t as bad as people made them out to be. So they continued the music debates they'd been having via text in person happily. Their drinks came out and they placed their food orders. 

“So you’re back in the media’s good graces,” Sokka said. “For the most part.” There were still plenty of people who had read a few bad things about Zuko and refused to see him in a new light now. The scandal wasn’t exactly forgotten, but a lot of people had moved on and the ‘Cancelled’ label didn’t really apply to Zuko anymore. 

“Yeah,” Zuko agreed. “Jet took back everything he said. It’s great.” 

For some reason, Zuko didn’t sound as happy about that as Sokka expected. “You sound thrilled,” Sokka said, keeping his tone light and sarcastic. 

“I am happy I’m not so hated anymore,” Zuko said. He hesitated. “I just don’t know what this means for…whatever comes next.” 

“What do you mean?” Sokka asked. 

“Well….I guess this means I can keep acting.” 

“It means you can,” Sokka said. “It doesn’t mean you have to.” 

“Yeah,” Zuko said. “It’s just that everyone kind of knows who I am. I don’t see a lot of other options.” 

“They exist,” Sokka said, putting a hand on Zuko’s hand. “Don’t stick with something you’re not into. It’s never too late.” 

“How did you end up at architecture?” Zuko asked. 

Sokka thought about it. “I switched majors a lot freshman and sophomore year,” Sokka said. “Chemical engineering, astrophysics, and marine biology were the ones I stuck with the longest. I like the artistic aspect of designing things though. I suck at drawing, you can ask anyone, but I can design really complex structures and they end up working. I don’t know, my brain is weird.” 

“That’s amazing though,” Zuko said. “You’re good at so many things. And you found the thing that makes you happy.” 

“I think it’s more complicated than that,” Sokka said. “Happiness doesn’t come down to whatever career you choose.” 

Zuko looked frustrated. “Then what is it about?” 

“The people you surround yourself with,” Sokka said. “The things you choose to focus on. Yeah I like my job and I enjoyed school, but my friends and family are what I really care about.” 

“Well yesterday my sister told me she wants to purposefully spiral into chaos for attention, my mom has been acting super weird and not talking to me, and my dad has been the ray of sunshine he always is. Oh and I’ve been talking to my ex. So I’d say I’m doing great as far as healthy happy relationships,” Zuko said with a humorless laugh.

Sokka had not taken his hand back yet. They weren’t exactly holding hands, Sokka’s hand was just resting on top of Zuko’s hand on the table. Sokka squeezed a little. He took a sip of his drink. 

“Yeah I get you,” he said. “But no one’s life is perfect. Maybe a little spiraling won’t hurt Azula’s image, she might be onto something. Look at Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears. No offense about your dad but it sounds like things aren’t really getting better with him so I have nothing helpful to add. Have you tried talking to your mom?” 

“I don’t disagree about Azula’s image but my dad will be pissed when she starts showing up in Tabloids left and right. You’re right about things not getting better with him,” Zuko said. “And yeah, my mom’s not talking to me about whatever’s on her mind. She’s being all secretive about something. And the weird thing is, earlier today she and Azula were having some secret conversation that stopped when I walked in the room. I could've sworn I heard Azula ask my mom why she hadn't told me something. It sounded like 'you can trust Zuko.' They got quiet when they saw me though. That’s just freaking me out because I don’t think they’ve ever spent more than five minutes in a room alone without drama.” 

“Weird,” Sokka said. “Well I’m glad you’re almost done with this project because I know being home is stressing you out.”

“Me too,” Zuko agreed. “It’ll be done in time to drop trailers by the end of summer too, which was the goal since it’s supposed to come out in October. You have to promise you won’t stop liking me when you see this shit show. Picture every trashy slasher you’ve ever seen and imagine those directors were given a basically endless budget.” 

“It sounds epic,” Sokka laughed. “Also I’ve seen ‘Phoenix Family,’ if I was going to stop liking you because of corny trash…” Sokka was totally kidding – he’d liked the show as a kid and everything – but it occurred to him after he spoke that he might be coming off as a dick. 

Apparently, he wasn’t because Zuko was laughing. They both laughed about that for a bit. According to Katara, Zuko came off as awkward and rude. Sokka got the awkward part but it was impossible not to be charmed by Zuko when you got him laughing about something. The fact that Zuko didn’t automatically warm up to everyone right away was part of his charm to Sokka, who was so extroverted he made friends everywhere. There was something in the way Zuko was kind of shy until you got him talking or laughing about something that Sokka just found adorable. 

“I’ll miss you when you go back to Hira’a, though,” Sokka said. “After filming.” 

“I’m in Capital City every weekend anyway to be honest,” Zuko said. “To see my family.” 

“Yeah but aren’t you setting boundaries with your family?” That’s what Zuko had said he was going to do. Sokka did get that it was easier said than done. 

“Yeah,” Zuko said. “I’m not going to work with them for a while but I have to check on my mom. I worry about her. And I don’t know. I’m never going to ditch my sister. Besides, she’s moving out after this project so when I visit her, I won’t have to see my dad.” 

“Fair enough,” Sokka said. “Well if you’re here every weekend why not just move back to the city?” 

“It’s going to sound really stupid if I say it out loud,” Zuko said with a soft laugh, looking down. 

“Nah,” Sokka said. “You can tell me anything. I promise I won’t think it’s stupid.” 

“I told myself I was setting boundaries by moving to the next city over. It was so important to me at eighteen that I didn’t live in Capital City.” 

“That’s not stupid,” Sokka said. “I totally understand.” 

“It didn’t work though,” Zuko said. “You’re right, I should have just stayed in the city. When I actually start talking about the boundaries thing I realize it comes off as bullshit when I never enforce any of it.”

“It makes sense that you wanted to move to a new city though,” Sokka said. “And look, do whatever you’re comfortable with. To be honest – wait can I be real for a second?” 

“Go for it,” Zuko said. 

“It kinda sounds like your dad is the only one you really need to set firm boundaries with. And you’re doing it! That’s something to be proud of.” 

“I guess,” Zuko said. “You moved out at eighteen for school, right?” 

“To the dorms,” Sokka said. “I was kinda like you. I was excited about college and being independent but I had so much guilt about leaving. I was back every weekend.” 

“Why did you have guilt?” Zuko asked. “Your dad seems so supportive.” 

“Oh, he is,” Sokka said. “He’s great. It’s just that he wasn’t with Bato back then. He was trying to keep up with the bills and Katara’s school supplies and everything by himself. I felt like I was just abandoning him.” 

“It seems like he’s proud of you now,” Zuko said. 

“He is,” Sokka agreed. “He was then too. Things were hard for a long time but I’ve always been lucky to have my dad and Katara.” 

“Your family is so great,” Zuko said. “It’s ironic. I played a part in a sitcom about a perfect family for years but it couldn’t have been farther from how my family actually is.” 

“I mean we’re great, don’t get me wrong,” Sokka said, laughing. “But did you miss the part about my dad struggling to keep up with everything? We cared about each other but that doesn’t mean it was easy. I was so focused on making sure we were all okay I barely had time to grieve my own mom.” 

“Sorry,” Zuko said quickly. “I didn’t mean to make it seem like I didn’t get that.” 

“No need to be sorry,” Sokka said. “I’m just saying. No one’s got a perfect life, you know? If this were a TV show or a movie, everything would be able to be tied up with neat little bows. Life doesn’t really work like that though.” 

They ate their food and moved to lighter topics. They talked about their lives. Sokka told Zuko about the time he and Katara tried to build an igloo in their backyard and ended up with a snow cave that you had to crawl on your hands and knees to get into. Zuko talked about showing up to a fundraiser for cancer with Mai as his platonic date when they were both sixteen, both in full goth-gear, and getting stared at by all the fancy rich people. 

Zuko insisted on paying which did make it feel like a date but also, it was hard to say 'no' when Zuko had a well-known net worth of more than most people saw in a lifetime. 

“So when I called you said you were watching Buzzfeed Unsolved,” Sokka said as they walked away from the restaurant. “I gotta ask. Supernatural or True Crime?” 

“Supernatural,” Zuko said. “I love both though. And their new series." 

“Ah,” Sokka said, smacking his forehead. “I knew you had a fatal flaw. I kept thinking wow – this guy is so cool and fun to be around and his music opinions suck but in a funny way – but of course you believe in ghosts. That’s it, as a man of science, I can only accept so much.”

“I don’t know if I’d say I believe in ghosts,” Zuko said. “I just like watching Shane and Ryan go to haunted places.”

They were now standing on the sidewalk to the side so that people could pass. Sokka noticed Zuko seemed to have taken the jibes seriously. He laughed a little. 

“Hey,” he said. “Aw – you know I was kidding right?” 

“Yeah,” Zuko said, but it sounded like a lie. “Totally.” 

“I was just messing with you,” Sokka said. “I think we’re close enough now that I can say I’d like you even if you believed in wacky shit.”

Zuko laughed, sounding relieved. “Great. I don’t know if I’d call myself a believer anyway. My friend Ty Lee goes on and on about the spirit world and communicating with the dead and all that. It’s interesting but I’m a bit of a skeptic.” 

“Well I agree with you that watching Shane and Ryan go to haunted places is hilarious,” Sokka said.

“There’s something great about two idiots freaking out in random places,” Zuko said. 

“Speaking of,” Sokka said. “Where do you want to go next? Or are you ready to call it a night?” He secretly hoped Zuko wasn’t ready. 

“I’d like to do something else,” Zuko said. “What’s something you’ve always wanted to do in this city?” 

Sokka considered. “I’ve never been the Capital City Zoo,” he said. Then he thought about that. “It’s probably closed though.” The sun was starting to set so Sokka had a feeling it was too late to do anything like that. 

“No problem,” Zuko said, looking suddenly pleased with himself. “I know the night guard there.” 

Sokka gaped. “At…the…zoo?” 

“I might have gotten caught sneaking in one too many times as a teenager,” Zuko said. 

Sokka had to laugh. “I’m sorry – what?” 

“I hated my house as a teenager,” Zuko said. “So I’d leave as often as I could. I’ve always liked animals so I would sometimes go to the zoo. The night guard felt for me so he started just letting me in. I still see him when I go during the day. I’m sure he’d let us in.” 

“You just keep getting cooler,” Sokka said. 

They ordered an Uber and got out near the zoo. The gate was locked but Zuko insisted they wouldn’t get in trouble for sneaking in, so they climbed the fence. Honestly, at this point, Sokka was just down for an adventure.

Being the only two people in the zoo was a surreal experience. They went to see the elephants, lions, and kangaroos. They ended up sitting on the edge of a tall deck watching the giraffes. The idea was that you could buy food and feed them, but obviously the window where you bought food was locked. 

“I cannot believe you snuck in here as a teen regularly enough to get to know the night guard,” Sokka said. “That’s so cool.” 

Zuko laughed. “It really wasn’t though. Just to be clear, I didn’t sneak in here with friends. I did it alone. I was a weird kid.” 

Sokka laughed too. “Weird is good,” he said. “And you’re with a friend now.” 

“Yeah,” Zuko agreed. “It’s nice to have a friend like you.” 

“Vice versa,” Sokka agreed. They were standing close together leaning against the railing of the deck and watching the giraffes. Sokka thought about how easy it would be to reach out and take Zuko’s hand but he didn’t do it. 

“I bet you were super popular in high school,” Zuko said. 

Okay, yeah, Sokka had been pretty popular. He didn’t think he fit the stereotypical mold for a popular kid though. He just got along with everyone. 

“I guess,” Sokka said. “I don’t know. I was a drifter. I was on the football team but also in chess club. I had friends. You already know I’m still roommates with my childhood best friends.” 

“And your sister,” Zuko said. “What’s that like?” 

“Katara and I have always been close,” Sokka said. “I like living with her. For the most part. Obviously she can drive me nuts sometimes, but I don’t know what I’d do without her.” 

“Sounds like an accurate description of having a sibling,” Zuko said. 

“Yeah,” Sokka agreed, laughing. “I used to think my self-esteem would never survive living with Katara as an adult because I was always so jealous of her, but we respect each other a lot so it works.” 

“Oh,” Zuko said. “She used to put you down a lot, huh?” 

“No way,” Sokka said, waving a hand. “Never. It’s just that she’s always so naturally good at everything. I used to compare myself to her a lot.” 

“But you’re so smart,” Zuko said. “And you’re good at everything too.” 

Sokka laughed. Zuko was really sweet. “Thanks,” he said. “But I wouldn’t say everything. When I was a kid I kinda struggled in school. Math and science come easy but whenever I’d be given a reading assignment I’d flunk. It got like a hundred times better when I found out I had ADHD and got an IEP.” 

“A what?” Zuko asked. 

“Individualize Education Program,” Sokka said. “For kids with ADHD and ADD and stuff.” 

“Oh okay,” Zuko said. “Azula and I were homeschooled. Fancy tutors and all that. Probably the most individualized plan you could get. Azula was always better than me though. The tutors loved her because there was nothing she didn’t understand right away.” 

“I don’t think that means she was better than you,” Sokka said. “She just learned a little faster. Doesn’t mean anything about your worth as a person.” 

“I think that’s the first time anyone’s ever said anything like that to me other than my uncle,” Zuko said. “I did like school, though. Just only when it aligned with whatever I was obsessed with at the time. A certain animal, or a time in history, whatever.” 

“Makes sense,” Sokka said. 

They watched the giraffes in silence for a few minutes. They were definitely standing close enough that it wouldn’t be unreasonable for Sokka to take Zuko’s hand. Also they’d been flirting all week over Snapchat and Facetime and text. It wouldn’t be the craziest thing. The sun had mostly set but there was still a little light. Sokka felt like the moment was right but just as he was about to act on his impulse, someone yelled. 

“What are you guys doing here?” 

They both turned to see a security guard. Sokka looked at Zuko. “I thought you knew the night guard here?” 

Zuko looked worried. “Not that guy,” he said. He looked at the security guard. “Where’s Steven?” 

“You guys need to come with me,” the guard said. 

The guard was standing about fifty feet from them and in the dim light, Sokka didn’t think the guy could see them. He whispered. “Run for it?” 

Zuko nodded once. They dashed away from the guard and back towards the main entrance. Neither of them turned around to check if they were being followed. They were both, luckily, pretty fast. It only took them a few minutes to reach the exit. They had to climb the fence again and they ended up running down the sidewalk until they were a block away. They both stopped, panting. They were in a suburban area of the city so it wasn’t bustling with people like downtown. Sokka was pretty sure no one had seen them. The guard was nowhere to be seen. 

Sokka started laughing. “That was crazy,” he said. 

“I can’t believe there’s a new night guard,” Zuko said. He was also laughing though. “Oh my god – I’m so sorry. I just made you run from a cop.”

“Eh,” Sokka said, still cracking up. “Technically he was a security guard.” 

They both cracked up at that until they were both laughing so hard they couldn’t breathe. Someone from one of the houses opened their front door and poked their head out. It was a middle-aged blonde woman.

“Shut up!” she said. She slammed her door. 

“Fucking Karen,” Sokka said. 

Zuko put a hand on Sokka’s shoulder to support himself as he doubled over with laughter. Their faces were very close. Sokka thought about how easy it would be to lean in and kiss Zuko, but he didn’t do it. Not yet. 

“I guess I should probably try to get home before my dad gets home,” Zuko said after a bit, straightening up. 

“Yeah,” Sokka said. “Fair enough. We’ll have to break more laws together soon.” 

They both laughed at that. Then they each ordered an Uber and sat on the edge of the sidewalk waiting for their rides to arrive. When Sokka’s Uber arrived they both stood up. It had been such a fun night and Sokka didn’t want to say goodbye just yet, so they ended up standing there for a moment, just staring at each other. 

Then Zuko leaned in and kissed Sokka. Sokka leaned in and pulled Zuko closer to him. The kiss ended far too soon. 

“Goodnight,” Zuko said. 

“Yeah,” Sokka agreed, smiling and getting into the Uber. “Be safe. Text me when you get home.” 

“Okay,” Zuko said, flushing in the most adorable way. “You too.” 

As the Uber pulled away, Sokka leaned into the backseat, smiling to himself. 

“Was that the kid from ‘Phoenix Family’?” the Uber driver asked. 

Sokka recognized that Zuko had a public image to upkeep. “No,” he said. “Just a friend of mine.” 

“Good friend,” the Uber driver commented, laughing. 

“Yeah,” Sokka said. “A really good friend.”


	11. karma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ursa starts to formulate the details of her escape plan as her pregnancy progresses and doing nothing becomes increasingly dangerous. 
> 
> Katara, Jet, Smellerbee and Longshot plan a fundraiser. 
> 
> Aang and Zuko talk about their next moves. 
> 
> Azula's plot to regain her place as the nation's favorite star begins to succeed but not in the way she planned.

Azula woke up to find herself crushed against Katara. She kept her eyes shut and didn’t move because she was very comfortable, with her head resting against Katara’s shoulder. Correction, her neck kind of hurt so maybe comfortable wasn’t the right word. She never wanted to get up though. 

She hadn’t been close with someone like this in – maybe ever. Chan had always wanted to cuddle, and sometimes she’d complied, but it had been horrible. It was always clear he wanted more from it. As a kid, Azula had never been close with her mom, and the idea of her dad holding her or hugging her even as a small child was a joke. When she was very small, she had sometimes run to Zuko for a hug when she got hurt, but even that hadn’t really lasted past the age of six. Just being close to another person in this accidental way, having pressed against each other in their sleep? Unheard of and way better than she would’ve imagined. 

Katara stirred after a few minutes and Azula pretended to still be asleep. She felt Katara’s hand on her elbow, shaking a little, and still didn’t move. Inside, she felt warm. There was a kind of ecstasy that came with laying like this that she didn’t want to let go of. _‘This is what happy feels like,’_ she thought. For the first time, it didn’t feel like a lie. Katara shook her elbow again. 

“Hey, wake up,” Katara whispered. “It’s ten-thirty. Didn’t you say you had plans with your mom at eleven?” 

“We have to leave at eleven,” Azula said, not opening her eyes. 

It occurred to Azula that they’d both slept in their clothes from last night. They hadn’t even washed off their makeup. So maybe getting a little ready for the day and at least changing clothes wasn’t the worst idea. Azula sighed and sat up, stretching. 

Katara sat up too. “What are you doing with your mom?” Katara asked. 

“None of your business,” Azula said. It came out in a snap that she instantly regretted. Instinct. “Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to say it that way.” Maybe being a little honest would help erase the moment of rudeness. Katara seemed to like it when she was honest. “I think the idea of spending the day with her just puts me on edge.” 

“It’s fine,” Katara said. “Do you…wanna talk about it?” 

_‘Kinda of?’_ Azula thought but didn’t say. She liked Katara a lot and she was starting to almost trust her. She felt like she could be honest about a lot with Katara but…how could she ever try to explain why the idea of an afternoon with her mother sent her heart racing? Lately, she and Ursa had been almost getting along which was great, kind of. Yes, all Azula had ever wanted was to resent her mother in a regular way, the way normal girls resented their mothers. It was nice to hate Ursa less. Still, it made Azula feel insane. She hated questioning her own memories. Had Ursa ever actually been as hateful as Azula perceived? If not, it meant Azula had spent her entire life feeding into delusions. That’s what crazy people did. 

“Not really,” Azula said out loud to Katara. It would be nice to talk to someone, but not someone whose respect Azula cared about. No need to let Katara know she was starting to worry she was batshit crazy. Besides, Azula wanted to leave things on a good note. They’d had so much fun last night. “I’m glad you came out with me last night though.” How could she put into words how much this friendship meant? She didn’t think there were words. 

“Me too,” Katara agreed. “I guess you want me to leave so you can get ready for your fun day of mother-daughter bonding though.” 

“I don’t want you to leave,” Azula corrected. “But I suppose you should.” 

They stared at each other for a moment and Azula honestly thought she could die happy if she died in Katara’s arms. They’d barely known each other a month and Azula was absolutely obsessed. 

“If it gets rough today,” Katara said. “You can text me. Or call. Okay?” 

“Thank you, Katara.” 

Azula knew she wouldn't text or call to talk about this. No matter how rough things got. The option being presented meant a lot though.

* * *

* * *

Ursa sat in the kitchen sipping decaf coffee. She was at eight weeks and she’d been told she might be able to hear the heartbeat today. She wished with all her heart Ikem were coming, but of course, he couldn’t. 

Ursa was already showing a little and loose clothes could only do so much. She needed to make a decision about leaving but every time she thought about that, her heart rate accelerated and she forgot how to breathe. 

Azula walked into the kitchen at ten forty-five with a friend Ursa didn’t recognize. It did not escape Ursa’s notice that they both looked like they were wearing last night’s makeup touched up with a makeup removing wipe and had their hair in messy ponytails. 

“Hi,” the girl said. “I’m Katara.” 

“I’m Ursa,” Ursa said. They shook hands. “It’s nice to meet you,” Ursa said. 

“Likewise,” Katara said. She didn’t sound all that sincere though. She was eyeing Ursa with a somewhat suspicious look. 

An assistant came hurrying in and handed two fancy looking coffees with whipped cream to Azula. “Is this okay ma’am?” he asked, looking nervous. "You ordered two venti caramel lattes with soymilk, correct?" 

“Thanks, Mike,” Azula said. 

The guy stared at her. “You know my name?” 

“Don’t push your luck.” 

“Right,” he said. “Enjoy your coffee.” The assistant hurried off. Azula handed one of the coffees to Katara. 

“Thanks,” Katara said, taking a sip of the coffee through the straw. “Anyway, like I said, I’m a text away. Bye, Azula. It was…nice meeting you, Ursa.” 

Katara disappeared out of the front door. “Are you ready?” Azula asked Ursa. She stared at the mug in Ursa's hand. "What is that?" 

“Decaf," Ursa said, trying not to snap. She was getting a little tired of Azula questioning her every move lately but she wanted to remember it actually came from a good place. "Yes, I'm ready. Did you want to take an Uber?” 

Ursa had a fancy baby blue Porsche to her name but she rarely drove it. 

“Let’s pretend to be normal people for a moment and take the car. I can drive.” 

Ursa was not exactly excited about that idea but she was extremely grateful that Azula was trying to look out for her – well, for the baby at least – and she didn’t want to rock the boat. So, suppressing the urge to make a face, she went to the hook by the door and handed Azula the keys. 

Azula normally didn’t want to drive because she preferred being driven around in the limo or in an Uber. She technically had her license though, and Ursa did think the fewer people she had to see on the way to the doctor’s office, the better. An Uber driver was just another potential snitch. 

The ride to the hospital was every bit as terrifying as every experience driving with Azula was. Azula was actually a pretty skillful driver in some ways, and Ursa knew it. She could probably be a race car driver or something. She navigated the streets with ease and was highly aware of everything going on around her. She also never went less than twenty or thirty miles over the speed limit and was always determined to be ‘first’ which meant she had a habit of weaving in and out of traffic and cutting people off. This was especially scary today because of the gray, rainy weather making the roads slick and dangerous. 

Ursa had always thanked her lucky stars that Azula wasn’t usually a fan of driving. She wondered if it was unethical for the child in her belly for her to be in the passenger seat right now. There were a lot of moments where Ursa closed her eyes to avoid watching the road. 

By the time they reached the doctor’s office, Ursa was sure her blood pressure was off the charts. She tried to steady her breathing. Once Ursa had checked in they sat down in the waiting room. 

“Your new friend seems nice,” Ursa said. 

“Mm hm.” 

“Where did you meet her?” 

“She’s Aang’s roommate.” 

“It’s nice that you and Aang ended up getting along. I know you didn’t like him at first.” 

“Aang is fine. He’s just a little annoyingly perfect. Too nice, you know?” 

“I’m sure that’s how some people feel about you,” Ursa said.” _‘Minus the ‘too nice’_ bit,’ she thought but didn’t say. 

“Zuko probably,” Azula said with a laugh. 

“Yes, perhaps,” Ursa said. “Your father probably didn’t help with that.” 

“I’ve always been a bit ahead of Zuko,” Azula said with a shrug. “Not that that’s ever stopped him from being your favorite.” 

Ursa frowned. “I don’t have favorites.” She could have said _‘you were only ever ahead in your father’s eyes’_ but she could imagine about how well that would go over. 

“Whatever,” Azula said, rolling her eyes. “I thought we were having an honest moment, for once.” 

“Hey, I love you more than anything. You know that, right?” Ursa said. “Even if you hate me.” 

“Ew, Mom, we’re in public.” 

“Noriko?” the nurse called out. 

Ursa got up. Azula shot her a questioning look but Ursa shook her head ever so slightly. They went behind the door. Once they were in the private hallway following the nurse, Ursa turned to Azula. 

“I couldn’t have them call out my real name,” Ursa said. “Even if people in there recognized us, this way they’ll question it. I requested for them to do that. That’s why I didn’t wear makeup today too.” This facility also did regular family care so if someone did recognize them, it wasn't a dead giveaway. It was still something to be avoided. 

“Smart,” Azula said, nodding. “I thought you looked a little tired.” 

They went into the little room and Ursa sat on the chair where patients sat. The nurse took her blood pressure and weighed her and asked a million questions about her symptoms, and her routine. Then she said the doctor would be in within a few minutes and left. 

“I didn’t like her,” Azula said instantly. 

“Why?” Ursa asked. 

“She talked too fast. And did you see the way she blinked a few times after you said yes to drinking eight glasses of water a day? She clearly suspects you of lying. I also noticed she said ‘um’ a lot. A sure sign of stupidity. She shouldn’t have been allowed to graduate.” 

The doctor came in before Ursa could respond to that. He introduced himself to Azula, and she was polite enough but did not shake his hand and eventually he dropped it. Ursa was caught between amusement and annoyance. So far, having Azula take her had not actually been less stressful than coming alone. Of course, according to Azula, she was coming as a measure to look out for the child’s wellbeing and not to make this less stressful. 

“I think we can try an ultrasound today, Ursa,” Doctor Tyro said. 

“You think?” Azula asked. Ursa sighed. 

“Yes,” Doctor Tyro said. “Some doctors wait until further along, but I thought your mother might want to see if we can see the fetus.” 

“Is it safe?” Azula asked. 

“Yes,” Doctor Tyro said. “I wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t think it was safe.” 

“I don’t like him,” Azula said to Ursa. Ursa couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “He’s not certain of anything he’s saying,” Azula went on. She looked at Doctor Tyro. “It either is safe or it is not. As a doctor, the phrase ‘I think’ should not be in your vocabulary.” 

“It is safe,” Doctor Tyro said. “But we can wait if you’d prefer?” he looked at Ursa. 

“Azula, I trust the doctor,” Ursa said, sighing. “Please work with me here.” 

“Where did you go to medical school?” Azula asked Doctor Tyro. 

“Harvard,” he said, without hesitation. He nodded to a framed diploma on the wall of the room. “This is my personal practice. Your mother sought me out.” 

Azula crossed her arms and leaned back, glaring. Ursa supposed that was as close to acceptance as she was getting. She nodded at Doctor Tyro. 

Ursa was familiar with the gel he had to put on her stomach and the way the ultrasound worked from her previous children. Ozai had not been big on coming along to doctor’s visits, so she was used to being here alone. She hated so much that Ikem couldn’t be here to hold her hand. 

The image on the screen appeared after a moment. It was blurry and gray. A tiny figure, growing inside Ursa’s belly. She smiled up at the screen. She already loved him or her or them so much. She touched the sides of her stomach. 

“That’s my baby,” she said, tearing up. 

Azula got up from the chair and moved beside where Ursa was sitting to get a better view of the screen. “How is that a baby?” she asked. “It looks nothing like a child.” 

“There’s the head,” Doctor Tyro said, pointing. “They’re very small right now.” 

“Very small,” Ursa agreed, wiping her eyes. She cried so easily these days. She’d been like that for her pregnancies with Zuko and Azula too. 

After the ultrasound, Doctor Tyro told Ursa they could see if they could use the fetal Doppler to hear a heartbeat. He warned her it wasn’t always possible this early but said that they could try. She said she wanted to at least try. 

He pressed the Doppler against her belly and a soft, fast beating sound came. Ursa smiled to herself. She recognized the sound from both her previous kids. That was the heartbeat. 

“It’s so fast,” Azula said, sounding concerned. “Should we be worried about that?” 

“It’s normal,” Doctor Tyro said. “The heartbeat is always fast this early on.” 

After that, they went over more of what kinds of things Ursa could and couldn’t eat. They talked about what sleeping positions were best and the things she should avoid trying, like lifting anything too heavy. Then it was time to go. 

As they walked away from the office and to the car, Azula talked a mile a minute, critiquing everything abut Doctor Tyro and what she did and didn’t like about him. Ursa didn’t say much. She’d gone to Doctor Tyro during her pregnancies with both Zuko and Azula. She liked him. 

Ursa had brought a big black umbrella and she used it to cover both of them from the rain. Ursa hoped this weather eased up so they could finish filming ‘Stab.’ She needed them to finish soon so Zuko could go back to his apartment and she could make her move. Maybe part of her hoped it never stopped raining, actually. 

When they got to the car, Ursa reluctantly got into the passenger seat again. 

“Thank you for taking me today,” Ursa said. “It was nice not to go alone.” 

“You’re welcome,” Azula said.

When they got home – after another panic-inducing car ride - Ozai wasn’t there. Ursa assumed he was out with Zhao or his other friends. He wasn’t home very often, to be honest. Zuko wasn’t there either, but Ursa had gotten a text from him earlier. He had lunch plans with Aang. 

Ursa and Azula went to the kitchen. The chef had made a hot pot and it was waiting for them on the stove. Dorothy was good. Ursa had mentioned earlier in the week that she’d be gone Saturday from eleven to about one. 

They both grabbed a bowl and sat at the island. 

Ursa had been thinking about Azula’s confirmation that Ursa had failed her ever since she’d heard it. _‘Yes. You did.’_ Never the response you wanted from your child after admitting to failing them. Despite that, Ursa recognized that Azula was different than she’d been in the past. She recognized changes happening and she wanted to acknowledge them. 

“I want you to know,” Ursa said. “I’m really proud of the person you’re becoming. Even though I could’ve done things better with you, you’re stepping up for this baby. You’re stepping up for Zuko. I see you and I’m so proud of you.” 

Azula didn’t say anything for almost a solid minute. It was always impossible to know what she was thinking. She didn’t even look up or show any facial expression to give Ursa a hint. 

At last, Azula said, “thank you,” in a monotone voice. 

“So,” Ursa said. She didn’t want to push her luck too much but she also wanted to know what was going on with her daughter. “Did Katara stay the night last night?” 

“Yes,” Azula said. 

Honestly, Ursa had expected her to lie. “Really? Is she…are you…?” 

“We’re friends, Mother. Don’t burst a vein.” 

“It would be okay if you were more than that,” Ursa said. “You know how much I supported Zuko when he came out, I’d do the same for you.” 

“Did you rehearse that in the mirror?” Azula asked, rolling her eyes. 

“I’m just trying to be supportive. I’m always here for you.” 

“I know what you’re trying to ask,” Azula said. “Yes, I’m gay. Let’s not make a huge deal out of it. I’m aware I’ll have to make a public statement eventually. I don’t know when that will be.” 

Ursa nodded. Azula was refusing to meet her eyes but Ursa still felt warm inside. She didn’t think she’d ever gotten Azula to open up about anything. 

“I won’t make a bid deal,” Ursa said. “But I’m also here for you. When Zuko came out, we talked about-”

“I’m not Zuko,” Azula interrupted. “I don’t want to talk about anything.” 

“Okay,” Ursa said.

Honestly, Ursa thought this had been one of her more successful attempts to bond with Azula. So, she counted it as a win. This afternoon had been a win in many ways. She and Azula had been almost getting along lately. Not quite, but almost. And her new child was healthy. The doctor said so. The ultrasound and heartbeat confirmed it. Ursa considered the tiny child in her stomach. She had to make a decision. 

“So, in the interest of completely changing the subject,” Azula said. “Why haven’t you told Zuko that you’re leaving?” 

“It’s going to be dangerous,” Ursa said. “I still haven’t decided how I’m going to do it. I don’t want Zuko to have to stress about that.” 

“Are you waiting until he moves back t his apartment?” Azula said. 

Ursa nodded. A week. They had a week left of filming. A few days if they were efficient. She swallowed hard. 

“I’ll help you,” Azula said. “With however you decide to do it. I want this child to be safe.” 

“Thank you,” Ursa said. “But I can’t ask you to do that.” 

Azula laughed bitterly. “You’re not asking,” she said. “You’d never ask. Because you don’t care about this child’s wellbeing, just like you never cared about mine or Zuko’s. You’d end up staying here forever if this Ikem person wasn’t offering you an escape. That’s why I’m not asking permission, I’m telling you that I’m going to help you whether you like it or not.”

* * *

* * *

Katara couldn’t believe she was in Jet’s apartment with the actual members of ‘Freedom Fighters.’ She’d called Jet after leaving Azula’s house and Jet had invited her over. So, after going home to shower and change and do her hair in its traditional loops, she’d driven to Jet’s downtown apartment. 

Katara was totally over her junior high crush and she wasn’t the type to get starstruck but…maybe she was a little starstruck. She’d met Jet once before but that had been right after she heard him being a dick to Zuko the first time their group hung out with Zuko. So she’d been kinda unsure how to feel. She still was, but she was starting to see that the situation between Jet and Zuko was a lot more nuanced than that. Besides, she was excited for another project to take on and to work with a band she liked. 

Jet’s apartment was fancy but purposefully messy, with piles of records and stacks of books scattered on the living room floor. He had a bunch of hanging chairs and a hammock and an entire wall of window overlooking the city. Katara had never been in an apartment like this. Smellerbee and Longshot were sitting in the dining room area – it was a very open space apartment – at the kitchen table. 

Jet had come to let Katara in when she hesitantly knocked, and now he was leading her towards the table.

“Hi,” Katara said. 

“Sup,” Smellerbee said. “I’m Smellerbee, you must be Katara.” 

“Yeah,” Katara said. “It’s nice to meet you both. I’m a big fan.” 

Longshot got up and shook her hand. Longshot was the bassist, Smellerbee played the drums, and Jet played guitar and sang. Katara knew they wrote all their music together from listening to plenty of Youtube interviews with them. 

Jet went to the fridge and got out four sparkling waters, handing one to Katara. She sat down at the table. Katara had talked to Zuko a little on the phone about the situation, just to get a better idea of what kind of person Jet was before agreeing to anything. Zuko told her Jet had started AA meetings. Katara honestly didn't know what to think about all the drama. It was weird to her that Zuko just forgave Jet but she understood that there was history there. She thought the sparkling waters in the fridge were a good sign though. 

“So thanks for coming,” Jet said. “I wanna get that out of the way first. I know since you’re friends with Zuko you probably think I’m a total psycho. But I appreciate you giving this a chance.” 

“I have no idea what to think,” Katara said. “I’d never even met a celebrity until Aang started filming for ‘Stab.’” 

Longshot nodded understandingly. Jet and Smellerbee also looked sympathetic. Katara was glad they seemed to get where she was coming from. With both Azula and Zuko, it was like they had no understanding what an outsider might feel about getting caught up in celebrity drama. It’s why Katara was so worried about Sokka and Zuko. 

Katara was giving Zuko a chance. Sokka, Aang, Suki, and Toph thought he was great. It didn't completely erase her concerns. She'd seen the way drama could escalate with celebrities and she wasn't here for it. Still, she knew Sokka had a point about her hypocrisy. Katara wasn't sure smoking and drinking with Azula had been wise, but she'd done it. So maybe she couldn't say much about Sokka's decisions, even if she wanted to. 

Also, Katara had now talked to Zuko on the phone a few times and she had to admit she was starting to understand him a little more. Azula's confirmation that Ozai was abusive to Zuko actually explained a lot. She felt a little bad about judging him for being tense and awkward at times. Maybe he had his reasons for being that way. 

“I get you, dude,” Smellerbee said. “We blew up at the age of what – fifteen? And none of us grew up in a neighborhood like this,” she gestured to the window overlooking downtown. “So for real, we understand. It’s weird jumping into this world." 

“Yeah,” Katara said, relaxing a little. “It kinda is. But I don’t want to get involved in drama. I mean,” she looked at Jet. “It’s pretty shitty that you publicly tried to ruin Zuko’s career and then turned around and said ‘nevermind’ but I’m not here to talk about that. Zuko says you’re looking for a cause to support?” 

“I know it’s shitty,” Jet said. “That’s why I wanted to address it right away. Zuko and I are cool now, though. Hopefully, we can be cool too?” 

“Yeah okay,” Katara said. 

“Friends?” Jet asked. 

Katara had honestly only seen this as a work opportunity and potentially a way to do some good. Also yeah, to work with a band she liked. She wasn’t sure how to feel about being Jet’s friend. It was weird given all the drama that had just happened, but she had always admired his activism and thought he had good ideas. And hey – something else – Azula had mentioned something about hanging out with Jet. Katara had been surprised but maybe Azula and Jet were friends? Not that Katara trusted Azula’s judgment per se, but still. If Zuko and Azula both forgave Jet for the problems he’d caused their family, Katara thought he must be the kind of person worth giving a chance to. 

“Okay,” she agreed. “Friends. I like that.” 

“Well, that was gay,” Smellerbee said, laughing. 

Katara laughed too. If a straight person had made a joke calling a cheesy interaction gay, yeah it would’ve sucked. Katara knew Smellerbee was a trans lesbian though. She definitely had a pass. 

“Technically, bi,” Jet said. 

“Solidarity,” Katara said. 

Jet held out his fist and Katara bumped it. She still remembered watching his ‘coming out’ video on Youtube as a teenager and being over the moon that a celebrity was embracing the label she’d been considering for herself. The more she thought about it, the more she thought there were lots of reasons being Jet’s friend was kind of cool. 

“So,” Jet said. “I’ve been looking for a cause to support. Zuko mentioned you work at a social services agency.” 

“Yeah,” Katara said. “We don’t even have to do something with them though. We could, or we could do our own thing. Do you have any ideas?” 

“Well, kind of actually,” Jet said. 

“What were you thinking?” Katara asked. 

“Well,” Jet hesitated. “I kinda just met you so this is weird but also it’s not weird because I’ve talked about it publicly. You know how I was in foster care for like a year? Or maybe you don’t know-” 

“I know,” Katara said, quickly.

“Yeah and it was shitty and I had strong opinions about all foster parents back then and I kinda trashed the whole system.” 

“Yeah,” Katara said. “Well you weren’t wrong. It has its issues.” 

“We could raise money for child protective services in the city and also create a policy proposal to improve the screening to become a foster parent. We could make it so everyone attending the fundraiser concert has to sign a petition to get the policy passed. I don’t know – you’re a social worker and stuff. I just did some googling.” 

“I love it,” Katara said, impressed. “I took a course on policies last semester, it’s fresh in my head. We could totally come up with something together. I think it’s a great idea. We could really make a difference for kids in this city.” 

“I told you she’d love it,” Smellerbee said to Jet. She looked at Katara. “He was nervous about this,” she said. 

“Shut up,” Jet said, shoving Smellerbee’s shoulder but also laughing. 

“I can’t believe you were nervous,” Katara said. 

“You have a college degree and stuff,” Jet said. “I don’t know.” 

“An associates,” Katara said. “That’s it. I’m not even a social worker, I’m just doing a social work internship. I have two more years of school.” 

“Yeah well, all of us losers dropped out of high school,” Smellerbee said. “So you’re a step ahead.” 

“I don’t know if I’d say that,” Katara said, looking around at the high-end apartment. “But okay.” 

“So you like the idea?” Jet asked. 

“Yes,” Katara said. “Let’s do it. I’m excited.” 

They ended up spending the afternoon talking about ideas for the policy but also talking about the new album ‘Freedom Fighters’ was working on and about life in general. The more time Katara spent with Jet, Smellerbee, and Longshot, the more she thought they actually could all be friends. She’d liked them already for their music and their activism but they were also fun and easy to be around. Smellerbee was super nice, and Longshot was quiet but down to earth. Jet was every bit as charming in real life as he was in interviews. Katara found herself feeling like maybe this could be her chance to actually make a lasting impact and some surprising new friends. She’d been so caught up in the stress of bureaucracy with her internship but this event could make a big impact. 

She was glad she’d decided to do this.

* * *

* * *

“No, I don’t think you guys understand,” Sokka said. 

Aang, Suki, and Toph were sitting on the sofa and Sokka was perched on the windowsill excitedly telling his story. It was Saturday afternoon and Aang had the day off from filming because of rain. Katara was off planning her fundraiser with Jet. Sokka’s sunny mood did not match the rainy weather outside. 

“We understand,” Toph said. “Calm down.” 

“Yeah I think we get you,” Suki said, laughing. 

“No,” Sokka said. “You can’t possibly. Because if you did, you’d be jumping up and down with excitement.” 

“I’m happy for you, Sokka,” Aang said, laughing. 

“You get it,” Sokka said to Aang. “I just can’t believe it. I thought for sure I’d be making the first move.” 

Aang really was happy for Sokka and for Zuko too. Sokka had been talking about his not-a-date-date with Zuko for the past twenty minutes. Aang thought it was great. They were good for each other. 

“He kissed me,” Sokka said, for about the twentieth time. “I can’t believe he did that. I thought I was going to have to choose the perfect moment to even hold his hand because you wouldn’t know it since he’s a star and stuff but Zuko is kinda shy. He just kissed me at the end of the night though. And I really like him. He’s smart and kind and funny but not in the way most guys are funny. He has a weird sense of humor and I love it.”

They listened to Sokka talk about Zuko for awhile. Eventually, Katara got home from her meeting with Jet and Aang watched Sokka dance around the topic of the kiss for about five minutes before telling her. Aang was relieved that Katara just said she was happy for Sokka but that she wanted him to be careful. 

Katara had been kind of on edge lately. She seemed more relaxed today and she was excited to talk about the event she was planning with Jet. It was going to be a concert at the end of summer premiering ‘Freedom Fighters’’ new music and also basically a fundraiser to improve the foster care system. Aang wasn’t sure that yet another project was what Katara needed. He’d known Katara for long enough to recognize when she was working herself into a frenzy. She tended to go into periods where she overworked herself to the point of exhaustion. She was so excited about this project though. So Aang just said he was happy for her. 

Aang left for lunch with Zuko after a bit. Unsurprisingly, he heard about the not-a-date-date all over again. Zuko was just as over-the-moon about it as Sokka. They ended up meeting at ‘The Jasmine Dragon,’ the teashop Zuko’s uncle owned. Aang liked Iroh. He was funny and fun to talk to but also very wise. 

Aang and Zuko were sitting on stools near the counter. Iroh had brought them their tea and was now leaning against the counter listening to Zuko talk. 

“I’ve never made the first move,” Zuko said. “But I think Sokka was worried about pushing me or something because I just got out of a relationship. Maybe it’s a little soon but I like him so much. Taking things slow was taking forever.” 

“I think you’re fine,” Aang said. “You guys just click. It would be silly to force things to go too slow.” 

Aang had stopped worrying about whether or not they were taking things slow. He’d gotten used to hearing about how great Sokka was during filming and then about how great Zuko was when he got home. At this point, he was ready for them to get it over with and get married. 

“I can’t wait to meet this person,” Iroh said. “I’m glad for you, Zuko. You deserve some happiness.”

“Agreed,” Aang said. 

The rest of the day was a nice break from filming. Of course the next day they had to go back to set. It was their final week. _‘Almost done’_ Aang told himself. 

Ozai predicted they could be done in three days if they all put in the work. Despite not liking Ozai, Aang was more than willing to put in the work. Actually, he was pretty sure all his castmates were also on board with that. Everyone was ready to be done. 

Aang was considering what he wanted to do next. He’d been thinking about going back to school on a more full-time basis. He still wasn’t one hundred percent ready to settle down but he thought a full-time semester might be good. He’d been starting to lean towards a major. 

Aang, Zuko, and Azula were sitting in Zuko’s trailer. This had become their routine between takes. They tried to avoid Ozai, Zhao, and Chan as much as possible during breaks.

“Counseling?” Zuko asked when Aang mentioned the ideas he was starting to form. “Like a mental health counselor? You’d be amazing at that.” 

“You might not be as terrible at it as you are at acting,” Azula said. 

Aang thought that was pretty high praise coming from her. “Thanks, guys,” he said. “I don’t know. It’s just an idea.” 

“I was kinda thinking of doing a semester of college too,” Zuko said. “After we get done filming.” 

“Really?” Aang asked. 

“I don’t have a major in mind yet,” Zuko said. “I could take some pre-requisites though and see how I feel about the whole thing. It’d be something new to try for a while.” 

“University classes are already full,” Azula said. 

“How do you know?” Zuko asked. 

“Sometimes I like to browse the selections so I can buy textbooks,” Azula said. 

“You’ve never told me that,” Zuko said. 

“I think that’s great,” Aang said to Azula. “You’re keeping your mind active. What classes do you do that for?” 

“Forensics mostly,” Azula said. “But I don’t do it to keep my mind active or any such pretentious reason. I simply find it interesting.” 

“Take some college classes with us,” Aang said. “We could all apply for Capital City Community College. I bet they have some openings.” 

“Are you staying at home then, Zuko?” Azula asked, ignoring Aang’s invitation. 

“Fuck no,” Zuko said. “I’m looking at apartments in the city.” 

“Nice,” Aang said. “I’m excited we might all be doing stuff together again.” 

“No offense, but I won’t be doing that,” Azula said. “I think I’m close to saving my acting career. And once I’m back in my father’s good books, he’ll decide what role I’m doing next. I’m glad you two are trying college though.” 

“Yeah how’s your plan to win by epic self-sabotage going?” Zuko asked. 

Aang frowned. He and Zuko had been trying to talk Azula out of her plan to purposefully behave badly to get attention from the press. Aang couldn’t understand why she thought that was a good idea. Yeah, he got her point that other celebrities had become more famous that way in the past, but not without being put through the wringer. 

“Great,” Azula said. “The tabloids haven’t dropped yet but they will. I’ve been publicly drinking and smoking. I might need to do more though. Maybe it’s not enough.” 

Aang and Zuko exchanged a look and shook their heads. This could not be going anywhere good. Aang was happy Zuko was considering going to college though. He was looking forward to it now and he wanted to go ahead and apply. Maybe he and Zuko could sit down after filming and pick classes together.

* * *

* * *

Azula went to Mai and Ty Lee’s house after filming on Monday. It was a nice evening so the three of them sat outside on the back patio smoking cigarettes and sipping champagne in fancy glasses. Mai and Ty Lee were eighteen but they were also both loaded and had plenty of friends over twenty-one so access to booze wasn’t an issue. 

Azula was happy that Zuko and Aang had decided to apply for college courses. Part of her was tempted to apply herself. She liked reading textbooks in her free time more than she had ever enjoyed acting. She was so close to regaining her father's approval though. She wasn't ready to let go of that possibility. Even if she recognized that the way Ozai had treated Zuko was wrong, she couldn't bring herself to hate her father. Perhaps that was confirmation that she was evil and irredeemable. Maybe she should hate him, but he'd always been there. Fighting for his love had always been the thing that drove her. 

“Your plan is working, Azula,” Ty Lee said, looking at her phone. “Some paparazzi posted a shit ton of pictures of you and that Katara girl using a vape and people are adding on pictures of you guys at the club, pictures of you guys drinking – ooh that’s some saucy dancing, damn girl.” 

“That’s not good,” Azula said, frowning. 

“I thought that’s what you wanted,” Mai said. 

“I didn’t think about Katara’s involvement,” Azula said. “I hope she isn’t angry.” 

“Um, she probably will be,” Mai said, also looking at her phone. “They’re calling her ‘Azula’s mystery fling.’ Not exactly flattering.” 

Azula pulled out her phone and pulled up Twitter. She was indeed trending. It was better than she’d thought. Everyone seemed sympathetic towards her again. Azula was pleased but confused. She’d assumed there would be some outrage over her behavior before the sympathy. People were speculating. A lot of fans seemed to feel bad for Azula, for some reason. They were referring to something she wasn’t familiar with in addition to the drinking and smoking. Something bad. Everyone was being much nicer to her than they had recently. There seemed to be a consensus that she was allowed to drink and smoke now, for some reason. 

People were also pulling up old photos of Azula and Chan, with their arms around each other or her kissing his cheek. They were photos from before they’d started dating. Good memories, almost, some of them. Someone had captioned a picture of them holding hands, ‘She was sixteen here. Anyone see a pattern?’ 

Azula was more confused than ever. Everyone was wishing her well though. A lot of heart emojis seemed to be involved. This was…good. Right? 

Twitter user ‘lesbianazulafan’ had tagged her in a post that read: ‘I can’t believe we didn’t see this pattern before. First Chan grooms you and now this? I’m so sorry for all the bad things I said about you queen!!!’ It had thousands of likes and retweets. Azula’s finger hovered over the like button. She didn’t know what this person was referring to, but she tapped ‘like.’ 

_‘Grooming’_? Azula knew the term. It was tossed around a lot in this industry. It made her uncomfortable to have it applied to her, but people seemed to like her again. Azula hated Chan now. Still, she’d known him for years. Something in the pit of her stomach felt uncomfortable at the way people were labeling their friendship from before. Those memories had already been tarnished by their disastrous relationship but this was worse. Was the label wrong though? Azula didn’t know but she did know it was nice to see her fans flocking to support her. _‘This is good,’_ she forced herself to think. 

Azula’s phone started buzzing. It was Katara. Shit. 

“It’s her,” Azula said. “I guess I should answer.” Mai and Ty Lee nodded. Azula answered the call. “Katara, I never meant for you to be involved. I didn’t think-”

“Forget that,” Katara interrupted. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Azula said, confused. “Why wouldn’t I be? I told you, this is what I wanted. I didn’t mean for the paparazzi to target you as well, but-”

“What?” Katara said. “No. Listen, what the hell happened with you and Jet?” 

Azula’s heart sank. Why would Katara be asking her about that? It couldn’t be a good sign. 

“Nothing,” Azula said. “What did you hear?” 

“Listen, I know I keep saying it, but I’m here for you if you ever need to talk or if you just need someone. I-”

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about,” Azula interrupted. 

Mai held up her phone to show Jet’s hashtag on Twitter. Azula scanned with her eyes. Someone had recorded a video of Jet talking to her on the phone because the idiot answered her call while at ‘Home Base.’ The soft audio from Mai’s phone was familiar. Azula remembered the conversation. 

People were pulling out quotes. Thousands of people had retweeted the video. ‘You’re my ex’s sister,’ ‘I’m twenty-one and you’re eighteen,’ and ‘you were like, crying,’ were the popular quotes, apparently. 

“Oh,” Azula said. “That.” She was internally freaking out because if Katara had seen, Zuko had definitely seen. “I don’t want to talk about that. Actually, I have to go, I’m sorry.”

“What did happen?” Ty Lee asked after Azula hung up. 

Mai and Ty Lee both looked concerned. 

“I kissed him,” Azula said. Why bother lying now? The evidence was right in front of them. “It was a low moment.” 

“That’s…all that happened?” Mai asked. “We’re-”’

“If one more person tells me they’re here for me, I’m going to shoot myself,” Azula said. 

“So you kissed him?” Ty Lee asked. “Not the other way around?” 

“Is that all that happened?” Mai asked. 

“I don’t know,” Azula said. She didn’t like the concerned way they were looking at her. They were supposed to be her partners in crime, not more parent-wannabes. “I was wasted. Does it matter? I have to go.” 

She had been working so hard to fix things with Zuko. There were so many reasons for him to hate her already. She had been horrible to him their entire lives. Anyone with less kindness than Zuko would despise her already. Would this be the final nail in her coffin? Zuko said he was over Jet but that didn't mean what she'd done was okay. She had been such an idiot to think she could keep this a secret. Jet had been such an idiot to answer her call in a public place. This was so bad. 

Was this what she got for thinking she could change and be better? Her lowest moment becoming public knowledge? Maybe that was fair. Perhaps this was what she deserved. Karma was a ruthless bitch.


	12. hashtag canceled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the disastrous video of Jet talking about his kiss with Azula becomes public, everyone deals with the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> early chapter because I'm going camping this weekend ❤️ 
> 
> cw: behavior that could be construed as physical self-harm (putting out cigarettes on bare skin), discussion of suicidal ideation, & some discussion of speculation about a sexual assault

After filming, Zuko went to Aang’s apartment to apply for college. Azula was right. University classes were full. Capital City Community College had openings though. So, they both applied. Because it was a community college, they got to pick their classes right away instead of waiting to see if they had been accepted. They both had to take some pre-reqs, and they chose some to take together. Aang said he had trouble with math and Zuko knew he’d never had a problem. Zuko didn’t always do well with the social sciences, and Aang got that kind of stuff. So, they agreed to take those classes together so they could help each other. 

They were sitting at the kitchen table in the apartment. Zuko had stopped at home to pick up his laptop, so they both had laptops open in front of them. Sokka and Katara were still at work, Katara would be for a few more hours, but Sokka would be home soon. Suki and Toph had come into the kitchen to say hi and were snacking on chips by the counter. 

Zuko had been Snapchatting and texting with Sokka nonstop since their not-a-date-date. He was excited to see him in person again though. Honestly, Zuko had never felt like this about anyone. Of course he loved Jet, but he’d messed up by getting his platonic and romantic feelings confused with Jet. Now he was talking to someone who made him laugh and smile throughout the day.

Zuko had, of course, texted Sokka to say he’d be over. He’d gotten a boatload of heart-eyes emojis in response. It made him smile but it also made him nervous. Sokka seemed just as into this as Zuko was which was…great. Not at all terrifying. 

Okay, a little terrifying. The thing was, Zuko didn’t think he had that much to offer. He wasn’t attractive, he wasn’t smart, he wasn’t fun, and he wasn’t funny. Sokka was all of those things. It felt a bit intimidating. 

“They have a social work course called ‘Interviewing and Assessment’ that teaches therapeutic techniques,” Aang said. “Katara took that. It’s basically a class on being a therapist. I’m gonna take that since I know I wanna do counseling. I just have to decide if I’m gonna go the social work route like Katara, or a psychology route or what.” 

“Nice,” Zuko said. “I kind of want to take this intro to veterinary tech class. I’ve always liked animals. I’m decent at science. It could be a way to see how I feel about the veterinary field.” 

“I love that for you,” Aang said. 

“You guys never went to college?” Zuko asked, looking at Suki and Toph. 

“I’ve been studying martial arts since I was like eight,” Suki said. “I teach at the same place I grew up learning. I guess finding my calling wasn’t hard for me. I never felt like I had to do the whole university thing. I take courses sometimes though. I’m taking a sociology course now and it’s super interesting.” 

“Welding certificate here,” Toph said. “I love my job and hate the idea of spending hours studying. So it works out.” 

“That’s cool,” Zuko said. “I wish I’d had the chance to think about this stuff earlier.” 

“You’re thinking about it now,” Suki pointed out. “That’s what matters.” 

“Yeah,” Toph said. “Your parents pushed a path for you. I can kinda relate.” 

“Oh?” Zuko asked. He really liked Toph. He’d been curious for a while now because she’d said a few things like that. “What do you mean?” 

“They pretty much kept me locked up. They had their reasons. Poor little blind girl, or whatever. It was bullshit though because I can take care of myself. I still talk to them and stuff. Don’t get me wrong, they cared. They just didn’t get it.” 

“Sometimes that’s just as bad,” Zuko said. 

There was a bit of a heavy moment in the room. Then the door opened and shut in the other room and the next minute Sokka came in. Zuko was immediately distracted but he also took note that he wasn’t the only one that lit up. Everyone was happy to see Sokka. 

“Hey everyone,” Sokka said. 

Everyone greeted Sokka. Zuko had never known anyone whose presence lit up a room this way. Sokka immediately sat down on Zuko’s right side and kissed Zuko on the cheek. Zuko felt the blood rush to his face. He couldn’t help but smile despite his embarrassment. 

“It’s good to see you,” Zuko said in a soft voice that was basically a mumble. 

“How was your day at work, Sokka?” Suki asked. 

“Good,” Sokka said. “My supervisor is loving my designs, I’m totally killing it. What are you guys up to?” he peeked over Zuko’s shoulder at the laptop screen. “Ooh college classes?” 

“Yeah,” Aang said. “Zuko and I are gonna be students in the fall.” 

“Nice!” Sokka said. “That’s awesome for you guys!” 

Honestly, Sokka’s genuine enthusiasm was enough to confirm to Zuko that it was a good idea. They spent the next twenty minutes picking classes. Zuko and Aang told Sokka about their ideas regarding majors. Sokka was a good listener and asked a million questions. 

Zuko felt like some of this enthusiasm had to be fake though. Right? No one had ever been this interested in something he was doing. Maybe Uncle Iroh, but not in this excited way. Sokka was always so hyped about everything. No one else Zuko knew was like that. 

They all hung out for a while after that and talked about life. After a bit, Zuko decided he had to go home. He had to get up early the next day for filming. He was hopeful it would be their last day if everyone worked hard. Aang, Suki, and Toph wished him goodnight. Sokka walked him to the door. They were alone in the living room. 

“I’m really happy for you that you’re trying college,” Sokka said. “And selfishly happy ‘cause you’ll be in the city.” 

“Yeah,” Zuko said, frowning. He felt like Sokka thought he was someone he wasn’t. Why would anyone be excited to spend time with him? It made Zuko feel like he was tricking Sokka or something. 

“What’s wrong?” Sokka asked, looking worried and a little hurt. “Did I say something?” 

“No,” Zuko said. 

“Then what?” Sokka said. “Am I pushing too much? Am I being too clingy? I’ll back off, I swear.” 

“It’s none of that,” Zuko said quickly. 

What could he say? He wanted to say _‘I’m not special, okay? My last relationship ended because I can’t talk about feelings and I have all this fucking baggage. And I can’t talk about it. And it seems like you’re getting your hopes up and I don’t want to be a disappointment.’_ That felt like a lot when they’d only kissed once though. It felt like more than Zuko could put into words if he tried to say it out loud and it felt like too much to share right now. 

“Then what?” Sokka asked. “Not to be like, cliché, but I really like you. And I don’t want to mess things up. So just tell me if I’m doing something wrong.” 

“If one of us messes things up,” Zuko said. “It won’t be you.” He leaned in and kissed Sokka on the lips. It was a very quick kiss and after that, he hurried out the door.

* * *

* * *

Zuko wasn’t home. Azula was in full panic mode. She had snuck in through the side door and hurried upstairs. She knew Zuko was at Aang’s house. She’d gone to Mai and Ty Lee’s and Zuko had gone to Aang’s to sign up for college courses. She hadn’t gotten any texts or calls from him. 

Jet was certainly blowing up her phone. He was calling her on repeat, and he’d left about eighty texts saying to pick up. She was ignoring him. 

Azula was pacing around her room now. Should she call Zuko? Would that only make things worse? Was he avoiding her? Had he not seen Twitter yet? 

That last possibility was real. He was with Aang and his other new friends and probably Sokka. Checking Twitter likely wasn’t his first priority right now. 

Azula’s heart was racing. She couldn’t stay still, so she just kept pacing. The thing was, she’d always had her father validating her and looking out for her. He wasn’t doing that lately. Her mom was acting halfway like a mom but that had the added bonus of making her feel like all of her childhood memories were false and she belonged in a luney bin. Zuko had been the one to tell her if she hurt herself, he couldn’t handle it. He had explicitly told her that he cared about her and didn’t know what he’d do without her. She didn’t know if he realized how much she’d needed to hear that. Now she was terrified that he was going to hate her. 

There was a knock at her door. Azula tried to take a deep, steadying breath. She walked over to the mirror on her dresser and stared at her reflection. She looked manic. She tried to force herself into the calm, composed person she wanted to convey. More knocking. 

Azula sat down on the sofa. She crossed her legs. She took a few more deep breaths. Whoever it was knocked again. 

“Come in,” she said in what she hoped was a steady voice. 

Her father opened the door. Azula tried to look casual. He shut the door and leaned against it. There was a long moment where neither of them said anything. 

At last, Azula couldn’t bear the silence. She’d been so much better at this, once upon a time. “I suppose you’ve seen Twitter,” she said. 

“Yes,” Ozai said. “I have. You’ve manipulated the situation well.” 

Azula stared at him. What? She didn’t like that description of this situation. She had never felt less in control. 

“I have?” she asked. 

“Of course,” Ozai said. “I saw the Tweet you liked about this. Everyone is falling at your feet again.”

Azula swallowed hard. She’d liked a Tweet? Oh…right. She’d like the Tweet from the fan who was sorry for saying anything bad about her. Doing so had implications. Azula had publicists for a reason. That had been a stupid move. 

Azula was about to admit that it had been an unwise decision when she processed what her father was saying. He didn’t think it had been a bad move. He thought she was doing well. He was happy with her right now.

“My fans are certainly sympathetic,” she said. 

Ozai nodded. “More than sympathetic,” he said. “Right now, you could threaten to plant a bomb downtown and people would say you’re brave. Jet has been dethroned. You’re winning, Azula.” 

Azula felt a little like throwing up. She had a taste like sickness in her mouth. Was this what winning tasted like? She remembered it being bittersweet. Right now, it was only bitter. 

“I don’t care what the truth is,” Ozai went on. “I want you to keep doing what you’re doing. Manipulate the people. Lean into this narrative that you’re a victim of powerful male celebrities.” 

Azula nodded. Her father smiled at her and nodded back. She forced a smile in return. She hated herself for feeling relieved when he left and shut the door behind him. Oh, this was bad.

* * *

* * *

Jet had been calling Azula on repeat for forty-five minutes or so. He was panicking. He’d never been ‘canceled’ before. He’d had mini scandals but he was great at getting himself out of trouble. Mostly because they were never about things that he believed were wrong.

_‘Oh that post about how all cops are bastards? Yeah here are eight links about why it’s true and I should say it.’ ‘Oh did I like a post about how shoplifting from big corporations is morally okay? Give me one good reason it’s not.’ ‘Oh you caught me in public drinking from a vodka bottle at eight in the morning on a Monday? Come on we all have those days.’_

Manipulating the press was what Jet knew how to do. He’d always been naturally good at it. He didn’t want to say anything about this though. How could he? No one would believe him if he tried. Besides, he actually did feel horrible about kissing Azula. 

Finally, Azula picked up. She didn’t say anything, not even ‘hello.’ Jet waited for a moment but it was silence on the other end. 

“Hey,” Jet said. “I’m guessing you’ve seen Twitter.” 

“Yes,” she said. 

“It’s a lot to take in,” Jet said. “I’m sure you’re just as shaken up as me. I kinda hate living in public sometimes. Are you okay?” 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Azula asked. “Fans are essentially back to worshipping me. I’ve never been better.” 

“Oh,” Jet said. 

Jet had been eighteen once. Hell in the past month he’d publicly talked shit about Zuko because he was hurt. So maybe it wasn’t even about age. He got it. He knew the exact feeling of hating yourself so much you just wanted to make someone else as low as you. This was different though. Wasn’t it? This was darker. All Jet had done was talk about real issues he’d had with Zuko without talking about his own flaws. The media had done the rest. They’d framed everything to make Jet into a victim. Shit. Maybe this was exactly the same. 

He knew the high that came with public validation. It was sweet and it made you feel like you were valuable, if only for a moment. Still, he didn’t think Azula would want people to think – whatever people were thinking right now. She couldn’t possibly want that. 

“But you know you have to tell everyone the truth about that night?" Jet said. "That you’re the one who kissed me and-” 

“I don’t have to do anything,” Azula interrupted. 

_Shit shit shit._ All Jet’s worst suspicions about Azula were being confirmed. He felt bad for her, but he was also starting to get pissed. He’d thought maybe she wasn’t the bratty teenage mean girl he remembered anymore. Zuko made it seem like she was growing up. And before she tried to kiss him, they’d been having fun. Jet had almost thought they could be friends. She was just being cruel right now though. This went a bit beyond bratty mean girl behavior. Even at her darkest, Azula wasn’t that evil…Right? 

“I mean I guess,” Jet said. “But you know…I’m asking you to.” 

“I’ll consider,” Azula said. 

“You’ll consider?” Jet asked. He was pacing back and forth by the window in his apartment.

“Is this so different from what you did to Zuko?” 

“I’ve apologized for that,” Jet said. “And I know you never meant for this to happen.” 

This had been a nosy asshole in a bar recording a video of a conversation that should’ve been private. Jet’s first instinct had not been to blame Azula. He’d worried about her as much as himself when he saw the Twitter discourse starting. He’d assumed this was not what she wanted. He’d assumed she would be upset too. After all, she’d basically offered to prostitute herself to him for his silence about the kiss. Jet had assumed she’d be in panic mode, just like him. She sounded cool and collected though. 

The night they’d kissed – before the kiss –Jet had seen a different, more vulnerable side of Azula. He’d always thought she was a bitch but he’d also always known she was as much a victim of Ozai and his child exploitation as Zuko. Jet didn’t want to belive she would use something like this to her advantage. 

Of course, he also knew this industry. It was burn or be burned. Sometimes the only way to stay on top was by stomping on someone else. 

“What was it you told me? That you never technically lied? I haven’t either,” Azula said. 

Yeah, he had told her that. It was a half-truth. Jet had never lied, or at least he had never flat out lied. This industry thrived on vague, undefined quotes. Sites like Buzzfeed relied on stars like Jet making throwaway comments with heavy implications. _‘Yeah, Zuko was never there for me. The relationship was toxic. I have a lot of trauma, and he was always pretty cold.'_ Jet was excellent at saying things that weren’t exactly lies, but didn’t tell the full story. _‘Zuko was always pretty cold,’_ made a better quote for the front page than _‘Yeah, Zuko showed the emotional range of a rock towards the end of the relationship but also he had to keep setting increasingly firm boundaries that killed the relationship because Jet had substance abuse problems and treated Zuko like a therapist.’_ Jet could imagine the Buzzfeed articles being written about him right now. They had plenty of vague quotes to work with. Jet himself had provided them. He was such an idiot. 

“Come on, don’t be like this,” Jet said. “We’re not that different. We could be friends. I’m trying to be better. It sounds like you’re trying to be better. The road to redemption is a rocky path. We could be there for each other. Don’t do this to me.” 

Jet was on the verge of losing everything. The only thing that stood between him and total annihilation was Azula. It wasn’t just Jet’s career on the line. If she didn’t tell the media the truth right now, he might as well walk into traffic. She had to understand the position of power she was in right now. Maybe she did, and that’s why she was being like this. Maybe she really was evil. 

Jet hadn’t told anyone about the kiss. He’d purposefully kept it quiet out of both shame and respect for Azula’s privacy. Now when people saw that video he was fucked. Would he trust a friend if they were caught saying the things he’d said? In this industry? Even if it were Longshot, or Smellerbee, or Zuko? He wasn’t sure. This city was filled with teenagers raised in the public eye with warped perceptions of consent and endless access to mind-altering substances. Jet wanted to think otherwise at the moment, but he knew the truth. If he were on the outside looking in, he knew what he’d think. 

Smellerbee, Longshot, and Zuko were all Jet had. He didn’t have any family. So if he lost those three people, he lost everyone. He didn’t know whether Smellerbee or Longshot would give him a chance to tell his side. He wouldn’t blame them if they didn’t. If Azula didn’t tell the truth right now though, Jet didn’t want to think about how Zuko would react. 

“I don’t need anyone,” Azula said. “Especially not a worthless has-been like you.” 

“I don’t have to be a has-been,” Jet said. “Neither do you. We could both explain-”

“You’re a has-been,” Azula interrupted. “Trust me. You’re worthless now that everyone hates you. No one would care if you died tomorrow. Some people might celebrate.”

“Don’t do this,” Jet said. “I know you’re better than this, Azula. Please.” 

She hung up the phone. Jet threw his phone on the ground and watched the screen shatter. He’d thought he was hitting rock bottom so many times before. How many times did he get to call this dark feeling – like drowning – rock bottom? He’d thought he couldn’t go any lower than kissing his ex’s underage sister after plying her with alcohol. That was pretty fucking low. He had stopped drinking though. He’d made things right with Zuko. He’d started to climb out of the hole, but he was falling again. How low could a person go? At what point was the term ‘rock bottom’ actually true?

* * *

* * *

Zuko found his mother on the front porch when he got home. She seemed to be waiting for him. He got out of the Uber, waved, and walked up the porch steps. The railings were still splintered from where Zuko had punched Chan. 

“Hi,” Zuko said. “How was your day?” 

“So you haven’t seen Twitter,” Ursa said. It was definitely a statement, not a question. 

Zuko stared at her. “Not today,” he said. Zuko felt a familiar sinking sensation. Ursa was looking at him with a sympathetic frown. Zuko knew that look. “Why?” 

“How well would you say you know Jet?” Ursa asked. 

Zuko shrugged. “Really well,” he said. “You know that. He’s been basically my closest friend since I was eighteen. Why?” 

“Look at this recording,” Ursa said. 

Zuko leaned against the house and took her phone from her. Working in the celebrity industry his whole life, Zuko knew the telltale signs that something bad was happening. His mom’s stressed expression told him to prepare for the worst. Zuko’s muscles were immediately tied in knots. He hit play and watched. It was a video of Jet at ‘Home Base,’ on the phone. “I feel horrible because you were like, crying and shit. And you’re my ex’s sister. And you’re eighteen and I’m twenty-one. Not because-” there was a pause. “Listen, I’m just sorry okay?” 

The video was getting ready to automatically replay but Zuko didn’t need – didn’t want – to see it again. He closed the app and handed the phone back to his mom. What the hell? 

Zuko’s good mood had disappeared. Angry fire had replaced the warm feeling in his stomach from spending time with Sokka, Aang, Suki and Toph. He was pissed. He was also worried about his sister, and he was trying to focus on that. Zuko’s automatic instinct was to go straight to pure rage when he was upset though. That’s where he was heading. He wanted to hit something – well – someone. 

“Have you talked to Azula?” Zuko asked. 

“She won’t talk to me,” Ursa said. “I know your father talked to her earlier. He won’t say what they talked about. I tried, but she won’t even let me in the room.” 

Zuko was ready to go into panic mode, but first he wanted to hear what Azula had to say. He knew the implications the video he’d just watched could have. He would go there, if he had to. He would literally drive to Jet’s apartment and murder him if he had to. First he just wanted to talk to Azula. 

After that, murder was on the agenda. 

Zuko marched inside. He went up the spiral staircase and down the hall to Azula’s room. Memories of conversations were coming back. Jet had told Zuko he was hitting rock bottom. When Zuko mentioned this, Azula had acted very cagey. Something else…the night before Jet said he hit rock bottom…That’s when Zuko had found Azula asleep in his room. She’d been talking about how she couldn’t go on and she hated life, and she hated herself. 

Zuko knocked on Azula’s door. No answer. He knocked again. 

“Who is it?” Azula asked. 

“It’s me,” Zuko said. 

The door flew open and Zuko took several quick steps backward to avoid being hit by it. 

“Sorry,” Azula said. 

“It’s fine,” Zuko said, hurrying inside and shutting the door. “Let’s talk.” 

Now that he was in the room, Zuko actually looked at Azula. She had clearly been crying. Shit. That did nothing to ease Zuko’s concerns.

“I’m sorry,” Azula said after a moment. 

“You don’t have to be,” Zuko said. 

Azula was full of surprises lately. Zuko didn’t think she’d run to him for a hug since she was a toddler. She ran to him now and ran wrapped her arms around him. After a surprised moment, Zuko hugged her back and she started crying again. 

Zuko felt like shit. What kind of person had he brought into their lives? He’d known Jet had issues but he’d always believed Jet was fundamentally a good person. Zuko was angry at himself but he was a lot more angry at Jet. He didn’t need the details. For him, Azula’s reaction was confirmation that Jet had at the very least crossed a line. It didn’t matter exactly what had happened. Zuko was going to kill Jet. 

When Azula pulled away from the hug, Zuko stared at her without knowing what to say. She wiped her eyes. He wanted to hug her again, but he was used to Azula responding to physical affection with violence. Maybe it was best if he let her come to him. 

“You’re not going to ask me what happened?” Azula asked. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” Zuko said. “I’m going straight to Jet’s apartment.” 

For some reason, Azula looked more upset than ever. “Please don’t do that,” she said. 

“Why not?” Zuko asked. “He deserves to pay for whatever happened.” 

“You don’t even know the story,” Azula said. 

“Do you want to tell me?” Zuko asked. He definitely didn’t want to hear. What he wanted had never been less important though. 

“No,” Azula said immediately. “But I don’t want you to go there either.” 

“I have to,” Zuko said. “I’m going to-”

“This is about me, right?” Azula interrupted. “Because I’m asking you not to go.” Zuko sighed in frustration. His hands were balled into fists.“Please,” Azula said. 

“Fine,” Zuko said. “I won’t go looking for him. I am going to beat him to death if I see his face anywhere though.” 

Azula walked over to the sofa and sat down. Zuko wasn’t sure if she wanted him to stay or go. She was looking at something on her phone. Zuko hesitated and then walked over and sat down. He looked over her shoulder. She was looking at Jet’s hashtag on Twitter. 

“Zuko…” she said after a moment. “What do you think happened?” 

Zuko pondered for a second. He knew what he was afraid had happened. He didn’t want to voice his worst fears out loud though. 

“I don’t know what to think,” Zuko said. “But you’re hurt. Whatever he did, he’s-”

“He didn’t do anything,” Azula interrupted. She shut off her phone and stared at her lap. 

Zuko tried to get her to meet his eyes but she wouldn’t. His mind was spinning. What the hell? Something had obviously happened. The video evidence was there. He couldn’t deny it, no matter how badly he wanted to. 

“You can tell me the truth,” Zuko said. “I’m on your side. No matter what.” 

“You won’t be,” Azula said. “But you deserve the truth.” She took a deep breath. Zuko waited, feeling tense. “I kissed him,” Azula said. “He shoved me away and said he didn’t want to do this. I wanted you on my side, but I know how much Jet means to you. I can’t lie to you about this.”

* * *

* * *

Everyone had been hoping it would be the last day of filming for ‘Stab.’ Aang was relieved when Ozai said he thought they could make it happen. The mood was very uncomfortable onset. 

Aang had, like everyone else, read about the scandal. He had texted Zuko as soon as he saw Twitter. He wanted to text or call Azula, but he didn’t feel like they were close enough for that. 

Zuko had texted back hours later. Apparently, it was a misunderstanding. Azula was ‘deciding how to handle it with the press,’ whatever that meant. Aang didn’t know what to think. The last day of filming was miserable. 

Tensions were running high. Ozai was back to treating Azula like she walked on water. Aang didn’t get it. Did Ozai feel bad for Azula? Was this his way of showing he cared about whatever had happened? 

Aang vowed to never do another film after this. He was over celebrity drama. He didn’t get it and it was tiring. Chan tried to talk to Azula every chance he got between takes. Ozai didn’t seem to want this to happen so they hardly got any breaks. 

Aang didn’t understand Ozai at all. Was he suddenly being protective of his daughter? Why now and not before? People on Twitter were saying Chan had ‘groomed’ Azula. Aang had no idea if it were true or not. He couldn’t keep up with the levels of all these celebrity relationships. He found himself glad he hadn’t grown up in public like they had. He was sure it would warp anyone to have their every move analyzed by everyone in the nation. 

Zuko and Azula were snappy with each other all day. Aang was exhausted by it. They didn’t seem to actually be in a fight, just stressed and tense. Aang was just ready to be done with this project and the constant drama. 

When Ozai announced that they had all the footage they needed and they were wrapping up the project, Aang felt like a weight was being lifted from his shoulders. The label ‘toxic work environment’ went through his head. He tried to catch Zuko and and Azula before they got into their limo though. As horrible as this project had been, he didn’t to just leave without saying anything. 

“Hey,” Aang said. “I know things are weird right now,” he glanced at Azula. “I want to celebrate being done at some point though. Maybe text me? We should all get food or something just to commemorate the project.” 

“Yeah,” Zuko said. “That sounds good.” He sounded tense when he said it though. 

Azula got into the limo but Aang touched Zuko’s right arm to get him to wait. Zuko hesitated for a moment. 

“What’s going on?” Aang asked. “Is there – I don’t know – anything I can do?” 

Zuko shook his head. “Things are just fucked up with our family, Aang,” Zuko said. “There’s nothing you can do. Azula is avoiding me. She told me her and Jet just kissed, but she’s acting really weird about it. I don’t know what the fuck to think. Celebrating being done with filming sounds good, but maybe give us some time. I want to find out what I’m missing with this story but I’m trying to give her space.” 

Aang nodded. “I’m here for you if you need it.” 

“Thanks,” Zuko said. “You’re a good friend. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” 

Aang nodded. Zuko got into the limo and shut the door. Aang watched it pull away. He noticed Zuko and Azula always rode separate from Ozai. They’d been doing it since the beginning of fiming. Now this project was over and Aang just hoped they were both getting the hell out of Ozai’s house soon.

* * *

* * *

The limo ride home was silent. Azula couldn’t gauge how Zuko was feeling. When they got home, Zuko went inside. Azula walked to the back of the house and sat down by the pool. 

The sun was starting to set. Azula took off her shoes and dipped her feet in the water. She pulled a box of cigarettes and a lighter from her purse. She didn’t care anymore if her father caught her smoking. 

Zuko had not outright told her to tell the truth. He’d just been shocked and upset and hard to read. Azula had not told Zuko that Ozai wanted her to lie though. 

She couldn’t tell how Zuko felt. He’d been tense today but he hadn’t said anything else about Jet. He didn’t seem to hate her, but she couldn’t figure out what he was thinking. She was sure he would hate her if she lied though. 

That’s what it was, too. Lying. She could tell herself whatever she wanted about withholding the truth and manipulating the facts but Ozai wanted her to lie and she would surely do it because saying no to her father wasn’t in her repertoire. She’d basically told Jet she was going to do it. She hadn’t heard from him since either. There was something about the radio silence that put her even more on edge about this situation. 

_'No no one would care if you died tomorrow. Some people might celebrate.’_

Maybe she’d taken things too far by saying that. She’d been channeling her father. She wanted so badly to make her father happy. Why did he have to ask for so much? She wasn’t sure she could do what he wanted this time. She kept telling herself that she could and she would, but she had yet to post anything or talk to any paparazzi. 

Azula heard footsteps on the pavement and turned to see her mom. Shit. She’d managed to avoid Ursa so far. 

Ursa looked like she was considering sitting on the pavement. Azula didn’t think that would be good for the baby, so she stood up. The idea of childishly running away did occur to her, but she had made a promise to help Ursa escape. She intended to keep it. 

Azula recognized that her current plans – to remain in her father’s good books and to remain (or get back in?) in her brother’s good books and to help Ursa escape – did not all fit together very well. She recognized it. She just hadn’t figured out how to deal with it yet. If she could find out where she stood with Zuko that would help.

Azula sat in one of the chairs by the pool. Ursa sat down in the other. Azula put her cigarette out on her arm. The sharp burn kept her grounded. She tossed the half smoked cigarette in her purse. 

Ursa watched with raised eyebrows. “Did you just put that out on your skin?” Ursa asked. 

“I didn’t want to smoke around you for the child’s sake,” Azula said. “You’re welcome. Now, let’s talk about your plan.” 

“I’d rather talk about you first,” Ursa said. 

Azula wished she had the cigarette back. “There’s no point,” she said. “Anyway, I’m not sure if Zuko’s told you he’s looking at apartments in the city. He’s still going home to Hira’a until he’s found a place though. I imagine he’ll leave tomorrow. Have you thought about-”

“Stop,” Ursa interrupted. “We’re not going to act like there’s nothing going on, Azula. Talk to me.” 

It occurred to Azula that Ursa would certainly be back to thinking she was a monster once the truth came out. Zuko would tell Ursa the truth. They would both see or read whatever she decided to insinuate, and they would know it was a lie. Ursa’s worst fears about Azula would be confirmed. 

Azula felt herself starting to tear up. She’d been an idiot. Planning this escape with Ursa had given her the chance to play pretend like she and her mom had a relationship. It had been a nice fantasy. Soon Ursa would see just how dark Azula could be. 

“I’m not pretending,” Azula went on, trying to blink away the tears. She talked faster to try to distract Ursa from her childish tears. “I’m completely fine, don’t worry about me. I want to talk about you. Are you planning to tell Father you’re leaving?” she was talking so fast she could barely keep up with her own words. “Or are you literally running away? Both strategies have their dangers but-”

“Azula-” Ursa tried to interrupt. 

Azula didn’t pause. She just sped up. “But I think running away is less dangerous. I assume Ikem has security. Or maybe not. You did mention he teaches community youth theater. Maybe he’s too poor to afford any security measures. Do you have any money or is it all controlled by Father? If you don’t have any money I can give you some or Zuko probably-”

“Azula!” Ursa interrupted. 

Azula stopped. Ursa wasn’t really the type to snap. It was enough to get Azula to lose her train of thought. Not that she’d ever had a firm grip on it. 

“I don’t want to talk about myself,” Azula said. It came out in more of a small voice than she intended. 

“Why not?” Ursa asked. 

“Because,” Azula started and then stopped herself. She didn’t know what to do. She felt like she was falling apart. She could not keep her father happy and hold onto the person she was trying to become. But disappointing her father was the worst case scenario. She hero worshipped him. Fighting for his love was the cornerstone of her existence. “He wants me to lie,” Azula whispered. She couldn’t look at Ursa. 

“Who?” Ursa asked. “Jet?”

“No,” Azula said. “Father.” 

“What do you mean?” Ursa asked. 

Azula pulled her knees up to her chest on the chair and hugged them. She couldn’t trust Ursa with this. She couldn’t trust anyone. Ursa was pushing so hard though. And everything was falling apart anyway. Azula’s drive to fight to make everything okay was waning. She had to tell someone the truth about Ozai’s request or she’d come apart at the seams. 

“Jet and I kissed. Barely. It was nothing. I’m supposed to make it seem worse though. Father told me to make it seem worse. I don’t think I can do it.” She was crying then. Crying in front of her mom which was her worst nightmare. “I can’t be the person he wants me to be.” 

Admitting it out loud was like tearing her own heart out. 

Ursa was standing and pulling Azula up in a second. Azula didn’t process it. She let herself be pulled into a standing position. Then Ursa pulled her into a tight hug. 

Azula didn’t have it in her to push away. Instead she loosely wrapped her arms around Ursa and leaned in for a second. Ursa squeezed tight and for a moment Azula let herself enjoy it. Then she pulled away. 

“I hate him,” Ursa said. Azula was surprised by the level of venom in Ursa’s voice. She hadn’t thought her mom had that in her. “I married a monster. No one should be in the position you’re in.” 

“He’s looking out for me,” Azula said. She wiped her eyes. At this point, she didn’t even know if she belived it herself. “He’s looking out for my career. He loves me. You just don’t understand.” 

Ursa looked so sad. Azula almost felt bad for her mom. Azula was clinging onto this belief she’d always had though. Ursa could never understand. Ozai had always been the one saying that Azula was okay while Ursa talked about everything wrong with her. He did love her. He had to. 

“Azula, would you ask someone you loved to do something like this?” 

Azula didn’t answer. She didn’t know. She’d never looked out for anyone but herself. She’d always believed her father was looking out for her. That was her world. 

“I can’t leave until you leave,” Ursa said after a moment. 

Azula stared at her. She hadn’t seen that coming. “What?” she asked, alarmed. “You have to!” 

“You said you were looking at apartments,” Ursa said. 

“It could take months for me to find a place and move in,” Azula said. “You don’t have that kind of time.” 

Ursa had to see reason. 

“Come with me then,” Ursa said. 

“No,” Azula said. “Stop being insane.” 

“I don’t think I’m being insane,” Ursa said. “I’m telling you I’m not leaving you here alone with your father. Just come with me. You can move out the second you find a place.” 

Azula had no intention of moving out with her mother. That was a step down, not a step up. She wasn’t going to let Ursa put this off though. Azula had always been a good liar. Figuring out what she was actually going to do – that could be done along the way. 

“Fine,” she said. “When are you leaving?” 

“Tomorrow,” Ursa said. “I’ve called movers. I’ve also called a significant number of paparazzi.” 

Azula raised her eyebrows. “Why?” she asked. 

“Protection,” Ursa said. Suddenly Ursa smiled and Azula had never noticed the resemblance between them more. For a second, Azula felt like she was looking into a mirror at her past self, back when she’d been a vindictive ice queen. The situation was too serious to allow for a long smile, though. Ursa got serious after just a second. “I’ll admit, I got the idea from Jet,” Ursa went on. “I’m not proud of that. But it will work. I don’t think I had ever processed how easy it is to ruin someone’s career in this field with vague comments. I’m going to talk about how frightening Ozai is. I won’t say anything about you or Zuko, I’m respecting both your privacy. I’ll tell the press what I really think though. And with all those cameras, he won’t try to hurt me or stop me.” 

Azula was actually impressed. “Clever,” she said. In her eighteen years of life, Azula had never once thought to apply the word ‘badass’ to her mother. That momentary smile of pride had made the word cross her mind though. Maybe Ursa was stronger than Azula had given her credit for. 

Ursa frowned again. “You have to come with me though,” she said. 

“Okay,” Azula said. She was lying her way into a hole. As long as the movers and paparazzi showed up though, what choice would Ursa have but to go through with her plan? “Fine. I’m in.”

* * *

* * *

Katara was going to drive to Azula’s house if she didn’t hear back. She had been calling and texting nonstop. Aang told her Zuko said it was a misunderstanding. 

Katara was pissed. Zuko was siding his shady ex over his own sister? Katara had been pacing around the apartment since she got home. She’d called and texted all last night. Then Aang’s report from filming was disappointing. 

Katara had forced herself to calm down long enough to actually talk to Aang about how happy she was that he was done with this projct that he’d hated so much. She was genuinely excited for him that he was going to college. After talking to Aang for a bit Katara decided she was done stressing her roommates out by pacing around. 

So, she went to her room to pace. The sun had set. It was getting dark. Katara grabbed her keys from her dresser. She was going over there. 

Sokka, Aang, Suki and Toph were sitting in the living room. 

“Where are you going?” Sokka asked. 

“I’m going to talk to Azula,” Katara said. “Because I’m a good friend.” 

“Because you’re obsessed!” Sokka said, getting up. 

Katara was so not in the mood to argue. “Whatever,” she said. “Your boyfriend is siding with his toxic ex. That doesn’t bother you?” 

There was a heavy moment of silence. Katara had the feeling everyone thought she was being too harsh. She wasn’t going to skirt around this issue though. And if Zuko was siding with Jet, she wasn’t going to listen to any excuses about him. 

“Whoa,” Sokka said. “You don’t know anything about this.” 

“Aang said Zuko called what happened a misunderstanding,” Katara said. “I saw the video. What else do I need to know?” 

“I’ve actually talked to Zuko about this,” Sokka said. “He said Azula is the one who told him that it was a misunderstanding. She’s been pretty silent about all this on social media.” 

“So maybe I should hear what she has to say,” Katara said. 

“Maybe,” Sokka said. “But she’s not answering your texts or calls. So maybe you should relax and hang out with us tonight.” 

“Why don’t you want me going over there?” Katara asked. “Worried I’m going to yell at Zuko?” She knew she was being mean but she couldn’t stop. 

“No,” Sokka said. “I’m worried about you. You’re obsessing and it’s driving you crazy. When was the last time you slept?” 

“I’m not going to turn my back on someone who needs me over a few sleepless nights,” Katara said. 

She hurried out the door. Katara was supposed to be the one responsible for the people around her. She’d built her identity around that. She was supposed to watch out for Sokka and for her dad and for her friends. 

Katara drove her Honda Civic to the mansion. She remembered the code to get in the gate from before. When she pulled up to the house, she tried to gather herself so she could figure out what to say. 

Katara had never been through an assault, which is what she was guessing had happened. She had been through some shit though. She knew trauma changed you. It’s what made her want to go into the social work field. 

Katara tended to go back to her worst memories when she was in crisis mode. She’d been working herself into crisis mode all summer. The other interns didn’t have that problem. They were farther along in their schooling and they talked about things like ‘self-care.’

After Katara found her mom, she’d been a mess. She hadn’t talked for a week. She remembered her insides boiling with rage. She had kicked one of the detectives in the shin when he was talking to her dad. Looking back, Katara realized she was lucky he hadn’t pulled a taser on her or something. She didn’t regret it though, even now. The man had been so casual. She still remembered his calm features. That had been what put her over the edge. Her anger still came out when she was stressed. It had come out when she snapped at Sokka back at the apartment. 

During the worst period of Katara’s life, the period right after her mom’s death, social workers had come to talk to her. They hadn’t been like the detectives, who were so hard and cold. They’d been patient and they’d let Sokka show them his drawings. One woman just sat with Katara, without trying to force her to talk. 

So, that’s what Katara would do. She would find Azula and she’d be there for her. Katara was determined. She got out of the car. 

It was Zuko that came outside to greet her though. He walked across the lawn to her. They stood by the driveway. It was dark but the lights from the house illuminated their faces. 

“Hey,” Zuko said. 

“What the hell is going on, Zuko?” Katara asked. 

“A lot,” Zuko said. “Have you talked to Azula?” 

“No,” Katara said. “She’s ignoring me. So I decided to show up.” 

“Yeah,” Zuko said. “I figured. It’s nice she has a friend like you looking out for her.” 

Katara was surprised. She’d been ready to jump down Zuko’s throat for defending Jet. “Aang and Sokka made it sound like you were on Jet’s side,” Katara said. She crossed her arms and glared. 

“You don’t have the full story,” Zuko said. 

“I don’t give a shit,” Katara said. 

“That was my first reaction too,” Zuko said. “I was actually planning to go to Jet’s apartment and – I don’t know. Beat him up? Kill him? I have no idea.” 

“You were?” Katara asked.

“Yeah,” Zuko said. “My first reaction to opening Twitter was violence.” 

Katara was still glaring but she uncrossed her arms. “What changed?” 

“Uh, my sister asked me not to do anything.”

Katara hesitated. “Why?” she asked. 

“According to her, they just kissed.” 

“I don’t believe you,” Katara said. 

“I’m not sure I believe it either,” Zuko said. 

Katara was surprised again. “Why not?” 

Zuko shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “Why hasn’t she posted anything about that on social media? It’s been a whole night and now a whole day. Also, I’ve been trying to call Jet, but he’s not picking up. If that’s all that happened why wouldn’t he want to talk to me? I don’t know what to think.” 

Katara rocked back on her heels. She had come here ready to be pissed at Zuko, but it seemed like for once she’d found someone on the same page as her. She looked up at the house. 

“I want to talk to Azula,” she said. 

“She’s not gonna talk to you right now,” Zuko said. “I just watched my mom go into her room. I think they’re fighting. It’s not a good time.” 

“Fine,” Katara said. “I’m getting the truth though. I’ll drive to Jet’s apartment.” 

“I’ll go with you,” Zuko said. “I want to find out the truth too.” 

Katara bit her lip. She wasn’t sure what she planned to do at Jet’s apartment. She had been semi-bluffing. Mostly, she’d been hoping Zuko would change his mind and let her inside. It occurred to her that she might be getting herself into a potentially dangerous or violent situation. It also occurred to her that she didn’t really care. She wasn’t ready to go home for the night and let this go. 

“Okay,” she said. “I’m driving.” 

Zuko hesitated. “I want to find out the truth,” he said. “But I’m not jumping to conclusions. There’s something Azula isn’t telling me, but…I don’t know. Just keep in mind how twisted things can get in this industry?” 

Katara considered the way Jet had manipulated the stories he told about Zuko. She considered Azula’s plan to get caught drinking and smoking for attention. At first she’d thought Zuko was just blindly choosing sides. He had clearly thought this through though. Maybe he had a point. 

“Okay,” she agreed. “Are you ready to go?” 

“Yeah,” Zuko said. 

Katara jumped into the driver’s seat and started the car. Zuko climbed into the passenger’s seat. A minute later, they were on their way. 

Katara parked in the lot outside Jet’s fancy apartment. Zuko looked tense. Katara felt a stab of pity. It occurred to her that regardless what exactly had happened – even if it was just a kiss – it probably wasn’t easy for Zuko to deal with. Now that she knew he wasn’t blindly taking sides like she’d first thought, she felt for him. She put a hand on his arm. 

“You okay?” she asked. 

Zuko shrugged. He seemed tense so Katara hurried to pull her hand away. She looked up at the apartment building. What were they even going to say when they got up there? 

Just then both their phones buzzed at the same moment. ‘bluefire has posted an update.’ Katara was about to open the update, but Zuko had already opened it. She put her phone away and looked at Zuko’s screen. 

Azula had posted a video. She was looking at the camera in a very indulgent way with wide, sad eyes. Katara had never seen her look so sad and innocent in real life. 

“Hello friends, fans, and followers,” Azula said. Katara recognized the compassionate, soft Azula that she had always seen portrayed to the public. It was a stark contrast to the girl Katara knew. Katara recalled the term _‘customer service voice.’_ “I am here to talk to you all about an issue that is very near and dear to my heart,” Azula went on. “Underage drinking.” If the situation weren’t so serious right now, Katara might have snorted. Azula took a deep breath and nodded sadly at the camera. “I know you have all been waiting for me to address what my dear brother’s ex boyfriend, everyone’s favorite activist singer, Jet was talking about in a video that has now made the rounds of the internet.” There was a heavy pause. Katara could’ve sworn she heard sad music playing almost indistinctly in the background of the video. “Well I want to address this issue head on. Zuko and Jet’s breakup was incredibly hard on me.” Katara and Zuko exchanged a look. “Jet and I had always been close friends.” Katara glanced at Zuko, who was looking very confused. “As you all know, I had just broken up with Chan,” Azula said. “Jet and I were both feeling very sad about our breakups. So, we went to ‘Home Base,’ a bar infamous for serving underage teenagers alcohol. I will admit, I ordered a drink.” Azula paused, nodding sadly as if she’d just admitted to something much worse than the average eighteen year old’s response to a breakup. “Friends, it is important to remember that alcohol is never the answer. Jet blames himself for letting me drink, but rest assured, it was my personal decision. I take full responsibility for my immature behavior. Remember, underage drinking is bad.” There was a pause that was clearly meant to be emotional. When she spoke again, Azula was much more cheerful. It occurred to Katara that she’d been so focused on Azula being a _celebrity_ she’d never really processed that Azula was an _actress._ Maybe even a decent one. “Don’t forget to like this video and follow me on all my social media platforms for more updates about the upcoming horror film ‘Stab’ where I play the protagonist. Stay true to yourselves. I love you all!” Azula blew a kiss to the camera and the video ended. 

Katara was baffled. _What the fuck was that?_ She stared at Zuko. 

“That was good,” Zuko said, sounding impressed. “Her assistants did a nice job editing that one.” 

“Why would she post something like that?” Katara asked. “Do you think it means nothing did happen with them?” 

“I think it means Jet didn’t do anything wrong,” Zuko said. Katara raised her eyebrows in doubt. “You don’t get it, Katara,” Zuko went on. “Since this scandal, Azula’s been back in our dad’s good books. She wouldn’t just throw that away over nothing.” 

Katara nodded. She recalled the reverant way Azula referred to her father. She remembered a goal that had slipped out when Azula was high. _‘Then my father will love me again.’_ Hm. “Your dad really did a number on both of you, didn’t he?” Katara asked. 

Zuko laughed. Katara didn’t think it was funny. Zuko stopped laughing when he saw her frown. “Sorry,” he said. 

“You don’t have to apologize,” Katara said. She looked up at the apartment again. “So…do we still go in?” 

Katara wasn’t sure she felt the need to anymore. She was relieved. It seemed like Zuko cared a lot and his reaction to the video eased Katara’s nerves. It occurred to her that Zuko knew a little more about this world than she did. 

“I’m still going in,” Zuko said. “I need to talk to Jet. It’s weird that he hasn’t picked up the phone.” 

Katara had only just started to consider Zuko a friend. She’d been ready to be pissed at him if he was believing his ex boyfriend’s story over his sister’s. Azula’s video changed a lot though. Zuko looked worried. Maybe even if Katara was still unsure about Zuko, she wouldn’t have been able to leave. She’d never been able to turn her back on someone who needed her. 

“I’ll go with you,” Katara said. “For moral support.”


	13. letting go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula makes a decision about what she's willing to let go of to become a better version of herself. 
> 
> Zuko and Katara break into Jet's apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: cw in the end notes (it's probably worth checking if you're worried - the original outline for this story did not include everything that is now being included)

_“People who romanticize childhood and complain about adulthood grew up coddled and continue to live privileged lives,” Jet said._

_Smellerbee nodded. “Yeah,” she said. “You’re so smart. Way smarter than that asshole Mr. Collins.”_

_Mr. Collins was the guidance counselor. Smellerbee had been to see him. Again. She wasn’t doing great. Lots of missed assignments. Hard to focus on writing an essay when your parents were screaming at each other and throwing shit in the next room and stuff kept breaking until the words on the page started to blend together. She wondered if Mr. Collins thought about_ that _when he said,_ ‘I know plenty of adults that would love to go back to having a thirteen-year old’s level of responsibility.’ _Smellerbee hated Mr. Collins. He always called her the wrong name, because, in his words,_ ‘Smellerbee’s not a real name.’ 

_They were sitting on the edge of a stone wall. Longshot was sitting on Jet’s other side, not looking at either of them, playing with a Rubik's cube. The wall overlooked train tracks and a neighborhood filled with crumbling houses, apartments, and trailers. Some were abandoned and some weren’t, but it might be hard to tell the difference if you didn’t know. The cool October breeze rustled the orange and gold leaves of the treetops along the train tracks. They were maybe twenty or thirty feet above the trees. Below the wall, before you got to the trees, there was a concrete path about fifty feet wide. Sometimes they walked on the concrete and threw rocks at passing trains and spray painted the stone wall with things like ‘ACAB’ and ‘Can’t Be Stopped.’_

_“Mr. Collins doesn’t know shit,” Jet said. “Fuck him.”_

_Smellerbee smiled. If their eighth-grade teacher, Mr. Walker, had heard_ that, _Jet would have a week’s detention. “Yeah,” she agreed. “Fuck him.”_

_They sat in silence for a few minutes. “How ya doin, Longshot?” Jet asked._

_Longshot shrugged, still focusing on his Rubik's cube. Smellerbee and Jet exchanged a look. Longshot almost never spoke. If he did, it was to Smellerbee or Jet. The reason for Longshot’s quiet nature was no secret. Poor kid had learned the hard way that almost anything he said could get him in trouble with his mom. Bad trouble. So, he hadn’t said anything, but it was obvious he was in a mood. It was always obvious if you knew him well enough. Most people didn’t. Smellerbee and Jet did._

_Jet swung his legs to the side of the wall where they had climbed up and jumped. It was only about three feet to the ground on this side. The wall was at the top of a hill covered in dead grass. Behind the wall, there was a junkyard filled with old car parts. They had played there a lot as little kids. Jet’s dad had let them help search when he salvaged parts to fix his beat-up Volkswagon van. Jet grabbed his backpack from the ground as Smellerbee and Longshot twisted around to watch. He pulled a grocery sack out and set it down on the wall next to Longshot._

_“My mom made like, a bunch of food last night and told me to give it to you. ‘Cause you always like her cooking.” It was nice, Smellerbee thought, the way Jet made sure to give a reason that didn’t draw too much attention. Even when it was just them. Even when they all knew Longshot had never been brave enough to compliment anyone’s cooking. “Stuff she could wrap up easily and that doesn’t need to be refrigerated,” Jet went on. That was code for_ ‘stuff you can hide under your bed.’ _No one said so though._

_“Thanks,” Longshot said, looking down._

_“Yeah,” Jet said, jumping back onto the wall. He started walking along it backward._

_Smellerbee jumped to her feet that she was standing on the wall too. Looking down at the concrete below made her want to jump back into the grass, but she didn’t. Instead, she leaned down and picked up a crumbled piece of stone and hurled it as hard as she could at the train tracks. It hit the metal with a distant clatter. Then she turned to follow Jet. As she spun on one foot, she saw Longshot frowning. He never played around up here with them._

_Smellerbee walked along the wall for about thirty feet. Jet was still walking backward, grinning at her. He was so cool, she thought, with his messy hair and his oversized leather jacket. Smellerbee would have jumped off the wall towards the concrete if she thought it would impress Jet. When Jet thought you were cool, it was impossible not to believe it yourself._

_She tripped over her own feet as she swung her leg around wide, showing off. She stumbled and almost fell towards the concrete. Her life did not flash before her eyes. Instead, her stomach just dropped, and she screamed. Before she could fall, Jet grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. Smellerbee panted and leaned into his chest. He hugged her tight for just a second, and she thought how no one else could ever make her feel safe like he did. Not her parents, not her teachers – nobody. Then she jumped into the grass and Jet followed. Longshot had run through the grass to catch up to them. He was staring at Smellerbee with wide, scared eyes._

_“You okay, ‘Bee?” Jet asked._

_“Fine,” Smellerbee said, forcing a casual laugh. “Thanks for catching me.” Of course, Longshot was still looking at her like he wanted to cry, so Smellerbee punched him in the arm. “I’m fine,” she said. “Anyway, I don’t think you’d die falling from that distance.”_

_They all walked to the edge of the wall and looked down. “You might,” Jet said. “It’s pretty far.”_

_“Yeah,” Smellerbee said. She turned to Jet. “Can we go practice in your garage?”_

_Jet frowned. “What about all those late assignments? Longshot and I can help you. I don’t want you to keep getting sent to the office.”_

_“Okay, Mr. Collins,” Smellerbee said in a sarcastic voice. She picked up another rock and hurled it at the train tracks. From behind the wall, her aim wasn’t as good. She hit the concrete instead of the tracks._

_“Don’t be like that,” Jet said, hoising his backpack over his shoulder. “An hour of homework and then an hour of practice. C’mon.”_

_“Ugh,” Smellerbee said, sticking her tongue out at him. He rolled his eyes and started walking down the hill. Longshot grabbed the grocery sack Jet had given him, stuffed it in his backpack, and followed. Smellerbee pretended to groan as she picked up her backpack and followed Jet and Longshot down the grassy slope. “Twenty minutes of homework?” she asked, catching up to them as they crossed the train tracks to get to their neighborhood._

_Longshot shook his head and patted his backpack, indicating that he had homework too. Smellerbee sighed. She’d talk them down to forty-five minutes when they got to Jet’s kitchen. They had managed to find and purchase their instruments of choice by scouring garage sales, and thrift shops, and sketchy Craigslist ads over the past year. Now that Jet had his guitar, Smellerbee had her drumset, and Longshot had his bass, they were finally making music. It was hard to care about homework when their instruments were waiting for them in Jet’s garage. Someday, Smellerbee thought, they’d make it big and get out of this dump. Then they could ditch school, and Mr. Collins and all the others could suck it._

_They approached the metal house, which was caving in at parts. The wooden garage beside it was bolted shut. Jet’s dad had started parking his old Volkswagon in the driveway instead of the garage, to make room for their instruments. He'd even bought the bolt to lock it up. Smellerbee couldn't imagine having a dad that would do shit like that for you. It was wild. That's how it was at Jet's house though. It's why she and Longshot spent more time here than they did their own homes. The van wasn’t parked in the driveway now though._

_“Guess he’s at the factory,” Jet noted, looking at the empty driveway. “Mom’s probably still at Mrs. Squalor’s house, cleaning.” He sighed. “Maybe we can practice then do homework.”_

_Smellerbee would’ve lit up at that if she didn’t know the reasoning. Jet didn’t like practicing when his parents were home if he could avoid it. They both worked fifteen and sixteen hour days, so when they were home, he liked to be around them or else let them sleep. She remembered now that his dad was supposed to be off today. Maybe that’s why he’d wanted to do homework first – to spend time in the cramped but cozy kitchen with his dad._

_“Sure, if you want,” Smellerbee said, doing her best to sound indulgent._

_Jet shot her a narrow-eyed look, and she couldn’t help but laugh. He ruffled her hair and she ducked away. Longshot rolled his eyes at them and they both laughed. Smellerbee couldn’t imagine better friends. More like family, really. Her parents might suck but at least she had these two assholes._

_She knew them both as well as she knew herself. She knew Jet liked to act tough, but he was actually a softie who liked to work on the Volkswagon with his dad and help his mom cook. She knew that even though Longshot didn’t talk much, he was the best listener in the world and that he gave the best hugs when everything started to feel hopeless. She knew that they’d both die for her and that she’d do the same for them._

* * *

* * *

Azula was annoyed. She was going to have to unpack all her stuff and re-set up her room tomorrow. Ursa was being thorough though. Azula had a lot of stuff. Most of it was expensive shit that she could not care less about. She had a few things she cared about. A photo album filled with pictures of her, Ty Lee, Mai, and Zuko on their weekend trips to Ember Island, a pearl necklace from her father, and a porcelain doll her mom had given her as a child which she’d always liked. She had ripped the head off when she was about seven, but Zuko had helped her glue it back on. Other than that, it was mostly books. Azula was packing a few outfits, to make it seem as if she was planning the next few days out. Ursa knew she threw clothes out after wearing them though, so there was no need to pack the entire wardrobe. 

“What about your awards?” Ursa asked. She was looking at a shelf covered in gold and silver awards won for various films, and one award (unearned in Azula’s opinion) for the show ‘Phoenix Family.’ Everyone in the family had one of those. 

Azula sighed. She had been hoping Ursa would forget about the awards because she had spent forever setting them up and since they were metal, some of them were heavy. She did not want to have to set all the awards back up tomorrow. She liked them where they were, on the shelf. She was not actually going with Ursa, so this was all a waste of time. She had to make it believable though. 

“They can go in the black suitcase,” Azula said, nodding towards it. Before Ursa could bend down, Azula picked up the suitcase and set it on the bed so Ursa could set the awards in it without moving too much. 

Azula had filmed her underage drinking PSA and texted the videos to her assistant to edit. She knew the video was probably being posted at this very moment. It wasn’t her best story. She was probably going to be nailed by SJW Twitter for letting herself play the victim for as long as she had. A day was too long. Honestly, Azula didn’t care if people were angry. She thought maybe this time she deserved to be canceled. All that mattered was that she saved Jet’s reputation. She felt horrible about the things she’d said to him and the things she’d let people believe. The video was her way of making up for it. She’d even put in the part about them being friends just for him since he’d said he thought they could be. If he decided to forgive her, maybe that could be a reality. Azula thought her reign as the nation's favorite star might be over, but she felt oddly at peace with it. She remembered something Zuko had said to her when she confessed to him that she was desperate to start winning again. 

_'You can't always win. That might have to be okay.'_ Maybe Zuko was right. Maybe it wasn't always better to burn than be burned. She thought of watching 'Carrie' with Katara the other night, and her point, which Katara had not seemed to get, that kindness always had a cost. The thing was, Azula had once thought the cost was never worth it. Lately, she wasn't so sure. She was starting to recognize that the cost of winning might be worse than the cost of losing, at least in some instances. If her father hated her for disobeying him, it would hurt. Having confessed to Ursa that she didn't think she could be the person Ozai wanted her to be was a relief though. Maybe it wasn't just that she _couldn't_ be that person. She didn't _want_ to be. She had thought about all of that as she texted the videos of her PSA to her assistant. By hitting 'send' she had let go of a lot. Of course, it might be hard to remember that when she had to face her father.

“Do you know what time Zuko is leaving for Hira’a tomorrow?” Ursa asked as she started to pack the awards. 

Azula hadn’t had a real conversation with Zuko since she told him about the kiss. “I’m not certain Zuko is speaking to me at the moment,” she said. 

“Why?” Ursa asked. “I thought you had been getting along.” 

“We have,” Azula said. “I think he’s angry because I haven’t corrected the false assumptions people have been making about Jet and I…Perhaps my PSA will help.” 

“Well did you tell Zuko what really happened?” Ursa asked. “Maybe he’s worried about you.” 

“I told him,” Azula said. “He may also be pissed – I mean upset – about the truth. I did kiss his ex-boyfriend.” 

Ursa smiled a little, still packing. “I think I can handle the word ‘pissed,’ Azula.” 

Azula laughed. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you curse,” she said. “It’s almost like you’re a person.” 

“I am a person,” Ursa said with a soft laugh. “That’s the amazing thing about parents. Still people. I’ll start cursing like a sailor if it gets you to realize that I’m human. I mean – did you think I was a robot?” 

Azula leaned against the wall. “I don’t know what I thought,” she said. “You’ve hated me since the moment I was born. What was I supposed to think?”

Ursa stopped packing. “What?” she asked. “Why would you ever think something like that?” 

Azula shrugged. She didn’t like the emotional tone of Ursa’s voice. She had preferred it when they were almost joking around a moment ago. Still, what was the point in lying right now? “It’s obvious you’ve always thought I was a monster,” she said. “You were right, of course, but it still hurt.” She laughed, trying to keep the moment light. 

“Hey,” Ursa said. She walked over and pulled Azula into a hug. Jesus, she really loved doing that lately. Azula secretly didn’t mind though. She even hugged back, a little. “I never - never thought anything like that,” Ursa said. “I have never hated you. I’ve always worried about you and Zuko a lot. And I know I’m closer with Zuko, but you just keep pushing me away. It’s not an excuse. I know it doesn’t make it fair. I love you though. I’ve always loved you.” 

Shit. Azula was tearing up again. She was so fucking tired of crying. If she never cried again, that would be fucking great. Never crying again sounded like the sexiest possible option thank you very fucking much. She wondered idly if there were surgeries to get your tear ducts removed. 

Ursa was the one to pull away from the hug first. Azula had hoped she’d be able to stop crying before the hug ended. Crying was so embarrassing. She wiped her eyes. Ursa was crying too which was just, gross. Azula felt like they were in some stupid fucked up scene from their show or something. 

“What episode of ‘Phoenix Family’ is this?” Azula asked, forcing a laugh, and mopping her eyes with her sleeve. 

Ursa laughed a little too. “Not a very good one,” she said. Then she got serious. “I’m really happy you’re coming with me,” Ursa said. She paused. “I was hoping to have the movers and paparazzi show up shortly after Zuko left. You two aren’t talking at all? I didn’t even know he was looking at apartments in the city until you told me.” 

Azula was a little surprised that Zuko hadn’t told Ursa about that. “He’s going to college,” she said. She was relieved that their emotional moment seemed to be over and she wiped away her tears and swallowed, in a hurry to move on. “And to answer your question, I don’t know. I’m trying to give him space. After all, regardless of his reasoning, he does have a right to be _pissed_ at me.”

“Zuko is going to college?” Ursa asked. 

Azula nodded. “You didn’t know?” 

Ursa shook her head. “I feel like he shares less with me all the time,” she said, sounding sad. 

“Zuko worships the ground you walk on,” Azula said. “I wouldn’t worry. I’m sure he’s simply been distracted.” 

“Well since he’s apparently keeping secrets from me,” Ursa said. “Maybe you can ask him what time he plans on leaving?” 

Azula didn’t think it was entirely fair for Ursa to hold a grudge against Zuko when it came to secrets but whatever. She didn’t want to talk to Zuko because she was afraid that he would yell at her or tell her he hated her. Still, Ursa had a point. If they knew what time he was leaving, they could time their – that is Ursa’s – escape to make sure he was safe. Azula didn’t want Zuko around for the drama either. He deserved a break. And for whatever reason, he hadn’t been sharing very much with Ursa. 

“I’ll go ask him,” Azula said. 

Azula walked out of the room and down the hall feeling a strange sense of satisfaction after her conversation with her mother, as uncomfortable as it had been. She was still uncertain how to feel, but there was something cathartic about getting to see Ursa as a person instead of a larger than life figure. Also, a big part of her wanted to believe that Ursa meant what she said. The idea that Ursa loved her was comforting. Azula was sure that Ozai was going to be furious when he saw her stupid PSA video. The notion that one parent did not hate her was tempting to embrace. She was grateful that Ursa had admitted that she was closer to Zuko. Ursa’s talk of not having favorites was not comforting because it was so obviously false. All it did was deepen Azula’s distrust. Now Azula felt as though they had been honest with each other for a moment, maybe for the first time ever. It was almost nice. 

By the time she reached Zuko’s door though, she was back in full anxiety mode. If Zuko said he hated her, she didn’t know how she could deal – not after realizing how much she needed him. She knocked on the door. There was no answer, so she knocked again. Still nothing. Azula opened the door and went in, shutting it behind her. Druk hurried over and rubbed against her ankles, purring. 

Azula scratched Druk’s head and looked around. Zuko wasn’t in here. She frowned and pulled out her phone. She hesitated, then called Zuko. It rang for a while. 

“Hello, Zuko here. Leave a message. Or just text. That’s so much easier. Or leave a message if that’s easier for you. Whatever’s easiest. Sorry. Okay bye.” 

Azula hung up and called again. It rang again for awhile. “Hello, Zuko h-” she hung up. Then she called again. Again, the phone rang for a while. Just as Azula was about to hang up and text, Zuko picked up mid-ring. 

“Hey,” he said. “Listen, it’s not a great time.” 

“Zuko!” Azula said. “Where are you? I was just looking for you.” 

“It’s not a good time, Azula. Can we talk later?” 

“No!” she said. “Where the hell are you?” 

“I’m at the hospital.” 

Azula’s heart dropped. “What? Are you alright?” 

“I’m…fine,” Zuko said. “Katara is here too.” 

“Katara? Is she hurt?” 

“No. We’re here for Jet.” 

_Oh no._

Azula hadn’t heard from Jet since their disastrous phone call. _‘No one would care if you died tomorrow. Some people might celebrate.’_ Azula had said that knowing Jet would believe it. She’d said it to be cruel. There was no excuse or justification and she suddenly had a terrible feeling that she’d done even more damage than she’d thought. 

She closed her eyes and leaned against the wall. “Is he alright?” she asked. She felt dizzy. The horrible position she’d left Jet in had been festering in the back of her mind all day. She’d tried to fix it. She'd thought she had fixed it - at great personal cost. What if she hadn't?

“I don’t know,” Zuko said. 

“What happened?” Azula asked, trying to stay grounded. 

“I don’t know,” Zuko said again. “He was being an idiot, as usual, I guess.” 

“Is he-” Azula hesitated. She afraid to ask, but she had to. “Is he going to be alright?” 

“I don’t know,” Zuko snapped. Azula flinched. “Listen, like I said, it’s not the best time. Is there a reason you called?” 

Azula couldn’t remember. “No,” she said. “I’ll be there soon, alright? Are you at the Capital City hospital downtown?”

“Yeah,” Zuko said. “But you don’t have to come.”

“I’ll be there soon,” Azula said again. She hung up. 

Zuko hadn’t actually told her what had happened, but she wasn’t an idiot. She could connect the dots. She’d left Jet in a completely unfair position for twenty-four hours. Even before this, his mental health hadn’t been great to say the least and she knew it. She knew it, and she had still chosen to fuck with him. She had been cruel – worse than cruel. She had been downright evil. Deliberately. Maybe Ursa didn’t think she was a monster after all, but that didn’t make it any less true. 

If Jet had decided to hurt himself, Azula considered herself fully responsible. 

* * *

* * *

“What the fuck?” Smellerbee asked. It was not a real question. More like an accusation. She was glaring at Zuko. 

They were in the hospital waiting room. Zuko was apparently still Jet’s emergency contact. Smellerbee was doing her best not to be pissed at Jet for that. Zuko had called her and Longshot about an hour ago.

“Can you lay off?” Katara asked, looking at Smellerbee. Zuko and Katara were sitting in chairs facing Smellerbee and Longshot. “Zuko is stressed too.” 

“He should’ve told Azula not to come,” Smellerbee said, still glaring. 

“I’m sorry,” Zuko said, looking at Smellerbee with a desperate expression. 

If Zuko had snapped, Smellerbee might have stayed angry. Instead, he just sounded as tired as she felt. She wasn’t going to say it was fine though. She just closed her eyes and leaned her head against Longshot’s shoulder. 

“I kicked his door in,” Zuko said. 

Smellerbee opened her eyes and stared at Zuko. “What?” 

“Before the hospital called, we were at Jet’s apartment,” Zuko gestured to himself and Katara. “When he didn’t answer, I kicked the door in. His phone was broken on the floor and we were freaking out. Then the hospital called.” 

Smellerbee didn’t say anything. Zuko had explained over the phone that Jet had been in an accident. Jet had apparently been sitting on the railing of a mostly abandoned overpass just outside the downtown area and fallen. It was about a thirty-foot drop straight to concrete. Some scared teenager had watched the fall from below and called nine-one-one.

Smellerbee got up for what felt like the hundredth time and walked up to the front desk. 

“Your friend is still in intensive care,” the woman behind the glass said before Smellerbee could speak. She sounded curt. Annoyed. What a bitch. 

Smellerbee was about to start yelling at her when she saw a reflection in the glass separating her from the front desk. Azula had entered the waiting room. Smellerbee whipped around and marched toward her. She was already pissed but when she saw that Azula’s face was streaked with tears, her anger elevated to a new level of intensity. All her muscles were wound in tight knots. What right did Azula have to be upset right now? 

This bitch had let everyone believe a bunch of bullshit lies about Jet for twenty-four hours after – according to Zuko – kissing him and being rejected. Before Smellerbee could say anything, she watched Katara run over and hug Azula. Smellerbee glared. She had liked Katatara until now. 

“What happened?” Azula asked. 

“None of your fucking business,” Smellerbee said. “You need to leave. Now.” 

“The fuck I do,” Azula said, shoving Katara off her and looking ready to fight. Good. Smellerbee was ready to fight too. Azula and Smellerbee took a step toward each other at the same moment, both fuming. 

“Come on,” Katara tugged Azula’s arm. “We can talk outside.” 

“Yeah,” Smellerbee said. “Get the fuck out.” She was breathing hard. She hadn’t been in a fight since she was a teenager but if Azula got any closer Smellerbee was pummelling her. She was so fucking scared, and it felt good to channel it into anger. It felt good to have someone to blame. 

Azula was still glaring but she allowed herself to be dragged out of the waiting room by Katara. 

Smellerbee was glad at least Katara had some sense. Starting a brawl in the hospital waiting room wasn’t exactly on her bucket list. She walked back over and sat down beside Longshot. Zuko glanced over his shoulder but didn’t say anything about Smellerbee telling Azula to leave. So at least he knew what was good for him. 

“Zuko,” Smellerbee said. “Do you think…?” she trailed off. She was afraid to ask the question that had been screaming in her head, waiting to be voiced. If she said it out loud, it started to feel too real. There were other people in the waiting room, but not a lot. It was spread out. Smellerbee couldn’t focus on any of their faces, but she could sense their stares. She wanted them all to leave. 

“What?” Zuko asked. He kept tapping his foot. It was driving Smellerbee nuts. She wanted to get up and put her hands on his knee to make him quit. She felt Longshot put his hand on her arm and a fragment of her tension eased. 

Smellerbee was putting all her energy into refusing to accept the possibility that Jet would not be okay. He would be. He had to be. There was no alternative. 

“Do you think he really fell?” she asked before she could stop herself. As soon as she asked, she regretted it. The words had come tumbling out and she didn’t really want an answer. What good would it do to find out what Zuko thought? Jet was more open with Zuko than he was with her or Longshot these days. He didn’t like to rely on them because he had this fucked up notion from when they were kids that he was supposed to be the one taking care of them. He had been starting to open up - he'd let Smellerbee and Longshot go to an AA meeting with him. That was something. Still, Smellerbee thought if anyone would have an idea what Jet’s mindset was like, it was probably Zuko. She had a feeling she knew what Zuko’s answer was though, and she didn’t want to hear it. 

Zuko gave her a look that was almost pitying, and she could have hit him for that. She loved Zuko but she hated the expression he had on now. She wanted to scream. 

“Yes,” Zuko said after too long. “I’m sure.”

It sounded like a lie. 

* * *

* * *

Jet felt like his entire body was on fire. He had never experienced pain like this. It felt like every inch of him was being branded with an iron from the inside out. His head ached worse than any hangover. Everything was dark. 

His arm was killing him. He wanted to scream from the pain. All of him hurt but his arm was the part that made him want to pass out. He wasn’t sure how long it stayed dark, and he couldn’t concentrate because the pain was too overwhelming. Concepts like “time” were impossible to comprehend. He couldn’t think beyond the crippling pain. His head was spinning so fast. It was like falling – tumbling faster and faster. He wished it would stop or at least slow down. He was so dizzy, it was sickening. The dizziness was almost worse than the pain. The back of his skull was throbbing like it had been cracked open. 

It felt like he had been fading in and out of consciousness. If that was the case, he wanted to fade back out. Everything was dark anyway and if he could just pass out, maybe the pain could end. Maybe the spinning could stop. Instead of passing out again though, it felt like everything was coming into sharper clarity. The pain was transforming from a horrible but vague and undefined burning to thousands of sharp needles tearing through his insides. 

A bright light was starting to penetrate the dark. Too bright. It hurt his eyes and he wanted it to be dark again. At least the spinning had slowed. Jet felt his eyes flutter open and he blinked several times before realizing he was staring up at a fluorescent light. He looked down to see that his left arm was in a cast and a sling, and his right leg was wrapped in bandages and elevated. The pain was worse than ever, especially the back of his head. The spinning had stopped though, and that was a relief. Movement caught his eye and he looked over to see a woman in scrubs standing beside the hospital bed. When he turned his head, it was like a brick was being slammed into the back of his skull and he let out a sharp gasp. 

“You’re awake,” the woman said. “How are you feeling?” As she spoke, he realized that based on the setting and her attire, she must be a nurse. 

“What happened?” Jet asked, ignoring the question because there were no words to describe the agony that he was in. 

“You were in an accident,” she said. “You broke your arm and badly injured your leg. No permanent damage though. You’re lucky. You hit your head pretty hard but there’s no brain damage. You’ll make a full recovery.” Jet didn’t feel lucky. He wanted to pass out again because of the pain. Some part of him registered that the lack of permanent damage was a relief but it was very hard to focus on that. “Do you remember what happened?” the nurse asked. 

Jet closed his eyes. Everything felt vague and blurry. “I don’t know,” he said. It was hard to focus on anything other than the pain already, but it was also like there was a thick cloud of fog in his brain. 

“You’re on a lot of pain medication,” the nurse said, sounding sympathetic. “Your friends will be glad you’re awake though.” 

“Will they?” Jet asked. 

Memories were starting to come back. Not good ones. He remembered deciding that it did not matter anymore if he stayed sober, and he remembered walking to the liquor store in the crappy part of town, just outside the downtown area, to avoid the paparazzi. He remembered drinking a good portion of the bottle of tequila he'd bought on the walk back home. He tried to remember more but the fog in his brain felt thick and the pain was crushing and overwhelming. He couldn’t think. 

“Yes,” the nurse said, answering a question he did not remember asking. “Trust me. You have a group of people who really care about you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: speculation about what is interpreted by some characters as a potential suicide attempt
> 
> also probably worth noting - implied deadnaming/misgendering, also descriptions of injuries and a description of waking up in a hospital


	14. on the edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko, Katara, Smellerbee, and Longshot visit Jet in the hospital. 
> 
> The time comes for Ursa to put her escape plan into action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: more discussion of speculation about what is perceived as a suicide attempt

The sun was starting to come up. Azula was sitting on the bench outside the hospital smoking a cigarette. She perked up when she saw Katara coming back outside with two coffees in her hand. Katara handed one of the coffees to Azula and sat on the bench beside her, glancing at the ‘No Smoking’ sign but saying nothing. Azula had been sitting out here all night. Smellerbee was lucky that it was nice out, and that Azula had changed. The old her would have walked back into the waiting room hours ago and smacked that bitch for thinking she had a right to tell Azula to leave a public place. 

“Jet is awake,” Katara said. “Smellerbee, Longshot, and Zuko are visiting him and I just talked to him.” 

“Well I want to talk to him too,” Azula said, standing up. 

Katara bit her lip. “Is that the best idea?” she asked. 

“Oh, okay, I didn’t know you were Smellerbee’s new best friend,” Azula said. Katara rolled her eyes. “I want to talk to Jet,” Azula went on. “This isn’t about Smellerbee.” 

“Okay,” Katara said. “Fine. It’s not about Smellerbee. Maybe let’s make it about the guy who just broke his arm. You think Jet wants to see you guys get into a fistfight?” 

“I’ll play nice if she does,” Azula said. She was channeling her stress into anger that she knew wasn’t justified. She hated herself more than Smellerbee could ever hate her. 

“Jet’s like a brother to her,” Katara said. “She was scared. I’m not saying she had a right to come at you the way she did, but I don’t know…imagine if it was Zuko in intensive care all night and someone who had let the public believe a bunch of lies about him for the past day wanted to see him.” 

Azula walked away a little, staring out at the sunrise over the hospital parking lot. She didn’t want Katara to see her reaction to that. She had been imagining nothing else all night. Maybe that was part of why she wanted to stay angry with Smellerbee. So that she didn’t have to sympathize with her. 

Azula had been overwhelmed with relief a few hours earlier when Katara came out to tell her that the doctors were saying Jet was in stable condition and would be fine. She was still panicking about what could have happened though. 

Azula had made the decision to leave with her mother as she sat outside the hospital smoking cigarette after cigarette. Maybe she had made the decision subconsciously a while ago. It was concrete in her mind now though. 

What if Jet hadn’t made it? It would have been Azula and her father’s fault. Smellerbee and Longshot would have lost a member of their chosen family. Zuko would have lost his friend. Ozai didn’t care about any of that. Maybe he didn't care about anything or anyone but himself. Azula had spent a lifetime convincing herself that her dad cared about her, but lately it had been hitting her that all he actually seemed to care about was fame and money. She'd always cared about those things too. She still did - she just cared about other things more. 

“Look, I’m sorry,” Katara said. Azula heard footsteps on the pavement behind her and a second later she felt Katara’s hand on her shoulder. She tensed up but didn’t turn around. “I’m sure you had your reasons,” Katara went on. “I’m just saying. I feel for Smellerbee. Can’t you talk to Jet another time? Maybe when he’s not in the hospital?” 

“My reasons?” Azula asked. She turned to face Katara, and shook her head, letting out a harsh laugh. “My reasons are that I’m a psychopath, Katara. God, why the hell do you keep giving me second chances? Haven’t I proven that I’m a horrible person yet?” 

“I don’t believe that,” Katara said. “You wouldn’t have come here if you didn’t care.” 

“Fine,” Azula said. She threw her hands in the air, spilling coffee and waving cigarette smoke around. She was sure she looked crazy. Good. Maybe it was time for Katara to pull the wool from her eyes. “I care. Does that make it better? Does that make anything I’ve done okay? You pointed it out when we first met. I treat everyone around me like shit, especially my brother who's been there for me through it all. The better the person the more likely I am to really try to hurt them. But you know, deep down I care so it's all okay." She scoffed. "That's bullshit and we both know it. What the fuck does it matter if I care? I was just almost responsible for someone’s death. What is your problem? No sane person would keep trying to be my friend.” 

“What?” Katara asked, staring. “Responsible – you’re not – why would you say something like that?” 

Oh. _So they were playing this game. The one where they pretended. Where they refused to say something out loud if it hurt._ It was a game Azula was familiar with. Well, she wasn't playing. She had lived in a house where thousands of painful truths went unspoken for eighteen years. She was done with that. 

“You think Jet fell?” Azula asked. “Right when his life was falling apart? Yes, that’s reasonable. I know my favorite free-time activity is sitting on the edge of overpass railings, just for fun. Right! Jesus Christ, Katara. Grow up." She closed her eyes and took a heavy drag from the cigarette. “I just – I spread chaos and misery and apparently near-death experiences to anyone I try to be friends with. Maybe you’re right. Jet doesn’t need to see me right now.” It hit Azula as she was speaking how deeply selfish it was for her to even be here, at the hospital, wasting Katara’s time. “I don’t know what I’m doing here,” she said. “My mom needs me. I’m leaving. I’m going home.” 

She stuck the cigarette between her teeth for a moment and pulled her phone from her pocket to summon an Uber. Then she sat down on the edge of the sidewalk and took a big sip of coffee. It was disgusting, but it tasted strong so that was good. Caffeine was a must right now. Azula didn’t know what time Ursa was planning on leaving. She’d talked to her on the phone a few times throughout the night. Azula knew from those conversations that Zuko had talked to Ursa too. Zuko had not come outside to talk to Azula though. She hadn’t seen him since Katara dragged her out of the waiting room and she had no idea if he hated her now or not. 

Azula had realized a while ago that Ozai’s treatment of Zuko was wrong. Still – she had not been able to separate that knowledge from the fact that her dad had always been the adult in her life who loved her and supported her. She was still grappling with her disillusionment. Ozai had always been more like a God than a father to Azula. She practically worshipped him. Ozai said _‘jump’_ and Azula asked _‘how high?’_ That was how it had always worked. Not anymore. 

The inklings of doubt had been casting their shadows for a while. Now it was all coming crashing down. It felt like the sky was falling.

Katara sat down on the sidewalk beside Azula. “Smellerbee asked Jet if he jumped,” Katara said in a soft voice. “He said he didn’t.” 

Jet denying that he’d jumped did nothing to comfort Azula because she knew Jet. He was a comfortable liar, just like her. Everything he said had to be taken with a grain of salt, especially when the stakes were so high. 

“Of course he said that,” Azula said, shaking her head. “You think he wants to end up in the psych ward?" 

“It sounded like he meant it,” Katara said. “He was drunk. Maybe-”

“Just stop,” Azula snapped, interrupting. “I don’t understand you at all. You should just leave me alone.” 

Azula believed that she could learn to be a better person, who didn't hurt people. She was trying to learn. She realized now that it was unfair to Katara to expect her to stick around for the transformation though. Right now, all Azula knew was her dad’s way. Maybe she could learn a better way, but Katara shouldn’t have to be responsible for the wreckage she caused along the way. 

Katara had dark circles under her eyes like she hadn’t slept in days. Maybe if she stayed away from Azula for a bit she could get some sleep. 

Azula hated Ozai for grooming her into the person she was now. It hurt to admit but it was true. It went beyond dislike or resentment. He had manipulated her into being the worst sort of person – the sort of person the world would be better off without. Her anger at herself and her sense of betrayal were fueling her rage. She never wanted to see her dad again after she left with her mom.

“I thought we were friends,” Katara said, sounding hurt. 

Great. She'd hurt Katara again. “I don’t want you to make excuses for me right now,” Azula said, willing Katara to understand. 

Katara always wanted to fix everything. This could not be fixed. It was fucked up. Azula had fucked up. It felt important that she didn’t diminish how disastrous the consequences of her choices could have been. She didn’t want to hear about how this wasn’t her fault.

“Why did you wait so long to correct people?” Katara asked after a moment. “You obviously regret it, so – why?” 

Azula looked up to see a red sedan. Her Uber was here. She stood up and walked towards it, glancing back at Katara. She put her cigarette out on her arm, and then stuck it behind her ear. She could easily blame this one hundred percent on her dad. That was the simple option. The option that would let her off the hook. Katara would surely feel bad for her then. 

“My fans were back to worshipping me,” Azula said, pausing before getting into the Uber. “Jet called me and asked me to tell the truth and I told him no. I told him he’d be better off dead. Still want to be my friend?” Azula took in Katara’s shocked expression before climbing into the back of the Uber and slamming the door. 

She wanted to cry, but instead, she just stared ahead. She thought maybe she was finally done crying. She’d done enough of it last night. Now it was time to take action.

* * *

* * *

Ursa was relieved when Azula’s Uber pulled through the gate. She was waiting on the front porch, sipping decaf coffee. Ozai was still asleep. The sun had just risen, and the morning sun was bright. It was a warm summer day, without a cloud in the sky. The birds were chirping their mockery at Ursa. It felt like they were laughing at her for the feat she was about to attempt. She was leaving today, and she wasn’t going to let anything stop her. She had no choice. No matter how terrifying it was. Ursa hadn’t gotten much sleep last night. She’d been on and off the phone with her kids while they waited at the hospital for news about Jet. Thank God he was going to be okay. Zuko had already had enough hardships in his life without losing a friend in such a horrible way. 

Azula got out of the Uber and Ursa ran over to her. She was about to hug her but Azula’s expression told her it was a bad idea. Instead, she just shook her head, feeling at a loss. They watched in silence as the Uber pulled away and the gate closed behind it. 

“I just got off the phone with Zuko,” Ursa said, after a moment. “He says Jet is going to bounce back.” 

“Yes,” Azula said. “I heard. Zuko probably isn’t going back to Hira’a today after spending all night in the hospital though. What do we do?” 

“Cancelling with the movers would be fine,” Ursa said. “Cancelling with the paparazzi isn’t exactly an option though. They’ll come either way expecting gossip. We have to leave today. We don’t have a choice.” 

“I know,” Azula said. “But what about Zuko?” 

Ursa frowned. She had been thinking about the issue all night. “Well he’s not staying here with Ozai by himself,” she said. “I assume he’ll be at the hospital all day. Maybe we just need to pack his valuables. He can stay with us until he goes back to his old apartment or finds a new one.” 

“I was thinking the same thing,” Azula said. “Let’s go.” 

They walked to Zuko’s room together. When they went in, Druk ran over and jumped onto Azula’s shoulders. He rubbed his face against hers, purring. Ursa watched, smiling to herself. It had been an intense night, but Druk was pretty adorable. Nothing like a cute animal to lighten the mood. 

“He really likes you,” Ursa said. 

For some reason, Azula looked annoyed. “Right,” she said in a cold voice. She picked Druk up and set him on the ground. “Anyway, I’m not sure what to pack. I think most of Zuko’s valuables are at his apartment.” 

“What’s wrong?” Ursa asked. She felt like lately, she’d been connecting pretty well with Azula. Sometimes though, Azula would have wild mood swings that seemed to come for no reason at all. It was incredibly hurtful and frustrating. 

“Nothing,” Azula said. 

“Clearly,” Ursa said, rolling her eyes. “I thought we were talking to each other now.” 

“It’s nothing,” Azula said. “Unless you’d like to rehash the past.” 

Ursa didn’t want to do that, but she also didn’t want to just let it go. “Fine,” she said. “Let’s rehash it. I’ll never stop pissing you off if you don’t tell me what I’m doing wrong.” Ursa was relieved to see a half-smile flash across Azula’s face for a moment. Apparently part of the key to her teenage daughter’s heart was cursing. _Who knew?_ “We’re going to be living in much tighter quarters pretty soon. We may as well be honest with each other,” she said. 

“Okay,” Azula said. “I suppose I just remembered how you used to behave as if I were a young Ted Bundy to be who couldn’t be trusted around animals. Now that may as well have never happened. It’s a bit disconcerting. My entire life I’ve believed you hated me. I can’t get used to the idea that you don’t.” 

“Well I don’t,” Ursa said. Azula shot her a skeptical look. Ursa sighed. “Look, I could have handled a lot of things better,” she went on. “I don’t know what to say about it now. You were mean to littler kids and animals when you were a child. And let’s not pretend you were always the easiest teenager. I should have done more to try to connect with you. Despite all that, you’ve grown up to be an incredible person. So, I’m sorry, okay? I can’t fix the past. I can never fix it. We could try to start fresh though. I know you won’t live with Ikem and I forever, but we could try to be a family, just for a bit. We have a shot at that if we get out of here alive.” 

Azula stared at her for a moment and Ursa wanted to break something. It wasn’t fair, she thought, to have your child look so heartbroken and lost. She had so many regrets and she vowed to herself that the child growing inside her now would never look at her the way Azula was now. 

Then Azula surprised Ursa by giving her a small smile. “Alright,” she said. “I disagree with the incredible person bit, but thanks for saying it anyway.” She sighed. “Maybe we could try to pretend to be a family, just for a bit. Especially since Zuko might stay with us for a while. The three of us aren’t exactly sitcom material, ironically enough considering we starred in one. But still. It might even be nice.” 

“It might,” Ursa said.

It felt almost true.

* * *

* * *

Zuko was exhausted after spending the night in the hospital waiting room. It was afternoon, and the sun was shining through the window. Zuko, Katara, Smellerbee, and Longshot were sitting in Jet’s hospital room, visiting. The hospital chairs were uncomfortable but what Zuko thought was more uncomfortable was the general vibe. 

“I might be out of here by tomorrow,” Jet was saying. “I hope so.” He had just given them the report on his injuries. 

Zuko tried to keep his expression neutral. Jet’s injuries were surprisingly minimal. He’d bruised his tibia, broken his arm, and fractured his skull. The skull fracture freaked Zuko out the most, but Jet said the doctors were positive it would heal with rest and medication. 

So, Zuko thought it wasn’t entirely unrealistic that Jet would be allowed to leave the next day. The idea was worrying to Zuko. Azula’s underage drinking PSA had undone the worst of the damage to Jet’s reputation. Still, if he had jumped, Zuko didn’t like the idea of him just being sent home. Yeah, he was denying it. The nurses and doctors seemed to believe him. That didn't mean much though. One of Jet's many talents was being incredibly convincing when he wanted to. 'Freedom Fighters' produced great music. Zuko would never deny that. But a big part of their fame had everything to do with Jet's charisma. He'd already convinced all of the nurses here that the accident was a hilarious drunk mistake. He was probably going to leave here with half of the hospital staff's phone numbers. When Jet said something, it was hard not to believe him. The doctors and nurses here didn't know Jet though. 

“Maybe,” Smellerbee said. Zuko saw her and Longshot exchange a look. So, he wasn’t the only one with doubts. That was a slight relief. The anxiety was still clawing away at Zuko though. 

“You don’t have to sound so excited,” Jet said, rolling his eyes. “Jesus, you’d think you wanted me to stay trapped here.” 

“No one wants that,” Katara said. Zuko exchanged a look with Smellerbee and Longshot. “It’s a miracle you’re not hurt worse,” Katara went on. “Thank God.” 

“Yeah,” Zuko said, nodding his agreement. “I think I’m just worried. You know? That was a terrifying…accident. I don’t want them to send you home too soon.” 

“They’re the experts,” Jet said, looking annoyed. Zuko was sure no one had missed his pause before saying the word _‘accident.’_ Based on his expression, Jet definitely hadn’t. 

“Let’s not start snapping at each other, children,” Smellerbee said. “Come on, y’all. If we’re going to be angry at anyone, I think we all know who it is.” 

The uncomfortable vibe in the room got worse. There was a long moment of awkward silence. Zuko actually found himself looking for something to knock over to break the silence. The little table by the hospital bed had a pile of magazines on it, but Katara was sitting between him and the table. He didn’t think he could reach over her to knock them over and make it look like an accident. 

“What are you talking about?” Jet said after a minute. It was hardly a question. More like a dare. Zuko willed Smellerbee not to explain herself. Did they really need to have this conversation right now? 

“Oh come on,” Smellerbee said. “Are we really going to sit here and pretend Azula isn’t a crazy bitch who tried to ruin your life? Like, I’m sorry, Zuko, I know she’s your sister. But God.” 

Zuko had shown Jet Azula’s underage drinking PSA earlier. They hadn’t talked about it much though. Just in the context that ‘Freedom Fighters’ wasn’t ruined after all. The idea of talking about the situation in more depth exhausted Zuko. He didn’t think he could handle any more impossible conversations until he got at least eighteen hours of sleep. 

“She’s not a crazy bitch,” Jet said. Zuko had not expected that answer. He shot Jet a questioning look. “Okay maybe she kinda is,” Jet amended. “But she did try to fix her mistakes. Look, ‘Bee, I told you – I didn’t jump. And if I had, it wouldn’t be Azula's fault." 

“If you had,” Smellerbee said in a deadpan voice. 

It was a clear accusation and Zuko wished she wouldn’t do that. It wasn’t that he didn’t want the truth to come out. He just thought that if he were in Jet’s position, whether he’d jumped or not, he wouldn’t want to be hounded about it right after waking up with a broken arm. He understood where Smellerbee was coming from, but he’d also known Jet long enough to know about how well attacks like this worked on him. Zuko thought that if Smellerbee kept at this Jet was probably just going to lean even harder into the narrative he’d chosen. Zuko wanted Jet to have an honest, private conversation with someone with no accusations involved. Zuko didn’t necessarily want to be the person Jet had that conversation with, but he wanted it to happen. Smellerbee was like a sister to Jet. She could probably be the person he would be honest with if she stopped with the accusations now. 

“I didn’t,” Jet snapped. “Okay? Jesus, Bee, I wish you would trust me.” 

Smellerbee looked ready to say more but Longshot put a hand on her arm and she folded her arms and glared. Zuko and Katara exchanged a nervous look. After a tense minute, Smellerbee loosened her pose a little. 

“Okay,” she said. “This conversation isn’t over, but I’ll drop it for now.” She sighed. “Seriously though – I do hate Azula.” 

“You should cut her some slack,” Jet said. “She tried to fix something that wasn’t even her fault. She’s not perfect but I don’t hate her, so I don’t see why you do. I think anyone who grew up the way she did would be a little fucked up. I mean God – her dad is a fucking psychopath. Look what he did to Zuko’s face." 

Zuko froze. He had never told anyone about that. Only his immediate family knew. He could feel Katara, Smellerbee, and Longshot staring. Jet looked at Zuko’s expression and seemed to realize his mistake. 

“Shit,” Jet said. “Azula let slip – I’m sorry – I didn’t mean to say that. I was just trying to – ugh never mind.” 

“You know what?” Zuko said, leaning back and trying to force himself to look relaxed. He wasn’t sure if he succeeded. “It’s fine.” There was another awkward silence in the room. “I think we’re probably all hungry for some non-hospital food,” Zuko said when he couldn’t bear the silence for another second. “I’m going to go pick up a pizza. Katara, can I borrow your car?” 

“Of course,” Katara said. “Do you want me to go with you, or-?”

“No,” Zuko said, too fast. It probably came out harsh. “It’s fine, I have money, I can buy us some food.” He patted his pocket and was relieved to feel his wallet there. 

Katara gave Zuko a sympathetic look and dug her keys from her purse. She handed them to him. Zuko nodded to her and hurried out of the room. He didn’t think he could take any more anxiety. The tension in that room had been too much. He’d been panicking all night thinking Jet wasn’t going to be okay. Now they were dealing with the aftermath of the accident and it didn’t feel like things had gotten less intense, just like they’d gotten intense in a different way. Zuko's muscles ached from staying tense for so long. 

Zuko wasn’t angry at Jet for letting slip something Azula must have told him during whatever weird bender led to them apparently kissing. He wasn’t even angry at Azula for telling Jet. Maybe she had thought Jet already knew. Jet had hinted that he had a guess about Zuko's burn plenty of times before. The narrative about an accident and a gas fire was so much easier though. Zuko hated the pity he'd seen in Katara, Smellerbee, and Longshot's eyes. Whatever. It didn't matter. He was just tired. It wasn’t just that he’d missed a night of sleep. It was everything. It felt like life just refused to slow down and it was exhausting on a deep level. 

Zuko spotted a pile of cigarette butts near a bench outside the doors, next to a ‘No Smoking’ sign. So better person or not, Azula still littered. Maybe he should’ve come out to talk to her at some point during the night. He could imagine she wasn’t in great shape. He’d just been so deep in his own anxiety he hadn’t been able to think straight. 

It was a nice day out. Katara had parked near the middle of the parking lot. Zuko tried to appreciate the warm weather as he walked over to her car. The bright sun and blue sky contrasted too much with the internal panic Zuko was feeling though. Instead of being comforting, the warmth of the sun felt wrong. It felt like it should be storming out or something. Maybe Zuko had spent too much time acting in television shows and movies. If this were an episode of a CW drama or something, the sky would be black right now. 

Zuko was on the edge of breaking down. This had not been the worst summer of his life. That had come when he was fourteen years old and half of his face was recovering from severe burns all summer. This summer was a close second though. Coming home had been a horrible idea. 

He had agreed to do this project because Azula and his dad kept badgering him about it and at the time it felt like a smart career move. Spending the summer in his childhood bedroom would have been horrible enough with all the dark memories mixed up there. Watching Azula’s deteriorating mental health as Ozai’s treatment of her went downhill would have been horrible enough. Having his reputation destroyed in the media would have been horrible enough. Now Zuko was debating whether one of his closest friends who also happened to be his ex-boyfriend had been trying to commit suicide. He just wanted time to stop so nothing else could happen. 

It was all too much. If things could just slow down, that would be something. He felt like if everything could just calm down for a day, he would be okay. Then he could go back to handling the constant shitstorm of life. 

He sat down in the driver’s seat of Katara’s car and closed his eyes. He just wanted a minute to breathe, before driving. A second after he sat down, his phone rang. Aang, Suki, Toph, and Sokka had all been calling all morning. Zuko hadn’t had a chance to answer. He knew Katara had talked to them all a few times throughout the night. Sokka was calling now and Zuko had no idea what to say to him. He answered the call though. 

“Hey,” Sokka said. “I’m sorry for blowing up your phone. I’ve been worried about you.” 

“I’m fine,” Zuko said. It was a pretty obvious lie, but it was Zuko's automatic response. “I guess you know what’s going on thanks to Katara.” 

“Yeah,” Sokka said. “Jesus. I don’t know what to say.” 

“Yeah,” Zuko said. “I don’t either. I’m sorry you were worried. God, it's like knowing me has brought all of this – I don’t know – chaos and drama into your life. I’m sorry for that.” 

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Sokka said. “Look, I talked to Katara. I know Jet is going to be okay. But how are you? Seriously. A lot’s happened. There's no way you're fine." 

“Yeah,” Zuko said. “Honest answer?” 

“Always,” Sokka said. 

“I don’t even know how I am. I’ve had like, eight cups of hospital coffee and I think I’m hearing sounds and seeing colors on a new frequency. I feel like I might be having an ongoing panic attack. Is that a thing? Can you have a panic attack that lasts like fifteen hours?” 

“I have no clue,” Sokka said. “I took like, one psychology class freshman year. If you say it’s happening though, it’s happening. Wish I could hold your hand through it.” 

“This isn’t fair to you at all,” Zuko said. “You’re just dealing with all of my drama. This isn’t – you didn’t sign up for this.” 

“Look,” Sokka said. “I’ve had a lot of fun getting to know you and a lot of it has felt like a romantic comedy or something – my favorite movie genre if you didn’t know – and that’s great. Life’s not a movie, though. You don’t sign up to only care about people when it’s fun and easy. So yeah, I’m here for you.” 

“I like that,” Zuko said after thinking about it for a moment. “The thing about how you don’t sign up to care about people only when it’s easy.” 

“Thanks,” Sokka said. “It’s the truth.” 

“Yeah,” Zuko said. “In my experience it is. I guess I just forget that if I apply it to other people that means it can be applied to me.” 

“Damn right,” Sokka said. 

“I think talking to you is calming me down,” Zuko said. “So thanks.” 

“Anytime,” Sokka said. “Anything.” 

“Just so you know, I feel the same way,” Zuko said. He meant it, too. He had never met anyone like Sokka and he had already decided that he’d do anything for him, even in the short time they’d known each other. 

“So the ongoing panic attack,” Sokka said. “If it gets to be a lot, you can call me.” 

“I might,” Zuko said. “If I have one more bomb dropped on me, I’m going to detonate. And I am dreading going home tonight. I miss my apartment. I really don’t want to have to see my dad when I’m already on the edge.” 

“Come over here instead,” Sokka said. “If you want. I have wine and weed. Aang, Suki, Toph, and I are gonna binge that new Netflix show, 'Julie and the Phantoms.' It’s supposed to be cute. I’m hoping Katara will join us. You should too. Maybe give yourself a break.” 

“I don’t know, Sokka,” Zuko said. “My sister probably needs me.” 

“Fair enough,” Sokka said. “But if you change your mind, show up.” 

“Maybe,” Zuko said. “Let me think about it.” He sighed. “I guess I’m going to pick up a pizza now. I might come over tonight, I don't know. I'll talk to you later no matter what though. And…well, thank you.” 

“For what?” Sokka asked. 

“Being the only person I’ve talked to today who hasn’t made me want to scream,” Zuko said. Then he thought about that. “Well, actually Katara hasn’t made me want to scream either. She’s pretty great.” 

“She is,” Sokka said. “But do me a favor?” 

“Anything,” Zuko said. 

“Try and get Katara to give herself a break. I’m really glad she’s been there for you, but I think she’s stretching herself about as thin as you are.” 

“Okay,” Zuko said. That was a favor he didn’t mind doing. “I’ll try.” 

“Thanks.” 

Zuko hung up and then noticed that his phone was on about twenty percent. He reached instinctively for his charger in his pockets, but of course, he hadn’t brought it. He’d gotten in the car with Katara on a whim last night. It felt like a million years ago. He looked in the passenger seat and then in the dash compartment in case Katara had a charger. Of course, she didn’t. He doubted Smellerbee or Longshot had thought to grab one when running out after he called them last night. And Jet had left his phone broken on his apartment floor, so he obviously didn’t have a charger. Zuko stuck his phone in his pocket and started the car. Honestly, he secretly didn’t mind that no one would be able to get ahold of him. Maybe a few hours of no one being able to tell him anything life-altering or terrifying would be good.

* * *

* * *

Azula and Ursa had put all their suitcases and Druk’s crate on the front lawn. Druk hated the crate. He was meowing loudly. 

“Sh,” Azula said. 

It was mid-afternoon. Ozai had woken up earlier, told them he was going to an interview about ‘Stab,’ and left in the limo. Azula had no idea what time he was getting home but she was hopeful that the movers and paparazzi would get them out of here before he returned. Then they could avoid any sort of confrontation. Azula thought that it would be a small mercy if, after everything, they could just leave quietly and never speak to Ozai again. Ursa had just gone inside to call Zuko. 

Azula stuck her finger in the crate and tried to scratch Druk’s head. He bit her and she yanked her finger back out. A tiny drop of blood fell in the grass. She sighed. Trying to pet him when he was upset hadn’t been a good idea. If she were trapped in a cage and someone tried to poke at her, she’d probably bite them too.

“I couldn’t get ahold of Zuko,” Ursa said, coming out of the house. She walked over to stand on the lawn beside Azula. They both stared at the gate. “The movers and paparazzi are supposed to be here any second.” 

Azula frowned. She pulled out her phone and called Zuko. It rang for a while.

“Hello, Zuko here. Leave a message. Or just text. That’s so much easier. Or leave a message if that’s easier for you. Whatever’s easiest. Sorry. Okay bye.”

Azula hung up and called again. “Hello, Zuko-” she hung up. She called again. Still no answer. Azula texted. ‘CALL ME BITCH.' She hit send and then considered that Zuko very possibly hated her right now. She texted again 'I know you're mad but this is important.' 

“This is bad,” Azula said. “I texted him and told him to call me. You should text too.” 

“I already did,” Ursa said. “I left a message too.” 

“Shit,” Azula said.

Azula could see all of her own anxiety reflected in her mother’s face. They were looking at each other with matching expressions of worry. Azula didn’t know what they were supposed to do here. Zuko showing up at the house after they left wasn’t an option. Not leaving was also not an option. Ursa looked like she was about to break. Azula was trying to think of something comforting to say when the gate opened. It wasn’t the movers and paparazzi though. It was the limo. Ozai was back. Azula and Ursa exchanged a look of alarm. 

“Shit,” Ursa said. “Go in the house.” 

“No way,” Azula said. “I don’t have a baby to think about. You go in the house.” 

Neither of them went in the house.


	15. pretty lies and ugly truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jet considers the parts of his story he left out, and whether they're worth telling. 
> 
> Zuko and Katara finally get some rest. 
> 
> Azula and Ursa face Ozai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW at the end to avoid spoilers at the top ❤️

The pain was not easing up. Jet thought the pain in his leg was most manageable. He could probably even walk on it if he decided he hated himself enough. His broken arm kept seizing with bursts of fire running up and down. It was pretty severely broken. As in, they’d put metal in to set it in place. The pain in the back of his head was killing him though. If he could just lay around and cry that would be fucking great actually. Or, even better, if he could ask for enough painkillers to knock him out. He could do neither because his friends needed him alert and acting like he was fine. He was incredibly grateful that Smellerbee and Longshot and Zuko and even Katara cared enough to stay but seriously – keeping up the façade that he wasn’t about to die from pain was getting more impossible every hour. It was like, late afternoon. He was supposed to do this all day? All night? Jesus. 

Smellerbee and Longshot had both gone back to their apartments to get pillows, blankets, and board games. They were insistent on sleeping in the hospital room on the uncomfortable chairs tonight even though Jet had tried to talk them out of it. It was still early in the day but they’d both been up all night, so they were preemptively getting pillows and stuff. Jet didn’t know how to tell them what it meant, how much they cared. 

Katara had gone to get more coffee. Jet and Zuko had both advised her against doing so but when Katara decided she wanted to do something, there wasn’t much stopping her. She was a force of nature. Jet was pretty sure Katara was trying to avoid Freddy Krueger or something the way she was chugging coffee. 

Jet had asked to have the dosage of his pain medication decreased because he was pretty sure the medication had been part of why he let slip the thing about Zuko’s scar. He didn’t need to say anything else stupid. Also, if he didn’t ask for more meds, the doctors were more likely to believe him when he said the pain was ‘manageable.’ That was the key to escaping this place. It honestly felt like someone was drumming on the inside of his skull though. 

“You look like you’re in pain,” Zuko said. “Just let them give you more drugs. Seriously – this is the one time you can ask for as many drugs as you want, and no one will judge you.” 

Jet laughed. He appreciated the weak attempt at humor. It was nice. Zuko had always sucked at jokes but it was sweet that he was trying. “Nah,” he said. “I’ve had hangovers worse than this.” Obvious lie. This was a literally broken skull. Absolutely terrifying concept, not that Jet was going to let any anxiety over that show. But whatever. 

“I’m probably gonna go soon after they get back,” Zuko said. “But I’ll be back tomorrow.” 

“The doctors told me I could leave tomorrow as long as the pain is manageable,” Jet said. He wasn’t sure how one defined ‘manageable,’ but he was pretty sure anything was ‘manageable’ if it meant he got to leave the hospital. 

Jet had one memory of being in a hospital. It was a memory he had buried for a long time. The night his parents died. It hadn’t been this hospital. That was good because Jet was sure no one who’d been on staff at the hospital the night his parents died had forgotten him. This was the nice, downtown hospital for rich people. Of course he’d been taken straight here. His parents had died in the shitty, poor people hospital on the outskirts of the city. Jet had made a pretty big scene. Thrown a chair at the glass separating the front desk staff from the waiting room. Definitely not his finest moment. 

He’d done a good job of making friends with the staff here though. He was pretty sure the cute blonde nurse who had been there when he woke up was a fan. Everyone here liked him. Which was good. It made it easy to convince them he would be fine to go home. 

“I broke your door,” Zuko said. 

Jet stared at him. “I’m sorry, what?” 

“I thought you might’ve OD’d in your apartment or something. Katara and I went over there to try to find you. So uh, you need a new door. Sorry.” 

“Shit,” Jet said. He’d caused so much trouble. “I’m sorry, Zuko.” 

“For what?” Zuko asked. 

“Scaring you,” Jet said. “I just broke my phone. It happens.” 

“Yeah,” Zuko said in a deadpan voice. “I guess. Then you went for a walk.” 

Jet sighed. He should’ve known the conversation would come back around to this. Zuko hadn’t been asking him again and again the way Smellerbee had. Jet knew Zuko though. Zuko had given Jet a whole speech about boundaries when they decided to be friends again after their breakup. Jet had known it was bullshit then and he knew it was bullshit now. He knew that Zuko told himself there was a limit to how much he was going to do for other people, but that it was a lie. Jet was sure Zuko had not purposefully brought the conversation here. It had come here on its own because Zuko was dying to ask, and he was kind enough not to want to do it in front of anyone else. Zuko was probably at the point where he didn’t want to be Jet’s only confidante. He would be though if Jet pushed him. Jet wasn’t going to push him. Not anymore. 

“Yeah, I went for a walk,” he muttered. “Seriously. Sorry I’m clumsy.” 

“I once saw you walk across a tiny wooden plank over a stage covered in sparklers while playing the guitar and singing,” Zuko said. “But sure. Clumsy.” 

“I wasn’t drunk then,” Jet said. 

“Right,” Zuko nodded, slowly. “Except I did shots with you backstage before that show.” 

“People make mistakes,” Jet snapped. “Just drop it, Zuko.” 

“Look,” Zuko said. “I’m not – I’m not trying to start something or accuse you of anything.” Jet had never thought that's what anyone was trying to do. He felt bad that that's what Zuko assumed he thought. “I promise,” Zuko said. “I’ve just been there. And I care about you. A lot. So if you can’t be honest with Smellerbee, or Longshot, for whatever reason, you can be honest with me. You have to be honest with someone though.” 

“What do you mean you’ve been there?” Jet asked, caught off guard. 

“I’ve been depressed,” Zuko said. “I mean – you didn’t know me when I was a teenager, living with my dad. Yeah, I’ve been there. So I get it. And there’s no judgment or anger. Okay?” 

“I wasn’t trying to kill myself,” Jet said. He was so tired of repeating himself. It was making his headache worse. He gritted his teeth and tried to think of anything other than the pain. He was chewing on one of the stirring sticks from the coffee and trying to look anywhere but at Zuko, who was staring at him intensely. 

“Just ask for more pain meds,” Zuko sighed. So apparently Jet wasn’t doing as good of a job of hiding his pained expression as he thought. “You’re so fucking stubborn,” Zuko said after a moment. “I’m just trying to be here for you. You know – the thing you always wanted me to be better at?” 

Jet didn’t say anything. He was almost thinking about telling Zuko the truth despite having just reminded himself that he didn’t want to push Zuko. The whole truth. He had not lied. That was important to him, and it was part of why he kept getting so frustrated when they didn’t believe him. But he had definitely left stuff out. Important stuff. But…was it important? Jet didn’t know. Everything felt so confusing right now.

He had not jumped. That was the most important thing. It was the thing they kept asking about. Telling anyone the other stuff seemed unnecessary. Why make them suffer more? What was the point? Who would benefit? Still. Maybe Zuko and Smellerbee and Longshot knew Jet well enough to be able to tell that he wasn’t telling them everything. Maybe if he was just honest, they would believe him and he would have it off his chest. Zuko wouldn’t keep asking if he didn’t want to know, right? So maybe – 

“Look who I found-” Katara started to speak as she entered the room but stopped herself. Jet and Zuko looked up to see Katara, Smellerbee, and Longshot in the doorway. “Are we interrupting something?” Katara asked, looking anxious. They all had their arms filled with blankets, pillows, board games, and card games. Katara was also clutching a disposable coffee cup. 

“Nope,” Jet said. “Zuko was just saying he was taking off soon. Tearful goodbyes and all that. I’d be emo too if I’d broken up with the coolest person ever and then they got some super cool injuries that made them even cooler. Sure you guys don’t want to join our super fun hospital sleepover?” He was rambling. Maybe it wasn’t the pain medication that made him into an idiot. 

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” Zuko said. “Or – I’ll come by your apartment, I guess. If they send you home.” 

“Yeah, I’ll be in touch too,” Katara said. “I guess I’m leaving as well. I can’t call off work again tomorrow.” She set down the pillows and blankets she’d been helping Smellerbee and Longshot carry. “So I really have to get some sleep.” 

“You called off work?” Jet asked. He’d just met Katara, but it was becoming increasingly clear that she was willing to put herself on hold for other people to an extent that few people were. 

“Yeah,” Katara said. “It’s fine. I work a lot of extra hours so I can afford a day off. I want to go in tomorrow though.” 

“Alright,” Smellerbee said. “Thanks for everything guys. We’ll talk later.” 

“I meant what I said,” Zuko said, looking at Jet. “About caring.” He turned to Smellerbee and Longshot. “When we leave, can you guys get him to ask for more pain meds? He’s trying to be tough.” 

“Narc,” Jet muttered. 

Zuko rolled his eyes. Then Zuko and Katara left. Jet prepared himself for a much more intense line of questioning from Smellerbee. He loved her and Longshot so much and he wished she knew that it was because of that that he'd rather keep them in the dark. Longshot had been quiet, as always. But he'd given Jet a lot of _looks_ that communicated pretty well that he also didn't believe the half-truths Jet was giving them. Pretty half-truths were so much nicer than ugly full-truths though. 

Smellerbee and Longshot had been Jet's friends for so long. Longer than Zuko. He was thinking about being honest with them. About all of it. The depression, the spiraling - that even if he hadn't jumped...maybe he'd _thought_ about it. Maybe he'd considered it, for a moment. It was an instant in time and part of him wanted to pretend it was insignificant and it didn't matter. 

If Smellerbee kept treating this like an interrogation, he couldn’t do it. He knew her and he knew why she was acting like that. It was easier for her to get angry than admit how scared and hurt she was. She cared a lot. It was just a little intense and it didn't make Jet want to talk to her about the dive his mental health had taken. Maybe if she just opened the topic though, he could tell them the truth. It might be a relief, to get it off his chest. And maybe then he could seek real help. Not from a psych ward. Fuck that. From a therapist or something though, on top of the AA stuff, which he was determined to get back to. First, he had to decide if he was even willing to admit the parts of the story he had left out.

Maybe.

* * *

* * *

Ozai’s physical violence had almost always been directed at Zuko. That was one of the many reasons Azula had always been so unquestioningly loyal. Better Zuko than her. She knew Ozai had been violent with Ursa before though. 

So, as they stood on the lawn Azula tried to move so that she was standing in front of her mom. Ursa grabbed her wrist and tried to pull her backward, but Azula ignored her. Ozai got out of the limo, and spotted them, standing there beside a pile of suitcases and a cat crate. Azula’s heart was pounding. 

She was angry at herself for being scared. She needed to focus right now. So, instead of allowing herself to panic, she focused on how angry she was. She reminded herself that they were doing this because they were protecting a child from suffering the same way Zuko had. They were running away from their own home because they were being driven away. Because Ozai was violent and scary. It was infuriating. 

“What is going on?” Ozai asked. 

Azula watched the limo pull away. The driver’s face was familiar. Azula had always chosen to keep the barrier up when she rode in the back of the limo, but she still knew the driver’s face. He’d been working for their family since she was a kid. He made eye contact with her for a moment and then pulled up to the gate, entered the code, and drove away. The gate closed behind the limo. The fifteen-foot tall privacy fences had never felt so threatening. They were in a cage. 

“We’re leaving,” Ursa said. “I’m leaving you, Ozai.”

“You can’t do that,” Ozai said. It was almost comical, Azula thought, the way he said it even as he stared at the suitcases on the lawn in front of him. He was still so determined to be in control. “And what about you, Azula? I know you’re not leaving with her.” 

Azula hesitated. She could escape whatever consequences Ursa was about to face. She could tell her dad that of course, she wasn’t leaving, she’d always been loyal. She thought of Zuko, having his face shoved into the flames. That memory was clearer than she’d like. She remembered Zuko’s scream of pain and she remembered how gory it had been. She thought selfishly of her pretty face and how she didn’t want that to happen to her. She could still choose her father’s side. Even now, the option was there, tempting her. She pushed the thought away though, disgusted. She could choose the option that let her off the hook. And then what? She would be fine today. But she would hate herself forever. No more easy options. 

“I am,” Azula said. “I’m moving out with her.” The words _‘I’m sorry’_ got caught in her throat. 

“What?” he asked. His expression was of intense anger, and something else. Hurt? Betrayal? 

Azula realized now that her pride in her abilities, her talent, her intelligence – all of it – had been hinged on her father’s approval. And that was easy enough to get if you were willing to be a puppet. Oh, she’d been an excellent puppet for years. Her strings had been cut through. She had to make the hard decisions from now on. She had to pick up the crumbled pieces of herself and find out who she was without her father. Terrifying? Yes. But also, exhilarating in a way. 

“And I’m never coming back,” Azula said. “Ever. Neither is Zuko.” She was feeling brave now. Seeing the shock on her father’s face made her believe that she and her mom would be the winners here. She wanted him to know that he was being left. Suddenly, Azula was glad it was happening like this. They weren’t just sneaking away. They were telling Ozai to his face that he was being abandoned. “None of us are,” she went on. “The ‘Phoenix Family’ is over.” 

“You insolent brat,” Ozai said, glaring. He turned his focus back to Ursa. Azula tried, again, to step in front of her mom. Ursa just stepped out from behind her though. “What are you going to do when you leave, Ursa?” Ozai asked. “You don’t have a penny to your name. You have nothing.” 

“I have money,” Azula said. 

“Oh you’re going to leech off of your daughter,” Ozai said to Ursa, laughing. “How utterly fitting. You leech off of me for years, and now your eighteen-year-old daughter is going to take care of you.” Of course there was no mention of Ursa’s many acting jobs or the fact that all that money had gone to Ozai, apparently. _What right did he have to call anyone else a leech?_

“Not quite-” Ursa started to say. Azula stepped on her foot. Ursa couldn’t possibly be stupid enough to mention Ikem right now. Could she? 

“You’re moving in with your mom so you can pay her way,” Ozai said, looking at Azula. “That will be great, for you,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “You’re aware that she’s taking advantage of you, right? Your mother hates you, Azula. She’s hated you since you were a baby. She thinks you’re the devil incarnate. She looks at you and sees a monster. Don’t let her blind you into thinking she cares about you. She just wants to take you and Zuko away and to make me into a villain. Come on, you know better. I love you. I know that you love me. Stay here.” 

Azula stared at him. She couldn’t remember the last time he’d said the words _‘I love you.’_ She had always told herself he felt that way, but to actually hear him say it? She wanted to believe it. She wanted to tell him that she was sorry and that she would stay after all. She’d learned the truth about him though. He didn’t mean it. He told pretty lies that were tempting but insubstantial. 

“Fuck you,” she said in a soft voice. Ozai and Ursa both looked at her with shocked expressions. Azula kept her glare focused on her dad though. “I’m not a monster, and Mom knows it. You’re a monster. You think I’m just some weak little child who’s going to bend to your will? Maybe before, but not now. It’s over.” 

The gates opened. It was the movers. Azula and Ursa both let out heavy breaths of relief. The moving truck pulled to the back of the driveway and two men got out. 

“Hi all,” one of the movers said. “I see there’s not much stuff here. Should be able to get it all in one trip.” 

“I did hire you specifically to get it all in one trip,” Ursa said, sounding tense and annoyed. “And to get here on time.” 

Azula kind of liked her mom when she was on a mission. The word _bitch_ flashed through her mind with pride. She hurried to help the movers start picking up suitcases. Of course Ursa moved to help too. 

“Stop,” Azula said, taking a suitcase from her mom. “It’s not that much, just get in the truck.” They’d agreed to both riding in the moving truck to get out as fast as possible. The title to Ursa’s Porsche was packed away. They’d found the title to Zuko’s car in his dash compartment, and that was packed too. It seemed easier to hire someone to go pick up the cars at a later date than to navigate taking two cars when they were trying to get out of here fast. 

“So protective,” Ozai mocked from the sidelines. “I never thought I would see the day. You two are going to fall apart within minutes though.” 

Ozai walked over and picked up the big black suitcase that Azula knew held all of her awards. It was one of the heavier bags. He tried to hand it to Ursa, mocking her. “You won’t have any servants lifting stuff for you at your new home, Ursa,” he said. 

“Stop,” Azula said. She took the suitcase and set it in the moving truck. 

“What the hell did you tell Azula to make her so protective of you?” Ozai asked, glaring at Ursa. 

Ursa said nothing, glaring back. The two movers had started to put other suitcases in the back of the truck. They moved Druk’s cage and set it back there. Azula heard the loud meowing. 

“Well?” Ozai asked. He shoved Ursa and she stumbled a few steps backward. “How long have you been planning all of this? How long has Azula been in on it? I think I deserve some goddamn explanations.” 

He was about to shove Ursa again. “Stop!” Azula said, hurrying to try to get between them. Ozai tried to shove Azula out of the way so that he could shove Ursa again. The movers were both watching, frozen. Azula elbowed her way between her parents, forcing herself in the middle of them. “Stop it,” she said feeling increasingly desperate and trying to shove her dad away from her mom. He was stronger than her though. In a second, she was going to fall to the ground and then Ozai would be shoving Ursa. Azula used all of her strength to keep them apart. She was trying so hard to focus on her anger, but tears were coming whether she liked it or not. Ozai shoved Azula backward and she stumbled but didn’t fall. “Stop it,” she said, shoving her dad again. It came out strained as she tried not to let him see her tears. 

“You stupid brat,” Ozai said. He shoved Azula, still trying to get to Ursa. She was cramped between them, but she wasn’t about to let Ursa be shoved to the ground. Who knew what would happen next if it got that far? Azula knew the violence her father was capable of. “Get out of the way, Azula,” Ozai said, still trying to push her.

“You can’t,” Azula said, pushing back. Tears were streaming down her face despite her best efforts. Fear was starting to overpower anger. Some of the fear was selfish. She kept thinking of what had happened to Zuko when he defied Ozai. What would happen to her if Ursa was incapacitated and she got dragged inside? Most of her fear was for her mom and the baby though. She thought of the little unborn baby and that tiny heartbeat. Ozai pushed Azula again and she pushed back. She had pushed him off the porch, once, to protect Zuko. Ozai had been caught off guard then though. Ursa grabbed Azula’s arm and tried to pull sideways so that she wasn’t between them anymore. Azula yanked her arm back and shoved her father with all her strength. He wasn’t budging. Azula’s heart was racing faster than ever. “You can’t do this, she’s pregnant!” Azula yelled the words in a rush before she could stop herself, panic overcoming logic. 

Several things happened at once. 

Azula felt sharp fingernails digging into her arms as her mother yanked her aside. She was pulled to the side despite her best efforts. Then Ozai shoved Ursa and she went flying backward into the grass. The gate opened and they were overtaken by the familiar flashing of cameras.

* * *

* * *

Zuko and Katara walked out of the hospital together. It was early in the day and still gorgeous out. Zuko was thinking about the promise of Netflix, wine, and weed from Sokka. The idea of cuddling up on the couch and watching a cute show was very comforting. 

Zuko was worried that the reason Jet didn’t want pain meds was because everyone kept asking him if he’d been trying to kill himself and he was worried he would confirm it if he wasn’t in his right mind. The fact that Smellerbee and Longshot were staying at the hospital overnight was comforting though. Zuko hoped that they could get more out of Jet about whatever had happened. He wanted Jet to be honest with someone, he just didn’t want it to be him if there was another option, to be honest. That made him feel like a shitty friend, so he wasn’t going to think too hard about it.

“Sokka invited me over,” Zuko said to Katara. “Can I ride with you?” 

Zuko had been debating all day whether he needed to go home and check on Azula or if he could get away with going to Sokka’s apartment. Obviously, Azula was going through something. No one else - other than maybe Katara - was going to check on her. When Zuko had told Katara she should relax, she had responded that she would when he did. That had been the thing that made Zuko decide he was going to the apartment. 

The idea of going home and possibly running into his dad when he was already about to break down was daunting. Also, okay, maybe selfishly Zuko really didn’t want to talk to Azula right now. It wasn’t that he was mad, exactly. He was worried about her mental state, but he didn’t even know how to start whatever conversation they needed to have. He felt mean for thinking it but talking to her just seemed overwhelming and exhausting right now. Zuko loved Azula, but he thought he might need a minute before he could face her after all of this. He’d just spent the night panicking that Jet was going to die, then dealing with the repercussions of an accident that didn’t look very accidental. Was Zuko really a horrible person for not wanting to talk to his sister after she’d made out with his ex-boyfriend and then let the world believe it had been an assault? Zuko felt like maybe he could take a break. That was fair. It had to be – right? 

“Sure,” Katara said, giving him a tired smile. “You gonna watch ‘Julie and the Phantoms’ with us?” 

“Yeah,” Zuko said. 

“That’s nice,” Katara said, walking towards the car. “I’m glad. Sokka texted me about the watch party thing earlier but then my phone died.” 

“I’m glad you’re watching with us,” Zuko said. “It’ll be nice.” He had figured her phone had probably died too. They’d left the mansion on a whim and then gone immediately to the hospital so obviously, they’d had no way to charge their phones. Zuko was secretly reveling in not having his phone on. No one could ask anything of him this way. He didn't have to see the social media posts that were surely circulating about Jet's accident. He just wanted a break. Just for a bit, he wanted to cuddle up on the sofa and watch a show with Sokka, Aang, Suki, Toph, and Katara. He could tell himself that everything was okay, for a few hours, even if it was just a pretty lie. 

“I might fall asleep,” Katara said, yawning. 

“That’s fine,” Zuko said. “You want me to drive?” 

“Yeah maybe,” Katara said. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t really sleeping well before this either.” 

“No, you’re fine,” Zuko said, getting into the driver’s seat. Katara handed him the keys. “I get it.” 

Zuko half expected Katara to fall asleep on the ride to the apartment. She kept drumming her fingers against the door though. Zuko left the windows open, trying to enjoy the summer air. The entire ride he got the feeling Katara wanted to ask him something, but she never did.

* * *

* * *

Sokka was glad when Zuko and Katara showed up and said they were joining the watch party. Sokka, Suki, and Toph had the day off. Aang was still searching for a job to work while he took classes, which were starting in about a month. Apparently, Katara had called off work and saw no point in going in for the second half of the day. Good. Sokka thought she looked too beat to work anyway. 

Katara fell asleep almost as soon as she sat down. Zuko was asleep against Sokka’s shoulder halfway through the second episode of ‘Julie and the Phantoms.’ Sokka wasn’t surprised. He was actually relieved. They both seemed to need it. He took the half-empty glass of wine from Zuko’s hand when he felt Zuko slouching against him and set it on the table. After three episodes, he paused. 

“This show is really cute,” Sokka said in a soft voice. “But maybe we should get Katara into bed?” He nodded to where Katara was sitting in a position that would surely leave her neck and back sore tomorrow. 

“Sure,” Suki said in a whisper. 

Suki, Aang, and Toph all helped pull Katara to her feet. She yawned and leaned into them. The three of them guided her to her room and then returned. It was still early in the evening, but they’d planned to watch this show as a group. Two members of the group were now passed out. 

“Maybe we should call it a day,” Sokka suggested. 

“Yeah,” Suki said. “We’ll let Katara and Zuko get caught up to where we are then keep watching as a group. That’s more fun.” 

“I was gonna say,” Toph agreed. “Those two have had an exhausting night. I’m glad they fell asleep. We can keep watching later.” 

“Alright,” Sokka said.

Sokka could’ve woken Zuko and made him lay down or something, but the weight of Zuko’s head against Sokka’s shoulder was kinda nice. Sokka ended up playing video games for a bit. Then he took out his phone and pulled up the ebook he was reading. He was re-reading the Percy Jackson series for the hundredth time. He re-watched some 'Gravity Falls' after a bit. Eventually, he looked at the time. He’d been sitting here for hours. He shook Zuko’s shoulder just a little. Zuko started to sit up and Sokka could just see the apology getting ready to come out. 

“It’s okay,” Sokka said. “Let’s just go to my room.” 

Sokka pulled Zuko to his feet and guided Zuko to his room. Zuko was leaning heavily on Sokka. When they got to the room, Sokka guided Zuko to the bed and let him fall back into the pillows. He was out again within seconds. Sokka pulled the blankets over Zuko and then left the room.

He decided to go out to the back parking lot and smoke a bowl. It was still early enough that the sun was shining. No one ever came back here though. Sokka sat down on the wooden bench behind the building. He was surprised to hear the building door open again behind him. A minute later Katara sat down beside him on the bench. 

“Hey,” he said. “Glad you got a bit of a nap. How are you?” 

“Not good,” Katara said, taking the bowl from him. She wasn’t usually much of a smoker, but Sokka passed her the lighter. She took a hit and passed it back to him. Sokka was glad she was at least being honest. He'd expected her to lie and say she was fine. “I’m exhausted,” Katara said after a moment. “I don’t know what happened this summer. I just pushed myself to be there for everyone and it all came crashing down at once and it was bad. I don’t like feeling like this.” 

They sat in silence for a moment. Sokka got the feeling this had been weighing on her for a while. So, he let her sit with it before speaking. 

“You know, when I moved out at eighteen,” Sokka said after a pause. “I was working at Boba Tea, and taking classes, and living on my own for the first time. And I still kept trying to Venmo Dad half my paycheck every two weeks. Even though he kept saying he had it figured out, and Bato was starting to help him around then. I didn’t believe him that he was going to be okay because I’d gotten so used to helping him.” 

“I never knew that,” Katara said. “You didn’t have to-”

“Neither do you,” Sokka interrupted. “For anyone. You’re an amazing friend, an amazing sister, all that. You’re gonna make an amazing social worker. But you gotta take care of yourself.” 

“I know,” Katara said. She sighed. “I’m gonna start therapy again. I haven't been since we were kids. But maybe it'd be good to talk to someone." 

Sokka nodded. “Good for you.”

“God, what time is it?” Katara asked. “I totally let my phone die.” 

“It’s like five,” Sokka said. “I plugged your phone and Zuko’s in. They’re both in the kitchen.” 

“You’re a lifesaver,” Katara said. 

“Yeah, I’m kinda the best,” Sokka said. 

Katara laughed but then she gave him a sincere smile and nodded before going back into the building.

* * *

* * *

“I’ve known for years that Ozai was violent. I told myself I couldn’t leave because he controlled my finances. Maybe there was more to it than that, though. Maybe it was easy to lie to myself and say that leaving wasn't realistic, but in reality, I was just afraid.” 

Ursa was sitting beside Ikem at the kitchen table, watching a video of herself. She was relieved to see her own name trending when she opened Twitter. Then she was nervously excited to see videos of herself speaking. _That was fast._ Apparently, when the paparazzi had a good story, they all liked to compete. There were similar videos from several sources circulating as far as Ursa could see. She had planned to say some of that, but the last part had come out almost on accident. She didn't regret it. The raw honesty wasn't pretty. It revealed a truth she was deeply ashamed of. But it was a relief to get it out. She could see that there were other videos – videos that the paparazzi had taken as they pulled onto the lawn. She didn’t click on any of those right away. How bad would it look, from the outside? Her finger hovered above one. 

Azula, who was still standing, took the phone from Ursa’s hands. “We don’t need to watch these right now,” she said. 

They had just gotten all their bags transported from the moving truck to Ikem’s living room floor. Druk was meowing loudly in his crate. Ursa hurried through the doorway and opened the crate. The little black cat zoomed out and went directly under the sofa. Ursa frowned. He’d get used to it here. Especially once Zuko got here. She walked back into the kitchen and sat down again. 

“I should have been there,” Ikem said. “I’m so sorry. I let you talk me out of it, and I shouldn’t have-”

“Stop,” Ursa interrupted. “Please don’t.” She was sure they had made the right decision there. If Ikem had been waiting in the lawn when Ozai got home, things probably would have escalated much faster, and much worse. She took a deep breath and looked at Azula. “Are you okay?” 

“Me?” Azula asked looking baffled. “The baby-”

“The baby will be okay,” Ursa said. Ursa wasn’t sure whether she should be sad that Azula didn’t seem to expect Ursa to be worried about her or touched because Azula was so worried about the baby. “I can feel that much. I’m going to the doctor to make sure, but I can just feel that everything is okay.” 

“You can’t know that-” Azula started to say. 

“You should trust your mom,” Ikem interrupted. “She’s been through pregnancies before. Trust her. It’ll be okay.” 

Ursa took her phone back and played the clip she’d been about to play. Ozai had been trying to get to Ursa and Azula had been standing between them. The paparazzi had pulled up with their cameras ready just as Ursa had acted on instinct and yanked Azula’s arm as hard as she could to get Azula out of the way. Ursa’s hand had left bruises and fingernail claw marks on Azula’s arm where she’d grabbed her. Apparently, she had a tight panic grip. Ozai had shoved Ursa hard enough that she fell backward to the ground. That was scary because it had surely jostled the baby. Ursa was telling the truth when she said she could feel that everything would be alright though. She believed that in the core of her being. She could still feel the life of her child inside her. This baby was a fighter, just like her other two had been. Still were. 

“We need to get ahold of Zuko,” Azula said. 

They were on the same page about that. Ursa had called the hospital from the back of the moving truck on the way to Ikem’s house. Zuko and Katara weren’t there anymore. That was terrifying. 

“I’m calling Katara,” Azula said, walking over and sitting on the counter. She called and a moment later someone picked up. “Hey – yes I’m alright.” Azula paused and listened for a moment. “Listen, we can talk more about that later.” She paused again, listening. “I don’t know. Maybe. I can’t think about it now.” Another pause. Azula looked frustrated. “We’re safe now. Listen there’s a reason I’m calling - is Zuko with you?” There was another pause. Ursa felt a wave of relief when she saw Azula smile and let out a soft breath. “Thank God. Do me a favor and don’t wake him up. I’ll be over as soon as I can to talk to him.” There was another pause. “You think so?” Another pause. “Alright. Tell Sokka to keep him away from Twitter if he wakes up.” She paused to listen again. “I know. I’m sorry.” Another pause. “Yes. I know. Maybe we can talk later. Thank you. For looking out for my brother today. I have to go right now.” She hung up. 

“Well?” Ursa asked. 

“Zuko is at their apartment, asleep. Katara thinks we should let him rest. Maybe come by tomorrow morning.” 

“Okay,” Ursa said, nodding. She was feeling a deep sense of peace now that she knew Zuko wasn’t going to be showing up at the mansion. She actually smiled. “Okay,” she said again. 

“See,” Ikem put a hand on her knee. “It’ll be alright.” 

Ikem had repeated that phrase to Ursa so many times before, like a mantra. _‘It’ll be alright.’_ For the first time, it felt true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Jet did not jump but he was thinking about it  
> Ozai shoves Ursa to the ground 
> 
> A/N TBD: (First of all @ everyone leaving comments: I would die for you ❤️ Second of all - I am going to reply to the comments on the last chapter later today or tomorrow. I just wanted to make sure I got this out this morning)


	16. the end of summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko finally learns about all the secrets his mom and sister have been keeping. 
> 
> Azula tries to navigate a life where her every move isn't being controlled by her father. 
> 
> Katara decides to go for what she wants.

Zuko woke up and it took him a second to remember where he was. He’d been half asleep when Sokka guided him to the bed. It was still dark. A digital clock on the dresser told him it was almost six in the morning. The moonlight cast a dim glow across the room. Zuko rolled onto his side and found himself gazing at Sokka, who was still asleep. He decided he liked waking up here. He moved a little closer, under the covers, and closed his eyes again. He must have dozed off for a bit because when he opened his eyes again a dim light was filling the room. Sokka was standing by the mirror near the doorway pulling his hair back into a ponytail. Zuko glanced at the clock. It was after seven. 

“Good morning,” Sokka said, turning around to see that Zuko was awake. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.” 

“Good morning,” Zuko said, sitting up and stretching. “You didn’t. I must have slept most of the day yesterday.”

“Yeah,” Sokka said. “But it seemed like you needed it.” 

“I did,” Zuko said. “Sorry for-”

Sokka walked over and leaned down to interrupt Zuko with a kiss before he could finish. Zuko leaned into it and pulled Sokka down onto the bed beside him. After a moment – too soon – Sokka pulled away. 

“I do have to get ready for work,” Sokka said, leaning his forehead against Zuko’s. “But we should definitely continue this at some point.” 

“I was saying something,” Zuko said. “You distracted me. Oh yeah. I’m sorry for crashing in your bed.” 

“Do I look like I’m complaining?” Sokka asked. “Seriously. You apologize a lot for someone I haven’t been angry with yet.” 

“Right,” Zuko said. “Sorry.” Sokka raised an eyebrow. “Oh shit, I just did it again. I’m sorry – I mean.” Zuko sighed, frustrated. “I’m bad at this.” 

Sokka laughed. “It’s okay,” he said. He kissed Zuko once more, but this time it was quick. Then he got up and walked to the doorway. “I’m gonna start a pot of coffee.” 

Zuko got up and followed him into the kitchen. He noticed his phone charging on the counter and walked over to it. Sokka saw him looking and kind of blocked his way. 

“Uh – before you check your phone,” Sokka said. “Why don’t you call your mom? She uh….wanted to get ahold of you. So you should call her. Before checking anything else.” 

Zuko frowned and grabbed his phone. Obviously, his automatic inclination was to check his messages. He was alarmed to see two texts from Azula that didn’t bode well. ‘CALL ME, BITCH,’ and ‘I know you're mad but this is important.’ He also had a text from his mom. ‘Please call me as soon as you can.’ Okay….not concerning at all. He checked his voicemail and saw a transcription of a message from his mom. ‘Hey, love, please call me as soon as you get this.’ 

Sokka looked over his shoulder. “So,” he said. “As you can see, you should call your mom. Before you check any social media.” 

Zuko’s immediate response to being told not to check social media was to open Twitter. He saw that ‘Phoenix Family’ was trending. _Great._ He saw a video of the mansion’s front lawn pop up. His heart sank. Any relaxed feelings from the morning were gone. His parents were standing very close together and Azula was standing between them. Well, this wasn’t good. Zuko clicked the video and watched his mom pull Azula out of the way just before his dad pushed his mom to the ground. _Shit, shit shit._ This was bad. Zuko’s heart was racing. Next, the familiar face of a paparazzi who had done numerous stories about their family popped up on the screen. 

“As you can all see, everyone’s favorite sitcom dad is not the same person when he doesn’t know a camera is being aimed at him. That’s right, we just saw Ozai shoving his wife to the ground, while his daughter tried to stop him.” The clip played again. Zuko tried to assess how bad it had been, but it was difficult because it happened so fast. The paparazzi’s face popped up again. “Now don’t worry ‘Phoenix Family’ fans because it’s my understanding that Ursa and Azula are moving out and Zuko is not staying in the house anymore as filming for the upcoming horror movie ‘Stab’ has ended. My personal favorite TV Milf, our queen, Ursa, had this to say about the situation.” 

Zuko stared at the screen. His mom’s face popped up onscreen. She was sitting in what looked like the back of a truck, with stacks of suitcases behind her.

“I’ve known for years that Ozai was violent. I told myself I couldn’t leave because he controlled my finances. Maybe there was more to it than that, though. Maybe it was easy to lie to myself and say that leaving wasn't realistic, but in reality, I was just afraid.”

The camera shot widened to include Azula, who was sitting next to Ursa, looking wide-eyed and pale. The paparazzi talked to her from offscreen. “When I pulled up, it looked like you were trying to stop your father from hurting your mother. No one had any idea that you and your brother were growing up in this kind of environment. Can you comment on your decision to leave with your mother?” 

Zuko hated himself for not being there. The video was timestamped for the previous day. Ursa and Azula looked physically fine but Zuko didn’t trust that. Cameras didn’t catch bruises and cuts in just the right places, or twisted ankles and wrists. Zuko knew that from experience. He was freaking out about where Ursa and Azula might be now, but he was also cringing watching the video. Azula had always been so smooth and comfortable in interviews, always perfect and poised. He’d never before seen her freeze up like this when a paparazzi was questioning her. After Azula seemed to silently struggle with an answer for a few painful moments, the screen finally changed. 

Again, the screen showed the internet influencer whose name Zuko couldn’t remember right now. “So, you heard it here first, folks. Ursa and Azula have moved out of Ozai’s house and my sources tell me that Ursa is currently seeking a divorce. Make sure to follow me for all your Phoenix Family related news! It sounds like this is the downfall of our favorite TV family Dad.” 

Zuko closed the app. He was kind of in shock. He leaned against the counter. Sokka was watching him. 

“They’re okay,” Sokka said. “Katara talked to Azula last night.” 

“And you didn’t wake me up?” Zuko asked.

“Everyone wanted you to get some rest,” Sokka said. “But Zuko – your mom and sister are fine. They just want you to call them.” 

“Oh my god,” Zuko said. He was tapping his fist against his leg in a fast rhythm. His heart was beating uncomfortably fast. “I can’t believe this. I abandoned my mom and sister when they needed me most. They could’ve gotten seriously hurt. My dad-”

“Hey,” Sokka interrupted. He put a hand on Zuko’s shoulder. “They didn’t get seriously hurt. They’re okay. You don’t need to freak out.” 

“You don’t understand,” Zuko said. He thought of Hakoda and how kind and gentle he was. Maybe Sokka could understand that Ozai had shoved Ursa and that was bad. Zuko did not think anyone who had never lived with Ozai could understand the extent of the danger Ursa and Azula had put themselves in though. “My dad is terrifying when he’s angry, Sokka. He did this,” Zuko gestured to the burned half of his face. “Because I was disrespectful once. He could’ve-”

“He didn’t,” Sokka interrupted, trying to force Zuko to meet his eyes. “They’re out of there. You should call them.” 

Some part of Zuko recognized that he’d just blurted out things he made a policy of not talking about – his scar, the way he feared his dad – but he couldn’t fully process that right now. 

“Okay,” Zuko said. Sokka was right that he needed to call, and he tried to focus on that. He tried to slow down his breathing, but it was hard. “You’re right. I need to call them and make sure they’re okay.” 

“They are okay,” Sokka emphasized. “But yeah you should call.” 

Zuko called his mom. It rang twice before she picked up. “Hi, Zuko,” Ursa said. 

“Mom,” Zuko said, trying to keep the panic in his tone to a minimum. “Are you okay? What about Azula? Are you guys hurt?” 

“We’re okay,” Ursa said. “Better than okay. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was leaving. I wanted to wait until you were back at your apartment.” 

“Azula-”

“Is with me,” Ursa finished for him. “She’s asleep now.” 

“You left?” Zuko asked. He was starting to process the information he’d just learned, but it was taking him a second. He didn’t trust Twitter to be telling the whole truth. There was more to this, he just knew it. They’d been hurt, or they weren’t actually staying away and planned to return. 

“We did,” Ursa said. “We moved out. We’re staying with my…friend. I’ll explain everything but we should talk in person.” 

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there,” Zuko said. “I saw the video. You promise you’re not hurt?” 

“Not at all,” Ursa said. “And I don’t want you to be sorry. I’m sending you an address. Come whenever you can, and we can all talk.” 

“Okay,” Zuko said. It was starting to sink in that this was real life. He could not believe that his mom and sister were okay until he saw them in person though. “Send it to me. I’ll come meet you now.” 

“Alright, I’ll see you soon then,” Ursa said. “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” Zuko said. He hung up the phone and stared at it until it dinged and a text from his mom with an address popped up. “I have to go meet up with my family,” he said, looking at Sokka. 

“I know,” Sokka said. “Call me later, okay?” 

“I will,” Zuko agreed. 

He hurried out of the apartment, already summoning an Uber on his phone. He paced back and forth in the parking lot, waiting for the Uber to pull up. Part of him registered that if this was real, and if his mom and sister were actually okay, this was a good thing. He didn’t want to accept that yet though. No – it wasn’t that he didn’t want to. It was that he physically could not. If it was not true – if they were hurt, if there was any information he was missing – he could not handle having the floor pulled out from under him. So the inkling of a possibility that anything good was on the horizon needed to be snuffed out in Zuko’s mind. Especially when it came to Azula. She worshipped Ozai. Zuko didn’t believe that she’d just moved out with Ursa and that was the end of it. 

The building door opened and Zuko looked up to see Aang hurrying over to him. “Hey!” Aang said. “Sokka said you just left. I heard about what’s happening.” 

Zuko stopped pacing and leaned against the side of the building. “Yeah,” he said. “I’m meeting my mom at her friend’s house now.” 

“Yeah,” Aang said. “It’s a lot. But it’s kind of exciting right? I mean you must be proud of your mom and sister.” 

“Exciting?” Zuko asked. He shook his head. “I don’t – I can’t trust this.” 

“Why not?” Aang asked. 

Zuko shook his head again. “There’s something my mom isn’t telling me. Or – something bad is going to happen. I know it.” 

“How do you know that?” Aang asked. “Katara talked to Azula last night. It sounds like they’re somewhere safe. I don’t think anything bad will happen.”

“It will,” Zuko insisted. “Or it already has, and my mom just hasn’t told me. There’s no way they just…walked away. It couldn’t happen.” 

He didn’t know how to explain to Aang that it was an impossibility. Zuko’s entire childhood had been built around the absolute certainty that his dad would always be there, controlling his mom and sister and posing a threat. He had never been allowed to feel safe back then. As an adult, he moved out. He got his own apartment and he felt safe there, but he knew his mom and sister were not safe at home and never would be. It was something he had accepted. His mom leaving was just something that had never been an option and never could be. 

Zuko recalled Azula asking him earlier this summer if he wished Ursa had left after Ozai burned his face. It had felt like a hurtful question at the time. What was the point in wishing for something like that? Anyway, Azula hated their mom. She worshipped Ozai. That was another thing Zuko had always accepted as fact. Azula always chose their father above all else. She had stood up for Zuko once this summer, and that meant a lot. More than he could ever tell her. She would never leave with their mom though. Zuko was missing something here, he was positive. 

“Good things happen, sometimes,” Aang said. 

Zuko looked up to see his Uber arriving. “Maybe,” he said. “But you don’t know my dad.” He walked towards the Uber, waving it down. “I’ll talk to you later, Aang.”

* * *

* * *

Ursa was overwhelmed with relief when she heard a knock at the front door. She had been sitting at the table with Ikem, waiting, since her conversation with Zuko. She hurried to the front door and opened it. As soon as she did, she was wrapped up in a hug. She appreciated that a lot. Zuko wasn’t much of a hugger most of the time. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Zuko said. 

“Come inside,” Ursa said. 

There were fast footsteps down the steps and they both looked up to see Azula. “Zuko,” she said. “I thought I heard you.” 

Ursa was happy to see her kids hurry over to each other and hug. They had been getting along this summer, but she had not seen them be openly affectionate with each other like that in years. Ursa had meant what she said to Azula – that she wanted them to try to be a family. She hadn’t known if it could happen. She hadn’t been sure when Azula spent the entire previous afternoon and evening locked in the guest bedroom. Right now, it felt like they were already a family, without even trying. 

The three of them walked into the kitchen. “Zuko, do you remember Ikem?” Ursa asked. 

Zuko nodded. “Hi,” he said to Ikem. “We met at my uncle’s tea shop once.” He looked at Ursa, confused. “I didn’t know you were that close with him.” 

Azula let out a sound like a choked laugh and Ursa shot her a look. Azula hurried to pretend to be coughing. Ursa pursed her lips. Honestly, she was glad to hear Azula laughing, even if it was at the most uncomfortable possible moment. Azula had been quiet since they got here. 

“Let me show you the rest of the house,” Ursa said to Zuko. “And we can talk.” 

She showed him the single bathroom and then the upstairs where the two guest bedrooms were. Azula had already put her stuff in one of the rooms, but Ursa told Zuko he could stay in the other room as long as he needed to. Then she showed him the living room. The whole time Zuko was quiet. Ursa ended up sitting down on a chair in the living room and Zuko sat on the sofa’s armrest across from her. Ursa smiled when Druk came racing out from under the sofa and jumped into Zuko’s lap. The little cat had been hiding ever since they got here. 

“You brought Druk?” Zuko asked, petting the cat, and smiling a little for the first time since he’d gotten here. 

“Well I wasn’t going to let you go back there alone to get him,” Ursa said. Zuko looked like he had something to say, but he stayed silent. After a moment of quiet, Ursa continued. “We’re not going back. I’m seeking a divorce. And I guess I should tell you that I left your father for Ikem. We’re…having a baby together.” 

Zuko stared at her, looking shocked. “A baby?” Zuko asked. “You and Ikem?” 

“That’s what pushed me to leave,” Ursa said. “Azula found out and I made her promise not to tell anyone, not even you.” 

“Why?” Zuko asked. “You didn’t trust me?” 

“Of course I trusted you,” Ursa said. “I just didn’t want you to be involved. I wanted you home, in your apartment when I left. I knew it would be dangerous.” 

Ursa had gone to the doctor’s office the previous evening with Ikem. Doctor Tryo had assured her that the baby was safe and healthy. She was still grappling with the fact that the danger had passed though. It was hard to believe. The baby was safe. Zuko and Azula were safe. She was safe. She didn’t have to be afraid anymore. It was not easy to get used to. 

“And Azula,” Zuko said. “Is she going back?” 

“She says she’s not,” Ursa said. 

“You believe her?” Zuko asked. 

“I do,” Ursa said. “And what you do is up to you, but I know you and your father were…well, I suppose I assumed you wouldn’t go back.” 

Zuko scoffed. “No,” he said.

Ursa didn’t know what to say. She hadn't prepared for this conversation as much as she should've. After he moved out, Zuko kept coming back but he always avoided Ozai. Ursa realized now that they had never had an explicit conversation about it before, how it was always clear that Zuko’s frequent visits home were never for Ozai. She had never even talked to him about all the abuse he had suffered. So much had always gone unspoken about in the mansion. Ursa’s feelings of failure as a mother were rising to the surface as the weight of all those years of silence came crashing down. She realized she had no idea if Zuko ever thought about how little she had done to protect him, or even address any of the trauma he had. He had never said anything to make her think he resented her, the way Azula always had. Maybe he had a right to though. God, she was going to do better this time. She had a partner who supported her, and that was going to make a difference. 

Ursa thought that talking to Azula openly had helped them find some sort of peace. Ursa had never considered the possibility that she might need that with Zuko because there was never any conflict between them. Maybe she owed him an apology too, but she didn’t know where to start. Zuko set a purring Druk on one of the sofa cushions and got up, distracting her from her thoughts. He walked over and pulled her up into a tight hug. She squeezed him back. 

“What was that for?” Ursa asked when they broke apart, squeezing Zuko’s arm before sitting back down. 

“You’re really never going back?” Zuko asked instead of answering her question. How many times would he ask her that before he believed it? Ursa wanted him to understand that this was real. Ozai was out of their lives. There was still the divorce, but that wasn’t Zuko’s problem. 

“I promise you,” Ursa said. “I dumped some of your clothes into suitcases. You can take the guest bedroom across from Azula as long as you need it and you never have to talk to your father again if you don’t want to.” 

There was a pause while that seemed to sink in. “I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop,” Zuko admitted after a moment.

Ursa nodded. “I think I am too,” she said. “At some point, perhaps we’ll realize that it never will.” 

“Maybe,” Zuko said. He paused. “So…Ikem is okay with all of this? Me and Azula staying here?” 

Ursa smiled a little. “Yes. He’s been a Godsend, Zuko,” she said. “I know it’s a lot to take in, but I love him. I think you will too, with time.”

* * *

* * *

Azula’s new room was a lot smaller than her old one. She liked that the window opened to a flat section of roof overlooking the backyard though. This backyard was small. There was no pool. There was a patio with a metal fireplace and some lawn chairs. Behind that, there was a small expanse of grass and several trees. She could sit on the roof and smoke cigarettes and if Ikem said anything to her about it she was entirely prepared to be as bitchy as possible. She was grateful to Ikem, but she was also not planning on taking any shit while she stayed here. 

She heard a knock on the wood beside the open window and looked behind her to see Zuko. So his conversation with Ursa was over. Azula imagined there had been a lot of tearful hugging.

“Hi,” she said. “Yes, Zuko, you can come into my room, that’s fine.” She made sure to overexaggerate the sarcasm.

Zuko climbed through the window and perched on the roof next to her. “Cigarette?” he asked, holding out his hand. 

Azula handed him a cigarette and her lighter. As she did, she took note that he’d changed, and his hair was wet, so he’d taken a shower. He must have started unpacking if he had fresh clothes. That must mean he was staying. She leaned back against the house and waited for Zuko to walk around to her other side. He just sat down on her right though and leaned back. _That was different._ Maybe he saw then, how different she wanted things to be with him. 

It was a small thing, that among the many ways she imitated her father, she’d always taken advantage of Zuko’s blindside. There was no sugarcoating it. She’d always messed with him - shoved his shoulder, burned him with the ends of cigarettes, tried to remind him that she was better than him, and more intimidating and scarier. _‘Make yourself the scariest person in the room.’_ That’s what Ozai had taught her. 

_Better to burn than be burned._

Azula didn’t want those cruel mantras her father had taught her to be who she was anymore. Maybe Zuko saw that. Or maybe he just wasn’t thinking today. Maybe her habit of overanalyzing everyone's motives was just another horrible trait instilled in her by her father. It was impossible to know. 

“So, are you staying here for a while?” Azula asked. 

“Yeah,” Zuko said. “I’m looking at apartments in the area. But until then I’m crashing here.” 

“Everything changed so fast,” Azula said. “I can’t believe we’re going to have another sibling.” 

“Just what we need,” Zuko said. “’ Cause we’re not dysfunctional enough.” They both laughed a little. Then Zuko got more serious. “I never thought this would happen.” It didn’t take a genius to figure out he was talking about more than the new sibling. 

“I didn’t either,” Azula said. She sighed. “It should have happened a long time ago.” 

Azula thought but didn’t say, that maybe it would’ve been easier that way. She was eighteen years old and she had no idea who she was or who she wanted to be. Maybe if she’d left sooner, she wouldn’t be such a broken mess. She had to start over now, as an adult. Relearn everything about being a person that you were supposed to learn as a kid. At least, if she wanted to rebuild her relationships with her mom and brother and become the kind of person she didn’t hate, that’s what she had to do. 

“Maybe,” Zuko said, looking away. “Maybe not. Doesn’t matter. I’m just glad it happened.” 

“How can you be so forgiving?” Azula asked. It came out as an accusation, and she didn't mean for it to. 

She was asking about a lot of things, but Zuko didn’t ask for clarification and she didn’t give it. Azula’s question was about Ursa’s neglect when it came to protecting Zuko. That was the obvious question, and surely the one Zuko would hear. She was also wondering though, how he could sit here with her like they were friends. There were obvious reasons from this summer for him to hate her. There were so many less easily specified reasons though. Ursa had been a victim too, if Azula really thought about it. Not Azula though. She’d exploited Zuko’s trauma for her own gain from the beginning. 

Zuko shrugged. “I’ve never thought of it that way.” He hesitated and seemed to debate saying something. Azula let him mull it over. “I’m glad she left for this kid,” Zuko said. He could’ve said _‘I’m glad she left for the baby,’_ or even just, _‘I’m glad she left,’_ but he didn’t and Azula noticed. 

Azula nodded. Neither of them said the part that Zuko had left out. That it hurt that it had never happened for him. It was there though, in the moment of loaded silence between them, almost louder than if it had been voiced. Azula thought she understood, for the first time, that maybe Zuko didn’t worship their mom quite as much as she had always believed. 

“She told me she wanted a fresh start,” Azula said after a moment. 

“Is that what you want?” Zuko asked. 

“I think so,” Azula said. “To an extent. I’m still looking for my own apartment. But she and I have gotten closer, lately. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I want her in my life. The baby too.” 

“Good,” Zuko said. “I was afraid that wouldn’t be the case.” 

“You were?” Azula asked. She was surprised he had even thought about her perspective in all of this. She’d assumed he would be focused on his relief that Ursa was away from Ozai. 

“Well,” Zuko said. He was giving her a questioning look. “You’re not going back to Dad?” 

“No,” Azula said. “I can never go back there.” 

“But – you love Dad. Don’t you?” 

Azula thought about it, looking out at the yard. “I don’t know. He was different with me than he was with you. I know you know that, and I know it wasn’t fair.” She chanced a glance at Zuko. She couldn’t read his expression. 

“Didn’t think you knew that,” he said, also looking away. 

Azula wanted to say _‘I’m sorry’_ but she didn’t know how to form the words. They weren't big enough. _‘I’m sorry’_ didn’t make up for a lifetime of cruelty. Instead, she said, “I’m cutting him out.” Ozai had called her several times this morning. It was now early afternoon. Azula hadn’t been able to bring herself to block the number yet. He’d texted her saying that he was sorry and that he just wanted to talk to her. She kept looking at the message, but she had not responded. “He’s a monster,” she said, more to remind herself than Zuko. “I don’t want him in my life anymore.”

* * *

* * *

It had been almost a week since the insane day at the hospital. Katara had seen a therapist, who told her she had unresolved anger which she already knew, and she’d stormed out. Then she’d called and apologized and made another appointment. She made it through the full hour for that one, and she talked about shit she hadn’t even known was buried. She’d been having nightmares ever since. 

“Maybe you should try a new therapist,” Suki suggested. 

Katara was standing in front of the mirror in her bedroom pulling her hair into loops. Suki, Toph, and Aang were sitting on her bed. Katara sighed. 

“I don’t know,” she said. “He did warn me that talking about trauma could make nightmares and stuff worse at first. I’m gonna give it a chance. He wants me to try these anti-depressants, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that. I’m gonna keep trying the sessions though.” 

“I don’t know about that one chief,” Toph said. “You gotta at least tell him you’re not taking the medication.” 

“I am,” Katara said. “He said that’s okay, but I should consider.” 

“I think you’re being smart about this, Katara,” Aang said. “You’re exploring your options and giving it a chance. That’s all you can do.” 

_Exploring options. Giving things a chance._ Oh, those were things that Katara had been thinking about a lot lately. 

“You guys ready?” Sokka asked, poking his head into the room. 

“Yeah,” Katara said. 

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon, one of the last they would have before school started. Katara was enjoying the summer air while it lasted, although she was more of a winter person and secretly looking forward to autumn rains and December snow. She was also looking forward to the school year in general. She had a week left of her internship, then a week off, then classes started. Today, Katara, Sokka, Aang, Suki, and Toph were visiting Zuko and Azula’s new place. 

Katara felt a nervous flutter in her belly as she got up and looked in the mirror one last time. She’d been Facetiming with Azula all week. Katara’s therapist had advised her to talk about herself more when she started feeling like a case manager to any of her friends. So, she’d started talking about the nightmares. About the stress. Azula was a good listener. Katara had also learned a lot more about Azula’s childhood through their conversations, which was a horrifying experience, but it did lead to very real conversations. Katara valued relationships where things felt real. It felt like there was something there, something worth exploring. 

The five of them cramped into Katara’s Honda Civic and drove to the address Zuko had sent them. It reminded Katara a little of Hakoda and Bato’s place. It was cute, but not huge, set in a suburb near the edge of the city. They knocked on the door and Ikem answered. He was very kind and welcoming. Ursa was also very pleasant, although Katara still wasn’t sure how she felt about her. Zuko and Azula came hurrying downstairs to meet them in the kitchen a minute after they arrived. Apparently, Ursa and Ikem were making Yakitori, which was, as far as Katara could tell, like kebabs. Zuko made it a point that he’d helped prepare the food and Katara tried not to roll her eyes at how obvious it was that he was trying to impress them, especially Sokka. Before she would’ve found it annoying, but now that she knew Zuko a bit better, she found it kind of cute. 

After lunch, everyone went outside to enjoy the sunshine. Katara was impressed when Zuko and Azula worked together to make a fire in the metal fire pit without any firestarter within minutes. She’d assumed because they grew up rich and pampered, such skills would be lost on them. 

As they sat around the fire and talked, Katara found herself reflecting on the past week. Everything had been so crazy and then, all of a sudden, it had felt almost okay. It was sort of disconcerting. Katara had gotten the full story the night after leaving the hospital, including Azula’s reason for not defending Jet sooner. 

Katara, like Zuko, had been hesitant about believing Jet when he said he wasn’t trying to commit suicide. So, she’d stayed in constant touch with him via his new phone. At first, it had just been to make sure he wasn’t OD’ing in his apartment, especially since the hospital released him terrifyingly fast. Then she started to remember why she’d wanted to be his friend. They sent each other memes and ranted about politics on a daily basis now. 

Katara had also become a lot closer with Zuko. At first, it was because she felt horrible after learning the truth about his burn, and her protective instincts kicked in. Pretty fast though, she’d realized that he was every bit as kind and smart as Sokka and Aang were always saying. 

So, yeah. Katara had made some good friends out of this disaster of a summer. Maybe even life long friends. She also thought she had found someone she really liked, as more than a friend. Everyone else was engaged in conversation by the fire. Katara walked over to where Azula was standing near the edge of the yard, smoking a cigarette. 

“Hey,” Katara said. “Wanna show me your new room?” 

“It’s smaller than my old room,” Azula said. “No flat screen. No king-sized mattress.” 

“Darn,” Katara said. “I don’t have those things either. Now how will we watch corny horror musicals?” 

“We can just watch them on one of our laptops or s-” Azula stopped herself. Katara tried not to laugh. “That was hypothetical, wasn’t it?” Azula asked. 

“Yeah,” Katara said. “But c’mon.” 

Azula put out the cigarette on her arm and stuck it behind her ear. Katara frowned, but didn’t say anything, and followed Azula into the house. The room was upstairs, and it was indeed, smaller than Azula’s old room. Katara liked it more though. It had a lofty feel, with uneven ceilings. A lot of stuff was still in boxes. Katara walked over to the dresser. Photographs of the ‘Phoenix Family’ through the years were scattered across it. Most of them seemed to be taken by the beach. The family looked happy in these pictures. They almost reminded Katara of vacation pictures of her own family, back when her mom was alive. 

Azula pulled Katara’s arm, distracting her. “Don’t look at those,” she said. “I’m throwing them away. Or burning them. Zuko burned all the photos he had of the family when he was eighteen and moved away so I suppose it’s a tradition.” 

Katara had no idea what to say to that. She sat down on the bed, and Azula sat beside her. They were quiet for a minute. 

“So, my room,” Azula said, sounding bitter. “You’ve seen it now.” 

This wasn’t going exactly how Katara had hoped. She’d had a more romantic vibe in mind. “I’m sorry,” Katara said. “I didn’t mean to bring anything up. I wanted to talk to you, that’s all.” 

“So talk.” 

“I don’t really feel like it anymore.” 

Azula glared. “Do you have any idea how annoying that is?” 

Katara felt terrible for bringing up uncomfortable memories and making the situation tense and then for not even being able to say what she’d planned to say. To her horror, she felt herself starting to tear up. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, Katara,” Azula said, putting a soft hand on Katara’s arm. “I didn’t mean that.” 

“It’s fine,” Katara said. “But please forget it.” 

“No way,” Azula said. Katara shot Azula a look. Azula seemed to be forcing a smile. “It’s okay. Just don’t tell Zuko about the photos.” 

“Why?” Katara asked, distracted. 

Azula hesitated. “He’s terrified I’ll go back,” she said after a moment. “He won’t say it, but he is. If he knew I’d been looking through those…” she trailed off, shaking her head. 

“Well, Zuko should trust you,” Katara said. She wiped away her tears, triggered by guilt, and by hurt that this wasn’t happening how she wanted it. “You walked away and that took strength.” 

“I walked away,” Azula said. “But I have no idea how to do any of it. I’ve always had my father telling me what to do in every aspect of my life. Always. This is new.” 

“I don’t know how to do any of it either,” Katara said. “Maybe it’s not the same. But still. Navigating life? Being an adult? Having healthy relationships? Nobody really knows what the hell they're doing, trust me." 

“Yeah,” Azula said, though it was clear she wasn’t taking Katara’s pep talk to heart. “So what did you want to talk to me about?” 

Katara hesitated. They were sitting close together on the bed. She wasn’t sure if the moment was right. Then again, it wasn’t like life was a romance film with some perfect moment that would present itself and everything would be clear. She put her hands on Azula’s arms and leaned in, so their faces were inches apart. 

“I really like you,” Katara said. 

“I like you too.” 

It didn’t seem like Azula was getting this. Katra leaned, slow. The electricity that had been sparking between them all summer was crackling. At last, it seemed to click with Azula and Katara wasn’t sure which of them broke the distance first. Their lips met and it was everything Katara had been hoping it would be at first. It was intense and fast and almost desperate for a moment and then Azula pulled away. 

“I’m sorry, Katara, I can’t do this.” 

“I’m sorry,” Katara said, feeling something like whiplash. To her horror, she was starting to tear up again. _Yeah this wasn't going great._

“Don’t be sorry,” Azula said, sounding tense. “Just give me a moment and I’ll meet you outside.” 

“I didn’t mean-” Katara started to say. 

“No, I know,” Azula interrupted. “But this can’t work. Ever.” 

“Why not?” Katara asked before she could stop herself. She'd been so sure they both felt it. 

“Because I-” Azula shook her head. Katara waited, feeling crushed. “I don’t know how to be close to people without destroying them.” 

_Oh._

“But we are close.” Somehow, inexplicably, that much was true and Katara was going to be mad if Azula denied it. She would never be mad at someone for rejection. Hurt yes, but not mad. She would be mad if Azula tried to deny how close they had gotten though. 

“I know,” Azula said. “Can’t that be enough? For now? I don’t even know who I am and the last person I kissed jumped off an overpass. I don’t want to lose you, but I don’t think I can be what you want right now.” She said the words fast like she was hoping that if she talked fast enough, maybe Katara wouldn't hear her. Katara was hurt but she did recognize that Azula was being vulnerable right now, maybe more than she'd been so far. 

Katara thought about arguing that Jet hadn’t jumped. She wasn’t sure either of them believed that though. “Hey, I don’t want to lose you either," she said instead. "Of course it can be enough. You don’t have to be anything for me. I promise.” Katara had talked to her therapist about how she didn’t have to be a mom or a caregiver to anyone. Just a friend. Maybe Katara wasn’t the only one who had felt pressured into a role. Well, it wouldn’t be like that with them. 

“Thank you,” Azula said. “For understanding.” 

"Hey of course I understand. We're okay, right?" Katara asked. 

Azula nodded. Katara pulled her into a hug. She was relieved when she felt Azula squeeze back. 

Katara got up and walked downstairs when the hug ended. She hurried into the bathroom and closed the door, locking it behind her. She splashed water on her face and took a few deep breaths. Then she was ready. She could go out and be pleasant and enjoy the summer air and the fire and the company of her friends. Yeah, of course, it could be enough. This was a bittersweet ending to a summer filled with chaos and maybe that was fitting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ahhh second to last chapter!!! The support for this story has meant so much to me. I don't always know what to say when I go to respond to comments but please realize I read every comment (usually like 10 times) & I appreciate you all so much 💖
> 
> Fun but also kinda sad fact: the last chapter of this story takes place on Halloween and I've had that planned literally since the beginning but the timing just didn't work out SO the Halloween themed chapter is happening NEXT week lol


	17. new normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two months after the end of summer, Azula and Zuko celebrate Halloween with their new friends.

“You better not be getting fake blood everywhere,” Zuko said. 

“I’m not,” Azula said, ignoring him and sitting on his bed to pet Druk. Zuko was sitting in his desk chair by a mirror, messing with the torn and faded light gray fabric of his shirt. 

Azula had tried for about two seconds to stop overanalyzing everyone’s every move until deciding if she wasn’t doing it to tear people down, it was fine because she literally couldn’t stop. So, she did notice that Zuko had started hating mirrors a little less since he’d been dating Sokka. Actually, he just carried himself differently now. Maybe it was having their father out of his life, maybe it was Sokka, maybe it was a lot of things, but he seemed a lot lighter now, to her. Maybe she just got to see that side of him more now because she was no longer her dad's puppet. That thought reminded her of the little secret she'd been harboring and she felt a wave of guilt.

“Do you think people are gonna get my costume?” Zuko asked. 

The costume was a distressed gray and white shirt and pants combo with a few plastic chains draped over it. Azula rolled her eyes. “You’re a ghost,” she said. “It’s pretty basic. Do I think people are going to get that you’re matching with Sokka? Ehhh.” 

“People will get it,” Zuko said. 

“I’m sure they will, Zuzu.” 

“Quit calling me that.” He grabbed the pillow she was leaning against out from under her and examined it. 

“The fake blood is all dry,” Azula insisted, grabbing the pillow back. She was wearing a prom dress that her mom and Mai had helped her cover in fake blood and a delicate gold tiara for her costume. She wasn’t going to ask Zuko if he thought people would get it. Carrie White was, perhaps, also a basic Halloween Look, but whatever – she’d put creative effort into it. In the past, she would've just spent an exuberant amount of money on a costume. Putting effort into it had been something to do though. 

The remainder of the summer after filming 'Stab' and leaving Ozai's house had been a blur. September and October had felt longer. Azula had started therapy in September, and Zuko and Aang had started college classes, and everything had slowed down. Azula was pretty sure she'd never gone this long without any kind of project. She was used to sixteen-hour workdays and constant criticism. She'd spent a lot of time with Mai and Ty Lee over the past two months. A lot of time with her new friends too. Aang, Sokka, Suki, Toph. _Katara._ God, what was she going to do about Katara? That was a can of worms Azula had been struggling with for the past two months. 

“This party,” Azula said. “It’s supposed to be small. Right?” She had come in here to bug Zuko to distract herself from thinking too hard about the party, but it wasn’t working. She felt the anxious energy building up again. 

“Not that small,” Zuko said. “Ty Lee is planning it.” 

“Right, but-”

“We don’t have to go,” Zuko interrupted. 

“Forget I said anything. It will be fun,” Azula said. 

This was the first big celebrity party they were going to make an appearance at since they had left Ozai. Ursa and Zuko had both done several public interviews, but every time someone with a camera asked Azula about her dad she froze. She'd gone to a few interviews about 'Stab' since its rather underwhelming premiere and discovered that all anyone wanted to talk about was her dad. The thought of facing what would likely be all of Capital City’s biggest celebrities on top of the paparazzi hoard that would surely be waiting outside Mai and Ty Lee’s house was making every muscle in her body tense. 

Zuko had admitted that he didn't love the questions either, but Azula thought he was doing pretty well in interviews lately. Maybe it was the opportunity for some level of honesty. Azula had always been good at putting on a contrived show for the press. Now that people wanted the truth, she was floundering. It wasn't fair, that Zuko was handling all the changes so well. Of course, he'd already left. Already recognized his fucked up childhood for what it was. So he did have an advantage. He hadn't even opted for therapy. Azula thought that was a stupid and short-sighted move on his part, given that he still jumped when people moved too fast or yelled, still froze at times that felt almost random. Whatever. He was still doing better than her so maybe she shouldn't judge. Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, and all. 

“You _are_ getting fake blood on my bed,” Zuko said, grabbing a handful of the blanket next to where Azula was sitting. 

“I am not, I made sure everything was dry.” 

“No,” Zuko said. "I guess you did." He had changed from his _‘annoyed older brother’_ voice (generally reserved for when she was hogging the bathroom) to his _‘I’m concerned about you’_ voice. Never a good sign. He grabbed one of her hands and pried her fingers away from her palm. Azula hadn’t even realized how intense her grip was. Her sharp, manicured nails had broken the skin on her palm. She automatically loosened the grip of her other hand. “Jesus,” Zuko said. “Do you want to stay home tonight? We can watch The Addams Family and pass out candy with Mom and Ikem. I don’t even care about this party.” 

Azula pulled her hand away from him and forced a smile. “Ty Lee would literally hunt us down and slaughter us if we bailed,” she said. “I’m fine. It’s just a nervous habit.” 

“Yeah,” Zuko said. “Like the cigarette burns.” 

Azula grabbed the leather jacket she’d set on the bed beside her and pulled it on so that Zuko couldn’t nag her about the burns up and down her arms. “I stopped doing that, remember?” she pointed to the nicotine patch on her collarbone. “Stop trying to act like Mom.” 

“Okay,” Zuko said. He paused. “So how do you think therapy is going?” 

Azula sighed. Of course he would continue to act exactly like Mom after she told him not to. She wanted to retort that it wasn't any of Zuko's business how therapy was going. But she was curious why he had never responded to her latest text on the matter, and her curiosity was stronger than her annoyance. 

She’d been going to this stupid therapy group for over a month. It was frustrating. Everyone wanted her to talk about herself, but not about how great she was – about her problems. It was a group targeted at teen celebrities with dysfunctional families, which Azula had been shocked was a thing at first. It kind of made sense when she thought about it though. She didn't know anyone else in the group, except by reputation, and they were all bound by confidentiality. It was frustrating but also sometimes the sessions were a little insightful, Azula guessed. During her last session, a group member had given her an article to read on golden child and scapegoat dynamics in households with narcissistic parents. She’d been angry at first, that anyone would presume to know her life because she shared for five minutes. It had been an interesting article though, to say the least. She'd texted it to Zuko. That had been a few days ago. 

“Fine I suppose,” she said. “Did you read that article I sent you?” 

“Yeah,” Zuko said. “I’ve read about that kind of thing before. Uncle Iroh gave me a whole book about it when I moved out." 

Azula was taken aback. She’d expected it to be a revealing topic for him. It had for her. “Why didn’t you ever talk to me about it?” 

Zuko frowned. “We didn’t always talk like this,” he reminded her. 

That was true. They had always been confidantes, but they had never talked as openly about their family drama as they had over the past couple of months. The reasons were obvious. Why would Zuko ever open up to someone in line with his abuser? The therapist, and the other people in group, all seemed to think that Azula was a victim too. She had tried to explain that she was not. She had been manipulated, yes, but she had also chosen to fall in line with that manipulation. She had never asked Zuko what he thought about that - about her being a victim on some level too - and she never intended to. The article on family dynamics had just been interesting, but all of a sudden she regretted sending it. Perhaps unintentionally, she'd come dangerously close to making excuses, or implying to Zuko that he should feel bad for her. Which was shitty and something she would've done in the past to manipulate him. 

“No, I guess not,” Azula said. “Well anyway, I didn’t bring it up as an excuse. I simply thought it was insightful. I really am trying, though." She was sure he knew that, but saying it felt important. "I know I’m not doing a perfect job, but I will, with practice. I’ll be the person you and Mom want me to be and then-”

“Look, you’re not supposed to be perfect,” Zuko interrupted. 

“What?” 

“It took me a while to get there,” Zuko said. He was rolling the office chair back and forth slowly on its wheels, looking down. “Dad wanted perfect. And you know, Uncle always implied that I didn’t have to be perfect, I could just be a person. But I didn’t believe him, obviously. It took moving out and making friends like Aang, and Sokka and Katara and Suki and Toph. And you know – actually thinking about it.” 

“Oh,” Azula said. Druk had climbed into her lap and was purring. She stroked his fur, thinking about that. 

“You know, you don’t have to try to be some fake version of yourself anymore,” Zuko said. “That's not what Mom wants, and it's not what I want either. Dad is out of your life, you don't have to just pick a new target to impress." 

Azula could have pointed out that those were Mom's words, not his. It didn't take a genius to figure out. That was just something Mom would say. It stung because it was true. She'd become obsessed with becoming someone her mom and Zuko could respect. What else was she supposed to do, other than aspire to impress? It was all she knew how to do. Wasn't it better, that the targets were now people who were kind and caring and good? 

It bothered Azula a little that her family obviously talked about her behind her back, and thought she didn't know. Right now she was focused on the part about their father being out of their lives though. She was tensing up again. 

She stopped petting Druk to avoid digging her nails into him and balled her hands into tight fists, hoping Zuko wouldn’t notice. Of course he did. He didn’t always pick up on stuff, but if he knew what to look for, it was different. Azula was sure Mom had told him to keep an eye on her for other signs of _‘self-harm’_ after their painful mother-daughter talk about the cigarette burns. It wasn’t like Azula wanted to hurt herself, though. She just had long nails and a strong grip and tended to be wound tight. 

“What’s wrong?” Zuko asked. 

“Nothing.” 

“You used to be a better liar.” 

“Hah. I suppose that’s probably true,” Azula said. She sighed. She had been keeping a secret and it was eating at her. Telling Zuko just seemed hurtful though. 

“I’m not dropping this,” Zuko said. 

“We have a party to get to.” 

“Come on,” Zuko said, leaning back in the chair. “Don’t be like that.” 

She'd been doing so well. 

Last week, she'd had what she considered a relapse of sorts. Or just a lapse in judgment. And she hadn't fixed it. 

Azula unclenched her fists and picked at her nails, looking down. “You’re not going to like it,” she said. When Zuko didn’t say anything, she sighed and then let the secret pour out in a single breath without pausing. “Dad called me last week and I answered. It was a short conversation. But ever since then he’s been texting me. Sometimes, I answer. I don’t know why. I know it’s shitty and unfair. Please don’t tell Mom.” She stared at her lap, not meeting Zuko’s eyes. 

Her Father had been trying to get ahold of her for a while now. When Azula made a public video about being a lesbian, her dad texted her to say he supported her. When she Tweeted a picture of Ursa, Zuko, and Ikem at the zoo, he texted to say that he missed them being a family. When she posted a selfie of herself, Mai, and Ty Lee at the beach, on Instagram he texted to remind her of their family vacations. She had ignored him each time. 

Then, last week she had posted on Twitter about how she’d enrolled in University classes starting in January, and he had called. She had been unable to resist answering. He said he was proud of her. She had to keep reminding herself that he probably just wanted someone in the family on his side because he was being taken down by internet commentators and his career was in shambles. He didn’t actually care about her. Right?

There was a long pause after Azula spoke. Too long. She peeked up but Zuko’s face was unreadable, so she looked back down at her lap, her shoulders tense. 

“Okay,” Zuko said after a moment. “I’m not sure what to say.”

“It’s not like I want him in my life,” Azula said quickly. “He just – he keeps apologizing and saying that he loves me and misses me. It’s confusing. But I’ll block his number right now. You can watch.” 

“I mean,” Zuko shifted in his chair and Azula tried to read his face, but he just looked tense, “I don’t…I can’t decide that for you. I won’t tell Mom, but I don’t think she would be angry, exactly. You shouldn’t block him for me.” 

“It’s for me,” Azula said. She picked up her phone from beside her. She’d said the words intending for them to be a lie for Zuko’s sake. _Of course_ this was for Zuko. But as she found the number and stared at it, she thought maybe it wasn’t _just_ for him. “See?” she showed Zuko as she hovered over the block button. “For me.” Saying it again made it feel even more true. She felt a mixture of sadness and satisfaction when she hit the button. Her dad couldn’t make her feel guilty anymore. She looked at Zuko to make sure he saw. 

They met eyes and Zuko nodded. Then his phone buzzed and he picked it up from the desk. He looked down at his texts. _'That was a bit anti-climatic,'_ Azula thought. But she thought maybe that was okay. Maybe anti-climatic was her new normal. Everything didn't have to be big and dramatic and intense. 

“That’s Sokka,” Zuko said. “Apparently they’re at the party.” 

“Hey,” Azula said, smiling a little. “He’s summoning you. Nice.” 

Zuko laughed. The tension from a moment ago was gone for the most part. “I can’t believe you just made a pun joke. This day will go down in history.” 

“Not sure I’d call that a pun,” Azula said. Mai and Ty Lee had gotten to know Sokka, Katara, Aang, Suki, and Toph thanks to Zuko and Azula. So, of course, they were invited to the Halloween party. 

Zuko was looking at his phone. “Katara just texted me,” he said. “Jet is at the party.” 

“Oh, that’s not good,” Azula said, frowning. 

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Zuko said, though he didn’t sound sure. “Mai and Ty Lee have to have soda at their party, right?” 

Azula nodded. Soda was a must at celebrity Halloween parties. To mix with booze. Azula also had more selfish reasons for her apprehension about Jet being at the party though. She’d managed to make sure she was somewhere else every time Jet came over to see Zuko so far. She hoped she would be able to avoid him at the party too. True, she’d been determined to apologize at first, but the more she thought about it and the more time passed, the more the idea made her want to run and hide. 

“Do you think it’s weird for Sokka to be at a party with Jet?” she asked. 

“I hope not,” Zuko said. “To be fair I think Jet is at their apartment almost as much as I am. He and Katara have held what, eight protests in the past month?” 

Azula smiled a little. She’d heard about each and every event in detail. It wasn’t just protests. They’d raised money for the food pantry Katara had spent the summer working at. They’d started a petition for improvements to the child protective services in the city. They were fighting the city for an affordable housing project now. Azula had been hearing all about it from Katara. 

“Hey awkward question,” Azula said. “Is it weird for you? To be friends with Jet?” 

“No,” Zuko said. “Well, maybe at first. We were friends before we were a couple though.” 

“So it’s for the best,” Azula said, nodding to herself. “To keep things just friends.” 

Zuko frowned. “With Jet? Yeah. He’s in AA and therapy now, but before? It was just toxic. On both ends, really. I don’t know. Maybe if Sokka wasn’t in the picture, and if we just now started dating, it would be different. But what’s the point in thinking about that?” 

“So you’re saying it’s a timing thing?” Azula asked. 

“Okay what are you actually asking me?” Zuko asked, sighing in frustration. 

“Nothing,” Azula said. “Forget I said anything. Let’s go.” 

“Wait,” Zuko said. “Is this about Katara?” 

“What?” Azula asked, feeling blood rush to her cheeks. She had assumed Zuko wouldn’t figure that one out. He wasn’t usually good at piecing together stuff like that. 

Zuko looked guilty though. “So I might have talked to her.” 

“WHAT?” Azula asked. “When? What did she say?” 

“She just admitted that she really likes you and it hurts that you can’t be together. It was after you guys went to Ikem’s community youth theater’s production of 'Heathers' like two weeks ago.” 

Azula was positive her face was bright pink. It was a community theater production of a corny eighties horror dramedy musical put on by high school students. Still – Azula had felt it too. They’d held hands during ‘Seventeen’ and sat close together throughout the show. Over the past few months, the two of them had become somewhat inseparable. It wasn’t shocking that Katara had admitted having a crush. The musical had been one of many activities that felt suspiciously like a date. It was just so complicated. 

“So,” Zuko said. “Why can’t you? Do you not like her back?” 

Azula fell backward on the bed and groaned, staring at the ceiling. Zuko got up from the chair and sat on the bed next to her. Azula felt a soft weight as Druk jumped onto her stomach and started purring. Zuko laughed. 

“Well?” Zuko asked, poking her arm. 

Azula couldn’t help but smile. There was something endearing about it when Zuko tried to be annoying. It brought her back to when they were kids. There'd been a time before she was old enough to know better, that she'd assumed she would always tell Zuko everything. Up until maybe the age of six or so she'd worshipped the ground he walked on. Maybe that little sister kind of worship that she'd never admit to was still there. Or maybe she was just dying to say the words that had been burning in her mind since summer. She could tell Zuko. He wouldn't interfere, and he wouldn't tell anyone. 

“Actually,” she said. “I think I might be in love with her.” Voicing it didn't bring the relief she'd hoped. It just made her heart rate accelerate at the thought of seeing Katara tonight, after admitting the truth about how she felt aloud. 

“What?” Zuko asked. “Seriously? Then why are you guys not together?” 

Azula sat up. Druk meowed and jumped off her stomach and onto Zuko’s lap, giving her a reproachful look. “I told her it couldn’t happen. I was – am – a mess. She deserves someone who knows who they are and what they want.” 

“You guys are eighteen,” Zuko said. “She’s not gonna find someone who knows who they are and what they want. And honestly, it sounds like you do know. You should go for it.” 

“Do I get to take pictures before you guys leave?” Ursa’s voice called from downstairs before Azula had time to process Zuko’s advice. 

Zuko and Azula hurried down the steps to where Ursa and Ikem were dressed as Gomez and Morticia Addams. Ikem was holding a bowl of candy. Zuko summoned an Uber for them and while they waited, they indulged Ursa in a handful of pictures and she indulged them in a handful of candy each. When the Uber driver showed up Ikem somehow convinced him to get a family photo of all of them. 

“Be safe,” Ursa said to them before they got in the Uber. “Have fun!” 

“This will be a good neighborhood for the baby to trick or treat in,” Azula commented. Groups of kids were already starting to show up, running up and down the street in costumes, the setting sun and orange and gold leaves behind them making it look like a scene from a Halloween film. “Good call.” She kissed her mom on the cheek before hurrying into the Uber. She’d promised her therapist she’d start saying _‘I love you’_ to her family, but she wasn’t quite there yet. A kiss on the cheek seemed like a good alternative for now. 

She and Zuko had gone trick or treating up and down the mansion lined streets of the richest part of town growing up. It had been fun. But they had been photographed by paparazzi and filmed for every second of it, which meant it was also work. Ursa's phone camera being handed to the Uber driver was different. It felt more like the way normal people indulged their parents. That's what the baby had to look forward to, a normal life.

During the Uber ride, Azula thought about _‘love.’_ What a concept. She had never thought much about it before. Her Dad’s love was something she had always wanted, but she thought of it in terms of approval and positive affirmations. It was something to fight for. She did love her mom, even if there was still resentment and mixed feelings there too. That was something she had realized over the summer, as the wool was pulled from her eyes and she saw how much her dad had always influenced her view. And she loved Zuko, of course. Maybe she even loved her dad in a fucked up, depressing, pathetic way, even if she hated him too. 

Katara was different though. Katara was this force of nature and when Azula was with her she forgot about herself for awhile sometimes. Katara just cared so much about everyone – about her family, about the world, even about Azula. And when they were together, they were like magnets. They sat pressed together, or walked with linked arms, or clasped hands. It wasn’t like with Chan, where every touch, every move, was a performance. It was more like the rest of the world disappeared. It wasn’t like Azula had any knowledge of what it meant to be in love. Her entire life she’d viewed emotions as weakness. Around Katara, she felt something, but it wasn’t weakness. She didn’t know what it meant to be in love but she recognized the way her mom and Ikem looked at each other. The way Zuko and Sokka looked at each other. Azula thought that might be how she looked when she looked at Katara. Around Katara, Azula had this soft, warm feeling that she had never so much as imagined let alone experienced. 

But it was wrong. It had to be. Right? 

She’d been sure it was wrong when Katara kissed her over the summer and it felt so perfect and magic, just like in the movies. Because Azula couldn’t deserve to feel that way. If this were a movie, she would be the villain – the golden child who lapped up praises while her mom and brother were terrorized, the mean girl who cared about nothing but fame and money, the psychotic bitch who let everyone believe in an assault that had not happened. But she wasn’t that person anymore. Did that matter? It didn’t change the damage she’d done in the past. 

The party was, indeed, packed. People were pouring into the large house from the streets. Paparazzi were swarming. Azula took a deep breath and tried to ignore the flashing camera lights. 

She’d gone to countless parties with Chan’s arm wrapped around her and told herself that happiness was the flash of cameras and the feeling of Chan’s lips against hers. So long she’d spent living a lie. She felt Zuko’s hand on her back, pushing her forward before any of the paparazzi could get close enough to ask questions. Then they were inside. It was packed and pop music was blasting, but no paparazzi were allowed past the porch steps and the giant muscled security guards Mai and Ty Lee had hired. An orange and silver disco ball was hanging from the living room ceiling and giant moving animatronic figures of various horror villains from Michael Myers to Jason Voorhees were lining the edges of the room. Fake spider web seemed to be covering almost every surface of the house. 

They were approached first by Mai and Ty Lee. As a costume designer, Mai had, of course, gone all out with an elaborate black lacy dress, a long cloak and fake vampire fangs. Ty Lee was wearing a pink cropped hoodie with hearts, skinny jeans, and giant heart earrings. 

“Where’s your costume, Ty Lee?” Zuko asked.

“Jennifer Check?” Ty Lee said. “Really Zuko?” 

“Ohh, I see it now,” Zuko said. 

After they talked for a few minutes and then disappeared Azula raised an eyebrow. “You’ve never seen ‘Jennifer’s Body,’ have you?” 

“Shut up. Don’t tell Ty Lee.” 

“Hey guys!” 

They both looked up to see Aang jogging over to them through the crowd, dressed as a bat complete with fake wings and accompanied by Tiffany Valentine (Suki) and Frankenstein’s monster (Toph). 

“Hey nice costumes,” Zuko said. 

“I told you guys I could summon Zuko here,” Sokka said, making his way through the crowd to meet their group and holding two beers. He handed one to Zuko. He had on a black hoodie with the alphabet written across it in spooky white paint, the moon painted on one shoulder and the sun on the other. Across the bottom of the hoodie were the numbers 0 through 9. He had written ‘yes’ on one cheek and ‘no’ on the other in face paint. It was a pretty decent homemade Ouija board costume. 

“I made that joke before we left,” Azula said. “Just for you, Sokka.” 

“Hell yeah,” Sokka said. “Best future sister in law ever.” 

Suki choked on her drink. Azula stared at Sokka, a little shocked. For some reason, Aang seemed unsurprised. 

“You guys have something to tell us?” Toph asked. “Or?” 

“I said future,” Sokka said, rolling his eyes and putting an arm around Zuko. “We talk about it sometimes. Relax.” 

“If I spend any more time around these two,” Toph said. “My teeth are going to rot out without any Halloween candy needed.”

“Sickeningly sweet,” Azula agreed, shaking her head in mock disgust. 

“You guys are so cynical,” Suki said. “I think they’re cute.” 

“How am I the only one that hears about how in love these two are twenty-four-seven?” Aang asked. “I seriously thought we all knew they talked about this kind of thing.” 

“The rest of us tune it out,” Azula said. Suki and Toph laughed. Sokka and Zuko shot her disapproving looks. “I’m finding the food and drinks, I’ll be back.” 

What Azula really wanted, was to find Katara. She spotted Jet through the crowd first though. She looked around. This wasn’t the drug-filled celebrity party Chan or Ruon-Jian might have thrown, but booze was definitely a theme. Most people had beer bottles or red solo cups in hand. Azula hesitated and then walked over to where Jet was sitting at a stool by the island in the kitchen. She debated leaving him alone. The kitchen was crowded, and he definitely hadn’t seen her yet. 

After debating for thirty seconds, Azula pushed past a few people and sat down on the stool next to Jet. He was wearing a pirate costume, and he was still sporting the cast on his arm and had the crutches leaning beside him. “Ahoy, Matey,” she said weakly. 

Jet gave her a smile that seemed forced. He was chewing on the end of his straw, but Azula had no idea what was in the red solo cup he was holding. “Happy Halloween,” he said. 

“You too,” she said. 

“Wanna sign the cast?” he asked after an awkward silence. 

“Sure.” 

Jet handed her a sharpie from his pocket. A lot of people had already signed. Azula wrote her name on the edge in small letters and drew a tiny heart beside it.

“So, a Halloween party,” she said after a moment. 

“Soda water only,” Jet said, shaking the cup. He did seem pretty sober. “Look, it’s my favorite holiday and I’m here with Smellerbee and Longshot. Eating candy and drinking soda. Give me a break.” 

“I wasn’t trying to give you trouble,” Azula said, frowning. “Sorry.” 

“No it’s fine,” Jet said quickly. “I got defensive too fast.” 

“Hey I think the project you and Katara are working on right now is really great,” Azula said, to change the subject. 

“Yeah?” Jet asked. “Thanks. Katara deserves most of the credit though. Before I met her, I talked big about being anti-establishment and for the people or whatever, but Katara’s different. She sees something that needs changing and acts.” 

“She’s pretty amazing,” Azula agreed, resting her chin on her hands. 

“Yeah,” Jet said. “She thinks you’re amazing too, you know. She talks about you a lot.” 

“Oh,” Azula said. She hadn’t expected that not because she didn’t think Katara talked about her, but because she didn’t think Katara talked about her to Jet. She frowned. She’d have to tell Katara to quit. Jet didn’t need to be reminded of her existence. Which reminded her that she should probably leave him alone. What was she even doing? Making sure he wasn’t drinking? That wasn’t her business. She spotted Smellerbee and Longshot, dressed as a witch and a skeleton respectively, across the kitchen. They saw her too and were clearly getting ready to come over. “I should probably go,” she said.

“Smellerbee’s not going to say anything,” Jet said, also looking over. “I talked to her.” 

“You-” Azula hesitated. “What?” 

“I told her we were cool.” 

“Cool?” Azula asked, distracted. “I ruined your life.” 

“Not really,” Jet said. “I mean. You could’ve. But you didn’t. I really don’t want to get into an argument about it right now but I didn’t jump this summer. And my life is good right now. So I wouldn’t say you ruined it.” 

“I never apologized,” Azula said. Jet started to say something but she shook her head. “I should’ve. I’m sorry. And I know you still have every reason to hate me, but, maybe we can go back to awkwardly being frienemies?” It was a selfish request and she knew it. It would be nice to not have to hide when Jet came around. But also, it was a request for forgiveness she hadn’t earned. 

Jet gave her a look she couldn’t read. “Yeah,” he said. “Maybe.” 

“Alright,” Azula said, nodding. She got that maybe they couldn’t exactly– metaphorically – kiss and make up. Not right away. Maybe not ever. But she appreciated that he didn’t seem to hate her. “Well, I’ll let you enjoy the party. I just wanted to-” she stopped herself from saying _‘check on you’_ because that was ridiculously condescending, even if it was true. “Say hi,” she finished lamely before hurrying off. 

That had gone better than she could’ve hoped, actually. At least they’d had a conversation. Also, it did seem like Jet's life was somewhat good right now, which she’d known, on an objective level. ‘Freedom Fighters’ had just put out a new album and it was doing well. Seeing him staying sober and talking about things going well was different than hearing about it second hand though. 

Azula hesitated by the edge of the kitchen. She grabbed two pre-made candy corn designed jello shots from the counter. As she left the kitchen, she groaned a little when she ran directly into Ruon-Jian. 

“Nice underage drinking PSA this summer,” he said, eyeing the jello shots in her hand. 

“Thanks,” Azula said in a deadpan voice. “I worked really hard on it. I’m really passionate about the topic.” 

“Ever think about making a video or something to stop people from hating Chan?” 

Azula was taken aback. Honestly, she had almost forgotten that Chan’s career had taken a dive this summer because of rumors that he had groomed her since before she turned eighteen. She considered whether or not she should feel guilty about that and did not come up with an answer. She had never actually said a single word on the topic either way, but she had finished filming ‘Stab’ with Chan after those rumors started, which she thought should indicate to the public that she couldn't hate him that much. Her coming out video talked about how she had never been happy with Chan, but she didn’t think she had said anything damning about him. 

“I’ll think about it,” she said to Ruon-Jian. 

Ruon-Jian seemed to have more to say but Azula ducked away before he could. She didn’t know what to think about Chan. She supposed she could reach out to him and they could meet and take a selfie together and tell the world they were still on good terms or some such bullshit. It wasn’t something she was excited about the prospect of doing, but she thought she probably should. Tomorrow. 

The crowd worked to her advantage in separating her from Ruon-Jian. She found herself in another hangout room a moment later. She recognized plenty of film and TV stars in here, but no one she wanted to talk to. 

She hurried into a bathroom to collect herself and was startled when she closed the door and found Katara already in the enormous bathroom, adjusting her makeup in the mirror. Katara was wearing a nurse’s outfit complete with a hat with a white cross surrounded in red and a plastic stethoscope. The dress, which was covered in fake blood, was small. Azula’s panic levels went up but like, kind of in a good way this time. She cleared her throat and prepared to attempt to act like she wasn’t staring. 

“Hey,” Azula said. “Nice costume.” 

“Thanks,” Katara said. “You too.” 

“Mai and my mom helped me add the fake blood,” Azula said. _God, what a stupid thing to say._ She sounded like a little kid. 

“We’re having a horror marathon at our apartment tomorrow,” Katara said. “Carrie is on the list. If you want to come by. Leftover candy will be a theme." 

“Sounds like the perfect way to spend the day after Halloween,” Azula said, handing one of the jello shots in her hand to Katara. “I’m in.” 

They tapped the shots together before each downing them. When they met each other's eyes, there was static electricity in the air, causing Azula's brain to short-circuit. Katara's dress didn't help. Azula’s confession that she was, perhaps, in love with Katara was ringing in her ears. She should've never said it out loud. Or maybe it was good that she had. Maybe she should break the distance right now and let herself have this. She wasn’t sure she was even capable of a healthy relationship though. _'Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea,'_ she chanted in her head. 

“What are you thinking about?” Katara asked. 

“Nothing,” Azula said, quickly looking away. 

Katara put a hand on Azula’s face, brushing her bangs to the side and Azula hitched in a sharp breath. “Liar,” Katara said. 

“Did you tell Zuko you wanted to be with me?" Azula asked. "After we went to that musical together?" 

Katara dropped her hand and looked angry. "Zuko sucks at keeping his mouth shut." 

"Did you?" Azula asked. 

"I - it-" Katara wasn't usually the type to stumble over her words. "I know you said you couldn't," Katara said. "And I get it. You're not in a place where you want a relationship." Azula was alarmed to see tears in Katara's eyes. "And it's fine. But it was not okay for Zuko to tell you about that conversation. I need to - I need to go find him." 

"Katara, wait-" Azula hurried to follow Katara out of the bathroom. 

The crowd was thick and Katara was fast. Azula shoved past people until she saw Katara turning a corner into one of the many hangout rooms. She grabbed Katara's wrist and when Katara turned around they were face to face and Azula's heart was racing. Some shitty pop song was blasting. They were standing in the wide entrance to a room filled with people partying. 

"I'm sorry," Katara said. "But I need to-"

Maybe it was a bad idea. Maybe it was a destructive, reckless, idea. Maybe it was selfish, and that was really the worst possibility. Maybe the setting wasn't very romantic. 

Azula wrapped her arms around Katara and kissed her and it was something she'd wanted to do since the moment she met Katara, even if she hadn't known it right away. Katara kissing her over the summer had been a glimpse at something good. This time neither of them pulled away for a while, even when they were jostled by the crowd and shoved into a wall. 

"I thought you couldn't," Katara said, breaking the kiss for just a moment to speak. 

Azula didn't answer, opting instead to kiss Katara again. She didn't have an answer. She still thought maybe she couldn't. She was still worried that she would hurt Katara, or wear her out the way she had this summer, or that she was ruining their friendship. But all of that was distant now. 

There was a lot to worry about. The fact that Ursa still hadn't successfully gotten any financial compensation from Ozai. Zuko's continued reluctance to take care of his own mental health. The fact that Jet was still surrounding himself was drugs and alcohol, even if he wasn't partaking just yet. That this kiss might be a mistake. 

Tonight, those thoughts were compartmentalized into a box to worry about for later. Even when their friends approached and Azula and Katara pried themselves apart and opted instead to hold hands, the night was a moment tucked away from everything that was left to worry over. If this were a movie, tonight probably wouldn't be the end, Azula thought. Too much was left that could still go wrong. It was something to savor though. 

The next day, when she and Zuko went to their friends' apartment and watched horror movies and she sat leaning against Katara, she was surprised to find that the warm feeling was still there. She'd expected it to be brief. She didn't trust it, but she clung to it for now. 

_'This,'_ she thought. _'This is what happy feels like.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S OVER Y'ALL 
> 
> I have appreciated the support for this fic SO MUCH ❤️❤️❤️ I will respond to comments later tonight. I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read this story. It's been so much fun to create & I will miss it & miss hearing from all of you who comment (love y'all so much ❤️)
> 
> Edit: I have to give credit to ao3/tumblr user camipretzel for the idea to include a reference to golden child & scapegoat dynamics in households with narcissistic parents AND for encouraging me to make a point about the struggle of all those people (including a pregnant lady) in a house with one bathroom 😂 so shoutout to Cami ❤️ 
> 
> I appreciate you all so so much okay every comment is a free dose of serotonin 🥺 Thank you so much for reading ❤️

**Author's Note:**

> this fic updates every sunday
> 
> thank you so much if you've taken the time to read my writing. the idea that people do that baffles me & makes my heart happy. if you wanna be friends on Tumblr my URL is juniperhillpatient
> 
> stay safe out there!


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